Relationship & Depression. Advice needed

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

prettybaby19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/21/2008 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I am 19 years old and I have been living with my boyfriend since February of 2007. I had to move in with him because my family was being abusive. Since then I have had severe depression and been diagnosed with PSTD by a therapist. As one would imagine, this has put a huge strain on the relationship. Not only does it put my boyfriend through a lot when he has to see me in these states of rage and depression but I have also started to feel insecure in the relationship and i have recently been having a hard time trusting him. I have no hard evidence that he is cheating on me. I don't know if the trust issues are coming from my past because every male in my life was abusive to someone in some way or should I trust my gut feeling? For some reason I feel like he is hiding something (this is usually on my bad days). I can't go to school without thinking about him being in our apartment with some other girl. I cannot deal with the thought of the only person in my life betraying me in such a manner. I would love some advice. I mean...should I go with my gut feeling? if this is about my past, how can I deal with that and prevent it from getting in the way of the relationship?
 
Reason for edit:
 
Im sorry I have had to take small pieces out of your post, but we have to be careful about the contents of posts since we have minors who use this site (As young as 13). Please dont let this put you off posting though. Here is a link for you if you wanted to see the full list of forum rules: http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997 Darren

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 3/21/2008 12:26:30 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 3/21/2008 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pretty,

Are you going to any type of counseling? I think that you need to talk to somebody about this, being that you only feel this way when you aren't feeling good. A lot of times our gut iinstincts are right on, but I really feel you need some help with this to make sure you are right before any accusations come out.

You need to try to focus on school, try to put those thoughts out of your head while you are trying to learn.

I hope that this is somewhat helpful, I am sure that somebody else will come along with more helpful advice. But I really think you need some type of therapy to help you deal with what you are feeling.

hugs, karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 3/21/2008 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Prettybaby,

Like Karen, I was wondering if you are seeing any kind of councilling (either for yourself or as a couple) or whether you have spoken to a doctor about starting councilling? Very often (As Karen has said) our gut is right, but this is not the sort of thing you can just go with your gut on unless you are VERY sure. I think Karen has given you some great advice about concentrating on your schoolwork. Is this something you can approach in a general conversation with your boyfriend to help ease your mind?

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


prettybaby19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/21/2008 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I have talked to two different counselors. The first I had to stop seeing because I moved and the second one I chose to stop seeing because she wasn't taking me seriously. I think she was just not good at her job or she didn't know how to deal with me. I would come in feeling terrible one day and I would want to end everything and then I would flop back to feeling very optimistic (which is the normal me). I guess like me, she just felt like we weren't getting anywhere. Anyway, as far as my boyfriend goes, I have no real evidence that he is cheating on me. I just feel like he is on days I feel depressed. We're around each other practically all the time (excluding work and school) so I don't know when he would have the opportunity to cheat.

I have been on a few different types of antidepressants but they mainly seemed to make things worse. When I was on one I would actually feel paranoid constantly. I couldn't stay at home by myself. I would think there was someone in my apartment and I would have to check and recheck room after room. I even went as far as checking under the bed.

I have talked to him about it and he denies it but why would he tell the truth?

I'm a pretty insecure person and I have a history with being mistreated so I guess I am sort of looking for that in this relationship. I mean, my parents were both physically abusive and my dad was sexually abusive from what I can piece together about my past. I guess I just feel like I can't trust anyone. I have a hard time opening up to people and I don't really have friends because I distance myself from the outside world.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 3/21/2008 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Pretty,

With all that you are describing, it really sounds like you should talk to another counselor.  Nobody should handle these things on their own without help.  So try to find somebody to talk to for your own well being.

In the meantime do keep posting, we are here to help you if we can. 

It sounds like you have the same problem as many, you obsess about things when you are depressed.  I have that problem too, but with help of medications, I have gotten a grip on it.  You could too.  There are so many medications out there that help these days.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 3/21/2008 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I think, like Karen, that you might benifit from trying another councillor. You shouldnt have to put up with this by yourself. Perhaps this is something that you and your boyfriend could do together? I think it is important to focus on your studies as well and not to let them slip. Always remember that we will be here if you need support.
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


prettybaby19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/21/2008 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
My boyfriend and I have been talking and he really thinks it would be best for the both of us if I got back into counseling. I guess I am just so reluctant because I am afraid of remembering everything. I just remember a few glimpses of my past and some bad things that my father said to me,
I just feel like a dirty person and I hate that.

