I am so happy that you posted here.
I want to welcome you to the HW depression forum. You are among friends here, and it is an easy place to talk or vent if you need to.
Like Shy says, don't give up. Especially on the counseling. I hope that you have medications to help you. It is a hard road, but you can get through this.
Keep posting, we will help you the best we can. It is easy to open up on here because nobody really knows you and we can try to give you objective advice. Many of us have been through the same as you so we understand.
I hope that you have a wonderful day.
HI Crutches and Welcome to HealingWell!
Have you considered looking for a support group for cerebral palsy as a source of friendship? As has been previously mentioned, depression can close you off to friendships but they are possible so please dont give up. You can always talk to us although we are limited as to what we can discuss here on the public forums. I really hope that you will carry on talking with us.
Hi all, thanks for the responses...it's really nice to know that there are people who care.
At the present time I am not on any medication. I have been on Zoloft for extended periods, and also been forced to try several other brands of meds because of the physical side effects I experienced with Zoloft (these too produced similar side effects). In addition, I find that the meds I have taken produce the effect of numbing me emotionally, so that I become lackadaisical and apathetic in general, not depressed, but also unable to feel anything else (like happiness). I have begun to see a counsellor through my university, but this is only short-term and if need be I will have to find counselling elsewhere (but switching between counsellors has never bothered me, for some reason).
As to my cerebral palsy, I must say with shame that I feel awkward around those who are severely disabled. I grew up an only child and through legal ramifications about accessibility in public schools, ended up attending very small private schools where I was the sole disabled student. It is only here, at university, that there are other students with physical disabilities. My CP is somewhat mild. I can walk short distances with crutches and have no cognitive malfunction, so I tend not to think of myself as disabled (although I do feel strongly that it affects the way other people see me).
I wouldn't want an antidepressant that had that numbing effect. I think that we want to feel happy as well as we don't want to feel sad. So I can understand you there. But there are many different antidepressants and I, like you, went through a lot of them. But I finally found something that worked for me. It took quite a few years of trying this and that along the way, but I finally got there. For now anyway.
I had a lot of side physical side effects with zoloft also and it was very discouraging because I could not tolerate it at all. I started with buspar then zoloft, paxil, prozac, effexor, serzone, wellbutrin and then back to effexor. The reason that I stopped the effexor the first time was because I was feeling good and didn't think that I needed it anymore. But the reason that I was feeling good was because of the medication. I guess that I thought I was cured. I don't like taking pills and now I take a bunch. Not all anti depressants though, I have other health issues.
As for your cerebral palsy, you shouldn't feel ashamed when you are around others worse off than you, you have limitations but it sounds like you handle that really well. There will always be others worse and better than ourselves. I have fibromyalgia and I know that it along with depression is a disability. But I too get that feeling when I see other people who are more disabled than myself. But I think we all try our hardest no matter what. I think that we should feel fortunate when we are in that situation, not ashamed of what we can do as opposed to what others can't. I sure hope that I am making sense, I know what I want to say but I don't know if it is coming out right. So please forgive me if it sounds wierd. I do think that you know what I mean.
I hope that you find the right medications for you. And I hope that things become easier for you too. Keep posting, we are all in the same boat mentally and emotionally. This is a good place to vent and nobody judges you. So keep posting.