I'm not so trapped anymore

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bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/16/2008 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   
If anyone has ever read my post "I feel trapped" this is an update of what's gone on in my life.  First of all, my husband with the very serious drug problem, is now in a rehab center. He went in last Friday. I call and check on him daily and they say he is really making progress. Life is really hard right now, but my son and I have really pulled together and we get thru each day -- together. As for my brother in law, I threw him out the same Friday my husband went into rehab. Good bye and good riddens to the brother in law. As for my son, I am sooo proud of him right now. He has really stepped up to the plate, so to speak. We support each other, and we really are a pretty good team. As for my situation as a whole, I guess things had to get even worse than they were before, so that they could get better. My husband had to really hit bottom before he could ask for help. As for me, I'm going back into counseling. I need it. I had some sort of breakdown the night by husband was admitted. I cried for over 3 hours strait. I couldn't stop sobbing and hyper ventilating. I called a girlfriend of mine and she came right over. It took her over and hour to calm me down and then she put me to bed. She slept on my couch, and watched over me all night. The following night, another one of my girlfriends kept me company. She stayed well after midnight. We cleaned, drank tea, and talked alot. Thank goodness I have friends to support me and thank goodness I have you folks here at HW to vent to and help me along as well. yeah
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/16/2008 7:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionca, I am so happy that things are working out for you. It sounds like you have some pretty good friends. You are very fortunate, a lot of times our friends don't understand what we are going through.

I am hapy that your husband went into rehab. That will help so much. It is wonderful to have a good story with a happy ending. We love reading about that. So keep us posted, and we are happy that you find healing well a good place to come and let things out.

I am seriously wanting to congradulate you on this. I know how hard that you have been struggling.

Keep posting

Many hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/17/2008 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Today hasn't been such a good day. My husband is going thru really bad withdraw and tried to sign himself out. Group therapy helped him and he decided to stay. Thank Goodness. His case manager also beleives that Rod is severly depressed, so when he does come home after treatment, we'll have to address this as well. Everyday is so hard here and I have all I can do to get thru. My friends have been especially supportive and so has my son.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/17/2008 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionca,

This is going to be a really hard time for your husband right now, dealing with withdrawals. But since he has stayed he has beat half the battle. And I think that things will work out for him. Could they introduce him to an antidepressant before he comes home? That would really help with his recovery.

As always, you all are in my thoughts and prayers, Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/18/2008 1:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I do beleive they are going to put him on an antidepressant. That in itself is going to be really hard for my husband because now he has to admit to having 2 problems: drugs and depression. His case manager did pay me one HUGE compliment. He said I am one of the strongest women he has ever come acrossed. Do I feel that way? Heck no. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. I have mini meltdowns all the time behind closed doors. My husband may be the one in rehab, but don't think for one second that life isn't a living he** for my son and I. Thank goodness my son and I are tight and we really talk to each other. The case manager did say one other thing that has made me extremely proud. He said that I have done an excellent job raising our son. That gave me goosebumps. We're supposed to visit my husband Sunday. I don't know if he will see us but I hope so. I wrote him a letter like the case manager asked me to, but he told me when he gave my husband the letter, he wouldn't even open it. The case manager says that it's because of all the shame my husband is feeling right now. Please, anyone reading this, keep your fingers crossed for me. I need support more than ever, not just from my friends, but everyone here at HW as well.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/18/2008 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionca,

We are deffinately here for you. Don't ever doubt that. You should feel proud of your strength and how well you have raised your son. Even though you have a meltdown behind closed doors, it doesn't make you any less strong. You have been up against a lot, and the meltdown is a way for you to release emotions. You need that. You can't keep it all under control 24/7 and the release is healthy.

