Where Did I Go

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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/29/2008 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
I try not to post here and get in the way of others who need the support more than I do.  I am just wondering where did I go, who am I, does no one see me here lurking. I am the one crying and I can't tell you why, I am just so darn sad all the time.
I just sit here and wish for a lifting of the black cloud.  I am to old now to change anything in my life.  My career is gone, my kids have been adults for a long time and my hubby does so well entertaining himself.

I hate pity parties yet why do I dwell in one? I see the friendships that develop here and yet I feel like I am invisible. I have tried to connect but no one needs another depressed friend in their lives. 
So I sit with a dying heart and dread the next day.  I keep coming back as I hope I can help someone but I am not even sure I have done a good job of that.
I am a depresssed person who does not know how to get off this merry-go-round.  This is my fate.
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 1/29/2008 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
oh, kitt. dont say things like that! it saddens me to hear your feelings like that.
i always come on here and post things of my own and post things in response to other people, and i always see your posts. i think you're so brave and comforting in your words and i admire you.

dont forget everyones feelings matter! you've helped me with your responses and i wish to help you.
everyone on this forum is SO wonderful and special and i give credit to you moderators. please dont end this here-keep us updated. i want to help:)

oh and by the way-i know that i guess im "young" so i cant really speak from a whole lot of experience, but i know that you're never too old for ANYTHING. hang in there. change can come, and it will be good!
-Depressed-
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Chronic Pain-
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
I SUPPORT TWLOHA


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 1/29/2008 6:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt - I am sitting here crying thinking you must be somewhere near me because I am sitting under the same black cloud, it has been here for going on 2 weeks now. I have done my share of crying without knowing what it is I am crying about. I try to hide because, like any man, my husband wants to fix it, well, I don't know what needs fixed. Like you, I don't feel needed, the kids are older, one is grown and gone, the next on his way out the door. It doesn't even feel like my dogs need me as much as I need them.

I need another depressed friend in my life mostly because they understand exactly what I say and don't try to fix it when I just need someone to listen sometimes. My hand is outstretched waiting for you to take it...together we can try to lift this black cloud and send it on its way, if even for only a little bit. I wish we didn't have to suffer this fate, I am just so sick of the same sh** different day.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 1/29/2008 6:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, that is part of it, I feel better when responding to others because it takes my mind temporarily out of the cloud and the focus off myself. I feel like I can be strong towards other people, but inside I am crumbling and cannot be there for myself. I hope Kitt and I can be there for one another.

I tried going to the chat area, but my work computer restricts it.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/29/2008 9:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for the responses.  I was diagnosised with Depression and Anxiety in 1982, a long time ago.  I have been on a medication every since and worked full time and raised my family.  I had a couple of minor set backs but did fairly good for 24 years and then for some reason my world dissolved into tears and anxiety.  We have switched meds and I have been to therapy.  I finally took early retirement from my job and the career that I loved after working for 26 years.

The job took my friends with it as they moved on with the work and now I sit alone and I still mourn for them.  No one wants to hang out with a depressed person, it is to hard, they are uncomfortable and it is to sad. I have become a great actress as nobody at work ever knew I had depression and when I told my staff they laughed at me until they saw my tears.

Right now I am on the Cymbalta, Trazodone, and Valium.  I know all the things I should do to climb up out of the black pit but I get frozen in place and with every set back I am afraid I will never get better again.

Baby T, Mochiah and Behindtheseeyes I thank each of you for reaching out to me.  Yes I accept your help and friendship.  I will work harder to be kind to myself and climb up out of this hole.  I am here for each of you and I will be looking to you for help too.

Bless each of you. Gentle Hugs
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 1/29/2008 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,
 
You can climb out of this black whole.  I know you can, because you have before, as have I.  Sometimes I wonder if you spend so much time helping others that you forget about taking care of yourself.
 
It's good that you are writing about it.  I need to do some of the same.  You and I are so much alike.  I have so much that I just keep inside.
 
Love you!
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 1/30/2008 12:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt,

I just read your first post and I am struck by how articulate you are!! You sound like a really neat person! I think that sometimes unless we've been through something ourselves as human beings, we don't know how to reach out to others, so maybe your work friends aren't comfortable. But it's not about you. It's about them not having it in themselves, ya know?

