just want my friends...

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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/17/2008 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone.
   For those of you who don't know my story. I have a Bio degree (BS in Biology). I just recently turned 23. I went to grad school for one semester but failed 1 of my 10 classes :-( and was not able to continue with the year. I do have the oppurtunity to come back end of July though but I have to repeat the entire yr due to school rules..(even have to take the classes I passed again). I'm at home now with my parents. I am working out almost every day and taking the course I failed at a community college to better prepare myself for when I go back to grad school. All I do is work out and take this class..that's my life. I'm really sad. My parents won't let me tell my friends here that I'm home. They say if I tell them, and fail again, it will be embarassing. They won't let me go out much for fear of seeing people we know. My only friends who know I'm home are my friends from undergrad (who are only a 2 and a half hr drive from home), and obviously friends from grad school in Florida. I'm in Ohio with 2 friends in town but I'm not allowed to say I'm here. I have no social life. My parents won't let me go for a weekend to see my girlfriends at my undergrad university because my ex-bf is still there and they don't like him. I don't talk to my ex-bf anymore eventhough I miss him, he said he "doesn't want to talk to me for 5 yrs." because I got "crazy one night by calling him too much" when I was depressed. I just wanted to talk to him because he always used to help me and talk tome when I was sad, but he doesn't want to anymore. He doesn't want to be my friend anymore. We haven't spoken since beginning of December. I don't get what the big deal is to go to the undergrad university to see my friends. I miss hanging out with friends. I'm also sad about the abortion I had 3 weeks ago. My body is a wreck with mood swings. Since I was pregnant, I've been getting like 10 hrs of sleep every night. I just want to be able to hang out with a friend but my parents won't let me :-( What should I do? I want to move out to FL til school starts, but I know once I get a job it won't be enough to pay for rent. :-( I have to wait til end of April to tell my friends here I'm home and it seems so far away :-(

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 2/17/2008 2:59:19 PM (GMT-7)


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/17/2008 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Madison!

        I tried sitting them down but they don't listen to me :-( I told my friends at my undergrad university I'm here, and they're fine with that. I don't know what to do except wait til April when I can tell my friends here I'm home.

       Congrats on having a baby Madison  :-) Every day I think about what I did to the baby. But the father was not my boyfriend. He was a hot personal trainer I met in FL. We went out a few times, and I thought he cared about me. Turns out I was wrong. I found out from his ex-bestfriend he got another girl pregnant too. She had an abortion too and doesn't talk to him.I found out he's a player and doesn't wear a condom when he has sex. I was on the pill, but still got pregnant. I also got tested and I'm clean.  Thank God. Also, my parents would have kicked me out if I had the baby. But I do believe God is caring for him/her in heaven. The medical abortion didn't work when I was 7 weeks. So then I had the surgical under anesthesia. I was 3 months when I found out the medical abortion didn't work at my followup apointment. Its due date would have been 08.08.08 and every day on the anniversary I will pray to God to watch my baby. I hope God forgives me. Thanks for your support Madison.



TeNNiSd0C09
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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/17/2008 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand that you cant support yourself. And forgive me, but arent you old enough and mature enough to decide who you see and talk too? I mean, how can your parents run your life. You are a very smart person and you should be the one living your life, not your parents. I am very sorry about what you are in and what you have gone through, but I think you deserve to be living your own life. I know you dont want to go against your parents, but they seem to be running your life and they need to let go. I wish there were something you could do to see your friends. I am sure you have thought about leaving, but I am assuming your parents would be upset with that. I know you have gone through some very hard times with your baby. I am deeply sorry for that, but I think you deserve to be happy. You deserve to live life to the fullest and see your friends. You shouldnt be held captive by your parents. I am sorry about your situation and I hope you can figure out a way to see your friends. You deserve it! Take care of yourself.

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/18/2008 12:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Confused....you are about the same age as my daughter, she will be 23 in 3 months, and I could not imagine holding money over her head to get her to do what I want her to do. She was pregnant at 19, delivered when she was 20. I could hear her now if I would have ever tried telling her she can't talk to her friends!!!! Oh my, the fit she would have!!!

