Hello, this is Kitt. You posted "I've been to counseling, couples' counseling over and over." That did not work for you. I have read your post several times and I am not sure what it is you are looking for?
I can not tell from what you wrote "I could use some suggestions on how to stop hurting.", who it is you want to stop hurting? Your wife? If it is your wife then you should be writing a letter to her and accepting your responsibility for your behavior. It is like a person that is addicted and hurts others. Part of their therapy is going back to every single person and telling them they are sorry and meaning it.
I am afraid that I am less qualified to offer help then the counselors were. Shy is right, we get many spouse's that have cheated and want to know how to keep the best of both worlds. IMHO you cannot have it both ways and you need to work this out somehow.
Post Edited (stkitt) : 2/3/2008 1:58:11 PM (GMT-7)
You start with your PCP for a good physical and explain what has been going on. He/She can recommend a good Pdoc and perhaps you need some inhouse treatment. There are still good places around.
There are also outpatient facilities where you spend for 6 - 8 hours per day in group therapy. Hope that helps.
You have been given some very good advice already here and I completely agree with getting a physical check-up etc... and starting the diagnosis process from there. It is possible that you are depressed and it is possible that the gradual break-down of your marriage has lead to this situation HOWEVER I want to make it clear that I feel very much the same as Shy on this one. The only reason she posted first was that she lives in the US and I was in bed. Depression is not an excuse for an affair. If you really want to make this work, then I suggest getting yourself checked out physically
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/4/2008 5:39:30 PM (GMT-7)
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/4/2008 6:17:09 PM (GMT-7)
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/4/2008 7:11:36 PM (GMT-7)
Hello SearchingI am glad you went to the meeting and that you feel better. Sometimes it is just taking that step forward that gets you to feeling better. Depression, even low grade, can stop us in our tracks and decision making is impaired without a little push from someone.
Prozac from what I know of it works well for many. I am sure if you enter Prozac in the search above it will bring up members posts re their experience with the med.I do believe it can take up to 4 weeks to feel the full effect of the meds but you have already started down you road to success.Take more time for you and let the sun warm you. Make sure if you have any problems with the Prozac to call you physician.Take careKitt
I am flad that you went to the meeting and that things went well for you. Prozac (Sometimes called Fluoxetine for those of us who were brought up on the long names! lol) is an effective drug which has been around for a good number of years but because of this it has a bit of a stigma. Someone in my family was put on it and because of the stigma with her friends, she said it was fluoxetine and nobody was any the wiser. I dont know how the stigma is in the US though. The other thing you can get with Prozac is anxiety symptoms. (From mild stuff like dry mouth to more severe stuff like anxiety attacks) If this happens you need to see your doctor immediately. As for the time taken for effectiveness... you really are looking at 4-6 weeks for full effect. It is possible that you can get effects earlier, but more likely this is a psychological (perfectly normal) reaction to the drugs. If you have heard of the placebo effect, it is similar to that. You expect the drug to make things better, so you believe it is even when there is not enough of the drug to do anything. 4-6 weeks and you will be well on the road.
All the best