I think sometimes we all hit walls, or get stuck. When depression is there, it can feel like that's just the way its' always been or ever gonna be. But I don't think there is any reason you need to doubt that things will change. You've been better before. You've had good days. And I have no doubt that you'll feel better again. Maybe you just need to go easy on yourself for awhile. Take the time to cry your tears and mourn the things you're feeling. Just give yourself room to let some of that pain out. You've had to hold things together for all those years of working and raising kids (which, by the way, is a huge accomplishment!), but I don't see anything wrong with just taking time to be low key for awhile. I don't mean it feels good to feel liek there's a dark cloud in your world, but I mean, it's okay if for a little while you need to lean on others and you are having trouble getting up to do business as usual and stuff. Sometimes we need others to believe for us when we can't seem to. I'm so glad you reached out here, because there are lots of people here who will hope for you. :0)

Keep writing and letting us all know how you are doing. And you know, there ARE people in 3-D who CAN walk alongside those who suffer depression. Maybe you just havn't met any lately, but I hope some new friends will come your way soon because depressed or not, you are worth knowing and you sound like a really neat person too.

Take good care of you. And maybe try some journaling? Just write your feelings down and let them out. Do you write poetry? It's not a pity party to say how badly it hurts. It's just being honest. Maybe you can take some time each day to let some of that out, and then after you can do a little exercise and pick a few things in your life or about yourself that are good and reasons for happiness. Sometimes when we 'feel' the darkness we need to affirm the truth of the light that is still shining. Hope that helps you. It does for me. :0)

hugs, manyembers

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 1/30/2008 3:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hiya Kitt,

WOW, I cant believe how many responses you got in such a short space of time!!! *Yoda Voice* "Very popular, you must be" lol

Like all the others have said, I hate to think that you dont post here because you dont want to be in the way. Your problem is just as important to me, Shy, other members etc... as anyone elses. We have always tried to push home the message to members that MODS are human too. I know I certainly am. Please dont try to be super-human. Its really kind of you to step to one side but now its your turn to release. nono   Here endith thine lecture! lol

Now for the caring bit! lol

I have known you for well over a year now, nearly 2 (I cant believe its been that long!) and you have always been a fantastic source of information, compassion and kindness. You are a great moderator and you help loads of people. You have been there for me when things have been rough, you have helped out here on Depression loads of times and we love having you here. Have you considered starting a hobby or something? There are literally 100's of options out there, there is bound to be something you are interested in. Do you still see the 'kids' ? Have you thought about going out and doing something with your husband once a week? Something like going to a quiet country park and having a walk-round, feeding the ducks, picnic lunch etc... As for fate, I dont want to get too heavily into this, since its a belief thing but for me, fate is what you make it. Spirit will give you a lesson to learn, but wont let you fall too far in order to learn it.

Big British Hugs... Just for Kitt!

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


Gillcom
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 272
   Posted 1/30/2008 3:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt,
It made me a little sad to read how you are feeling. I think you Mods are great, you have given me great support since i joined last Nov, please accept some from us here. I think we tend to think Mod's are strong and don't get down like this but we are ALL here for the same reason and should not forget that.
Everyone should be able to vent whenever they feel low and lonely, please believe that you have a friend in all off us here, and we are never far away.
Have you family Kitt? Tell me a little about yourself if you feel like it.

I hope this post finds you a little better, take care,

Gillian x

P.S. (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))


Ileostomy - Feb 05, Hernia on site.
Fluoxetine - 20mg March 05 - july 06
Citalipram - 20mg July 06 - upped to 40mg now.

Post Edited (Gillcom) : 1/30/2008 3:43:24 AM (GMT-7)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/30/2008 5:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt

We are in the same boat these days I think. I too have been at my worst.. no one to talk to,friends are all either out of town or don't even bother anymore. And me too with the kids,both have their own lives and I am lucky to be able to talk to them on the phone.

I wish we were closer,then we could get together for coffee or something!

You have been through so much these days.. losing your sister has to be one of the hardest things anyone could endure.

You are a very strong woman,and I admire you for that!!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40575
   Posted 1/30/2008 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

We Love you!!!!!!!!!!!! We are here for you as you have been for us.

