toughest anwswer

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scotty066
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 2/18/2008 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
ive been asking my self over the last few days if my x were to ask if i would take her back. its so hard. idk what i would say. i still love her so much i worry about how she is doing i think that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. but if i were to take her back how would i know that she wont rip my heart out again.

Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/18/2008 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
That is exactly right, you wouldn't know. People tell you who they are by their actions, and she told you loud and clear.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 2/18/2008 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Moch~
I have to disagree with you on this.  It is true that actions speak louder than words by from my own personal experience, when you finally are secure in yourself and the other person, it can happen!!  We truly give the one that loves us most the most hurt when we dont feel secure with ourselves, that is no excuse just the pure truth.
 
Yes there are truly people that will never change and after several failed attempts to make amends, we still make mistakes.  I have been that person that had to learn the hard way that being insecure and not trustworthy of anyone is the loneliest and agonizing thing in the world.  It is exactly like the boy who cried wolf you know.
 
I dont know the circumstances of your relationship Scott but I do know this, if you love this woman and cant see life without her, dig down in both of your minds and figure out why her actions are such, I have found that thinking I am in it alone made me even more insecure.
 
I know that it is hard to trust after so many hurtful events and the only advice i can give you is this.......The feeling of security is so important.  For me, when I had security in my relationship, I could do no wrong, it is all about security for most women.
 
Good luck and fight til the bitter end if you have to.
Teresa
 
Of all the moments in my life, you were always there somewhere. Once as a wish. Once as a blessing. And now as the greatest loss I'll ever experience."
Unknown
 
 
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results 
 
 " Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."
English proverb
 
 If I could have one wish, it would just be this, I could take you to my soul and show you all the love there is."
Chely Wright
 


MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/18/2008 6:56 PM (GMT -7)   
give it time...past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

doubt means don't...
Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/19/2008 6:49:30 AM (GMT-7)


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 2/19/2008 3:59 AM (GMT -7)   

I suppose in my mind, if you have to think about it then the true answer is "No, I wont have you back" because unless you 100% sure (Which doesnt require thought) you will always have doubts which can then upset the apple-cart again. Personally, I would not focus so intensely on something that might / might not happen. Try to move forward with certainties.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/19/2008 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotty

Do not put yourself into another situation where you are not happy.. you are finally getting better and that is the last thing you need.
You deserve to be with someone that loves you as much as you do them,and treats you right...

I really think that if you did that,then it would be two steps forward and 10 steps back.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 2/19/2008 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to tell you guys that I am really sad to see so many negative posts about this relationship.  I will speak for the person that has hurt someone that means the world to me so I guess you could say I will put myself into the place of the person that seems to be the bad guy.
 
First I want to say that yes I am the bad guy in this situation and do I regret it? MORE THAN ANYONE COULD EVER KNOW!!  I am almost convinced that he is gone from my life forever as I have told myself that he will never trust me or our relationship again.  I made so many STUPID mistakes that werent losing him over.
 
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is my faith that keeps my heart open to the posibilities of a future with this man.  And yes he is right to feel as he does like so many other people but what you have to understand is that losing someone you know that you hurt makes you want to try so much harder, do I deserve it?  Absolutely not because of what has transpired between us.
 
 
It is my illness that has helped tear this relationship apart.
 
Most of you know me  and the plight that I have taken to reconcile with this man.  All I have is my word and my heart which are both broken right now.  I am the bad guy here but it woild kill me to think that you all felt that way about me.
 
You know how sorry I am and that I would do anything to remedy what has happened but all I have now are the days alone to think about what I did, it is pure torture, trust me.
 
As I said in my previous post, I do not know the extent of the relationship here in question but if she is trying and is true to her heart, then she deserves a chance, don't destroy yourself mentally to fix this but although your head may say one thing, your heart and soul may have a totally different opinion.
 
One of the meanings of faith is:
"FAITH IS BEING SURE OF WHAT YOU HOPE FOR AND CERTAIN OF THINGS YOU CANNOT SEE"
Hebrews 11:1
 
"We are made strong by difficulties we face not evade.
 
Teresa
 
Of all the moments in my life, you were always there somewhere. Once as a wish. Once as a blessing. And now as the greatest loss I'll ever experience."
Unknown
 
 
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results 
 
 " Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."
English proverb
 
 If I could have one wish, it would just be this, I could take you to my soul and show you all the love there is."
Chely Wright
 


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/19/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Teresa, I understand your point; however, she is not attempting to get him back. She left him for another man and left him high and dry. He is just asking himself this question to see where he stands mentally with the relationship, she hasn't asked for him back. She hasn't rehabilitated or questioned herself, as you have done. So, in actuality your situations are very different.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 2/19/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  Moch~
I know that you are right.  I guess I am just so passionate about my plight that I think everyone is trying as hard as I am to grow and understand what I did wrong.
 
I guess I just think that there is hope for others when I know how true I am to getting myself back as a person.
 
Some people dont want to get their relationship back, I forget about that. :)
Teresa
 
Of all the moments in my life, you were always there somewhere. Once as a wish. Once as a blessing. And now as the greatest loss I'll ever experience."
Unknown
 
 
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results 
 
 " Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."
English proverb
 
 If I could have one wish, it would just be this, I could take you to my soul and show you all the love there is."
Chely Wright
 


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/19/2008 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Teresa-I can tell how passionate you are about him, you articulate it so well (I think you should do some writing about your journey). Scotty's young lady is just that, young, and doing reckless things and not thinking about others' feelings. Many of us have been down that road, but looking into oneself doesn't happen until later, maybe then she will be sorry about how she has treated him, but right now she is being selfish. I guess being selfish is okay sometimes, but not when it comes at a cost to others.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 2/19/2008 10:01 PM (GMT -7)   
like mochiah said, you wont know. but one things important-trust your heart and if you feel its right...take a risk. dont be afraid to take a risk....
-Depressed-
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Chronic Pain-
30mg Allegra daily
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


scotty066
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 2/22/2008 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   
im taking it one day at a time its so hard to get over someone who u love some much and care so much about. i still think of her everyday many times sad
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