Need to get this out

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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/4/2008 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I am home alone--bf away til tomorrow--and depression has been looming over me for the last few days.  I am really struggling right now.  It was a huge crash from where I was at the first part of the week. 
 
As I said, I'm really having a hard time right now, so I'm just going to write how I'm feeling to ppl who understand, and see if that brings me any relief, even if temporary.
 
The depression I'm feeling now is pretty bad.  I can't even bring myself to go for a walk or do anything really.  I'm trying.  I did take the dog out earlier, but the whole time I just wanted to come back in the house and lie down.  I had a shower, put make up on...called a friend...tried to distract myself with TV...nothing is working.  I hate to say that, but it's true.
 
I've been dealing with depression for so many years and it still amazes me how it just sucks the life right out of you.  My entire body is aching right now...Okay...maybe I can bring myself to have a bath.  Yes, I will do that.  But depression is just awful.  I am starting to worry about so many things.  Mostly about starting my externship on Monday.  Ugh... It's not good being alone right now. 
 
So tired, so sad, so hopeless.  I'm even typing slower.... sad I am ready for the next mood change.... sad
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 4/4/2008 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mogs,

I think that the bath is a good idea.  Anything to make yourself feel better.  When you say that you are aching all over, is there a reason for that?  How is your energy level?  I know that depression can cause pain, but you might want to talk to the doctor about that.  I have fibromyalgia and I often feel like you do.

Try to relax and keep your mind occupied.  If I can stay busy, I can often put the pain in the background.

I hope that you feel better soon, in the meantime keep posting, we are here for you.

Have a wonderful evening,

hUgs Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


froggy1011
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 4/4/2008 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hugs Mogli,

I know exactly how you feel. Your words actually opened my eyes, that even though you can be a veteran in depression, it still blindsights you and hits hard. I've noticed that everything seems to be short lived. You feel close to okay, you feel teary, you crash, you get "help", you feel "better", and then the whole cycle starts all over again. It all feels hopeless at times, but try not to let it get you down. Those words in itself almost feel impossible, but we're humans. We keep trying, if we stopped, well, most of us probably wouldn't be here. Well, i lost my train of thought... been doing that a lot lately. :( Feel better... :)

Froggy


~"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~Helen Keller


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/4/2008 10:14 PM (GMT -7)   

Mogli,

It sounds like you are really trying hard to do everything positive there, I guess sometimes it all weighs down so hard..that bath sounds nice, maybe throw in some lavender to ease those poor muscles. 

xx


Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Weekend Warrior Princess


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/5/2008 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you everyone for reaching out to me.  If it's even possible, I feel worse this morning.  I just want to be asleep so I don't have to go through this pain.  I did have my bath last night.  That felt good.  Then when I went to bed I just lay down with my eyes open, sad, waiting for my Trazodone to kick in and get me to sleep.  I didn't have a good sleep; I was up a few times.

I am in such a state today.  This is getting really bad.  But your words are helping me; they are comforting me.  I need that right now very much.  There is no one here, and no one available to come here until my bf gets home.  Even that is going to be tricky.  I'm in pretty deep and he gets really uncomfortable with that.  So thank you for writing to me, I really appreciate it....and need it.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 4/5/2008 7:06 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi MOgs,

I really hope that you will feel better soon.  I am sure the pain must be getting unbearable. That is why I worry about fibromyalgia.  Any chronic pain is too much to deal with. 

Keep us posted, we are here for you. Now and always.  you have a good support group here and I think that you should take advantage of that.  We will do our best to give you advice. 

When do you see your doctor again?  make sure that you lmake him aware of your pain and fatigue.  It is nothing to take lightly.

As always I wish for you a wonderful day.  You need to get to the root of the problem.  Be it emotional or actually physical.  I wish for you the best.  I hope that you mention everything that you are going through.  It could be chronic fatigue syndrome.  Or like I said fibromyalgia.  I am not a professional, just have been through it  though.  So cover all the bases.

Take care, keep posting.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/5/2008 7:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Karen,

Thank you so much.  I am starting to wonder about this pain I feel--I've always just assumed it's because of the tension I feel in these times and because I don't exercise.  I am in some kind of pain every day.  It's all in my back, shoulders and neck.  Today it's unbearable.  I also have TMJ in both jaw joints, and it's killing me right now b/c I can't stop clenching.

I will keep this in mind and I see my regular doctor on May 5th, so I will talk to her about it.  Thank you so much for your support.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 4/5/2008 12:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mogs,

The more you talk about your pain, the more it sounds like fibro.  You should visit the fibromyalgia and read some of the threads and see what you think.  The tmj goes right along with it.  And the location of the pain is the same as most of us have.  The thing is that if it is fibro, it will cause you depression.  Which just makes the pain worse.

My advice is in no way professional.  It is just my opinion.  I feel that way a lot of the time.  Though I am not saying that yours isn't psycological, that does happen.  I use to clench my jaw so bad that it broke one of my teeth.  So make sure that you mention it to your doctor and take a look at the fibro forum and see if you have any other symptoms.  There is a thread called fibromyalgia 101.  I will got there and bump it up towards the top for you.

I hope that you feel better soon.  And I hope that you can get some answers to your pain and fatigue.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/6/2008 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Karen,

I took a quick look at the post you mentioned--thank you very much.  As I get feeling better, I will look at it more.  On the list of symptoms--some definitely jumped out at me.

I posted my update on what's been going on since yesterday on the bp board if you would like to read; it's under the same topic I've listed here. 

I am trying my best to get through this depression.  Thank you so much for all of your help.

 

Many hugs,


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 4/6/2008 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   

hello there,

really glad you let this out. ive been depressed for a long time, and i know what works best for me is just being alone and talking to my counselor. those are my two solutions. but it sounds more like youre a people person, so try and surround yourself with people who will make you feel happy. even if you try to really go on a nice walk, do it alone and just think about things. keep telling yourself that your not going to feel this way much longer. it will encourage to get up and do things you like, and hopefully you'll feel you really want to do them

 

keep us posted


-Depressed-
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 4/6/2008 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mogs,

This has to be so difficult for you right now.  I did look at the BP forum.  I am so sorry that you are going through so much.  And I really wish that you bf could understand.  Is there any way that you could educate him about BP?  Maybe get some pamplets, or have him read the forum?  Sometimes that helps.  Maybe you could print something off of the internet for him.  He needs to know that you are struggling and that it isn't easy.  Sometimes I think that men get uncomfortable around things that they themselves cannot fix.  They are fixers.  And when it comes to woman's emotions be it pms or depression, they can't handle that. 

I was haveing terrible mood swings yesterday.  Even my husband noticed it.  I finally went out for a walk with my dogs and I felt better.  I was glad, we had our first nice day since winter started.  It was the first walk that I was  able to take.  I noticed you walk and have a dog also.  I love my dogs so much, I don't know what I would do without them.  They give you that unconditional love.  Too bad people aren't like that.  But that is what we recieve from our pets I guess. 

I really hope that you can find some help with this situation.  I hope that you can get your bf to understand what you are going through.  It is hard to suffer in silence.  Does he understand your pain issues?

I hope that when you see your doctor, that he can help you with all of this.  Make sure to tell him everything, I write lists when I go so I don't forget.

Remember that we are always here for you, so pop in anytime.  I hope that your day gets better.

Luv and hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/14/2008 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Bump
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

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