You NEED your friends for support. Are you able to still go to the therapist? If you can still go, talk to your therapist about what they are doing and see if he/she has a suggestion. It just isn't right...not even being able to CALL your friends and you so desperately need them. I hope it at least makes you feel better that all of us here are on your side and think your parents are way out of line in controlling you/your actions/your life so much.

Now, this is just what I would do (I'm not telling you to do the same).... I would find a way to contact my friends who are nearby and let them in on the secret, that I am are home but aren't allowed to let anybody know for a few months.... If I knew my friends, they would figure out a way we could hang out for a few hours somewhere or even just email/IM until April.

I just cannot tell you how sorry I am that your parents treat you like this. I hope that someday you will be able to stand up for yourself against them, but they seem like they will always try to hold something over your head....So you may have to decide you need your freedom more than whatever it is they hold over you next.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/18/2008 5:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Confused

I do think that even though they are making you feel like this,they obviously love you and are trying their best to get you through all of this.. I know that them being so over protective of you is driving you crazy.

Take things one day at a time,try to keep talking to them..maybe something will make them realize that you are going to be ok.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/18/2008 7:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi. Thanks everyone. I was sad last night. I don't know what came over me, but I tried contacting my ex-bf from my sister's screen name (since he has mine blocked). I was trying to talk to him for about 2 hours and he would just respond with mean statements. Like I told him if I give you space for awhile can we talk maybe a few times a yr? And he said no and that he never wants to talk to me again. He said I was crazy because I used to call him alot when he told me to give him space. The only reason I called him alot was because I missed him, but he thought I was crazy. I paid so much money for him to come to FL. We had so much fun in FL. We talked for 2 months after but then one night I got really depressed and called him alot to try to talk to him but he wasn't getting his phone. After that he told me he never wanted to talk to me again. I tried calling him last night too many times to see if maybe one day we can talk again but he never answered. I'm thinking about calling his mom to tell her about the situation but I'm scared. I don't know what to do, whenever he calls me crazy that's how I fell. And I know I'm not crazy.

confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/18/2008 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. I won't contact him. But I really want to talk to his mom about this.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/18/2008 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Why do you feel you want to talk to his Mom, I am not judging, I just want to know what your goal is there...
Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/18/2008 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I wanted to talk to his mom in hopes of her talking to him about this and convincing him to talk to me again. Because I'm really not crazy. I know he's really close with his mom. Do you guys think it would just make things worse if I talk to her?


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/18/2008 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I just really want him to talk to me again. And realize that I'm not crazy. He said I was "too volatile for his tastes." And he fell in love with me "when I wasn't crazy."

confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/18/2008 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I just want to be friends with him again. That's why I want to talk to him again. I miss him. His mom knows I spent 260 dollars for him to come see me in FL and she got mad at him that he didn't pay. She wanted to talk to me on the phone to say thank you to me but he wouldn't let her talk to me! :-( I just wanted to talk to her to tell her what's going on because she has no clue he's treating me like this at all.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 2/18/2008 9:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confused,

Do you think that it is possible that you need to study something different in school?  You said that your grades were bad and that you have to re do the whole year.  Maybe this isn't your calling.  Is there something else that interests you? 

Honey, you are 23 years old.  Maybe you should get a job and find a place of your own.  You would have a life then without someone holding material things over your head all of the time.  It sounds like it is time for you to cut the pursestrings and get out on your own.  Until you do, I don't think it is possible for you to be happy.  Give the guy his space, if he doesn't want to see you anymore, so be it.  There are a lot of other nice guys out there for you to meet.  It might have something to do with you hooking up with the internet guy.

Something to think about.