Soft and gentle hugs,

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


debbikay
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 1/30/2008 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   

eyes  I need a depressed friend!  I don’t have a husband.  I cried all night.  I slept for 4 hours and due to insomnia I woke up at 4:30am.  I’m invisible too!  You can cry with me, invisible people can see each other!  Here is my YouTube url. I have 4 videos on my channel. Watch gratefulldeb, living up to the name.  It’s a embarrassingly desperate attempt to make myself feel better.  It didn’t really work but it was a start.  The antidepressants helped the most but still having sad crying spells.  The friend and only subscriber I have on my YouTube channel  is really ME!  I’m my only friend!  So please there are other invisible people out there that could use a friend.  Depressed friends at least would understand what it’s like and not think I’m crazy or something. 

Here is my YouTube "My Simple Life"  URL     http://www.youtube.com/Gratefulldeb      thats me debbikay AKA gratefulldeb.

be sure to see the one from this weekend of my son giving me a tattoo for my 50th b-day.  It covers a scar on my tummy!  


debbikay  smurf  Crohn’s Colitis 01-10-08


ediekristen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1366
   Posted 1/30/2008 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt!

It surprises me to read this; I always looked at you as one of the more prominent and helpful people on this board! I always admire your caring responses, you always make an attempt to help everyone that comes by, and it always seemed to me like you were friends with everyone. You are a wonderful person Kitt, and I guarantee you've helped more people than you will ever know. I'm glad you opened up to let us know how you are really feeling so you can finally realize how much you are needed and respected and cared for.
 
<3 I hope you can find the sun behind that black cloud soon.
Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in hip & lumbar region of spine from long term prednisone use

Current Meds:
10mg Lexapro (for depression/social anxiety)
125mg Azathioprine
4800mg Asacol (Four 400mg tablets, three times a day)
10meq Potassium
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/30/2008 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning,
Wow, I got up this morning and was feeling low but came here and realized people are talking to me.  I am attached, I am not dangling by myself. There really is a life line here and how did I forget to take care of me?  I need to remember keeping  all of my feelings locked up inside and playing the role of being ok is harmful to me.  You have all reached out,  I am reaching back and grabbing ahold of your hands and drawing support from each of you.

Deb, I watched your videos and seeing you in person was awesome, a person to a name. :)  I loved Mikey and Sam and hearing you talk to them reminded me of how I talk to my furry friend. I had 2 Dobies until November 07 when I had to have my best friend put to sleep.  I still have one, Morgan. Thank you for inviting me into your life.
 
Karen, I have a daughter Karen and she is my only girl.  She has 2 daughters of her own and they are special, however, they are at the busy age 14, 16...........need I say more.  I accept those hugs.  I am a hugger.

Shy, I wish we were closer and we could get together.  Why did I not follow your lead sooner and post about how I was feeling?  I did long ago but I get wrapped up in helping and when I slide I guess I hate to admit I am in dire straights. I follow your threads alot and know about your issues.  I understand you well.
Your right, losing my sister was sad and yet I felt useful when I was  in North Dakota at her bedside.  When I came back home I had Christmas to keep me busy and then January hit..............crash.
Thank you for the kinds words and support.
 
Gillian,  Sometimes Mods are embarrassed or just plain into stinkin thinkin when we forget we are human and it is ok to share and ask for help. 
I have 4 children but our 3rd child was killed in a car crash in 1990, he was 21 years old.  My hubby says I changed after that.  I guess I did, and I have tried to go on and live well which I have done most of the time.  Why I was blessed with depression, I do not know but a therapist once said to me when I asked "Why Me?",  "Why Not You?"
I worked for 26 years as a RN in the ICU and then ER where I was the Manager. I loved my work and oh how much I loved my friends.  We were always there for each other and talked the same language. That went away when I had a huge meltdown and took early retirement in 2006. When I shared the secret I carried around inside me with my friends, they did not know what to do.  I am a great actress. I am a person with depression.   Thank you for being here for me.
 
