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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 4/1/2008 6:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello.
      Yesterday and today were bad days. I was on facebook and I saw a dental student who would be in my anatomy class in the fall. I e-mailed him and told him I'd be an optometry student and I had taken anatomy before but failed and I'm coming back. He emailed me back and told me thank you so much for emailing him and that it's always good to have friends before we go to FL. I said yes it is. He said he couldnt believe that the school was so strict. I also told him I thought he was cute (from his picture) and he said I was too. I told him that looks dont mean everything though and that I have to know a person well before jumping into anything. He said he's the same way. Then i went to the gym, and when I came back my mom started yelling at me. She went on my computer and snooped around. She told me she's very upset with me that I started talking to a guy again. I explained to her he was going to be in my anatomy class. And she said it doesnt matter. She said that I sounded easy by initiating the contact and telling him he was cute. She said I'll never learn my lesson and that I won't make optometry school since I'm under psychiatric care. She also printed the convo while I was at the gym and showed my dad. They both were screaming at me all yesterday and today..telling me no guy will respect me, that I won't get married, and I'll never make it in optometry school. I started crying hysterically and took the car and went for a ride. I couldnt be in the house. I sat in my car in my gym's a parking lot and cried for 20 minutes they called me but I didnt answer. I then went to my grandma's for a bit (they called her wondering where I was) and now I'm back home. The only thing they said to me since I came back was that I was a donkey, a "sex-maniac" and would never be anything in life. I'm crying. i don't know if this is my fault or not. :-( HELP!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 4/1/2008 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

You can't control how your parents are going to react. So how they act is of their own doing. They were a little harsh for screaming at you. But I can kind of see how they are worried about you. You take a big risk when you send pictures and have conversations on the internet with people that you don't know. You never know what that person is going to be like. They could be a murderer or something, you do not know. So please be more careful. I am scared that one day you are going to meet up with the wrong person. I care about you too much not to tell you how I feel. But I agree, your parents shouldn't have yelled at you. But we are use to that by now, they have that tendancy. Please be safe.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/2/2008 3:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I understand how facebook works since I use it myself and I dont think that it is that higher risk, although I do have to admit that there are always risks when sharing information over the internet. In my opinion, if the guy is going to be in your class next year, I dont see the harm in talking to him since he is going to see you in the autumn anyway. I guess your parents are just really worried about you and want you to do well, but I dont see that their reaction was justified in anyway. As far as I know, you are old enough to make your own decisions so there should be a certain level of trust. I dont believe that parents have any right to snoop around their childrens interent accounts once they get to a certain age. Do you make sure you log out of these various websites? Have you thought about changing the passwords?

Remeber we are always here

Darren  


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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 4/2/2008 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello.

    Thank you to both of you for responding. My mom does not know my passwords. Neither does my dad. I had my AIM open when I went to the gym, and my mom saw someone messaged me (she saw the window come up). I slept at my grandma's last night because I was very disappointed in my parents. I came home today and my parents seemed nicer.

    A few days ago I e-mailed my ex-friend from school and told her I knew she told the program director I was depressed. I told her that if she really cared about my life and well being she would have confronted me about it and not have told me to leave her alone all of winter break. I told her I didn't understand what her motive was..if it was to help me or kick me out of the program but that it didn't work and I'm coming back to school in july. I also emailed her boyfriend (whom I also used to be friends with) and told him I saw him that I saw his pictures on facebook and I think him and his gf (my ex-friend) look really cute together and that I hope his gf talks to me again. He didn't respond. My ex-friend e-mailed me about an hr later and told me to "leave her and her friends alone or else she'll put a restraining order on me so I can't come back to school and that she told the program director in Dec. I was depressed because she cared about me but now she doesnt want me in her life and that won't change." I immediately started crying and responded saying that I will leave her and her friends alone (eventhough I emailed her and her bf once since I left FL 4 months ago) and that I know she didn't care about me, if she did she wouldnt have threatned me and done what she did. The other friend she's talking about is the other Jewish girl who used to be my friend but now is siding with her and I emailed her a few days ago as well asking her why she stopped talking to me but she never responded. I never did anything to these girls. We used to be so close. One day in December she told me to leave her alone because she didnt want to be around sad people all the time and was sick of me complaining about school. She used to consider me her best friend in FL and we were very close. I'm really sad. I feel like there's something wrong with me and that's why they're not talking to me. :-( I'm scared to go back to grad school because I know I'll see her, her bf, the other Jewish girl, and the other guy who used to be my friend (but used me for car rides to the grocery store) in the hallway and cafeteria. I have some friends there, and I know I'll make new ones with the first yr class since that will be my class but I'm scared to run into these 4 old friends. :-( I don't know why they don't want to be my friend anymore :-( I never had this problem with friends before. I'm still close with my friends from high school and undergrad. I don't understand why now in grad school? After I read my ex-friend's email/threat I burst out crying and drove around the neighborhood. I parked my car in a parking lot and cried again. I felt like just giving everything up :-( Just giving up grad school because I'm scared of failure and losing more friends and running into those 4.


Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 4/2/2008 8:43:34 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 4/2/2008 9:12 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confused,

You said one really important fact in your post that I think you should focus on.  You said that you will make new friends when you go back to school and I believe that you will.  You will have a whole new life when you go back.  So I don't think that not having these girls in your life will matter that much.  They hopefully will be so busy studying that they wont bother you. 

Confused you are changing.  You have changed a lot since you first started posting.  So prove them wrong just llike you can prove your parents wrong.  Go back and do the best that you can.  You can't let these people get in the way of your dreams.  Just keep trying your best and you will not fail.

I believe in you.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/3/2008 2:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Relax 'confusedgirl'..It will all sort itself out eventually...us parents are funny creatures at the best of times and our children don't come with a handbook..so yeah we are gonna over react sometimes esp. when we are trying to protect you.
In some ways you are really lucky you have parents who care so much..lots of us miss out on that kinda love :) Actually I sometimes think we only begin to understand our parents when we have children of our own :)
What will u do between now and July?

Maree
 'Raindrops on roses..'


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 4/3/2008 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I am taking an anatomy class here to better prepare for it when I go back to school. I am also going to work somewhere this summer (don't know where yet).

I don't know why those 4 people don't talk to me anymore :-( Maybe they were all sick of me being sad :-( Anyways, I hope I do make new friends there eventhough I have some others there who talk to me. I also have my friends from high school and undergrad (where I got my Biology degree from).

My mom is mad I told my godparents about me leaving school and being pregnant. I told her because I felt bad hiding things from her. :-( She then told my dad and now they are both not talking to me. I did what my counselor told me to do, and that was confide in my godparents.  

I'm really sad and feel like I'll never get anywhere in life. My parents don't think I should go back to grad school because they think the environment is too stressful for me. They think I should stay home and become a teacher or something less stressful. But I always wanted to be a doctor so I think I should go back. I'm just confused right now. :-(

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 4/3/2008 6:29:40 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 4/3/2008 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confused,

Just think, you have summer to make any decisions about school.  Find yourself a job and go from there.  You have options.  You are very fortunate that you can choose what it is that you want to do.  Follow your heart and you will know what that is when the time comes. 

Life is going to go on no matter what you decide to do.  I really think that getting a job is a good idea.  I think that it would be good for you also.  Then you will get a better sense of what you want to do with school.  Sometimes you have to take things one day at a time. 

You will be making new friends when you go back to school.  If those girls couldn't handle your moods then maybe they weren't such good friends afterall.  They said that you are never going to change.  I know that you have changed and that you will continue to.  So when you get back to school, focus on learning.  It is so important to put that first.  When you have time to socialize, you will have made new friends.  So this will all work out for you.  All you have to do is try.  Look what you have been through and then look at all the oppertunity that you still have.  Now is the time to go for it, but one day at a time.  Or it will get too stressful.

I know that you can face all of this.  Put a little faith in yourself to do the right things.  You can do this.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 4/8/2008 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone.
       I talked to my counselor yesterday. He told me it was right for me to confide in my godparents. He also told me that what my dad said was abuse. He said I'm in the right direction of being assertive. But he didn't like how sometimes I get triggered by situations and do things I normally wouldn't do. For instance, whenever I went out with my friends in grad school I would drink to get drunk so I could feel better about myself. Also, I would want to have sex with that guy (who got me pregnant) to feel better about myself. The whole argument with my parents caused me to contact my Jewish friend from FL (who doesn't talk to me anymore) and her bf (who is my friend). Since I was having trouble at home with my parents I contacted them to fix my relationships with them..so at least I could fix broken friendships. I told my ex-friend that I know she was the one who contacted the dean of student affairs of the school and told him I was depressed. I also said I don't know what her motive was in doing that but I'm coming back to school. I said if she really cared about me she would have confronted me about it instead of contacting him. I then emailed her boyfriend and said how him and my ex-friend looked cute together in their formal pictures. I also asked him if he thought my ex-friend would talk to me when I came back. An hr after I sent him the email she responded to the email I sent her and said she did it because she cared. She also told me to leave her and her friends alone or else she'll get a restraining order on me so I won't be able to come to grad school. As soon as I read this I started crying hysterically responded to her that I won't bother her or her friends and that now I know she never cared because if she did she wouldnt threaten me. Then I took my car and cried in an empty parking lot again. I felt worthless. My counselor told me to just let her go and move on. So I have. Then, the dental student started talking to me (I didn't tell him about anything from my past with this girl) but we were just talking about school and sports. Then last night, I don't know what came over me. I know when I go back I will NOT act on my feelings because I don't want to have sex with someone who is not my boyfriend. But he started talking to me and I got happy. We were texting back and forth and I told him what I was wearing and how I was feeling. I guess I said that to flirt and wanting him to have the same feeling. He did. I told him when I go down to FL I DON'T want to sleep with someone I'm not dating. He said he agreed. Are all these things normal? My counselor said I might have cyclothemia not just depression. He told me to monitor my behavior. My psychiatrist told me it's just depression. I see her tomorrow. What do you think?

