I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

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faithfully4you
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   Posted 3/8/2008 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I wrote a post about an hour ago and of course this stupid computer erased the whole thing, this has been a day that i will be glad when it is over,  we are getting the storm of the century and I am snowed in.  I feel so isolated and helpless.  I was sitting here with my kitten Vegas watching a couple in a truck doing barrotes i think they are called i could see them laughing and then they got out and did something to the tires, i guess they were putting it back in 4wheel, i dont know any they started throwing snow at each other and he chased and they fell down in the snow laughing, i sat here and cried because i knew how they felt, i remember times spend all cozy under a blanket eating fudgesickles even though it was freezing outside, days like today where i couldnt go anyway if i wanted to are some of the times i miss him the most.  I am so sad, if he knew i could not get out of my drive it would be taken care of that is just how was and i would never tell him this but i wish he would take care of me, i dont mean financially just knowing that he is there for me there was so much security in my mind.  There have been some things happen since I have been here that the police have been here, nothing major.
 
Another thing that is bothering me is my kitty Vegas.  She found me on the day i got out of the hospital in august. She has not left my side for one day, well she did take a little vacation for a week and i was so sad i thought we was gone and then one day there she was again, i am not a cat person but i fell in love with vegas.  Her name came from a trip to vegas that was such a wonderful surprise and something that i never experienced such as the lights and activity, she was a surprise and i wouldnt trade the days i have with her for anything, just like those days in vegas, nothing can take those memories away, both vegas's are two of the special things in my life that i will forever keep in my heart.
 
Lstely she has not been feeling well, real whiny and she lays on her side and sticks out herright leg like it is hurting her.  If she gets worse, I dont know what i will do,it would destroy me if is really sick and dies, i lost my frogs last week about this time both my frogs and fish all died by sunday,ALL of them obviously i did something wrong, if vegas would die, i dont know what i would do, just pray for her i am going to bed here in a little bit to end this terrible day.  This was a really bad day, really bad I almost felt as bad as i did in august, i screamed and yelled and cried today and asked god to help me out here i am doing the best i can.
 
Well dont forget to turn your clocks ahead tonight. 
 
I am really worried about Vegas, please keep her in your prayers

Teresa 


getting by
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   Posted 3/8/2008 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,

I am sorry that you had such a bad day. I am sorry that you lost your fish and frogs. I will say a prayer for Vegas and for you, asking the Lord to help you both to feel better.

I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you. I will be thinking about you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


MMMNAVY
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   Posted 3/8/2008 9:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,
I hope you and your kitty are feeling better. I second what Karen said.
Take Care,
Navy
Crohn's Co-moderator

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djdaz_1985
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   Posted 3/9/2008 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   

I hope the snow clears for you soon and I wish you and Vegas luck and health.

Darren


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faithfully4you
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   Posted 3/9/2008 1:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I cant believe that it is after 4 already.  Vegas is still not herself, not eating or drinking. I thought maybe she is in heat, not sure there are some other things going on with her that have me worried.
 
Today is not a good day again for me, I have been napping quite a bit, i just feel exhaused.  I need to shovel my driveway today and it is going to be really hard because of all the snow, my back has no stopped hurting since last week and this  makes it painful to shovel.  I live on a main street and there were several people out with their snowblowers.  Do you think one person would offer to help me with my drive, no.  That makes me so sad because if the shoe were on the other food, i would not think twice before offering someone help, i have always been the one that helps people all the time and i love doing it.  So i have to get out there in a little bit and start.  I have a doctors appt tomorrow and i have to get out of my drive.
 
I pray that tomorrow will be better, i cant take many more days like this.
Teresa 


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 3/9/2008 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Teresa,

I hope that Vegas starts eating and drinking again.  That would worry me too if my pets stopped eating and drinking. 

I think it is really sad when a neighbor wont lend a hand.  But I guess we have to accept the fact that there are people in the world that just aren't as giving as we are.  Is there any way you could find a kid that you could pay to shovel?  That is what I have to do when I can't do it myself.  We have green houses too and have to pay somebody to help us with them.  The snow gets heavy on them and I worry that it will cave them in.  But I have found that sometimes it costs a little but it is worth haveing somebody help.  Kids don't charge as much as most adults.  Not that they aren't worth the work, but usually they will do it for a minimal price.  I wish you luck with this issue.  I know how hard it is on the back to shovel snow.  We have tons of it this year.  More than that of previous years lately.

I hope that you have a better evening.  As always, keep us posted.

Luv and hugs,  Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/10/2008 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Teresa,

Hi, I am back and sorry I was not here for you but the support you received here is overwhelming.

I am sorry about Vegas, sometimes they will just have an off day. My dog will do that.

Sleep well my friend.............I am off to bed but will be here tomorrow.

