Why do we feel helpless?

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Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 1/30/2008 8:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I often find myself wondering why it is I feel helpless, gloomy, and lonely.  We are supposed to be in charge of our own destiny, right?  Well, why can't I just will myself into happiness?  I feel lonely, but at the same time I don't let anyone in because I don't want to be a burden to them or bring them down emotionally.  If I do end up having a happy day in there somewhere, then I feel almost guilty, like I don't deserve it.  I want happiness and friendship so badly but don't feel worthy of it.  I moved to be near my family almost 5 years ago, yet I do not have 1 friend and rarely leave the house.  The "friends" I have from the other state I lived in were basically a couple of co-workers, we hardly even keep in touch anymore, maybe once every 4 months.  The one friend I thought I had from there, I paid for her and her kids to move here with me, she turned around 2 days later and went back....I've not talked to her since...it hurt me and cost me a lot of money.  When a neighbor here broke her ankle over the summer I went down and helped her out, she called the other day and said she would like to repay me by taking me out to lunch and a movie in a few weeks when she gets back into town.  I went and helped her out because I am a healer, I guess, and now that she wants to reciprocate I don't feel deserving of it.  If I'm such a healer, why can't I heal myself?  confused sad  
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/30/2008 9:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Mochiah, Good Evening. You are not friendless; you have friends here now, I am one of many you are making.   :-) So let me start with a hug for you dear lady.
It is a commonality in members with depression to feel isolated and to feel we are alone.  Part of it is that old stinkin thinkin and the other comes from our life experiences.  We are naturally more sensitive and start to doubt that we are worthy when in truth that is just plain hogwash. I know I get into a down spiral and I am afraid to even make a plan for lunch as I don't know how I will feel.  I am frozen in my  place and it is difficult to reach out.  Some of it is fear of rejection.
It is important to believe in yourself. A lot of people get depressed because they put themselves down. It is important to satisfy yourself and gain a sense of self-worth. It is good to do something that would make you  happy. Prioritizing your self can help you  to believe that your own life is important and can be enjoyed. Being kind to yourself is one of the most important steps to get away from a depressive state.

I challenge you to sit down and write only good things about who you are and all the good and healing you have done.  Now read your list and apply it to yourself. You are worthy of the same treatment as you bestow so generously on others. Mochiah, learn to be at peace with yourself.

Get to know who you are, what makes you really happy, and learn to balance what you can and cannot change about yourself. You are a winner in this game of life, so reach out and grab the brass ring.  Take a chance on making new friends. :-) Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 1/31/2008 3:14 AM (GMT -7)   

Hiya,

I think Kitt has hit the nail right on the head... SELF BELIEF. Like you, I have helped many people, both physically and online here on HW. I seem perfectly capable of sorting other peoples problems but when it comes to my own, I push them to one side and look at someone else... hence, my problems never get sorted since I never look at them. If I had the self confidence to sort them (and I am getting there) I could almost be a different person. I try to imagine my life without depression but I dont know if its a fantasy or not since I believe I have lived with depression from about 6-7 years old (I am 22 now). It took me so long to do something about it, depression became the norm. I am slowly rebuilding my self belief and I think that is the kep to self healing. I hope you too, can do this.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 1/31/2008 7:10 AM (GMT -7)   

You have been given some very good advise here.  We tend to underestimate ourselves.  And you do so much for others, why can't you do for yourself?  That is such a good question.  We are all like that, myself included.  I think that we have had something in our past that stops us from enjoying things.  I have had experiences when I am having a good time and then all of a sudden I feel guilty about it.  Like I am doing something wrong.  Or I don't deserve to feel this good.  In time, with practice of the advise given to you, that will be less and less. 

You are a wonderful person and try to remember that.  If we get taken advantage of along the way, so be it.  At least we have nothing to feel guilty about.  We can look in the mirror and see a good person.  That you are.....  We will tell you that until you are sick of hearing it.LOL.

So I say take the advise that these wonderful people gave you and try to love yourself, you are worthy and deserve it.

Hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 1/31/2008 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for your understanding, you will never know how much it means to me. Today is a much better day just because of all your kind words.

BabyTig- I will let the neighbor treat me to lunch and a movie. I also plan to let her know that through helping her, she helped me. I sit alone in the house all day, every day (husband and one son at work, the other son at school), I work from home with my office being in the spare bedroom, and I usually only leave once a week to get groceries....by helping her when she had a broken ankle I felt I had a purpose and I got out of the house. That is what I need to do more of, get out of the house.

Kitt - Thanks for the hug. I know you are going through things of your own right now but you took the time to post to me when I am in need. Like I said to you in your thread, I can definitely use a depressed friend. You know exactly what I mean probably before I even say it! My husband recently said to me "you will always be a winner in my book because you always do anything you possibly can for others, it comes to you without thinking about it, and that is a reason I love you." Well, that is going to be one of the first things I put on the list you told me to make.

Darren - I am going to work on the self-confidence and try to look at my own problems a little bit at a time. I know one major factor is that I am in so much physical pain from my back and neck. Feeling pain all the time really does eat away at the core of who you are. As I said before, I try hiding even from my own family because I don't want them to see my limping and crying because I am in pain. I am going to start by showing them more of that now, since it is part of who I am.

Karen - You're right...I need to put myself out there more and if I'm taken advantage of, oh well, at least I can know I have done something good for myself by trying. I am tired of living in hiding just because of what might happen.

I feel that all of you are true friends and completely understanding. I want you to know how much you have helped my spirits just by taking a few minutes to talk to me. Thanks.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 1/31/2008 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for the reminder that it is always better to lean on others to hold you up than it is to fall while trying to go it alone.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/31/2008 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Sue,
Wow your hubby is awesome and what a wonderful thing for him to say to you.  Give him a hug for me. :-) Yes that should be on your list for sure.
I love music and I have pulled myself up out of the dumps or even just sat and cried while a song talk to me. Here is one that says it better than I could:

Lean on me when you're not strong and I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long till I'm gonna need Somebody to lean on.
Bless you, you will be ok, one baby step at a time.
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/3/2008 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been doing better the last day or two as far as my depression goes. It is all just so hard when you are in pain for so long, it just wears you down and eats away at who you are. I went to Books-A-Million yesterday and found the new Dean Koontz book but they didn't have the one I really wanted in stock. It is called "The Truth about Chronic Pain." It is supposed to help you understand things better and make you better equiped to talk with your family about it, etc. Anyway, I see a new pain management doctor tomorrow so maybe he can put me in touch with some support groups or something. I have just kind of been laying low and letting the feelings run their course.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.

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