PB



I am sorry but I had to edit your post,we have minors on this site,so we have to be careful on what we say..

Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 3/22/2008 6:52:58 AM (GMT-6)


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/22/2008 5:51 AM (GMT -7)   

prettybaby,

Welcome to HW.  This forum is so supportive and I hope that you stick around :-)

You have definitely been through a lot, so first, give yourself a break.  I can relate to how depression (I'm bipolar) affects a relationship.  My bf and I have lived together for 2 years, and it gets really tough--especially when I'm depressed.  about a year ago, I was referred to a support group (by my pdoc) for my bipolar symptoms.  I've been dealing with depression since I was a teen, I'm 26 now.  The support group taught me how to cope.  Before that point in my life, I really wasn't doing anything to help myself heal.  The reason I am telling you this is to point out how helpful therapy can be, but it's vital to find something effective.  You should be proud of yourself for moving out of a toxic home, and for seeking counselling in the past.  We all have our reasons for stopping counselling; sometimes it just doesn't work.  But I believe with time and the right counsellor, you can begin to heal.

So--I completely agree w/gettingby and Darren.  Take the step to seek counselling, and it's okay to ask your new counsellor what they deal with.  I've recently requested that my counsellor have a strong knowledge of bipolar so they can help me with all of my issues, b/c like you I am also insecure, but my counsellor needs to understand how my bp symptoms affect my isecurity and almost everything else in my life.  I don't know if you have a psychiatrist??  If you do, you might want to ask him/her if there are any other options for therapy.  I think you definitely need someone with the right background.  Someone who deals with abuse issues, understands depression and PTSD.

I really hope you and your bf find a balance in how to live together through all of this.  The depression definitely feeds the insecurity; the depression makes all those thoughts appear and seem so intense.  Keep us posted and I send you many warm hugs.

Mogs


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/22/2008 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Pb

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum. I too suffered from abuse in my childhood,and 13 years in an abusive marriage before I got enough guts to walk out.

I too have a hard time with trust,and get very paranoid and jealous when it comes to my b/f.
He has never given me a reason to think this way,but I think that due to my depression I am always worried that my relationship is somehow going to end,and I am not sure if I could survive that.

I have had major breakdowns just recently that make no sense when it comes to my jealousy.

It really sounds like your b/f loves you, he is trying to help you and he is standing by you.
Get yourself back into counseling and try to heal from this depression.

Instead of looking for signs that he is cheating, look for the signs of how much he loves you.
Little things like,he is willing to listen to you when you cry, he is calling you to check on you.
He tells you he loves you,and he will be the first person to be by your side.

We are lucky,there are not alot of guys out there that can deal with a depressed woman,and just the fact that they are willing to help us,and do not think any less of us because of our past...says so much.

I have to remind myself of these things everyday,or I would be the one that is also looking in the closet and freaking out when I am at work.

You will never forget your past, but you will be able to wake up and know that it was not your fault,and you are a strong person and can break the cycle of abuse and depression.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


prettybaby19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/22/2008 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks guys. I really feel better just knowing that there is someone willing to listen and who has had similar experiences. Your advise and support really mean a lot to me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 3/22/2008 9:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pretty,
You have gotten some wonderful advice.

I am so happy that your boyfriend is there to help you. That means a lot. Going to counseling with you is wonderful. I hope for you the very best. And I know that you will get through this.

Keep up the good work and keep posting.

many hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/25/2008 5:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Prettybaby

Just checking in to see how you are doing...

Please let us know.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


prettybaby19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/25/2008 11:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure how I'm doing...

I keep bouncing back and forth between feeling OK or depressed. I just can't find happiness in anything I do. I feel really bad and I still can't get up the courage to go talk to someone...

I am also sleeping 10-13 hours a night which I HATE. I just can't seem to make myself get out of bed. There are things that I need to do but I just can't bring myself to do them. Does anyone have any tricks that work for them?

PB

Post Edited (prettybaby19) : 3/25/2008 1:02:03 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 3/25/2008 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Prettybaby,

I wish that I could come up with some answers for you, like setting an alarm or something, but the truth be known, I am feeling the same way as you.  I find that I easily sleep at least 12 hours lately and like you I feel yucky.  I live in northern Michigan and we have had the longest winter.  Today we got another 4 inches of snow.  Plus it is wanting to rain now.  It was super windy.  I guess that is the month of March for us.  I have a problem with fatigue, so I take adderall during the day.  It keeps me from sleeping all of the time and I am able to move around more which makes me feel better. 

