How do I help a friend?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 148
   Posted 1/20/2008 5:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi guy's
It has been probably 2 1/2 - 3 years since I have been here.  A lot has happened during that time.  A lot of not so good things but some good things also.
I have a situation I am not sure how to handle.  I have a good friend, who lost her job in the spring of 05.  She had been at the same co. since around 1981.  After college she moved back with her parents and started her job.  I have not known her near that long.  She still lives at home.  She never tried to find a new job.  Instead she stayed home and took her parents where ever they needed to go.  Her mom, who was in fairly good health became ill last spring and never recovered and passed this past summer.  Her dad is still with with us.  He is not in good health.  At the moment he is in a nursing facility because he fell and broke his shoulder.  He has other medical problems.  She is one of 6 kids and all but one live here.  Apparently something started last Feb. and ever since then she has not gotten along with her siblings.  She believes they are resentful of her.  She is worried about what will happen after her dad is gone.  She does not have a job or anything.  She feels they will make her move out of the house.  Well, now some of them are discussing selling the house because they do not feel their dad will ever come home, that he will have to stay in the nursing home.  She is very upset and says it would kill her dad if they sell the house because he would give up if he knows he will never be going back to the house.  I really worry because I know she is going to have a hard time finding a job.  It took me 16 months.  She is not a morning person and used to be able to come in whenever she felt like it as long as she put in the required hours. That will not happen somewhere else.  She needs a desk job.  She cannot be on her feet very long.  Unfortunately she has a strike against her.  She is really over weight.  Everytime I see her she ends up talking about all the problems with her siblings and ends up crying.  Both another friend and I have brought up seeing someone professional but she says she does not need help, it is her siblings that do.  She will not forgive or let go.  We very much believe she needs professional help.  All we can do is listen.  I do not know what to do anymore.  She needs professional help.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40384
   Posted 1/20/2008 5:33 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Chelsi,

All that you can do is what you are doing, recommending that she get help and being there for her.  So you are doing the best that you can do for her.  Try to explain to her, though the other siblings do need help, that this is a situation where her seeking counseling would help her deal with them.  That might work.  I don't know if she will listen or not.  But you have done all that you can do for her, and now it is up to her to take the next step.

I wish you luck,



fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

Another Day
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 1/20/2008 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like you have done all you can for your friend.  She just may have to hit her rock bottom which might mean the siblings selling the family home out from under her.  Then she would have no place to live and she would have to find a job.  If that happens, you will have to be careful and not enable her by taking her into your home.  It is somewhat like dealing with an alcoholic or an addict, the only difference is that the drug isn't there.
I wish you and your friend the very best.  I know you want her to have a good life.
Hugs and prayers,

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
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Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/20/2008 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Chelsi,
Your friend needs to see her physician for her own health problems, both her mental distress and her weight issues.  She also needs to see an attorney re the house situation.  The siblings cannot just sell Dad's house unless there is some legal documents giving someone the power of attornery for medical and for legal transactions.
It always breaks my heart when families fight over the money and the family member is still alive. Greed seems to come out at times like this.
The best you can do is remain a good friend and encourage your friend to get help for herself.
A job would be a good thing.  Perhaps she could start by volunteering just to get used to being back out in the community.
Take care and your friend is very lucky to have you. ((((((HUGS))))))
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

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