I need to find the will

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sadsack
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/8/2008 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been useless for the last year. I am a complete couch potato. I have recently started zoloft, which seems to make me even more tired. I beat myself up because I know I should be doing things but I am just not. When does depression become a cop out for laziness? I never used to be like this, but I just don't want to do anything anymore.

To make matters much, much, worse, 2 weeks ago my house flooded. It is winter here, so all the water that came in is frozen now. My first floor is completely covered in ice, and my crawl space is likely filled as well. The heat and electricity have been turned off, and can't be restored until we can figure out if the systems need repair. Same with the plumbing. So I am displaced for what looks like is going to be a long while.

NOW would be an excellent time for me to get up off my butt and get a job considering we now have to rent another place to live, not to mention all the extra expense making my home livable again. I know this, and I tell myself I am going to do something but then another day passes without any accomplishments.

Has anyone felt this way? I am letting myself down, everyday. sad

Getting there
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 2/8/2008 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Sadsack, welcome to HW. I have been feeling the same way for the last two and a half years. I tried 2 jobs since but quit them due to stress. I am home everyday and My finances are a mess. I began thinking.. am I lazy or not? I asked a friend who knows me well and she assured me that before getting this low with depression she admired how I was a get up and go person and how hard I used to work.

I say this to say that I completely understand why lazy would enter your mind. You are not lazy but depression makes one very unmotivated. Added to that the AD we take most times make us feel tired. I am really sorry about the flooding of your home. I bet you look at it and dont know where to start. I hope when the ice melts the damage wont be that bad.

Maybe you could try a stressfree job for maybe 2 to 3 days per week and see how it goes. Getting out really helps but its the motivation to get out that keeps us trapped. I wish you all the best and keep us posted.

GT


We are more than what we do, much more than what we accomplish, far more than what we possess.


                                       :heart: cool :heart:
Chronic depression, Panic disorder, GERD, Sciatica

Celexa 60mg qam, amitriptyline 30 mg qhs,  Xanax (alprazolam) 1mg tid, Serax 30 mg qhs Pariet 20mg bid

Percocet prn
                                             



sadsack
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/8/2008 2:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the kind reply GT. I am really hoping I am able to secure a part time job like you suggested. I am at such a road block right now because I am awkward with people sometimes, and I am afraid my resume is written poorly, and on and on. I keep telling myself I am going to go to a temp agency and that until I can get back into my real career, but I keep not doing it...it doesn't make any sense, but that is me for you.

Ahhh well. I moved to a busy downtown area while I am waiting to see what can be done about my home, so I am seeing a lot more people and that is good. I went for a long walk after I posted earlier and that felt good. I want to find a good therapist to talk to but that is too expensive right now, so I appreciate the opportunity to vent a little here.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/8/2008 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sad,

Welcome to Healing Well and remember you come here whenever you need to vent or just talk.  There is a wonderful group of very understanding people here that are very good listeners.

I agree with Getting There, first of all you are not a lazy person, this is just a part of the depression.  So please don't beat yourself up over not being motivated.  What you just had happen to your home is terrible and I also hope that when it thaws out that the damage is minimal.

Getting out and walking is a really good start to healing.  And who knows, you might find a job while you are out.  You never can tell, anyway it is good for you and it makes your opportunities much better.

This is such a hard time of the year right now.  It is gloomy and the excitement of the holidays is over.  I think we are all getting a little cabin fever in anticipation of springtime weather.  I know that I am experiencing that right now.  I really think that the forum keeps me going and I hope that it helps for you too.  So feel free to jump in at any time.  Hopefully we can help you with advise and I am sure that you can help others too.

Hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 2/8/2008 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell.

Its important to make yourself little goals to achieve each day or week. Thinking about you getting a job, one goal might be to buy a newspaper and find 5 jobs you could apply for. (Assuming your jobs are advertised in the paper like they are here in the UK). Then make a goal to apply for at least 5 jobs per week. Slowly build yourself up to getting interviews etc... Try not to think of it as: "Oh my god, I have to find some more money from somewhere. I have to get a job really soon" Break it down into 'baby steps' and you will get on much better. Think of it like this: Which is easier... eating a whole steak in one mouthful or cutting it into little bits and chewing it one bit at a time?

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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Getting there
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 2/8/2008 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Sad

you are most welcomed. I re read your first paragraph and that is so me. I have a couple friends but they are not close by but I talk with them on the phone. If it was not for their constant reminder that D you were so up and up I would believe the lie that I am lazy and push myself further down. What made it worst is that I have a 22 yrold....moved on his own last summer.......that kept telling me how lazy and weak I was and that nothing was wrong with me. He was born to a mother who was teaching at the time and he always saw me being able to make ends meet. I dont know if that is his way of dealing with my situation or he is just plain mean.

I now live alone with my 13 yrold daughter and I had one of my counsellor speak to her. The feedback was she understood I was ill and was not being lazy. She helps with cooking and does what she can to help. Maybe girls are different. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I tried a job at a call centre but it was too stressful. I did alot of my job search online so you could try that.

It must be different living downtown. That should help too because you get to see people. I wish you all the best and keep venting if you have to.

GT


We are more than what we do, much more than what we accomplish, far more than what we possess.


                                       :heart: cool :heart:
Chronic depression, Panic disorder, GERD, Sciatica

Celexa 60mg qam, amitriptyline 30 mg qhs,  Xanax (alprazolam) 1mg tid, Serax 30 mg qhs Pariet 20mg bid

Percocet prn
                                             



CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 2/9/2008 11:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Sadsack:  I am so sorry to hear about everything that is happening in your life right now.  Dealing with depression is enough of a life changing event in itself.  Now you have another tragic event in your life.  Saying you must be "overwhelmed" probably doesn't even come close what you must be feeling.

I too have been dealing with this debilitating illness for many, many years now.  I have friends from college (almost 20 years ago) and coworkers from when I worked about 10-12 years ago and they all remember me as a very self-motivated person who did anything and everything to get work and problems solved.  No matter what got tossed at me, I handled it.  I"m getting the impression that you were the same.

Thinking about everything you have in your plate now and comparing who you are now to the way you were before - to get things done, is probably making your stress level go sky high.  Which in turn is going to make you even more depressed and even more angry with yourself.  This is all a vicious circle where your valuable energy is being drained and making your depression so much worse.

Everyone here is right.  Start with a part-time job for now.  Perhaps if you could do something of benefit for others you might also feel better about yourself too.  No matter how hard it is getting out it certainly is worth it when you get there and get going.  Take baby steps!  And don't keep comparing yourself to before.  You need to give your body a chance to heal gradually. Also, perhaps this is your body's way of saying it was overworked before. Think of it as a "broken leg".  You have to listen to your body and give it some time.

Okay...enough lecturing here.  My thoughts and prayers will be with you and I hope somehow that everything works out with your house.  I hope you keep posting.  Everyone here is so caring and helpful.  It truly helps to come post on your own and to be there and support others.

((hugs))

Cass

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