I can't remember if you are taking anti depressants.  They can often help you by giving you a little energy.  I take effexor, some people get sleepy but most don't and it doesn't seem to cause any weight gain for me.

I hope that this helps you some, I am sorry about the venting, just couldn't help it.  Atleast you know that you are not alone with this.

I hope that you feel better soon and have a wonderful day.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


MandyB
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/26/2008 6:54 AM (GMT -7)   
While I feel horrible for you that you are going through this, I am somewhat pleased that someone on this forum has a situation that is VERY similar to mine. I didn't come from an abusive home, my mother and I just had problems living together. I love her and vice versa, however we always seemed to clash when having to live together. It became so stressful and the feelings rolled over into other areas of my life. My boyfriend and I had talked about me moving in with him for quite some time, so one morning there was a spat that was just the final straw for me, and he and I decided I would come stay with his family. He lives with his folks still, but he has the entire downstairs to himself, and my relationship with his parents has always been great. However shortly after I got there, his mom started some trouble in the house that involved my boyfriend and things got really tense. It got to the point where he and I turned our stress on each other, and things have fallen apart. Plus, added into the mix, I have been treating depression since I was 14 (I'm 22 now). I kept this part of my life to myself because for years I had it under control and didn't even need medication. But in the last few months I started having trouble and began taking medication again, and still I did not tell my boyfriend. We decided it would be best for my to move back to my moms as our relationship was great before I made the move to his house. And my mom and I are working on things as well. However he's taking time to himself right now to figure out if our relationship is even salvagable after all that's happened recently. I'm so upset because I know that what happened was primarily due to the things his mother started in the house, but unfortunately many of my reactions stemmed from my depression and anxiety. I too began being paranoid that he was cheating on me even though I had absolutely no reason to suspect it, and he would always openly talk to me about his friends and funny/goofy things that happened on his guy's nights out. He always liked sharing those things with me. We could tell each other anything (except my depression). I'm so hurt and angry and scared that because I kept this thing to myself, and I ran away from the problems with my mother instead of dealing with them....that now I may have sabatoged one of the most important things in my life. It's been almost 2 years together and we were just waiting for me to finish school so that we could get married and plan our lives together. We had so many things planned out for our future, and all of our long term goals were the same. That's a precious gem to find in a relationship! He's always been so loving and wonderful to me, and he's always been my rock in all aspects. Our relationship was one where we could be in a crowded room at a party, etc. and we could look across the room at each other and in a single look we could tell how strongly we felt about together. I have been miserable over the thought of losing all of that. I realized at some point (I don't think anyone can pinpoint when it happens) that this is The One for me. And he'd described me that way before in the past as well. We had what many people spend a lifetime looking for. And so now here I am dealing with this depression that has become desperately worse at the thought of losing my soulmate. I know that in some ways this is good because I've finally made the decision to take serious action to make myself better. I'm still working with doctors to try different medications, I plan on going to a counselor regularly, and I'm even going to try to spend some time in an in-patient facility where I can really be absorbed in treatment because I've been hiding it and even to a certain degree, denying it for so long. It would do me so much good to be in an environment where everyone is open and it can be handled in a candid manner. It will devestate me if my boyfriend decides to throw away our future because of how ugly things got under those circumstances, and I will forever think he made a mistake and we lost something that would have fulfilled our lives so much. But if he does decide to try to work things out in order to get back where we were before I moved into his parents' home, I want to go into it with a healthy mind and a clearer understanding of myself and how to involve a partner in what is going on. I wish now that I could have opened up to him sooner so that we could have dealt with it together instead of me always hiding it. It would also have helped him understand many things.

I'm sorry this was so long, but I wanted to tell my story and share with Pretty Baby that she has someone here who is in a very similar situation. It helps. I wish you luck in finding peace within yourself during this tough time, and I wish the same for myself.

Much Happiness, Mandy

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 3/26/2008 11:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mandy,

I really think that you are on the right track by working on yourself first and then working on your relationships. In that way you will be able to see things more objectively and have a better insight as to what you want out of life.

Keep up the good work.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, December 06, 2016 12:59 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,634 posts in 301,137 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151273 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, minniemighty.
388 Guest(s), 15 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Celeste15, Uniandra, Gemlin, klondiker, Girlie, minniemighty, Rhaina, jabele, ChickNorris, pmm73, panicgirly, dbwilco, quincy, JesperTrottier, minnietoty


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer