So sad and depressed AGAIN

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misspstink
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/7/2008 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I woke up this morning with that feeling I get when I know it's going to be a difficult day.
I can't get my ex bf out of my mind. He was awful to me and I was awful to him in ways, but I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe I'm just lonely? I don't even know if I can start school in two weeks yet and that is just so stressful!!! My anxiety comes and goes like a storm and I refuse to take anything for it now. I have an appointment with the woman I see for meds on Thursday, and I think I need to tell her that the Cymbalta just is not working. I've been on it since Thanksgiving and I feel no better. I'm scared I'm slipping and I don't want to go back into the hospital. I feel so empty and alone. It's terrfiying.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/7/2008 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Miss p. We are here for you. I know that it is hard for you right now. Are you missing your bf or are you just lonely? That is an interesting question. This is a difficult time of the year. The holidays are over and it is like a lull. Or a void so to speak. But don't dispare, you will be okay. We are here to talk to you and to listen. So keep posting.

Why don't you want to take anything for anxiety? Do you think that she will switch the cymbalta, make sure you tell her everything that you feel while on it. Sometimes it takes a few tries with anti depressants to get it right. I went through seven different drugs before I found something to help me that didn;t have side effects. For me, the medication will work well and then the side effects come a month or two later. Then I can't tollerate the medication at all. Most people get the side effects right away and then they go away.

I really hope that you can find the meds and the help that you need. I know that you don't want to go inpatient again. So please try to relax about school, worrying doesn't help. Take it one day at a time and if you don't want to go back, you can always pick up later. But if you can go back, use that energy to learn and do the best you can. I take abilify and it takes away those worries about the future. You say you have two weeks, take those two weeks to reflect on things and relax. That is two whole weeks to just be you and feel good about yourself. I wish you the best, and remember we are here for you.

You are a special person, learn to love yourself. I know that it can be hard, but I have a feeling that you can make it. Keep in touch.

Hugs.

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/7/2008 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen. I'm getting a small note book that I will try to carry around with me most of the time and write them down so I can talk about them in therapy and how this medication makes me feel and relay that back to my med lady.

I dont take the anxiety meds because, honestly, I ODed on them this past fall. If I know they are at my disposal I am afraid I'll abuse them. It's not in my nature to be like that, but I'm getting to know myself again, and I don't trust that I won't have a bad day and take one too many.

Maybe I am just lonely. My exbf was a real jerk to me and why I would ever want that back is beyond me...I'm pretty much isolated here at my folks. No one to hang out with and no way to get around just yet. It's enough to drive anyone bonkers I guess.

I'm trying here, it's just so hard when there are no arms to comfort you.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/7/2008 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sending ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))). I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a big hug and tell you that everything will be okay. And it will. I am sorry that you had taken too many anxiety meds. I guess only you knew how you felt at that time. I am glad that you are okay. You know your limitations with what you can and cannot do, so you know best. I hope you can find other ways to relieve the anxiety like relaxation and meditation. It helps me a lot. I like to listen to music too. That helps me relax.

I think as the days are getting longer and spring is around the corner that you will feel better. Maybe take a nice walk to relieve stress and tension. I love to get out and walk. It is healthy for us.

Keep trying. Try to find a project to keep your mind occupied. In no time you will have some happier thoughts. I just know it will work out for you.

Sometimes even negative attention seems better than none when you are lonely. But I think when you get to know yourself better you will learn that you don't need that negativeness. You are a wonderful person and deserve much more than that. In time you will realize that. But for now don't let your exbf come into your life and treat you badly. In time you will see that even when you are alone, you are with a wonderful person. And that is you.

So don't be suprised if that person that you are getting to know is a person who is worthy of love and full of compassion.

hugs,

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Floppington
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 1/7/2008 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   

With the ex situation it sounds like you might be just lonely - only because you say he wasn't very nice to you. But this time of year, after the holidays are all over, can definitely be hard and can make you think back and go "hmmmm, maybe that person wasn't so bad....at least there was SOMEONE there..." But only you know for sure whether it's really HIM you miss, or just being with someone.

Today was my first day back at school (university) after the Christmas break. I went to my Mum's for the holidays to get out of the city and "try to relax" but I ended up feeling very isolated too. If you live in a rural area and don't drive or don't have a car it makes you feel like you are stuck there. I do drive, luckily, but I still felt alone. However, I feel alone in the city, too, so that's nothing new.

I think the notebook is very good idea. It gives you something to do, a place to put down whatever you are feeling, and then you have a record of what was going on on a particular day, how you were feeling, what helped, what didn't. You might see some patterns coming out of it. 

