First of all, welcome to the Healing Well depression forum. You have come to a good place where you will not be judged or discriminated against in any way. We are here to help you.
Secondly, I think that it is very important that you find support right now. Like a counselor or therapist. Do you have school counselors that you could talk to? If not can you get a counselor through mental health. It is very important that you have some guidance through this. We are here for you but we are not professionals and I think that it is very important that you have professional counseling so you can sort through things and accept yourself for who you are.
Please don't refer to yourself as abnormal or stupid, because you are not. You sound very intellegent and though you may be gay, it isn't abnormal, especially in these times now. It is something though that you will have to deal with so that you can feel comfortable in your own skin. Can you understand what I am trying to say?
I wish the best for you, and I hope that you seek counseling. Keep posting and we will try to advise you the best we can. We are here for support and vent all that you need, it is the first step to wellness. You may need medications to help you with the depression and self harm thoughts that you are thinking. So please seek counseling.
In the meantime, keep posting, we will help you in anyway that we can.
Post Edited (shane_east24) : 3/18/2008 1:08:40 PM (GMT-6)
Shane, first of all, welcome to the forum!
Second, I wanted to assure you that you are NOT alone. I am 16, and I am also struggling the same way as you are, and have been for some time now. So, you aren't alone. I know how it is having to struggling with this stuff. I have had depression for some time now also, but it didnt start because I was questioning my orientation. However, when I started questioning myself it got worse for a while. I am like you, I am not close to my family at all, and I am not all that close to my friends, and I also dont trust most people.
However, after struggling for so long I got tired of it. I know things are different in the U.S. than where you live so... but here people are more accepting now. I finally told a few friends that I thought I might be gay. They were all ok with it, however, I havent made that perminent. And you dont have to either. I know you are worrying and questioning yourself and you want to know one way or the other, but you should just wait and let it come to you. You will know with time. You dont have to "decide"... you are just you...
I agree with the others. I know you said people there discriminate against gays, but this is what I did, try looking for someone who doesnt discriminate and doesnt have a problem with gay people. For me, I watched a few of my friends and got them on the subject so I could hear there opinions. Once I knew what they thought, I knew who I could trust. I only told a few friends. And I made it clear that I wasnt sure.
I think you should find someone to tell. Or maybe just write it out to yourself. You need to get your feelings out... sometimes it helps to get thoughts out of your head. Thats what I do. And just to let you know, I feel better about it now. Although, it is always a somewhat of a struggle because people use slurs everyday and I just dont pay attention to them. People who are against gays are ignorant and insecure about themselves.
Ok, sorry this is going to be long, but I really want to help you! You said something about suicide attempts, I dont want you to feel alone with that. Some people here have been through that as well. Personally, so have I. I know what that is like and its scary. We are here for you and we care about you. You have friends here now!
Question: Is your depression just because of your confusion about your sexuality, or were you depressed and then started questioning yourself?
"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing. "Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are""Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve""Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."
**IMHO.All have given you great advice and input
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 3/18/2008 4:10:10 PM (GMT-6)
Good Morning Shane,
I just wanted to stop in and say Welcome to HeallingWell and the Depression Forum. You have already met so many of the wonderful members and as Karen and many of the others have said you are not stupid. You are a good and kind human being and it seems to me you need help and support right now. I am not a professional however you know yourself best and please seek help if your feeling really down.
I hope you can find some peace in talking with the members of this board but please remember to look into therapy if it is available to you.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and please know we are all here for you. Bless you our new friend.Kitt
Hi there Shane!
I too wanted to join your long list of friends who are welcoming you to HealingWell!
Firstly, never worry about people being rude or nasty here... we are a close family and we look after each other. And as for your English, its better than mine sometimes (And im ashamed to admit English is my first language!)
I have loads of friends who are gay. They are fantastic people who (very often) are kind, caring and sensitive people with a great sense of humour. I do understand that there are cultural differences between the UK (where I am) and the Phillipines but my advice would be not to let that stand in the way of who you really are. 'Coming out' (I am told) is hard for anyone, but very often the result is a huge feeling of relief and also that the reaction is never as bad as people imagine it to be. This may solve some of the depression you are suffering as well. Although being gay in the UK is not a majority, it is considered to be quite normal and most people dont even think twice if you tell them your gay in conversation. I certainly think your normal.
Until I hear from you again, my friend
I am so sorry you are so very confused with this .....Luvs..and God Bless..LYN
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 3/19/2008 7:05:52 AM (GMT-6)