I am sorry to hear that you struggle so. I want to welcome you to HW depression forum. You will find that you are among some very understanding people. They are very caring and compassionate here.
I am so happy that you are going to counseling. It may take a little longer for your cymbalta to really start working, but I would mention to the doctor or therapist that you are having suicidal thoughts daily. It could be due to your medication. So please mention that.
Please don't think that it is too late for anything. I am 49 and learn something new most everyday. So don't give up on your dreams. I never had children, but my husband did. And I can tell you honestly that I get so much joy out of my grandchildren that I wouldn't know what to do without them now.
So please don't give up and keep in mind that we are here for you.
Please don't sell yourself short like that. I found a good man and I not only suffer from depression and anxiety, but I also have fibromyalgia and there are days that I can't do anything at all. And I never know when that will be. You wake up each day not knowing if you are going to be capable of anything or not. So it is very unpredictable with me. It drives me crazy but he still handles it. Actually better than I do.
You never know how the day program will go unless you go. I think that you should try, and you can always not go back if it isn't for you. So please listen to your therapist and give it a shot and see what it is like. You might meet somebody there that you like and could make new friends.
There are so many depressed people these days that I think it has become more accepted. And Misty, it isn't what you have that makes a person. It is who you are and if you meet somebody worthwhile, that is what really counts. So don't sell yourself short. You sound like a very nice person and I think that when the time is right, you will find that person.
Keep enjoying your day. It was nice here and mine was better also. I have been struggling lately and this was a much better day.
Yes I was suffering from depression. I had just lost my first husband to lung cancer. Actually my present husband was a friend of myself and my first husband.
I was also suffering with fibromyalgia. We were friends at the time. But later fell in love.
After my first husband died, I started a business. It was a plant nursery and a floral shop. I was depressed but didn't have the fibro. I had just gotten to the place where I wanted the business to be and everything started going wrong.
My present husband and I just got married in December. This is over seven years since my first husband died. He watched me suffer with severe depression and the fibromyalgia on top of that. He was there for me as much as possible. I spent two years in bed with the fibro. He forced me to get out of that bed and try to do things, knowing that all I wanted to do was sleep. He told me I would end up in a nursing home if I didn't get out. I finally started to see a psychiatrist who helped me with medications. He use to drive me everywhere, do my shopping and pick up my medications. Finally he got me out for walks, and gradually I started to get better. I am no means healed as you would say but I have all my symptoms under control. So yes, he knew I was depressed and very sick, but stuck it out. And he saw me at my lowest and still stuck by. He could of stayed away, but he didn't. I still don't know what he sees in me, but there must be something there. And he even puts up with my two dogs. I consider myself really lucky to have a man that cares so much. I know he could of walked away at any time but he didn't. I get a very small pension, so I barely contribute at all financially. He does most of the cooking and the shopping. I try to do what I can, but there are days that I can't do nothing at all and he never complains. I am 49 years old so I am no spring chicken. So it must be love.
So there are men out there who can love you for who you are no matter what the short comings might be. They love you for you, not what you have or how you look, or what you are capable of. They just love you. I know that I don't have one of a kind. So there will be somebody for you. When the time is right. So don't ever give up. It all seemed to work out for me. It isn't perfect, but it is good.
I wish you the best,
Luv and hugs, Karen