Thank you for the responses. I was diagnosised with Depression and Anxiety in 1982, a long time ago. I have been on a medication every since and worked full time and raised my family. I had a couple of minor set backs but did fairly good for 24 years and then for some reason my world dissolved into tears and anxiety. We have switched meds and I have been to therapy. I finally took early retirement from my job and the career that I loved after working for 26 years.
The job took my friends with it as they moved on with the work and now I sit alone and I still mourn for them. No one wants to hang out with a depressed person, it is to hard, they are uncomfortable and it is to sad. I have become a great actress as nobody at work ever knew I had depression and when I told my staff they laughed at me until they saw my tears.
Right now I am on the Cymbalta, Trazodone, and Valium. I know all the things I should do to climb up out of the black pit but I get frozen in place and with every set back I am afraid I will never get better again.
Baby T, Mochiah and Behindtheseeyes I thank each of you for reaching out to me. Yes I accept your help and friendship. I will work harder to be kind to myself and climb up out of this hole. I am here for each of you and I will be looking to you for help too.
Bless each of you. Gentle HugsKitt
WOW, I cant believe how many responses you got in such a short space of time!!! *Yoda Voice* "Very popular, you must be" lol
Like all the others have said, I hate to think that you dont post here because you dont want to be in the way. Your problem is just as important to me, Shy, other members etc... as anyone elses. We have always tried to push home the message to members that MODS are human too. I know I certainly am. Please dont try to be super-human. Its really kind of you to step to one side but now its your turn to release. Here endith thine lecture! lol
Now for the caring bit! lol
I have known you for well over a year now, nearly 2 (I cant believe its been that long!) and you have always been a fantastic source of information, compassion and kindness. You are a great moderator and you help loads of people. You have been there for me when things have been rough, you have helped out here on Depression loads of times and we love having you here. Have you considered starting a hobby or something? There are literally 100's of options out there, there is bound to be something you are interested in. Do you still see the 'kids' ? Have you thought about going out and doing something with your husband once a week? Something like going to a quiet country park and having a walk-round, feeding the ducks, picnic lunch etc... As for fate, I dont want to get too heavily into this, since its a belief thing but for me, fate is what you make it. Spirit will give you a lesson to learn, but wont let you fall too far in order to learn it.
Big British Hugs... Just for Kitt!
Post Edited (Gillcom) : 1/30/2008 3:43:24 AM (GMT-7)
I need a depressed friend! I don’t have a husband. I cried all night. I slept for 4 hours and due to insomnia I woke up at 4:30am. I’m invisible too! You can cry with me, invisible people can see each other! Here is my YouTube url. I have 4 videos on my channel. Watch gratefulldeb, living up to the name. It’s a embarrassingly desperate attempt to make myself feel better. It didn’t really work but it was a start. The antidepressants helped the most but still having sad crying spells. The friend and only subscriber I have on my YouTube channel is really ME! I’m my only friend! So please there are other invisible people out there that could use a friend. Depressed friends at least would understand what it’s like and not think I’m crazy or something.
Here is my YouTube "My Simple Life" URL http://www.youtube.com/Gratefulldeb thats me debbikay AKA gratefulldeb.
be sure to see the one from this weekend of my son giving me a tattoo for my 50th b-day. It covers a scar on my tummy!
debbikay Crohn’s Colitis 01-10-08
debbikay Crohn’s Colitis 01-10-08
Just like moons and like suns,With the certainty of tides,Just like hopes springing high,Still I'll rise.~Maya Angelou~
Post Edited (stkitt) : 1/30/2008 9:53:35 AM (GMT-7)
I was happy to be able to share “my simple life” with you. Thank you for the reply. If people only knew how much a simple reply even just a smiley means to a friend. You are a good and kindred spirit. By being open and sharing that you also struggle from the same afflictions as many of us, I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I have had depression struggles off and on since I was born I think. I too had a meltdown about 8 months ago and I quit my checking operations/statement department banking job of four years. I thought stress and burnout was the problem and a rest was all I needed, LOL! It was really Major depression, GAD and Crohn’s. It’s the depression that has kicked my butt! I never cross over to the depression area of the forum very much because I am depressed. When I’m feeling not so bad I don’t want to remind myself of that fact. But lately my meds seem to be slacking (I think it’s the Colocort enemas). “LET THE WEEPING BEGIN!” so I thought I would check it out at 4:30 in the morning. I see why you are a mod. You have such a wonderful way with words. (not one of my strong points) you seem so caring and compassionate. The letter of acknowledgement to us all was so incredibly touching, and I was included! Maybe I’m not invisible here. I know you certainly aren’t. I can see the love and respect that the other forum members have for you. Sometimes I think because maybe I don’t have many if any friends in person that we I'm all alone. Today I realized these friends are as precious or even more so as any living down the street. And we are real as real can be.