When I get anxious I find that distraction helps. Something that I really have to focus on, like rolling coins sometimes works for me. I have spent many hours rolling pennies as a way of staying occupied. If I'm feeling extremely anxious I can't really focus on words on a page, so reading doesn't work, but something like flipping through stations on the radio and seeing if I can identify the songs helps. I also find calling and talking to someone is good - it distracts me from what I'm thinking, and it lets me focus on something and someone else instead of myself.  

Try not to worry about school right now and just relax. Is there anything you like to do at your parents that you haven't done lately? I like to take baths and read magazines when it's quiet and there's nothing else to do. Or even watch bad t.v.....I get sucked into those home renovating/redecoration ones. I have no idea why.
Joze - depression and anxiety


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/8/2008 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all the nice words. I know I will get through this, but it's like a coller coaster sometimes. Up and down....today I'm very anxious again. I had dreams about him all night and woke in a pool of sweat. I can't wait to see my therapist. I'm holding on to whatever ounce of strength I had to stay out of the hospital, but I'm worried, I shake with anxiety now. I feel completely alone and I'm terrified.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/8/2008 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Try to relax sweetie, you need to get somewhere that you feel safe to help reduce your anxiety. Anxiety is fear, and feeling safe is what you need right now. Try to relax your muscles. Starting at the top of your head all the way down to the tip of your toes. Breathe slowly in thru the nose and out thru the mouth. Its like smelling the roses and then blowing out the candles. After about doing that 10 times or so, then slowly breathe in and out through your nose. open mouth breathing can put your heart rate up and you need to slow yours down a little if you feel anxiety.

Is there any body you can call, maybe a crisis number? Your therapist should have an emergency number if you feel that is what you need.

Keep me posted

hugs,

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/8/2008 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks again, i feel a lot better. I'm really a worrier, and it been a life long battle. i wish that there was something more that could be done to cure us of this depression and anxiety. I'm going to start reading about regulating it by diet and exercises. The meds just don't work for me and I have tried them all!!! I never feel this way when I have it all together. Just one thing can set me off. I need a very simple and balanced life with a low stress job. I'm just waiting on this loan consolidation to determine if I can go to school in two weeks or not! LOL, I obcess. What I really think would do me wonders is a trip to a green house or a botanical garden. That smell just makes me feel better.

Floppington
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 1/8/2008 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   

A botanical garden sounds so nice...I'm glad you're feeling a little better. The anxiety and shaking is hard - i've had times where I shake so much at night that the whole bed vibrates. But it gets easier. Looking into diet and exercise to help regulate your feelings and make yourself feel better is a good idea. I usually feel a lot better about everything when I've been eating properly and have gotten exercise. I feel stronger and more in control when I do those things. The muscle relaxation that Karen mentioned can help, too, when you're feeling nervous if you haven't tried that before.

It is a lifelong battle in a lot of cases, but that doesn't mean it's always this hard. There are ups and downs, and I'm sure soon you'll be on an upswing again.


Joze - depression and anxiety


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/8/2008 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I have two greenhouses that I use in the summer, I love plants too.  I like the different smells especially herbs.  Aromatherapy is so good for you.  Sometimes when I am feeling low I try to remember the smells like lavender and rosemary.  Those are a couple of my favorites.  I love to plant different types of basil in the summer.  Then I dry them for winter.  If you can get around plants this time of year, you are so lucky.

Have you ever taken risperdol?  I was taking it for obsessive worry.  I gained weight on it, though they said I shouldn't have.  Now I take abilify.  I haven't gained weight so far and it really helps me with the worry and other types of obsessive thinking that I have.  I haven't gotten angry in a really long time.  I hate when I get that uncontrolled feeling of anger.  It is like a relief not to feel that way.  I just thought that I would mention that to you.

You have a good idea about diet and exercise.  That is one of the best ways to go.  I know that carbohydrates and other types of sugars are bad for us.  I drink a lot of coffee and had to cut back on the caffiene.  I use part decaf in my mixture.  I was able to cut back to 1/2mg xanax twice a day as opposed to 12mg three times a day.  That is a huge decrease and I am not nervous or anxious anymore.  I still carry around some just in case when I go somewhere.  I was so bad I use to have to leave the stores, even leave a cart full of merchandise.  I just couldn't take all of the different noises mixed together and all of the people.  The abilify has helped me with that too.  Now I just go slow and move along as I need and things don't bother me like they did.

I hope that you can feel better soon.  Keep me posted as to how you are doing.  Keep up the good work, I really think that the exercise is a great idea.  I have fibromyalgia so I can't do a lot but I love to get out for a walk.  Our weather hasn't allowed me to for a long time though.  So I turn on the music and dance, and hope nobody sees me.LOL.