Keep up the great work and remember we at healing well are always here for you. And we support you and what you are going through. So my dear, just keep on hanging on, things will get better for you.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/19/2008 12:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm at a point right now where I'm really starting to feel angry. As time goes on, I'm hearing more and more stories about my husband's partying and "Don't tell my wife". On one side, I try to think, all this crap is behind us and I should concentrate on helping my husband get well. On the other side, I am sooooo angry. He's made a complete fool out of me in the last year, and I'm sersiously starting to wonder if we can patch up everything that has been damaged. Do I love him? Yes, I do. Can I handle hearing one more story about my husband? I don't know. My stomach is in knots. We have so much hard work in front of us. Can I ever trust him again? That's majorly tough right now. This very moment I know I can't. Do I want to go the distance one more time and work thru yet another ordeal? Part of me says yes, another part of me says no. I really am so torn. Please, if anyone has some constructive critcism, I'm all ears. Everyone's opinion here at HW is really important to me and I really do think about what you have to say.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/19/2008 12:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen, I just wanted to say thank you to you as it seems no one else wants to answer my posts. Unfortunately, this is only making me feel more dispair than I already do. Perhaps, this post thing wasn't such a good idea for me because I'm starting to really think that no one (except you) wants to deal with me.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/19/2008 6:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Bionica,

I dont want you to think that I am ignoring you. I read all your posts but sometimes when there is an exchange (almost like email) between 2+ members, I back away sometimes so that I dont 'muddy the water'. Perhaps there are times when that is the wrong thing to do and if I have offended you, I appologise.

I think starting this post has been a great idea for you since it allows you to vent how you feel and also it allows you to get feedback. Regarding your husband, I guess it really depends on how you see the future. If you cant see see a future together because of the trust issue then perhaps it is time to call time. If you are torn, then there is a part of your mind which doesnt trust him and I dont think marriages survive without 100% trust. I think you really need to take a deep look inside at what your gut is saying... that would be my advice to you.

Please keep posting

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/19/2008 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionica,
 
Hey I am sorry I did not post but I have been following your story and I sometimes just stay quiet as members get a  person they are working well with and I don't want to butt in.........but hey sweetie, I am right here.
 
I am Kitt and I have depression.  I also understand what your going through as I have some pesonal experience with people who have been through rehab.
 
Addiction means giving up conscious control. It is impulsive, unconscious behavior. As it is said in Alcoholics (or narcotics) anonymous, addicts are people who have lost all control of their lives, as well as their substance use and abuse. These people have tried many different times to stop using these substances, for their own personal, financial, or social reasons, and yet they couldn't. They were able to stop for short periods, or curb use for longer periods, but true abstinence over an extended period of time is somewhat rare among true addictive personalities. Also, addiction is a progressive disease. I get the feeling that you understand that part of the addiction, it is a disease. Now days with the wonderful rehab facilities more people are beating their addictions.
 
Now if people come up to you to tell you stories, can you be assertive and tell them to just stop, your husband is ill and under the care of physicians and repeating these stories is wrong and hurtful to both of you.
 
You have a big decision to make and I hope you have your own therapist to talk through some of these isues with but please write down your pros and cons and take your time.  Don't act out of anger  and don't worry about what people are saying about you.
 
They have no right to judge or gossip and if they are then they are wrong and  I hope nothing   bad or sad ever happens in their life.
 
You are strong and look how far you have come but your right, being told how strong you are all the time sometimes feels like we cannot give ourselves permission to be human and feel sad, helpless and weak.  I give you permission to be human. 
 
I am sure your husband will not like having a new dx but it may have been a contributing factor to his drug addiction too.
 
I am here for you and I will post.................gentle hugs.
Kitt
 
 
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/19/2008 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I wrote my husband a letter last night really venting everything. Then today, I decided I'm not going to give it to him. I think I just really needed to seriously vent and putting it down on paper really made me feel better. I know I need my own couseling right now, but I can't call until Monday and to be honest, as ususal, I have put myself last and put the needs of others before my own. I also know this is a big no-no, but things have been so topsy turvey here. I am going to call Monday. I do love my husband but sometimes fighting the good fight for the greater good is exhausting and trying to find myself just a split moment of happiness is impossible. He's aloud to call me now. OK this is gonna sound rotten, but I wish he wouldn't. It's heart breaking to hear from him and I have a meltdown after I get off the phone every time. Dealing with this whole situation is alot easier when I can stay focused. I also have to say I'm sorry if I made any of you feel bad, I just feel so alone sometimes. I can only confide in my girlfriends just so much. I think me trusting people is badly damaged right now. I'm just trying to do the best I can do. Also, my son is concerned about school on Monday. He's had off this week for spring break. What I told him is this: "Hold your head high and look people right in the eyes and if they do say something about your Dad, just tell them, so what! Yes, my Dad has a problem but he's getting the help he needs. Then just walk away." I worry about my son losing his temper just because it could so easliy happen right now. He's lucky too as far as having some really good friends and support. I would feel better though if he took me up on the offer of getting him some counseling as well.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/19/2008 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear bionca,

This is about you not us and don't ever feel you have to apologize for feeling sad and lonely.