I am sorry that you are so unhappy.

hugs,

Karen

I just reread your post and notice you only had trouble with one class, I can see where you would want to make it right, so disregard what I said about changing majors.  I wish you the best and hope that soon you will be able to get out on your own.  You deserve to have the freedom that your peers have, but this is your choice.  I hope that you feel better soon.

fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 2/18/2008 9:45:58 AM (GMT-7)


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/18/2008 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks BabyTiger 22 you did help alot. I miss him so much. I decided I will not tell his mom what happened. Do you think if I don't talk to him for say, 6 months, he'll talk to me again? (Eventhough he said he'll never talk to me again?) My therapist today said he was abusive and still is. He also said it's not healthy for me to be isolated and not be allowed to see friends here. He does not think I'm crazy, just depressed and still obsessed with my ex. What should I do about seeing friends here/telling them I'm home? Also, how can I have a higher self esteem? I feel so worthless because last night my ex said his life is better without me, and that I was crazy and "too volatile for his interests." :-(

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 2/18/2008 3:37:08 PM (GMT-7)


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/18/2008 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
confusedgirl,
Please stop investing any part of you in someone who refuses to care for it. Would you want anyone you cared about treated like you are being treated? Avoid him like the black plague!!! I agree with your therapist I think he is very unhealthy for you. What is your goal in talking to him or his Mom? I do not think that you will get a good response. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off of him, because you are better of with someone who really cares about you. I think seeing other friends is a great idea, just tell them you can't talk about it right now and that you need them to respect that. Self esteem comes from within, so perhaps doing something you enjoy and gets you in the zone would be a good thing (i.e. exercise, painting, anything to get you out of the house and moving in a possitive direction). Please stop contacting him (I do not want to see you have any more pain from him), because all he seems to do is hurt you. Sweetie, your life will be better without him!
Navy
Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/18/2008 4:45:55 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/18/2008 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Confused,

Hi there, this  is Kitt and I am so sorry you are in a bad place right now. I believe your parents love you too and would I be right in guessing that they are supporting you right now?  They may be trying to protect you from anymore pain and your ex-boyfriend has made his stand. I am so sorry as I know it hurts but you will not be able to make him do what you would like him to do.
I am not judging you but I do know from my own experience that a time comes when we have to let go of someone for our own mental health. 

I hope you are still in therapy and that you are able to talk about all these feelings that you are having. 

Any chance you can just hold on any education plans for now.  That is a lot of stress and you have a BS.  You must be very proud of your degree.
Kudos to you
Kitt 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/19/2008 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the support. I tried talking to him one more time last night. And told him I saw a therapist, and I'm not crazy just depressed and still "obsessed" with him as my counselor said. And he agreed that I was still obsessed. And I asked him if we can't talk for a yr (if I don't talk to him) can we talk again one day? And he said no. That he is done with me. He wants nothing from me. And that he has given me too many chances and I don't respect him because I kept calling so much the nights I was sad eventhough he didn't want to talk. I feel like I'm the one who caused him to act like this. I even offered to have a 3some with him and someone else (something he always wanted). I said I would do ANYTHING for him to talk to me again. And it took him awhile to answer. But then he laughed and said no. That he wants nothing from me. I really feel like it's my fault. The last thing he said to me online was good luck in all my future endeavors, and he hopes I find happiness soon. Then he said online.. "tell the family I said hi hahahahaha" I don't know if that had a hidden meaning or what. He knows my family never liked him. I broke up with him 3 yrs ago because my parents convinced me I could do better. I cried alot last night after what he told me. I feel like it's my fault he's treating me like this. I have class at a community college at 11 and I really don't feel like going. I don't feel well at all. I just want to stay home and do nothing. :-( I feel like no one cares about me. I feel like my parents and him just don't care at all.

Stoma Girl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 2/19/2008 1:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie, he should be begging for YOUR friendship, not the other way round! Trust me, if he wants "nothing from you" it's only his loss, not yours! And, you should never do something you're not at least 200% happy and comfortable with (i.e. the 3some), as if you aren't secure about it it could cause a hella lotta damage with jealousy and so on, and leave you hurt and confused about whether he liked you in a sexual way or leave you feeling used and generally, cr*p. Which really doesn't help.

