First of all, we can't blame other people for our moods. Just like they can't blame us for theirs. If you want to change your reaction to him, then do so. I was just like you. When my husband and I would have a fight, I would carry it with me into the next day. I have since learned that life is just too short for that.
I do take a medication that helps me with obsessive thinking and it is called abilify. It has really helped me to let go of things and live in the now. Also cognitive therapy is good for this type of thinking. I know you probably would like to resolve unfinished issues, but there are times it is better to just let go, and eventually it will resolve itself.
As far as him putting the rum in the snowbank, oh well, if you want a drink, I imagine you will have one, but remember alcohol is a depressant. If you don't want a drink, even better. If he is sneaking, then he has some issues to work out for himself. Do what you would normally do if this wasn't going on. I am not saying to be in denial, but keeping your regular interests going can reinforce yourself.
Good luck to you,