You have come to a good place. Everybody is understanding here and very kind. I am so sorry for your losses. The sad thing is the feeling of loss. But I feel that these people watch over us forever. And they are in our hearts and all of the good memories that we have about them. I guess that I feel death is a part of life and they aren't leaving us but going somewhere else. I don't know what your beliefs are so I am kind of stepping out on a limb. Maybe you need to let it out and have a good cleansing cry. That often helps me. You know if you play his song, that it will happen so if you think that you need that release go for it.
Other than that all I can say is to share your feelings, either through counseling, or through here. You can talk all you need and there will always be somebody listening.
I wish you well, keep posting.
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies