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asyouknow
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/24/2008 3:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, everyone!
Once a well behaved boy now becomes a dangerous dragon. It's what I call myself now. I'm from China and it takes much longer to explain my situation. I stay at home now to deal with depression till I am capable to return to my college. My first two years' performance in university, which is a top 3 here, is brilliant. Amazingly my GPA rockets to 4.7 which is 92 out of 100. In addition I took part in math model competitions and did well. It seems whenever I talk about my past, the audience would either think me a over-boasted person who still lives in the past, or all my focus at school is ranking and marks. I just don't know how to start and where to go. Yesterday an impulse arose and I hit my mother violently. This was not the first time I could not control my emotion. I was numb even I knew I did wrong. How would I turn to this merciless person? I could see anti-depression drugs' effects, but sometimes my emotion changes turbulently. Maybe I was happy all the day, but after some stimulus my temper goes out of control. Hatred and love mixed together in my mind about my ex gf. She abandoned me after I got depression. But I also believe misunderstandings exist between us. So easily I can slip from an extreme to another. I am also worried about the GRE test in June. GRE is necessary cos I want to further my education in foreign countries.
Now I am only waiting the drugs to pull me out. I don't think my cognition have many troubles. What kind of cognitive therapy do I need? Which is more important, drugs or the later? I conceive depression as a physical disease but it afflict you through your thinking and mood. DO you agree?
I tried to learn guitar, GO and play basketball now.

Post Edited (asyouknow) : 1/24/2008 3:09:27 AM (GMT-7)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/24/2008 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Asyouknow
I do agree with your last statement...depression affects us both mentally and physically.

I am sorry about your g/f. Some people just don't know how to deal with someone else's depression..it is easier for them to leave our side that try to figure out a way to help us.


I know that you understand that what you did was wrong to your mom. But,you need to get help and get it now. If you have already been to the doctor then go back.

Protect your mom from you and get help,or leave her house if you do not feel you can control yourself.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40580
   Posted 1/24/2008 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   

I agree with Shy, what you did to your mom was not right.  And if you can't control your impulses you should walk away or  leave the house.  You can't go on like this.  You can have cognitive therapy and take medications too.  But I would recommend some anger management.

I hope you feel better soon.

hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


asyouknow
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/24/2008 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Now I live with my mother and father who look after me and give me all their support. My perfect past, my ambitions which still exist, the grand love I possess make me a person who need little compassion. However, the truth is that I don't like to show you my scars to gain your understanding. I want to be an independent person as I used to be. I want to win respect of others through what I do for them. But I just cannot pretend it more. Sometimes the reins by which I keep hold of my inner monster slip away from my hands. And sorrow overflows and I will kill the joy of people around me. Like the girl in the movie "prozac nation", I wish there will be an angel coming down to me and talking me out of suicide. But I know it just doesn't happen that way. I am a logical person, so logical as to be insane. Do you want to learn more about China? I can tell you.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/25/2008 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Asyouknow

You really need to get yourself back into a doctor,and talk about what is going on.

We will be here for you as much as we can.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 1/25/2008 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you need professional help ASAP.  You do not want to take the chance of hurting your mother again. 
 
Take care!
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 1/25/2008 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with the others on this one. I think professional help is called for here and I would do it sooner rather than later.
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


asyouknow
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/25/2008 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your advice. I'll try to fix it.

snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 1/27/2008 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Asyouknow, you realised that hitting your mother was the wrong thing to do and you felt remorse after doing so ,you also asked about which you needed medication or cognative therapy i think these two should both done together along with increased sessions with either a psychologist of psycharitist until you can control your outbursts .I know from experience that it is very hard to stay on the right path but it is a whole lot easier if you do it with someone else helping you .You mentioned that your girlfriend left when your depression surfaced well in a way thats good as she is not the right one for you she does not understand what you are going through .
I hope you can achieve what you are aiming for and that your road ahead is a lot easier
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~

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