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 4/8/2008 6:23:37 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 4/8/2008 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

I am sorry that I had to edit your post but it was becoming unappropriate. We have youngsters that read the forum and members as young as 13, so I didn't think that it would be appropriate for them to read. As always you can send me email on things that you have questions on, but not that type on the forum. I am sure that you can understand.

You are an adult, so I can't say whether or not you should be acting this way, but I do worry that you are setting yourself up for more problems. You shouldn't lead somebody on and then say that it wont happen. If you know what I mean. You could end up getting raped, or even killed. Maybe I am going to extremes, but to me this is not appropriate behavior for somebody who doesn't even know the other person. But I am not here to judge, this is just my opinion. I really think that you need to talk to your counselor about these things, they seem to be a major factor of your behavioral problems.

As for your exfriend, I think that she threatened before a restraining order, so I don't think that you should call her anymore. You don't want to lose your priveliges of going to grad school.

I believe you are pulling way too much unnecessary drama into your life right now. You should be focusing on your studies, I know how important school is to you. You don't want to mess it up. So please think twice before you do things. I care about you so much and I don't want to see you get hurt.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 4/8/2008 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
It's ok that you edited my post getting by. I fixed it up some too. Feel free to make any changes if you think my revision is inappropriate. I told the guy that I don't want to do anything with him if we're not dating and he agreed. He told me he could wait for me because he respects girls. I will try not to talk about those things with him again because the temptation is there if you talk about that kind of stuff. He wanted to see pictures of me last night but I said sorry I don't feel comfortable with that because we are not dating and have not met face to face. He said he understood and didn't pressure me anymore. I'm very careful this time but do regret talking to him about how I felt last night. I need to monitor my behavior better.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 4/8/2008 10:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confused,

Thank you for editing your post some more.  I am glad that you understand. 

It sounds like you are going to be able to make some wise choices and I am really happy for that.  You are too special to be doing otherwise. 

I am happy that your friend respects your wishes.  Maybe you will end up having a relationship with him.  If that is what you want.  I hope that it all works out for the best.  At least you will have a friend when you go back to school.  Somebody that you know.  It will be good for both of you.

I hope that you have a wonderful day.  Take care and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/10/2008 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused

I wanted to add something here... you are very young,and I know that you are lonely with being treated that way by your parents,not going to school and not being able to see your friends.

But, you should take this time to focus on your future,and then worry about a relationship. You have alot going for you,and have been through so much. I would hate to see you get hurt again,you are just now healing from before.

Also, please please be careful with what info you are giving on the net. There are so many bad people out there,and we don't want you to get hurt.

Just remember this: whatever they tell you is true,it might be all false..and that could lead you into a very bad situation.

I know you are upset with your mom due to the internet situation but, she is just trying to keep you safe.
Sometimes tough love is very very hard,and it really sounds like that is what they are trying to do with you.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 4/10/2008 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello.

Thank you for your support. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and she told me that really how I was feeling is just depression and part of my personality. She does not think I have anything else. I am very careful with that dental student. I don't talk about sex with him anymore. School is the number one priority for me, and if him and I end up liking each other alot and start dating, we will take things slow. He told me school is the number one priority for him too and I believe it.

Last night, my sister came home for the weekend from college. As soon as she came home my parents offered her soo much food. My parents and I had fish and vegetables for dinner. But when my sis came home they offered her fish, vegetables, left over macaroni and chicken. I asked my mom if I could have some macaroni too and she said no. (my sister is about 20 lbs lighter than me). After she said no I almost started crying. I then said well you guys didn't offer me any other food at dinner. Then my dad started shaking his head at me. I then started crying and just went to my room. My parents thought I was making a big deal out of nothing and that I was jealous of my sister. I explained to them I'm not jealous of her, I just don't like how they treat me compared to her. They said that they treat us the same and the only reason they offered her the leftovers was that she didn't have any last night since she wasn't here. I did not believe that story. 2 summers ago when we went to Greece, they told my sister she could have ice cream and they said I shouldn't. I just started crying. Am I overreacting? They say that I am. My dad told me last night you're not coming to Greece next month for your cousin's wedding if you are going to act like this. And I said...act like what? Defending myself? And he said I was too emotional and always cause drama. I started crying more and just slept. Do you think I was right to argue about how they were treating me? Do you think I overreacted?



ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/14/2008 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Bump
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

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