Darren, My sweet, brillant, British Prince............thank you for remembering how long we have been here together. You are so right, I need a hobby and I am going to start looking for ideas.
My hubby is pretty much of a loner and not into walks in the park.  We do watch movies together, but unless I am really to the point where I cannot help it, I cry alone.  Crying sets him off, he is frustrated and "can't handle it".
You have reminded me that I am in control of my fate and I need to start driving the bus myself. You are simply quite wonderful. Thank you my friend.
 
manyembers, Thank you  so much.  You reminded me that I am a "neat" person.  I am a cool Grandma, I ride a Harely of my own and I love music, my hubby, my children and grandchildren.  I love to travel and I have lost so much in life and in losing I have gained appreciation for what I do have.  My birth mother died when I was 18 months old and I was raised by a version of the wicked stepmother.  My therapist shared with  me she felt I was a "daughter without a Mother". I did, just last year, go through intense therapy and looked at the past and learned how to let go. 
I have kicked a lot of garbage to the curb, I will be ok.  With the help and support, the outpouring of love and friendship here, I will always be a winner.
I will not hide my feelings, it is an old trick and bad habit. Thank you for being here.
 
Carla, I believe we are like sisters in this dance with depression that always keeps us on our toes. It does feel good to let it out, the steam was building but my fear is the "what if no one reads or cares?"  I know, dumb thinking.  It is better to take a chance then miss out.
We both need to be kind to ourselves and please know I love ya.
Gentle Hugs, Ms Carla
.
ediekristen, Thank you for your gentle response.  Yes I do feel alone in a crowd often, I know I need to speak out when these feelings overwhelm me but I choke up and run away and hide.  No more hiding.  I will be posting my feelings so I can feel connected and not like a lost soul lurking in the background.  Bless youl

 
So my day begins, the first day of the rest of my life.  I will give it my all and stop to remember to love myself .  Thank you all and I will be coming back here, I know I will but that is ok. 
Gentle Hugs,
Kitt  

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
~Maya Angelou~

 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 

Post Edited (stkitt) : 1/30/2008 9:53:35 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40575
   Posted 1/30/2008 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Deb,
That was so cool, you getting a tat.
Thanks,
hugs,
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Getting there
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 1/30/2008 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi stkitt, I am sorry you are feeling so low. You definitely are not getting in anyones way and you have been one of the first to respond to my first post and make me feel welcomed. You are wanted here and you might feel invisble but you are not. I feel your pain as I have been under this dark cloud too and have gotten tired of being sad and depressed all 47 years of my life. My two oldest are about their business and do not care whether I die or live. I thank God for the little girl that is left as she gives me the courage to go on.....but soon she will be gone too. Kitt I do not know why we were chosen for this burden but I do believe we are special and strong because we have been hanging in there for so long...refusing to give up.
Dont feel bad.. we all have our own pity parties from time to time..we are allowed even one....but not to let it last for too long. You ended yours by telling us how you feel. Is there somewhere you can volunteer so you can get out of the house for a few hours? You are loved and wanted here..so chin up Kitt..the sun will shine in your corner one day. We are all rooting for and hanging in there with you
 
((((((Hugs)))))    
Dor
stkitt said...
Hi,
I try not to post here and get in the way of others who need the support more than I do.  I am just wondering where did I go, who am I, does no one see me here lurking. I am the one crying and I can't tell you why, I am just so darn sad all the time.
I just sit here and wish for a lifting of the black cloud.  I am to old now to change anything in my life.  My career is gone, my kids have been adults for a long time and my hubby does so well entertaining himself.

I hate pity parties yet why do I dwell in one? I see the friendships that develop here and yet I feel like I am invisible. I have tried to connect but no one needs another depressed friend in their lives. 
So I sit with a dying heart and dread the next day.  I keep coming back as I hope I can help someone but I am not even sure I have done a good job of that.
I am a depresssed person who does not know how to get off this merry-go-round.  This is my fate.


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 1/30/2008 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

It is so amazing to come here today and see how you have written so much! You just needed a group hug and now look at you go!! :0) YOu have just helped each of us to feel hugged right back.

I think quite a few of us on here understand mother issues, and I know therapy is hard work. So wow, you've done so well. I think you've allowed the trials in life to make you better and not bitter - and that too is so huge. With all those milestones you will get through anything you're dealing with now too! And yes, I think you sound like a very 'neat' person!!

hugs, manyembers :0)

debbikay
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 1/30/2008 1:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi kitt! 

I was happy to be able to share “my simple life” with you.  Thank you for the reply.  If people only knew how much a simple reply even just a smiley means to a friend. You are a good and kindred spirit.  By being open and sharing that you also struggle from the same afflictions as many of us,   I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I have had depression struggles off and on since I was born I think. I too had a meltdown about 8 months ago and I quit my checking operations/statement department banking job of four years. I thought  stress and burnout was the problem and a rest was all I needed, LOL!  It was really Major depression, GAD and Crohn’s. It’s the depression that has kicked my butt! I never cross over to the depression area of the forum very much because I am depressed.  When I’m feeling not so bad I don’t want to remind myself of that fact.  But lately my meds seem to be slacking  (I think it’s the Colocort enemas). “LET THE WEEPING BEGIN!” so I thought I would check it out at 4:30 in the morning.  I see why you are a mod. You have such a wonderful way with words. (not one of my strong points)  you seem so caring and compassionate. The letter of acknowledgement to us all was so incredibly touching, and I was included! Maybe I’m not invisible here.  I know you certainly aren’t.  I can see the love and respect that the other forum members have for you.  Sometimes I think because maybe I don’t have many if any friends in person that we I'm all alone. Today I realized these friends are as precious or even more so as any living down the street.  And we are real as real can be.

 I’m sorry about your dog too. I went through that a couple of years ago and of course said I would never get more dogs. Now that was a dreary year around here. Life without wagging tails is the worst of all!   Today the sun is out and it snowed a lot more last night.  I’m about 50 miles from Lake Tahoe.  I am going to make a video for you  Kitt.  I won’t say names or anything but I will somehow let you know you have a friend in  the mountains somewhere who you helped through a very dark time last night just by needing support for yourself.  Thank you Kitt.   By the way I chose this font as my trademark because I have ADD and my real writing looks similar only much worse.  It has never improved since the 3rd grade no matter how hard I try.  Thank God for my little Dell notebook.  Well I better get shoveling.


debbikay  smurf  Crohn’s Colitis 01-10-08


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 1/30/2008 3:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, it looks like you have quite a few people in this with you....as one we don't fill much space or feel needed much (I sure don't), but together we are a force to be reckoned with and won't be ignored.

Me, I'm going to go hide some more and hope the black cloud can't find me...darned thing won't leave me alone.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


Gillcom
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 272
   Posted 1/30/2008 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt,

That was so kind replying to each off us like that!!

My estranged hubby is an RGN in ICU, how weird is that! I too have been an auxilliary nurse for the past 18 yrs in a hospice but have not worked since having my youngest son. My bowel was damaged during the birth so now i have a temp ileostomy, which i'm hoping to have reversed in the next month or so. I miss my collegues too, not being able to have the carefree coversations we used to have.

I also asked the same question - "Why me", in a councelling session and her's was the same reply you got -"Why not". Anyway we struggle on!

It must be so hard losing a child, i'm so sorry, i can't even begin to imagine having to go through that, but you did and that just shows you how strong a person you are.

Hope this finds you ok today.

Gillian x
Ileostomy - Feb 05, Hernia on site.
Fluoxetine - 20mg March 05 - july 06
Citalipram - 20mg July 06 - upped to 40mg now.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/30/2008 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Good Evening All, My day has been so much better after connecting with each of you. :)

Dor, I believe I was thrown into my first anxiety/depresion episode when my oldest left home for the service.  Even thow I thought I was ready as 4 children was a busy life, I had my first melt down 2 months after he left home.  I am so glad you still have your girl home with you.  I had not planned ahead to feel grief at my first child leaving home, I thought it would be fun to watch them each spread their wings. He left home that June day for the service and never moved back home.  He and his family live on the West Coast.  Perhaps I had a premonition he was moving  on for good. Thank you for your kind words and together we will survive the depression and have good days.  We will make memories, special memories. Gentle Hugs to you.

manyembers, You are so right, I did need hugs and thank you so much for being there for me.  I am here for you always and I am grateful for your kind words.  You speak from your heart, you would have a hard time pretending to care, I sense that in your words. You are sincere and kind, generous and giving.
Blessings and hugs on this cold and blustery MN day.

