I too want to welcome you to the forum! 30 years is a long time... I can only imagine how hard it must be. It has only been about 4 months since your husband died and it will probably take longer than that to fully grieve. Moving to VA (Virginia?) might be nice for you, so you can make a new start with your son and his wife. I would also give your AD's another few weeks to kick in. I really hope that you continue to chat with us.
Hi there Patrick,
Its nice to see that you obviously care about your mum. Hopefully, with each others support, you can both get over this hurdle. Grief is a very personal experience and hence what works for one person, may not work for others. However, if I was going to advise anything it would be to return to normality one step at a time. My grandma lost her husband (I cant remember how many years they were married but it was a long time) 3 years ago and still struggles sometimes. Take small steps towards normality such as shopping by yourself etc... I think a 30 year marriage will take a long time to come to terms with. I hope that makes sense to both you and Valerie
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 2/27/2008 7:42:58 AM (GMT-7)
Unfortunately it hasn't gotten much better for my Mom. She seems to be sleeping a little better lately; however, she still is having "melt-downs" while at work and at home. Her and I talk every night on the phone and I am running out of ideas of how to help her. I am 3.5 hours away from her with a full time job, wife, and a mortgage to worry about so I am unable to be with her except for the weekends. I feel like we are having the same conversations every night and its not helping. I assure her that everything will work out but she cannot "see" it happening. We both know that time is the only thing that will heal her, but I dont' know how much more she can handle. Since my fathers passing (October 20th) she has had a total of 2 days that she felt "a little better", every other day has been progressively getting worse. I really hope that the new anti-depressant meds will kick in soon and help (it has been about a week). We are just really at a stand still right now, I am running out of things to say to her to help this along and it scares the hell out of me. I feel helpless, all I can do is sit here and hear/watch her just go deeper and deeper.
As always thanks for all of the support. I am not sure if my Mom will be posting again, but I will try to keep everyone posted if any changes occur, and if anyone has any suggestions I am willing to listen. Keep in mind though that she lives literally in the middle of nowhere. She doesn't have anyone that is close enough to come and see her during the week, and I am only able to visit on the weekends until she moves back to Richmond.
Hi there Soninemotion,
I know you probably feel like you are sounding repetative, but just keep telling her over and over. Because I have a feeling this is what is keeping her going. Though in our heads we feel like we are repeating things and it isn't helping, it really is. I have faith that your mom will be doing better soon. Though the process seems so slow. It is so obvious how much you care about your mom. She is very fortunate to have your support. And it sounds like you are a huge blessing to her.
Good luck, you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.
It can be very hard when you lose your soulmate. You are comiing to the anniversary date and it can really be saddening. So just go with it. Everybody grieves differently. And it can take a long time. Just let it out, that is healthy and cleansing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. You will be okay, this is normal.
Luv and hugs,
As people have already said... people grieve in different ways and there is no shame in sheding(sp) a tear or two. Perhaps you can mark the occasion and remember the good times that you have shared together. When my grandad died, I planted a rose bush with white roses. Because I am at uni a lot of the time (away from home) my mum (it was her dad) makes sure he always gets the first rose that comes (It ties in with his anniversary). And we know if he's been good because the roses keep coming until his birthday (Which is usually the last). Neither me or my mum know about losing a spouse, but I imagine it is similar to losing a close family member. I hope you manage to get through this. Im sure your husband would want you to.