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ladybug44r
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/14/2008 10:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Lately I've been really depressed.
 
some has to do with something that has gone on a month ago. I found out that my b/f was going to cheat on me with an old g/f. I still have feelings that they are talking but no proof.
 
Some has to do with 5 years ago. I was raising my grandson for 4 years. He was a month old when I started raising him. His name was Brandon Lee. He was the light of my life. I had recently lost a child that my now ex husband and I were going to call Brandon Lee and being that my daughter and I didn't talk at the time she had no idea when she named her son that.
 
Well any ways my husband and I agreed to take care of him since my daughter was only 19 and not ready for parent hood nor was the father. I sat with this child every night until he feel asleep and I loved him. I taught him how to talk, how to walk and all the things moms teach there children.
 
When my husband and I seperated, granted it took me three years to do so after I caught him and my 16 year old daughter kissing. My daughter looked at me and told me she could have any guy and that included mine. There is a 10 years difference between he 2.
 
After him and I went our seprete ways he got with my oldest daughter. The mother of my grandson Brandon. Because of them being together I ended up at the mental hospital for 3 days. While I was there he kept telling me he loved me. Then he talked to me on the phone with my theripist and said he couldn't trust me and that he wanted to stay with my daughter.
 
After I got out him and my daughter decided to try to take Brandon from me. My other 2 children where doing their own thing and to me he was all I had. Because of my daughter making up lies on my mom and adopted brothers we lost Brandon to the state and I can't see him nor do I get to know how he is.
 
I watch children in my home, and I get attached to them, well a couple of them have left recently and Brandon's birthday is coming up he'll be 9 and I miss him so bad.
People that I tak to tell me he is my grandson. And I agree. But they don't understand I'm the one when he had asma Sp so bad that I stayed up 3 nights with him and held him, his mom my daughter was there she slept while I didn't.
 
My ex husband and my oldest daughter are married now and have a son of their own. And she sometimes will act like it bothers her but it always bothers me.
 
Sorry this is so long but had to get some of this out. My dr upped my drug today to a whole pill instead of half. She just knows I'm depressed she doesn't know why.
 
Roni
DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
RX Amitriptylin 25mg
 
God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 3/14/2008 10:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Roni,
 
I know your heart must ache for Brandon.  Giving up a child would be the worst thing that could ever happen to a mother, and you were his mother, even though legally you were his grandmother.  How old was he when he was taken from you?
 
Well, you know what kind of people your ex-husband and your daughter are, so there's no need to say much about them.
 
Have you gone through any therapy?  It sounds like you need something to get you started on working on your pain and grief.  I am so sorry this happened to you and to Brandon.
 
Please know we are glad to have you here at HealingWell and will be here to support you and listen to you anytime you need us.
 
You are in my prayers,
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/15/2008 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Roni
I am so sorry that you have went through this. I don't even know what to say about your ex-husband's and your daughter's behaviors.

Hopefully something like that does not happen to them someday....

You need to tell your doctor what is going on....in order to heal from depression we have to deal with what caused it in the first place.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


susiejasmine
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/15/2008 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
That must be hard on you and my heart goes out to you. Your daughter 1 day will see how she hurt you and if she has a heart at all she will have to come to you for forgiveness, meanwhile you need to go on with your life no matter how hard it may be, there is someone out there for you that will love you for you, I just found this site and I have done allot of reading other people problems and it sahows me my problems could be allot worst. god bless you.
yeah  

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/15/2008 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Veronica,

I am so happy that you have posted on this forum. It is so hard to find the right words right now so I am here to comfort you. Keep in mind that you have done nothing wrong. You were just in a bad situation. I am sorry for what your ex and daughter did to you, it must really hurt. I know that you work hard with your day care and try to continue with that. We are all here for you, so keep posting and we will help you as much as we can.

Jasmine I would also like to welcome you to the depression forum. You have given Veronica some good advice and food for thought. You also are welcome to keep posting here, there is a great bunch of members here that will help the both of you as much as we can.

Have a wonderful day you two and thanks for coming and checking the forum out. We are here for both of you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ladybug44r
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/15/2008 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Carla he was 4. So it's been 5 years but this time of year it always hits so hard. I guess because all the holidays have past and now it's time for his birthday next month. You're right I was his mom. When I took over care of him, his mom agreed until he was older that we would not tell him the truth and as far as he knew for those for months Sabrina was his sister.
Her and my ex decided to tell him the truth, like I said he was only 4. He asked me about it and I was honest with him. After that he didn't know what to call me. CPS until the last day I saw him stated that I was grandma.

I told his workers that since they had already made up thier minds to give him to his foster parents that I would not confuss this child anymore that my love for him was to great. That's when they saw me as his mom.

My daughter and I now talk it took 3 years. I mostly talk to her because of her son that she has now. She did lose another child through all this. She can not come back to KY or she will lose this child. She is allowed to write the adopted parents of her other child.

Jasmine welcome to this group.

I try hard not to act as though I'm depressed and I know that's not good. I think what hurts the most is the last day I was able to see him, I was crying and he looked at me and said "It's okay to cry, I cry sometimes too." I often wonder why he cried. I asked him but he didn't tell me.

Thank you all for letting me get some of this out.

Roni
DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
RX Amitriptylin 25mg
 
God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/16/2008 6:33 AM (GMT -7)   
It is amazing how we can hide our true feelings for society.

I am so sorry that you are going thru this with your Grandchildren,I can not imagine the pain you are in.

take it one day at a time..
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


ladybug44r
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/16/2008 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm doing better today. I went out with a friend of mine and we went shopping, just getting out of the house helps sometimes.
I'm even got a new hair color to see if it gets me out of this.

I went from blonde to a red hair. I know some day the pain will go away. It may though not be until I can see him and hold him. I count each year saying "Okay now he's 9 only 9 more years and he'll come looking" But then I think the bad things like is he even still alive, when does come of age will he come looking for me. Will I still be alive when he comes looking.

I know these are bad thoughts but they do cross my mind.
Right after I walked away, I was just waking up and I heard little footsteps and felt a weight on myside of the bed and he was sitting there and he looked at me and told me "Don't be sad because I"m not. I'm doing good and I want you to be happy." Like I said I was just waking up so I was still kind of in dream state.

Roni
DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
RX Amitriptylin 25mg
 
God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/20/2008 4:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Roni

Time will help you get through this, you can only take it one day at a time.

Please remember to do things for yourself,and I would seriously consider getting into some type of counseling to get you through all of this.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


ladybug44r
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/20/2008 5:04 AM (GMT -7)   
As soon as April passes I'l be fine I always am. April is his birthday month.

Thank you all for all your help.

Roni
DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
RX Amitriptylin 25mg
 
God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/20/2008 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Veronica,

I hope that you continue posting.  I know you say you will be fine after April, but, that is about 6 weeks away.  So take advantage of the forum and vent if you need, or just pop in to say hello.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ladybug44r
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/20/2008 7:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I will still be around here even after then. Just to see how everyone is doing.

Roni
DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
RX Amitriptylin 25mg
 
God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/20/2008 11:32 PM (GMT -7)   
That is good Veronica, just want to make sure that you continue to post before and after, I guess I was worried that you would try to get through it on your own when there is so much support here for youl.
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ladybug44r
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/21/2008 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I have learned that without at least my fingertip family it is hard to get through things, even the pain my body goes through. Plus I love all of you and want to check in on everyone.

Karen, I know that most time I am strong but everyone has their weakness and finding this area has helped me to be strong again because I see so many like me that are or have gone through some of the things that I have and if I can help someone to see that they too can be strong than that helps me also.

I'll be around.
Roni
DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
RX Amitriptylin 25mg
 
God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/21/2008 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Veronica,

It is nice to know that no matter what you are going through, that you are not alone.  The people on this forum are so kind and understanding.  I don't know what I would do without them at times.  It is like my lifeline.

I hope that you have a wonderful evening.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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