Deb, Hello there again my new friend. Tell me more about you and the tatoos.  I ride a Harley............but alas no tats.  I know about your Crohn's, I see you on the CD forum.  My hubby has Crohn's so my big bad biker is now a not so bad biker but he still loves his Fat Boy. (motorcycle) He calls me his Fatgirl............kidding.  He knows better nono . I have been to Tahoe once with a girlfriend, beautiful country.  I am a true believer in pet therapy..........I love my pets.  My daughter raises and shows Dobermans so I had 2 retired show dogs, now one.
Please keep posting on Healing Well in any forum that works for you. My email is open so don't hesitate. I understand all the feelings and issues that accompany Crohn's and you have my support as I accept yours. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

Sue, I am so glad you found this site as I believe that you were in need of support and of friends.  This is a wonderful place and I am happy to have the chance to get to know you better and thank you for being here for me. Today I may be the one with the black cloud but tommorow we will both pray for sunshine.

Friends help you understand that you are not alone. They help you by sharing your "ups" and "downs", and you in turn help them. Together, you and I can  share life's challenges and celebrate life's joys.

Gillian, It is indeed a small world. I am so sorry you ended up with an ileostomy after the birth of your baby. I will be so anxious to follow your progress and to support you turning the reversal of the ostomy. There is a whole sub-culture language that nurses share.  We might seem a bit crass to outsiders but we love our patients and the stress and the emotions that we live daily is understood by other nurses and they understand our silly comments or our tears better then most. We attend the funeral of our patients, we send cards to families we have never met when we read about someone dying and the story touches our souls.  We work long hours and love what nursing stands for.

Losing our son shut me down temporarily but then I set out to make my son's life meaningful by being the best darn ER nurse I could be and then into management to make the department a working unit all united with the focus always on the patient.

Ah but I stray. Thank you so much and I am better.  Tomorrow, perhaps,  I may plunge a bit, but I will come here and soak up the love and caring.

Thank you to all of you, you are my family, my friends and my heart.
Group Hug

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/30/2008 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt

Oh hon I am so with you....we feel that helping others is more important.therefore we push our own hurt aside.
It brings me to tears.
We should not hurt so much.
But we do, and you know what it does it make us stronger...(I have been preaching at myself these days...can you tell?) .I am not sure about that sometimes,but the end result is it does!

You give so much my friend, I know that just reading and posting to this site takes alot out of you...But you are so loving and want to help that you do it...no second thoughts,it does not matter what you are going through..you do it because you care.

To me,you are the strongest woman I know..
Together we will get through this...
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


debbikay
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 1/30/2008 7:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Kitt!  I didn’t make the video today,  I was not feeling well. I have GI appt. tomorrow.  I will take you up on the e-mail offer sometime,  that  goes both ways.  I also have live messenger if you like. 

 Tattoo?  That was my first.  My son is getting very good, he has got himself a nice setup and he is still keeping his day job.  I wanted to be supportive of his art.  I never thought I would have a tattoo.  I figured I will be 50 in February so what have I got to lose.  I found a beautiful cherry blossom design that my son made to fit exactly on my scar.  It looks so much prettier than the ugly frowning scar. No one ever sees my belly anyway.  I don’t ride motorcycles.  I’m scared!  I hope you visit Tahoe again someday (or El Dorado County). I will make you a Latte’!

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 2/1/2008 11:31:25 AM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/30/2008 10:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Friends,

Tomorrow I am hoping for a warm up in the weather as I need to get my butt out the door and quit sitting here stuck in my own private mind. So good vibes are welcomed. devil

Shy, Thank you my friend and I know you have so much on your plate and yet you too are here daily giving, sharing, helping and you have a special way of supporting, you truly believe in all the members.  I admire you so much.  You are brave and stong so keep on talking to  yourself too kiddo.

Deb, a latte, oh my yes, I would love one.  I am sorry you were not feeling well today and I will be waiting to hear how you do at the GIs.  Keep your spirits up and know you have a new friend in MN.
My wish for all of you is peace  and happiness but most of all I wish you love.
Kitt
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 1/30/2008 10:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm still here for you Kitt.  I got the funeral behind me yesterday.  For those of you who don't know, my grandmother passed away this weekend.  I really had no feelings for her or for my mother.  It's a long story, which I'll get into another time.  For my two grown daughters sake, I was able to go and show (pretend) a little compassion for my mother.  I had talked to one of my aunts, my mother's sister and she suggested that I "pretend" for the sake of my girls.  She, on the other hand, totally avoided my mother.  She could do that.  Now it's over and behind me.  My aunt told me she was proud of me, that I did a good job of pretending.
 
I did enjoy visiting with my cousins.
 
Hugs,
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus

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