Finished with Depressed wife

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chico41
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 2/9/2008 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been on here numerous times.  My wife has been fighting depression for sometime.  She was in the hospital in July for 4 weeks.  She thinks i am the reason she is depressed.  But i know better.  She is just misserable in her own body.  And it is bring me down.  We have only been married 4 yrs in July.   We had an arguement today, about me standing on a rug with snowy shoes.  Then she got mad at me last night for Locking her out of the house.  It was not me that left the house last.  We have a dead bolt and a regular lock.  The regular lock we never lock.  We have a key for the deadbold outside hidden but not the regular lock.  the regular lock is the the one she could not get into.  So she called me at work and i called a locksmith.  It was very cold last night -35 with windchille.  The lock smith came up and could not get it unlocked.  evedentially i put the knob uspside down.  OPPS.  and he could not pick it.  so they broke the handle.  She calls me up and yells at me for not having a key outside. like i said before we never lock it. 
     So i told her today if she is not happy her with me, we she hang it up.  She is not the sole bread maker in our house.  So i told her i would help her.  You know what they say.  Missery Like Comfort.  and i chose not to be that way. i know she does not choose that either.  I love her but not all the BS that comes with the disease.   we fight over small things all the time, either me not putting the dishes away or me not doing what ever.  it goes on and on.    We have been to numerous marriage counselors.  They say, we need to do things together and i need to communicate.  pretty hard to communicate and do things when someone sees nothing but faults in me.   i have written a few other forums.  so feel free to read them.   frustrated Husband. 
 

katy_33
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 2/9/2008 10:36 PM (GMT -7)   
hi chico,
i feel lost too as my husband is finding faults and fighting over trivial things ,and moreover thinks i am planning something against him but i ignore and blame his disease (BP)WHICH is not right i know ,but partners need to know how much is too much,i am a lost soul like you but hope keeps me alive,keep smiling and hope for best ,have a heart to heart talk with her and surprise her with some goodies ,see if it works..
good luck
keep posting
hugs
katy
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Gustave Flaubert


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/10/2008 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chico

Has she gotten on meds yet? Or started with therapy?
I know it is so hard to deal with this kind of thing...

It really sounds like she needs some help and I hope she can be convinced to get it.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 2/10/2008 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chico~
I am sorry to hear that things have not gone well for you and your wife.  It makes me sad that depresion has once again destroyed a union that may have been God's purpose.  The other thing I guess what saddens me is the way her depression is visible.  I know that many people that suffer from depression handle life similar to what your wife has and I truthfully cannot say that my depression has ever presented itself that way.
 
I talked with my counselor last week and I asked her why my actions hurt other people.  She reminded me that I have an axisII personality disorder and this is ignited when I feel threatened or intacipating a major loss which then goes into defense mode.  I asked her why I wasnt like that when I was with my boyfriend and she stated that in my mind's eye, down deep inside, I never questioned his loyalty therefore my mind did not flood with those thoughts.  Only when I feel that I m not going to lose someone or something in my life like back then will I be able to feel secure like I did then.  I wonder if any of you have experienced this.
 
Chico, I am not sure to what extend your wife's depression has caused her to act out in the way she is but the most important thing is this......remember when I told you in an earlier conversation that you need to love her with every inch of your soul, BUT take care of yourself as well.
 
I dont know really at this point what to tell you, only you know the state of pain you are at.  Another important thing is that if this is not healthy for you, NEVER feel bad if you decide to go, remember this, you tried!!!!
 
You will be in my prayers
 
Teresa
 
 
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results 
 


katy_33
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 2/10/2008 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
hi teresa,
dont know much about you,but my life sucks,my husband is bp,all he does is make me feel bad and push buttons and regret---why he and me are together though its tough to deal with him everyday ,,,,oh well,,i am very depressed with all this as i feel like a lost soul as i love him.wish he knows this too before he hurts me more.
katy
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Gustave Flaubert


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/10/2008 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Chico
Sometimes it is time to go separate ways so people can heal.  I suspect all that is going on is not comfortable for your wife.  She needs help and only she can do that for herself.  I remember well your others posts so please do what you both feel is best to bring you some peace and happiness.

