ChicoSometimes it is time to go separate ways so people can heal. I suspect all that is going on is not comfortable for your wife. She needs help and only she can do that for herself. I remember well your others posts so please do what you both feel is best to bring you some peace and happiness.
Chico,I just read a post in another forum you wrote and you referred to your wife as your honey. Perhaps the day you posted here was just a bad day? I hope so because your other post really hit me as sincere, that you care about your "honey".Take care.Kitt
Post Edited (ObtuselyOblique"OO") : 2/15/2008 9:11:45 AM (GMT-7)
Chico,Hi there, oh my what a tough decision for you and your wife. Perhaps, IMHO, your wife working in Bismarck would give you some separation time and that way you could both see if it helps you.Med Center One is an awesome hospital................my sister died there on Thanksgiving Day and if your wife is a nurse, they have a need for kind, caring and compassionate nurses.
I am glad you recognize your anxiety and perhaps a good physical and a little med may help you to learn how to reduce your stress. It is very painful and frustrating to live with a spouse that you have disagreements with so frequently. I am not advocating for you to divorce but a little separation time may be good and your wife could get off of the night shift. 12 nights shifts in nursing is 12 hours of pure stress. She is up when she normally sleeps and sleeping during the day does not work for many.
Please know I care and keep posting my friend. It is time you were able to ride free.
I am thinking that if you are ready for seperation or divorce, what would it matter if she does work far away? It could save your marraige. Like Kitt said, maybe the seperation would be good for both of you and it would still give you both the oppertunity for growth and time to think. Maybe working the nights is hard on her, having her schedule all messed up. So what would the harm be in letting her try it and see how it goes. Plus maybe she could stay with her family and come home on her days off. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeds contempt. It may help.
I am sorry to hear that you struggle so in your marraige. Maybe it is time for another doctor visit for your wife and to try some new medication. I understand your frustration, but I think things can be repaired. You know that you love her and that there is a side of her that is happy and vibrant.
I would not give up. Never give up, remember for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I think that it is time to intervene and see if you can get her to the doctor and to counseling. Maybe you could go together to therapy and work this out. I would hate to see fifteen years of marraige go down the hole. To me it can be salvaged. That is just my opinion. I have no clue to all you go through but I can go by what I have read.
It doesn't sound like you fight, it just sounds like she could use some help. The abuse issues run deep and she needs counseling to get through it and get some self esteem. The better a woman feels about herself, the sexier she feels. If she is not feeling good, her sex drive goes down. Sometimes just the little things help. Let her know that she is the light of your life. That alone will help. Maybe get her some things to self nurture herself with. Some lotion or bubble bath, candles. Women need that time by themselves to feel good. When you are depressed that is one of the first things to go. When you quit selfnurturing, you don't feel good about yourself which leads to a loss of the sex drive.
I really don't know what else to say except to never give up. I hope that this helps some, I am sure there will be others coming on with some more advice.