Hugs

Kitt


 
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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/11/2008 4:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Teresa

How are you today? Just checking in...
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 3/12/2008 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
sorry it has been a couple days since I posted.  I have been so depressed lately I dont kow what to do. It just seems like there is not a good day anymore.  I guess I am still grieving, I dont know.  It takes everything I have to pick up my computer and write.  My memory is really worrying me.  I have become so simple-minded.  I went to the store last Friday, got a few groceries. I came home and put them away. Today I went to use my whip cream with my coffee and i couldnt find it, I even stopped at the store today to see if I left it there, no.  Anothet item just vanished into mid air.
 
I went to look at cars yesterday hoping that would cheer me up, wrong thing to do, too broke, no job, NO CAR!!!!  I cant even afford a 9,000 car.  Needless to say, I was more depressed than when I started.  I dont know you guys, I dont know, I just dont know.  I cant think of the last time I laughed, really laughed.
 
Vegas is doing better, not sure but she could be in heat.  She is doing ok though.
 
I hope everyone is doing good.

Teresa 


stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/12/2008 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   

How about just a little grin.............?????

In Vegas

In Vegas, they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there.  yeah
Hugs

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 3/12/2008 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,

I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. Just remember that we all care and are here for you.

Did you send out your resumes yet? Getting a new job could be so good for you.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 3/12/2008 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
hi guys,
I love the vegas notation, it is fitting, that is how Vegas got her name.  Everytime I say her name, i think of that wonderful, unforgetable trip.  Unfortunately my hopes of seeing Vegas with the one that made it memorable will never happen again.  I am coming to terms that is true because i know that no matter how much i want him to, he will never knock on my door again.  He is in love and i have been replaced everyday that passes makes it more sure. 
 
I have an appointment tomorrow with my counselor.  For the first time I am not excited about going, i guess because i never stopped believing he was going to surprise me at my door, because i truly dont think he ever will.  I hope in the future he changes his mind, the way i feel about him will be the same forever, no matter where i am in life or it i have anyone in my life, i dont think he can comprehend how much i love him and how much i want to make it right, i know that is not good enough anymore and i deserve to go with a big hole in my heart and signs everywhere.
 
As far as the application for my job, i sent it out last week.  The deadline for applications is actually tomorrow.  First proof of important things making me responsible for my actions, before i would have just said oh i forgot, i will apply for the next one.  I actually rewrote my resume which was frustrating and i almost didnt do it, but i did, even a week before the deadline.  I should hear something i would think by next week or so.  You guys will be the first too know after all you guys are the only ones that know.  If i get it i will be celebrating by myself.  Just another day.
 
Teresa 


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 3/12/2008 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Teresa,

I really hope that you get the job. You never know what is in store for us in life. You could make some new friends, whatever. You never can tell. I hope the best for you and I am glad that you keep pushing through.

Best wishes
Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


faithfully4you
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 3/12/2008 6:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys,
 
getting ready to watch AI, just isnt as fun as it used to be.  really really depressed tonight, just missing someone tonight, my door will  always be open for him even if i have to leave my door unlocked forever, I just hope I wake up up in the middle of the night to feel him with me. even if he has to leave in the morning, my body aches so bad, I will never be able to go on without his touch, even if it is parttime, im resolved to thr fact that even if i could only have him, i will have him.  I know you are saying that i need to move on and separate myself from him but I will tell you that i have never experienced the level of love i have for this man, i know i have made mistakes but i do love him so much, sorry to ramble but tonight is just reallyhard, i am so sad.
Teresa 


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 3/12/2008 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Teresa,

I am sorry that you are so sad right now.  And no matter what, we are always here for you.

peace and hugs,  Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


faithfully4you
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 3/13/2008 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,
Thanks for caring, you know it means alot to me.  Didnt go to the doctor today because of course I had the wrong day, when is this memory thing going to get better, it is a serious concern for me.
 
It is a beautiful day about 54 degrees and here i am sitting in the house because i feel terrible.  I cant even get out to sit on my swing, I want to feel better so much.
My stomach has been so upset lately.  I have had to take the dramamine pills.  I am sure it is  a combination of not eating well and the depression.  Like I said, every day is another day.
 
I have been so tired lately as well, almost like my sleep pattern is going to have to be checked by a sleep test, what else?
 
I am ok, just wanted to let you know.
Teresa 


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 3/13/2008 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for checking in with us Teresa, you get used to hearing from certain people and if they don't post you wonder what is going on. To thanks again for posting.

Who knows, maybe later you will feel like sitting in the swing. It is so relaxing in the evenings. I like to sit out during the summer and listen to the birds when the daylight is coming to an end. It is so peaceful then.

I got my doctors appointment mixed up once and actually sat in the waiting room until somebody told me that I didn't have an appointment that day. Needless to say I was embarrassed. LOL...

I hope that your day gets better,
Keep in touch,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/13/2008 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
HIi there
I am glad your Vegas seems to be getting better.........
I am really proud of you for following thru with your resume and job application...it was /is a great step IMHO

I always have you in my thoughts and prayers Teresa

I do hope you have better days ahead ........