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 2/11/2008 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
hello,
 
its sad to hear that. im depressed myself, and i can even tell how frusterated family and friends get with me-especially over stupid little things. one thing to keep in mind though, is that you cant really control it. when depression kicks in i become really irritable and sometimes dont even realize the things i say or the way i act. it kinda takes over my mind and a lose a sense of reality for a moment.
 
i know it has to be hard to deal with, but depression really is a sickness. so many people suffer from it, treated or untreated, and those who dont honestly dont really understand what its like to deal with such a disease. its heartbreaking.
 
one thing i can suggest is definetly work on patience. it really takes being patient and open and willing to try and work on things and make them better. have you ever had a real one-on-one with your wife about her feelings and you? i think it would help. maybe she feels that you just dont understand and gets fed up herself. i say give her another chance and just have a real talk.
 
in the words of the goo goo dolls....just a chance that maybe we'll find better days....
 
theres always hope <3
-Depressed-
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Chronic Pain-
30mg Allegra daily
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/12/2008 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Chico,
I just read a post in another forum you wrote and you referred to your wife as your honey.  Perhaps the day you posted here was just a bad day?  I hope so because your other post really hit me as sincere, that you care about your "honey".
Take care.
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Obtuse1
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 2/14/2008 8:49 PM (GMT -7)   
This thread is very meaningful and brings out an aspect of depression(other chronic conditions) to which those inside of it most quickly lose sight -- that the 'designated patient' and the partner are a single entity. protons & electrons revolving around a nucleus of (enter her the condition), in a reciprocal dance where each dancer plays their part, so often without knowing it, nor without knowing why. The posts here (and my own experience) show me how an illness or chronic condition (of any kind) permeates a relationship and can (and has) savaged even the deepest truest love.

I can relate because I've been married to a woman for almost 40 years who has never sought treatment for her Borderline Personality (I think it's a variant of BiPolar -- but she won't even talk about it).. Also, even as I am aware of how I take her episodes personally each and every time (of course, I'm the direct target of them!), I still play my part, respond verbally and non-verbally almost always the same, on cue, usually with the same lines and affect. Then, when the episode passes and the girl I fell in love with returns (pretending or acting as if she didn't say all those horrible vicious things about me), we act as if nothing happened; and I never bring it up--nope, after 35+years the cycle is set and every time that I'm about to head for the door she pulls out of it and I say to myself I'll stick around, but "I'm not gonna take it anymore" (how many *#$/$ times have I said THAT?!!!). If things weren't so darned serious I'd laugh at myself, that I know this vicious meta-pattern -- even when inside it -- and cannot break free. Must be at some level I want to be treated this way????

So, when the chaos strikes -- and it's aimed at you -- think of the larger patterns. And, for the 'designated non-patient', think of what it must be like inside that chaotic swirl of {enter here his/her diagnosis) and see if you can muster some empathy (not sympathy), even a smidgen of what it's like in his/her mocassins...Not saying that's even going to help, but maybe in quieter moments afterwards it might help make some sense out of it all...ok, now I'll put away my soap box.
[2}Dx: Post Spinal Fusion chronic pain since 1984;Polyneuropathy;Meniere's Disease, Left ear deafness & severe tinnitus on both sides, Left; Intmt Anhedonic depression;
Hx,Meds: donthearishoutyou.com/blog/

Post Edited (ObtuselyOblique"OO") : 2/15/2008 9:11:45 AM (GMT-7)


chico41
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 2/16/2008 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks to you all for your responses. Well, the wife and i had another, I call it a fight, she calls it a talk. Now she is telling me that i am the one that should see a doctor and be put on meds. The only meds i need some times i think is for anxiety. I told her we either, we need a seperation or a divorice. I do not want to be myself again, but i do not want to be misserable, and walking on egg shells. Yes i am a tight wad and a bad communicator, I have no problem problems communicating with other ppl. Because i am not fighting all the time with them. Her doctor told her not to work nights. So now she is using that against me. SHe works maybe 2-3 nights a week. 12 hours shifts. she is anurse, and it is not easy to find nursing jobs here. a town of 4500, next closes town with lots of nursing jobs would be 80 miles away. Bismarck. I do not like the idea of her working and staying in bis 3-4 days a week, for the simple reason, us being apart even though we fight. she says the reason is i don't want her to work in a different town is i am affraid she will like it there. Her family lives in bismarck. no biggie to me. i just don't think it is right if you are married to be away from each other that often. Yes in the back of my mind, it would be great. PEACE.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/16/2008 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Chico,
Hi there, oh my what a tough decision for you and your wife.  Perhaps, IMHO, your wife working in Bismarck would give you some separation time and that way you could both see if it helps you.
Med Center One is an awesome hospital................my sister died there on Thanksgiving Day and if your wife is a nurse, they have a need for kind, caring and compassionate nurses. 

I am glad you recognize your anxiety and perhaps a good physical and a little med may help you to learn how to reduce your stress. It is very painful and frustrating to live with a spouse that you have disagreements with so frequently.

I am not advocating for you to divorce but a little separation time may be good and your wife could get off of the night shift.  12 nights shifts in nursing is 12 hours of pure stress.  She is up when she normally sleeps and sleeping during the day does not work for many.

Please know I care and keep posting my friend.  It is time you were able to ride free.

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 2/16/2008 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   

I am thinking that if you are ready for seperation or divorce, what would it matter if she does work far away?  It could save your marraige.  Like Kitt said, maybe the seperation would be good for both of you and it would still give you both the oppertunity for growth and time to think.  Maybe working the nights is hard on her, having her schedule all messed up.  So what would the harm be in letting her try it and see how it goes.  Plus maybe she could stay with her family and come home on her days off.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeds contempt.  It may help. 

Hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/16/2008 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hye Karen, That was great advice............that is how I was looking at it. Chico, I hope your out there and doing ok. 
Kitt

 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


chico41
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 2/18/2008 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   
the wife went to see her grand kids in the cities. i called her last night and we had a darn good talk. I told her the things that bother her i will try change, like communication and doing things together. On the other side, i also need for her to quit harping on me about small things. i told her are all them small things worth us going our seperate ways. I told her to think about it and we will talk about it again. SOON. i also told her in order for me to communicate she has to quit them small things. and for us to do things together again. Ditto on the small things. Seemed to go pretty well. Time will tell.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/19/2008 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Luck chico,I hope that things start to improve.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


njguy
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 3/22/2008 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Chico41,

Sincere wishes that your situation works out in your favor.

I'm new to this forum, i really just found it out of a desperate search ... i hate to hijack this thread, but many of you seem to have 'been there, done that' with this situation.

I just want to ask to those who have been there: how do you know when to give up trying or to give up? Is there a way to know? should one never give up?

I've been married to my wife for nearly 15 years, known her for 19 ... we have a lovely 8-year-old son ... he is the light of my life, and i love her dearly ... but my wife has been battling different cycles of the depression for nearly all of our time together.

I'll try not to ramble too long, but the depression, i think, can manifest itself in different ways - or maybe some things in life intensify it?

she has been to different doctors, on and off, and on different medications, on and over - most of the 15 years. Her father did have bipolar, and one of her two sisters has also been diagnosed and treated for depression. Her mother has also had some problems ...

my wife has postpartum depression after our son was born, was treated and seemed to be well for a few years ... but since i have known her, it's been a continuous steady cycle of steps forward, steps back -- but sometimes it's hard to tell what is just general life problems .. i also really apologize if i ramble, and i hope this makes some sense ....

long story short; she is very sensitive and caring (which i really love) but often holds thing in - i think from being mentally abused as a child by her parents and she watched them fight. but ny wife easily cries at anything, which does make discussing tough things in life even tougher ... she's had a fear of driving a car, but i did get her to drive; but her ability is limited.
as a result, that has limited her work options. She had had employment over the years, but if the company doesn't move away (a shame since see loved the job) ... there always seems to be a difficulty where she just 'has to leave.' They were switchboard, customer service jobs, so i understood. she then wanted to go to school for something entry level in the health care field ... she completed about one year of a two-year program when she suddenly stopped going. she realized she really couldn't work with the patients on a daily basis .... she didn't return to school or work for the next year, but then decided she wanted to take online courses to enter the medical billing/coding field ... things seemed to be going well for the past year, but in late jan 2008 she was injured in a car accident (no fault of her own).

we think it some sort of nerve damage which has triggered back/shoulder pain and headaches ... but she has taken a leave from school (understandable) ... but i think i feel her slipping away again ... i can just tell ... when she's not depressed her voice and face are different and she has a smile and glow to her eyes ... she's beautiful and i love her very much ... but when she is troubled, all of that goes away ... it's like she's a different person ...

