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Allmixedup
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 1/24/2008 6:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I follow what my Pshycologits tells me about my condition. But the truth is I don't understand it. My mind, every day its in its own little world. I need to go back to my Clinical Theripist but I'm just in this rutt that won't stop. Every day I wake up and ask myself, What are you still doing here? But that thought goes away as the morning rolls on. I just feel all alone in my own little mirage. My wife has been great thoughout the last year. (which has been up and down). I feel like she deserves so much more than I have to offer. We have no friends, no social life, or sex life for that matter. Day to day we get along as a married couple would. The trouble is I just feel as if I'm wasting her time. I feel as if we are isolated from the world. Society is a crazy place. I was a rebel child and didn't do well in school. Not that I couldn't do it but I opted to be  a pain in everybodys ... I didn't like school, I really regret it now. Anyway about depression. The area I live there has been several Suicides in the past weeks. A police offier, A professional, A young man like myself. The scary thing about the young man, The way he did it was almost my plan to a T. I keep asking myself why them and not me? I can imagine what they were going through. In all cases nobody expected it to happen. I feel like that. I have talked to a few cowokers about my depression but it hard talk about it with all the suicides. It makes me feel as if I'm just tring to fit in. I like coming to healing well to get this off my chest. I want to talk about it but I just feel like I'm imposing on people. Oh me and my problems blah blah blah. I know there's hope but I just feel so run down and like I said I just don't understand why my mind works the way it does. Thanks for the venting, till next time.... 
Mod-severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks.
Meds currently on, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Klonopin, Zyprexa, Buspar


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40587
   Posted 1/24/2008 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Come here and vent anytime.  We are more then happy to listen.  Everybody needs to let things out.  Please don't become another one of those statistics.  Your wife needs you more than you know.  Please give yourself some credit.  This is just a really hard time of the year for everybody and it effects all of us. 

The holidays are over.  The days are still short, the weather has been sucky.  You definately are not alone with the way that you feel.  I have talked to a lot of people who are struggling right now.  We all have to give ourselves a break right now.

So feel free to talk, we are hear to listen.

I wish for you a wonderful day,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 1/25/2008 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
We are here for you and will listen to you.  Please keep talking to us.  There's usually someone around most of the time.  We do care about you and your well being.
 
Hugs!
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


Allmixedup
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 2/6/2008 9:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Well its been a few weeks and not much has changed. My mood has been up and down. It really sucks!! It changes so fast and it scares the you know what out of me. I know lifes gotta get better but I just can't see it. I had more downs than ups. My doctor uped my meds. I don't know if that thats whats making me nuts or what. But we just keep trying different meds, someday we will get  , Till then, Allmixedup
Mod-severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks.
Meds currently on, Zoloft, Klonopin, Zyprexa, Buspar


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/6/2008 10:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Those darned baby steps....they take forever but they do add up. Just gotta roll day by day, hour by hour, or even minute to minute at times. Looking back you will know you have been through the worst of it and that you handled it. I hope the dosage change works quickly for you, I know how agonizing it can be waiting for the feeling of being yourself again to happen.

We are all here, hanging on with ya.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.

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