I hope that you have a wonderful evening,

hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Ceres
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 1/8/2008 6:09 PM (GMT -7)   
With my depression, if I stop taking Prozac for even two days, I start to feel down. If I continue off of it, I'll just keep going down. I prefer taking the meds because life is too short as it is. :-)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/8/2008 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ceres,

You are right life is very short. And the older that you get, the faster it seems to go. I have decided too, if the medications work, that is the way to go. I have spent way too much time depressed and I don't want to live that way anymore.

I hope that you are having a nice relaxing evening.

hugs.

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Ceres
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 1/8/2008 7:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen,
I'm glad you made up your own mind as to what you want to take or not take.
I have most of the same diseases/maladies you do: allergies, chemical sensitivities, depression and achey weak joints when not on HRT. (BTW as we speak I've stopped taking HRT) I may go back on if my joints get too weak. I don't like the weight gain from it. I've been on for 20 years. Yes I said 20 years. But I do love playing tennis. That's really why I took HRT because without it I couldn't play. Maybe they have something else just for the joints now.

:-)

James35
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/9/2008 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   

I agree, i have delt with anxiety and depression for 12 years, 3 years ago I went of the meds for around 9 months, i was on nothin. At first I felt fine, thought I was winning the battle, but like 4 months later I just had a bad day and from there I felt like I was slipping away. Im an easy going person and happy most of the time but I found it hard to think of anything possitive.

Long story short. I said to myself I would rather be on something then live each day feeling down, or moody.

Cheers.......... tongue


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/9/2008 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
This is the third day in a row that I have had dreams about my ex. I can't seem to shake him. Why do I have a hold on him still? Why can't I let go? I tried the breathing that was suggested, it worked for a few minutes then he came flooding my thoughts agin. WHAT GIVES!? I bursted into a full blown bawling session. The kind children have where their lips quiver, that was me about 20 minutes ago. I'm calling my therapist. I don't know if I can wait the 24's until I see her. I also think that perhaps maybe I need a mood stablizer, because I have not stopped crying for days, and I have been here before and that's when I got depekote. I wonder if I am actually bipolar instead of just depressed? Maybe I can never live a happy life with out taking meds? If thats the case then I'll do whatever I have to to stay UP.

Ceres
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 1/9/2008 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
miss,
Call your doctor/therapist and ask to be seen asap. They should be able to fit in someone on a last minute basis. OR ask for some medication to take you to the date of your visit.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/9/2008 2:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Let us know how everything goes. We are here for you.
hugs,
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/9/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I went for a walk and I feel a bit better, but I will see my therapist tomorrow still. There's a lot of things on my mind, and being almost 35 and living at home for the past year has not been very stress free. It's enough to bring my self esteam way way down, but that's just one small piece of the pie for me. I definately think we need to re evaluate my situation here. Crying uncontrolably is not a good sign, and the anxiety is a off and on situation. It just seems like I have been living in a derpessive state for far too long. Why can't we find the right stinking meds already? It's frustrating. I want to smile and laugh like I used to and maybe even feel good enough to meet someone new! It would be so nice to have a special friend for spring.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/11/2008 5:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Miss
I am glad that you are feeling better...
I had to move in with my mom after I left my Ex,.I only lasted a month,but let me tell you my self esteem went away almost completely!

Just take it one day at a time,hopefully the meds will kick in soon,and then you can focus on what you want to change in your life.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/11/2008 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks shy! i'm trying. i say to my self over and over, just take it day by day. im a little anxious today, but the good news is I didn't have any dreams with my ex in it!!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/11/2008 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Miss P,

Think about asking for some abilify. It is a mood stabalizer. It gives me energy and helps with the moods. Also takes away from the constant worry. I am serious, it has made a difference in my life. I talked my sister into giving it a try. She has had remarkable results already. I is something to think about. I take it along with the effexor. Plus no weight gain.
I wish you the best, and am thinking about you.

hugs,
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/11/2008 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks karen. i think i took abilify before. i can't remember when though. i've been trying different meds for years. i gained 40 pounds with depekote and paxil. I don't want to gain anymore. It's not come off yet and thats something that i want to do this year, shed this weight. thanks for being so helpful and supportive. I really appreciate it. I have no support network and I can use what support I can get right now. Thanks again.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/11/2008 2:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Just remember that we are here for you.
hugs,
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/11/2008 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   
you know i think i might just do that.
im going to take a nice bath and lather myself with my new lavender lotion and read my book i have been meaning to read for over a year now. I think might help a bit.

i think im lonley for some companionship too. I have no single friends, and no one to talk to. I'm going at this pretty much alone, and i feel it more so now than ever before. I just need to get myself on my two feet, and I will go from there. Until then, one day at a time is right! :D

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 1/11/2008 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   

That lavender bath sounds really good right now.  I use to pick herbs and put them in my bath.  Rosemary, lavender and mint.  It smelled so good and was so relaxing.

Enjoy..............

hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

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