so as a result, we've essentially been living on only my income for most of our marriage .. so that would explain the tension about money, which i realize all couples have ..

and couples also argue about sex ... we couldn't successfully have "relations" because she said it was painful (again, totally understandable). Flash forward to our honeymoon (day or two AFTER our wedding), when we were going to try again, but she declined and said she 'just couldn't' ... the first year of our marriage was basically living in denial of the situation ... but entering our second year, she did she a therapist and eventually we went to a marriage./sex therapist for a year. THAT was very successful and we were literally able to finally consummate our marriage two years to the day later ... '95-'99 were actually fantastic. she had a steady job, we saved up for a house, had steady sex ... (her father did pass away in this time, but she dealt well with it). she was treated for postpartum depression after our son was born, but i thought that was successfully treated. but since he has entered kindergarten, essentially, she has struggled with school and finding a steady satisfying job ...

hate to be too honest, but even after the sex/marriage counseling, she was still rather modest when it came to sex. i've always felt that i've never been able to please her in that aspect, but she said she doesn;t mind. i've always felt like i've been twisting her arm or nearly forcing her ... i've tried not initiating, but then we usually go long spans without ...

but do folks understand how it's been a mix of diagnosed depression and real-life challenges?

I can't tell any longer what is depression, side effects of depressions, remnants of unresolved childhood issues ... as a result over the years, i have become nervous, anxiety ridden and sometimes just a wreck. I never know what is going to happen next (yes, i know that's life ...) and i'm not saying i'm a saint to live with ... but i have held steady employment, done additional chores outside my job to bring in extra money ... tried to emotionally support her education efforts ....

but sometimes i just feel like crying ... i want to have regular sex w/ my wife without it seeming like i'm twisting her arm ... any sort of second income would be a help ... but if she doesn't return to school when her car accident injury heals ... which i fear she won't ... i fear i'll lose it .. (not hurt her obviously, but i think i'm gonna sit right down and cry. and i'm a big guy).

i think we've been able to shelter our son from most of the side effects, but as he gets older, he notices more ...

again, i am SO sorry for this long, rambling diatribe .. something about anonymity that makes you spill your guts ... i've typed stuff i haven't ever said to a soul .. tho i've had other friends and family members hint around the subject, but i always try to put the best spin on the situation.

I don't want this turn into a pity party for me, but ... it's been 15 years of marriage, and we had about four great years ... i hope i don't seem like i'm basing the entire marriage on money and sex, i'm really not trying to ... i don't think i ever openly throw it up to her face ... and i've remained totally faithful, never once thought of straying, leaving, cheating ... but i have to admit, i'm terribly frustrated when i see friends with wives who are more aggressive and have carved a more independent path in the world; they work, they drive, they have multiple children so they must have sex ...

i really don't want to appear as the evil monster husband (guess i have ... ) but ... i don't know what to do any longer ...

is there a way to know when something is beyond repair? in our case, i fear it will just be this endless cycle ... i'm hoping it won't affect our son as he gets older, but ...

and again, sometimes i don';t know if it's just depression or difficulties in dealing with life's daily struggles ...

to anyone who has read to the end - thank you - not even sure i know what i'm asking for ... this scenario sound familiar to anyone else out there?

thank you

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 3/22/2008 9:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Njguy,

I am sorry to hear that you struggle so in your marraige.  Maybe it is time for another doctor visit for your wife and to try some new medication.  I understand your frustration, but I think things can be repaired.  You know that you love her and that there is a side of her that is happy and vibrant. 

I would not give up.  Never give up, remember for better or worse, in sickness and in health.  I think that it is time to intervene and see if you can get her to the doctor and to counseling.  Maybe you could go together to therapy and work this out.  I would hate to see fifteen years of marraige go down the hole.  To me it can be salvaged.  That is just my opinion.  I have no clue to all you go through but I can go by what I have read. 

It doesn't sound like you fight, it just sounds like she could use some help.  The abuse issues run deep and she needs counseling to get through it and get some self esteem.  The better a woman feels about herself, the sexier she feels.  If she is not feeling good, her sex drive goes down.  Sometimes just the little things help.  Let her know that she is the light of your life.  That alone will help.  Maybe get her some things to self nurture herself with.  Some lotion or bubble bath, candles.  Women need that time by themselves to feel good.  When you are depressed that is one of the first things to go.  When you quit selfnurturing, you don't feel good about yourself which leads to a loss of the sex drive. 