Sorry to say this and don't take offence, but this bloke sounds like a complete waste of time for someone so intelligent as you. I mean, he agreed that you're obsessed with him, and made you wait for an answer about the 3some.. doesn't smack of respect for you, or anyone as proved by the comment about saying hi to your family.. And from what you said he seems a bit obsessed with himself as well.. perhaps HE needs the therapist?!

And your family does care about you, doesn't the fact that they wanted you to do well help that? And if he doesn't care about you, well, it should be no great loss to you!

As for the friend thing, why not use the internet to talk to them if possible? If not actually go and see them, perhaps without your parents knowing so your friends can see you're alive :P and set about a rescue mission! OR at least, an enlightening-the-parents mission.

Hope all this may have helped, and I hope I didn't offend you by calling your ex a prat.

Mary x x x x x x x x x
Never Give Up, Never Surrender!
 
.. Stoma Girl ..
.. Ileostomy following Crohn's Disease, 2007 ..
.. Meds? Tried 'em all! ..
.. Time between diagnosis and operation - one year ..
.. But HAPPY! ..


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/19/2008 2:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Go to class you need to be around other people and focus on other stuff. Please stop talking with him. You do not want to be that girl that begs anyone anymore. It is embarrassing and humilitating and the only thing it does is steal more of your self esteem. Please do not take this the wrong way but it could be called stalking if you continue...
Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/19/2008 3:08:52 PM (GMT-7)


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/19/2008 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the support. I have stopped contacting him. I'm sick of crying after talking to him. I just hope one day he talks to me again and respects me. I didn't go out of the house at all today. I am not in the mood to do anything.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/19/2008 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I know you are in alot of pain, and I am very proud of you for not contacting him. I hope you find a way to get out of the house it will help. I have a goal for you to do. I do not care how you do it, but please do it. Talk to someone outside you house every day. I do not care if it is the coffee waitress at the local coffee place, or the librarian. Just say Hi, how are you? Expect nothing in return, but talk with someone please...
Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/19/2008 9:19:20 PM (GMT-7)


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/19/2008 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok. I will talk to someone every day. Why do you want me to do this? How will it help?

Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/19/2008 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Confused
This whole talk to a person a day will help you build your confidence and self-esteem. Right now it has got to be at an all-time low or you wouldn't have asked this guy for a 3some to get him to pay attention to you. You would have felt even worse if he said yes because then you would question why. Your parents are strict, but they DO love you, I have no doubt about that. But, judging from your history of sex with the trainer, recent procedure, and events with the ex, it is your self-esteem that has taken a big hit. Never know, that guy you say hi to in line at the grocery store or on campus could be the new guy.....but, don't let it become sexual so fast. That is another promise you can make to yourself, the next guy you have a true interest in, it won't be about sex for a certain amount of time (how long you will decide, but 2 months sounds like a start)...and then it won't be without protection.

Luv ya, sweetie. It's time to take care of you because you are just being torn down from all angles right now. You really do need your friends. So, if your parents won't allow you to tell them, then make new ones!
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 2/19/2008 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confused,

It sounds like you are getting a whole lot of good advice here.  This could be the beginning of a new life for you. 

I hope that you take this advice and run with it.  You are a wondrerful person and I hope you can realize that.

Good luck to you with your new beginning, today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Luv and hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 2/19/2008 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone. I will try to talk to someone every day. Do you really think my ex-bf is abusive? I feel like I'm the reason he doesn't want me anymore because I kept calling so much.

katy_33
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 2/19/2008 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
hi confused,


You can talk to me everyday here,if you really know this guy then you should know even if you call much he should not take you for granted .We all have needs and wants .Looks like he doesn't care .i am having a hard time myself now a days with my man.

men are tricky,you show interest --they think you are too available,if you give him space --he will think you don' t care anymore.
IF HE CLEARLY TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL --DONT CALL.

stick to what rudeness he gave you and show him you are woman of respect and love.
i know its lots of emotional turmoil but you need to teach him lesson some time sooner is better so leave him alone for good.

hugs
katy
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Gustave Flaubert

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