Lyn
God Bless
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
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faithfully4you
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 3/14/2008 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone,
I think that I found a vehicle, not sure but a probability.  I almost had my hands on a Mazda RX8, someone bought it two hours before.  My vehicle is a tiburon, its pretty.  We will see.
 
I have to tell you guys, I dont want to be single!!!  If I hear one more guy say oh your so gorgeous, i am going to puke!!!!!!!!  It is funny for the first time in my life, I care enough about myself to honor everything about me and in this dating arena, it is sex, sex, sex and I am not into that AT ALL!!!  I have no desire to be intimate with anyone, NONE,I have found that if you dont have sex with someone, they dont ask you out, which that suits me just fine, I have been called a frigid b...h, *** and I dont know what else.  You just cant be a nice girl, I have to admit, it feels good to know that I am able to hold my dignity above everything else.  There is another reason, a very important reason that makes me so sincere about how I feel.  I look at it this way, there are pretty girls all over, "a dime a dozen" but I am pretty inside and 42 years later, I BELIEVE THIS TOO BE TRUE!!!!!!
 
I have not been eating as I have not felt well at all.  Cant seem to get motivated,  really sleepy.  I see my counselor on Monday.  Then Easter is coming, another holiday without him.  I miss him so much.
 
I went to the little flea market here in Alliance.  There were all kinds of stuff with Harley Davidson on it and it made me hurt for him.  I would give the world for him to come back.
 
Vegas is doing good.  Almost back to herself.
 
Geremiah my little boy is with me this weekend, I enjoy him so much.
 
Well, gotta run and check my insurance rates for the new car in case I get it.  Actually I am extremely overwhelmed, could use some help, I just get ready to do something and I start to have an anxiety attack.  How I found that I was having them was when my counselor said that I am grieving but I will still have anxiety attacks.  I seem to have them when I feel overwhelmed and have 100 things to do.  I actually get chest pain and my blood pressure is starting to go up again.  What else?
 
Teresa 


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 3/14/2008 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Teresa,

You are a beautiful person inside and don't forget that.

I am so excited about your car.  Just try to relax and soon the deal will be done and you can enjoy. 

We are having a sunny day here and it makes me wonder if you are sitting in your swing.

I am so happy that Vegas is okay.  I am sure that you are happy to have her back to normal.

Have a wonderful rest of your day, again I am so happy for you.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/14/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Teresa
I too am so happy for you and your Car.....
It is a good thing ......

The weather here in Ontario Canada is just about 2 degrees celcious and it is so sunny and beautiful out ....I wish we could be sitting on that swing of yours enjoying the sunshine and having a chat ya know .....Glad Vegas is doing alot better too another good thing

I have anxiety and panic and I am sorry you have this to deal with as well ......
Take care you and know we are always here .....Lyn
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
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Another Day
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   Posted 3/14/2008 10:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Teresa,
 
I'm so glad Vegas is feeling better.  We have to have our pets.  You're getting a new car, that's always exciting.  When you get it, just hit the road, wherever it takes you, in the sunshine.
 
Big Hugs!
 
Carla

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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
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   Posted 3/15/2008 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Teresa

So glad that you got a car,now you can worry about other things.

I know what you mean about being single..one of the reasons I stayed single so long after my divorce.

You will be ok...just one day at a time,and one problem at a time.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 3/15/2008 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
 
Just another rough day.  Geremiah is sick I think it is allergies and a cold.  Didnt hear from the people about my car, kinda makes me mad, I went all the the tp Parma to look at it, it is over an hour from where i live.  I will have one this week if it kills me.
 
I was dusting today and realized that I had left a picture of me and W. It is in a faith frame and it is one of the pics I love the most, it is going to stay right where it is!!!  In fact I noticed that I have a couple things that are us.  I know it is kind of silly to some but just looking at them makes the days bearable but hopeful.
 
I have a body spray from VS that I had gotten last year.  I forgot about it and when I sprayed it, I started to tear up. 
The smell of it reminded me of the time we went to the winery and listened to a man that was playing a little jazz.  It was so distinct that I had to put it away, I mean everything about that night came back from the little frog hopping across the concrete towards the man playing to the slow dance we shared while listening to a cd that I made just for times like that.  What I wouldnt give for another night like that, it is fresh in my mind.
 
I hope everyone is doing ok.
Teresa 


ladybug44r
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/15/2008 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Teresa I hope that you get better. I know they say time heals all wounds. I hope that is true.

Do you have to see him on a daily bases? I hope not for your sake. I know losing someone you love can be hard.I've done it a few times.

I'm sorry about your car and your son. Glad to hear though that your cat is doing better. One of our 5 cats was acting a little strange last night. I think it's because her 4 brothers have been picking on her most of the day. She is in hiding today. We also have one dog but he thinks he's a cat also. He's part german shepard and part huskey.

Maybe when the flowers and trees start blooming things will start looking brighter for you.

Roni
DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
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God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.

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