I really don't know what else to say except to never give up.  I hope that this helps some, I am sure there will be others coming on with some more advice.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


njguy
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 3/22/2008 10:14 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you, karen - i really do appreciate your help and advice ... i guess my long entry wasn't THAT confusing, i don't seem to have lost you!

no, we don't really fight ... not to say we don't argue ... but nothing violent or abusive ... good, or bad, thing .. is that both of our parents DID fight and hit each other and scream, throw dishes, etc ... we both vowed that we didn't want to grow up in that type of household -- aside from some raised voices, my sarcasm and her tears ... that's about as bad as it gets ...

she has struggled with her weight over the years (i don't struggle, i've always been heavy, so i'm no prize right out of the gate!) ... and i don't want this to turn into a sex thing, but ... i've been pawing her and telling her that for years ... have done the lotions, candles ... have helped her and tried to support her self-workout program: weights, all sorts of gadgets, exercise DVDs, etc .. she hasn't been able to work out since the injury and i've noticed a real decline since she has stopped working out ... but even in the best of years, after the marriage and sex counseling ... i just think her natural (?!) sex drive is low .. i know you can't believe everything you read or see on tv, but when i actually hear a woman talk about wanting and enjoying sex ... i'm almost to the point of not believing it, or it sounds like a foreign language to me ... (again, sorry to ramble) ...

she has tried various medications over the years ... most seem to trigger headaches, foggy thinking or other adverse reactions ... last march, she had been seeing one of her sister's doctors, and he increased the dosage of her medication. Long story short, she ended up passing out w/ extremely low blood pressure and was hospitalized. that was a law suite we should have pursued ... but as a result, she said she never wants to go back on medication ... sigh ...

see, i'm just so confused ... the low sex drive, inability/indecision on careers/schooling ... i don't even know if it is linked to depression or something else? all those things are really just real-life challenges?

but between you and me, i think there are unresolved childhood issues, most likely physical abuse. I believe her sister alleges her mom hit her, but my wife has no recollection.

>>>>Never give up, remember for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

yes i know ... and believe me, i am trying ... but i am hiding behind this anonymity to vent, i guess (no other person on the planet knows these thoughts, i guess except you and whoever else reads this..)

i am afraid to go to joint counseling again, because i really feel that one more thing ... dropping out of school, another month or so w/o sex, failure to get a job ... i just feel like i'm going to throw up my hands in disgust.

i obviously don't want a divorce or to harm my son, but ... on the jealous, selfish side ... i'm just so bloody sick of trying to be the strong understanding husband (gosh, i'm so ashamed to type that, but i admit - sometimes i think it) ...

then i find all that I wanna do is eat more, drink more, seclude myself .. away from her ... sometimes it's like lliving with a platonic relative or a roommate you have a crush on that you kiss and playfully swipe at (the normal extent of our love life, all with promises of "more ... soon")

i also have to sound like a ... 'randy' selfish husband, but ... well, a guy does have needs .... i thought waiting 2 years to consummate our marriage was actually quite patient .. i hate to say it, but my patience is wearing thin ...

but deep down, i'm a wimp and will probably just suck it up and continue on, like i have ... one this confession passes ....

i don't know if i'm asking for help or advice ... or just asking if anyone else has been in a similar situation with a spouse -- and what did they do?

again - sorry for rambling and i do appreciate your compassion and concern ... thank you!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 3/22/2008 10:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't feel bad and your not rambling. I am sure that someone will come on who has been through this.

Just keep coming here to vent, it does help to put it down, or let it out I should say. I hope that you wife can feel better about herself to the point of taking care of you as you need.

You have been very patient and I think just getting this out will help you. Your wife was probably put on the wrong medication. Maybe if you explain that there are so many different anti depressants out there, she might be able to try something else.

Either way I wish you the best. I hope that things get better for you. Be patient with getting replies. This is a holiday weekend so it may take a day or so to find somebody who understands just what you are going through. So just keep checking the forum.

I forgot to welcome you. WELCOME to the healing well depression forum. You might even want to start your own thread to make sure to get replies, but usually somebody will check it even if it has been bumped up from an older post.

I wish you and your family a wonderful Easter.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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