I’m sorry about your dog too. I went through that a couple of years ago and of course said I would never get more dogs. Now that was a dreary year around here. Life without wagging tails is the worst of all! Today the sun is out and it snowed a lot more last night. I’m about 50 miles from Lake Tahoe. I am going to make a video for you Kitt. I won’t say names or anything but I will somehow let you know you have a friend in the mountains somewhere who you helped through a very dark time last night just by needing support for yourself. Thank you Kitt. By the way I chose this font as my trademark because I have ADD and my real writing looks similar only much worse. It has never improved since the 3rd grade no matter how hard I try. Thank God for my little Dell notebook. Well I better get shoveling.
Good Evening All, My day has been so much better after connecting with each of you. :)
Dor, I believe I was thrown into my first anxiety/depresion episode when my oldest left home for the service. Even thow I thought I was ready as 4 children was a busy life, I had my first melt down 2 months after he left home. I am so glad you still have your girl home with you. I had not planned ahead to feel grief at my first child leaving home, I thought it would be fun to watch them each spread their wings. He left home that June day for the service and never moved back home. He and his family live on the West Coast. Perhaps I had a premonition he was moving on for good. Thank you for your kind words and together we will survive the depression and have good days. We will make memories, special memories. Gentle Hugs to you.
manyembers, You are so right, I did need hugs and thank you so much for being there for me. I am here for you always and I am grateful for your kind words. You speak from your heart, you would have a hard time pretending to care, I sense that in your words. You are sincere and kind, generous and giving. Blessings and hugs on this cold and blustery MN day.
Deb, Hello there again my new friend. Tell me more about you and the tatoos. I ride a Harley............but alas no tats. I know about your Crohn's, I see you on the CD forum. My hubby has Crohn's so my big bad biker is now a not so bad biker but he still loves his Fat Boy. (motorcycle) He calls me his Fatgirl............kidding. He knows better . I have been to Tahoe once with a girlfriend, beautiful country. I am a true believer in pet therapy..........I love my pets. My daughter raises and shows Dobermans so I had 2 retired show dogs, now one.Please keep posting on Healing Well in any forum that works for you. My email is open so don't hesitate. I understand all the feelings and issues that accompany Crohn's and you have my support as I accept yours. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Sue, I am so glad you found this site as I believe that you were in need of support and of friends. This is a wonderful place and I am happy to have the chance to get to know you better and thank you for being here for me. Today I may be the one with the black cloud but tommorow we will both pray for sunshine.
Friends help you understand that you are not alone. They help you by sharing your "ups" and "downs", and you in turn help them. Together, you and I can share life's challenges and celebrate life's joys.
Gillian, It is indeed a small world. I am so sorry you ended up with an ileostomy after the birth of your baby. I will be so anxious to follow your progress and to support you turning the reversal of the ostomy. There is a whole sub-culture language that nurses share. We might seem a bit crass to outsiders but we love our patients and the stress and the emotions that we live daily is understood by other nurses and they understand our silly comments or our tears better then most. We attend the funeral of our patients, we send cards to families we have never met when we read about someone dying and the story touches our souls. We work long hours and love what nursing stands for.
Losing our son shut me down temporarily but then I set out to make my son's life meaningful by being the best darn ER nurse I could be and then into management to make the department a working unit all united with the focus always on the patient.
Ah but I stray. Thank you so much and I am better. Tomorrow, perhaps, I may plunge a bit, but I will come here and soak up the love and caring.
Thank you to all of you, you are my family, my friends and my heart.Group Hug
Kitt! I didn’t make the video today, I was not feeling well. I have GI appt. tomorrow. I will take you up on the e-mail offer sometime, that goes both ways. I also have live messenger if you like.
Tattoo? That was my first. My son is getting very good, he has got himself a nice setup and he is still keeping his day job. I wanted to be supportive of his art. I never thought I would have a tattoo. I figured I will be 50 in February so what have I got to lose. I found a beautiful cherry blossom design that my son made to fit exactly on my scar. It looks so much prettier than the ugly frowning scar. No one ever sees my belly anyway. I don’t ride motorcycles. I’m scared! I hope you visit Tahoe again someday (or El Dorado County). I will make you a Latte’!
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 2/1/2008 11:31:25 AM (GMT-7)
Tomorrow I am hoping for a warm up in the weather as I need to get my butt out the door and quit sitting here stuck in my own private mind. So good vibes are welcomed.
Shy, Thank you my friend and I know you have so much on your plate and yet you too are here daily giving, sharing, helping and you have a special way of supporting, you truly believe in all the members. I admire you so much. You are brave and stong so keep on talking to yourself too kiddo.