With the ex situation it sounds like you might be just lonely - only because you say he wasn't very nice to you. But this time of year, after the holidays are all over, can definitely be hard and can make you think back and go "hmmmm, maybe that person wasn't so bad....at least there was SOMEONE there..." But only you know for sure whether it's really HIM you miss, or just being with someone.
Today was my first day back at school (university) after the Christmas break. I went to my Mum's for the holidays to get out of the city and "try to relax" but I ended up feeling very isolated too. If you live in a rural area and don't drive or don't have a car it makes you feel like you are stuck there. I do drive, luckily, but I still felt alone. However, I feel alone in the city, too, so that's nothing new.
I think the notebook is very good idea. It gives you something to do, a place to put down whatever you are feeling, and then you have a record of what was going on on a particular day, how you were feeling, what helped, what didn't. You might see some patterns coming out of it.
When I get anxious I find that distraction helps. Something that I really have to focus on, like rolling coins sometimes works for me. I have spent many hours rolling pennies as a way of staying occupied. If I'm feeling extremely anxious I can't really focus on words on a page, so reading doesn't work, but something like flipping through stations on the radio and seeing if I can identify the songs helps. I also find calling and talking to someone is good - it distracts me from what I'm thinking, and it lets me focus on something and someone else instead of myself.
A botanical garden sounds so nice...I'm glad you're feeling a little better. The anxiety and shaking is hard - i've had times where I shake so much at night that the whole bed vibrates. But it gets easier. Looking into diet and exercise to help regulate your feelings and make yourself feel better is a good idea. I usually feel a lot better about everything when I've been eating properly and have gotten exercise. I feel stronger and more in control when I do those things. The muscle relaxation that Karen mentioned can help, too, when you're feeling nervous if you haven't tried that before.
It is a lifelong battle in a lot of cases, but that doesn't mean it's always this hard. There are ups and downs, and I'm sure soon you'll be on an upswing again.
I have two greenhouses that I use in the summer, I love plants too. I like the different smells especially herbs. Aromatherapy is so good for you. Sometimes when I am feeling low I try to remember the smells like lavender and rosemary. Those are a couple of my favorites. I love to plant different types of basil in the summer. Then I dry them for winter. If you can get around plants this time of year, you are so lucky.
Have you ever taken risperdol? I was taking it for obsessive worry. I gained weight on it, though they said I shouldn't have. Now I take abilify. I haven't gained weight so far and it really helps me with the worry and other types of obsessive thinking that I have. I haven't gotten angry in a really long time. I hate when I get that uncontrolled feeling of anger. It is like a relief not to feel that way. I just thought that I would mention that to you.
You have a good idea about diet and exercise. That is one of the best ways to go. I know that carbohydrates and other types of sugars are bad for us. I drink a lot of coffee and had to cut back on the caffiene. I use part decaf in my mixture. I was able to cut back to 1/2mg xanax twice a day as opposed to 12mg three times a day. That is a huge decrease and I am not nervous or anxious anymore. I still carry around some just in case when I go somewhere. I was so bad I use to have to leave the stores, even leave a cart full of merchandise. I just couldn't take all of the different noises mixed together and all of the people. The abilify has helped me with that too. Now I just go slow and move along as I need and things don't bother me like they did.
I hope that you can feel better soon. Keep me posted as to how you are doing. Keep up the good work, I really think that the exercise is a great idea. I have fibromyalgia so I can't do a lot but I love to get out for a walk. Our weather hasn't allowed me to for a long time though. So I turn on the music and dance, and hope nobody sees me.LOL.
I hope that you have a wonderful evening,
I agree, i have delt with anxiety and depression for 12 years, 3 years ago I went of the meds for around 9 months, i was on nothin. At first I felt fine, thought I was winning the battle, but like 4 months later I just had a bad day and from there I felt like I was slipping away. Im an easy going person and happy most of the time but I found it hard to think of anything possitive.
Long story short. I said to myself I would rather be on something then live each day feeling down, or moody.
That lavender bath sounds really good right now. I use to pick herbs and put them in my bath. Rosemary, lavender and mint. It smelled so good and was so relaxing.