I understand how talking to your husband causes you to have meltdowns but throw out the guilt over them because you have reason to feel bad and don't beat yourself up.

Be a bit selfish and put yourself first.  Remember you are a good person in a tough spot right now and the future is not known to you.  Splurge a bit on you..............take a walk, a nap, a drive in the country side and when you do get to see a therapist remember the therapist is for you, not for your husband.  He is getting help.

Keep posting and vent away, you have a lot of emotion to get out.

Bless you
Kitt


 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/19/2008 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt is right Bionca,

You need to start thinking about yourself. You have to be stong for everybody else so you have to charge your battery up. Do nice things for yourself now and do seek counseling. You can only go so far so long without help for yourself. You have come a long way with this, Don't wear yourself out. Take care...

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/20/2008 3:16 AM (GMT -7)   

HI Bionica,

Im definately with Karen on this one. You need to take some time out for yourself. There is no point in trying up keep up a fight if you never rest yourself. Also, you have to bear in mind that you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. You can tell your husband about the councilling but unless he wants to do it (Which is not something you can control) you are fighting a losing battle... and that will sap your strength really badly. I really think you ought to talk to him about how you feel. Clear the air and make it clear how things have to be for you both to move forward.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/21/2008 6:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone. We had our first visit yesterday. It was unconfortable to say the least. I'm still not sleeping very well. My husband just called and apparently they're letting him out Thursday because insurance won't cover any longer than that. I really don't understand insurance companies. What's the point in only covering half a treatment? I would think the chance of a relapse is much greater. I don't think he's ready yet and this has me really concerned. I'll post again later and let you know what happens thru the course of my day. I have many phone calls and arrangements to make with Dr.'s and therapy and stuff.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/21/2008 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   

I just wanted to let you know Bionca,

That you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Good luck today with all the calls that you have to make...

Keep the faith and remember that we are always here for you.

This could be a tough road for you, so keep posting.  I am having faith that all will work out well...  Keep your chin up and make sure you give yourself time to relax once in a while.

BIG HUGS, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 4/21/2008 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I haven't been around for a few weeks and I am just now seeing this post now. I am so sorry I wasn't here for you when the shi* hit the fan! If you'll remember, I am the person whose husband had the same problem.

My very first thought when I read your post was WOW, SHE IS AN AMAZINGLY STRONG WOMAN. And you are, you were even before he went to rehab. YOU are the glue that holds your family together, and the strong bond you and your son share just proves that fact, the 2 of you didn't fall apart because your husband isn't there because you are the glue.

Your husband's not wanting to read your letters or see you is just as the counselor said, he is ashamed of what has become of him and has to work things out in his own mind. It angers me so much that the insurance won't cover more inpatient time. However, they should cover more time in an intensive outpatient setting (daily or every other day) meetings with a counselor or program....and may then cover even more time for a less intensive treatment (maybe once or twice a week) with NA/AA meetings every day.

I would definitely encourage you to get into meetings too. You can go to the AA/NA or Al-anon meetings for free and if that is the wrong place then they can show you where to go and how to get a sponsor to talk to at any time of day or night.

I, too, know how hard it is to hear the stories of the drug use and how foolish it makes you feel. Everything seemed quite normal around my house, but later my neighbors told me that when I left for work at 2:30 in the afternoon that it was like a completely different place than when I was home....lots of people, cars, and loud music.

I am here for you....and you are more than welcome to email me (its in my profile off to the side). You are in for the fight of your life and it may not be easy and it may end up being a fight that you don't want to deal with. However, at least hearing his ugly party stories is now putting it all out on the table, coming clean, and giving you the option of dealing with it or not. Stay strong, and remember to keep you and your son as first priority.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/21/2008 5:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Today has been a very busy day for me. The rehab has asked me to find my husband 90 meetings in 90 days with NA. This was no easy task since no town around here has meetings 7 days a week. I was successful in my task though. And can you beleive Al-Anon and Narc-anon is alsmost non existent in this area. I never even heard of Narc-anon until today. I did contact EAP and had success there. They're setting me up with a counselor. I told my husband's case manager about Healing Well, what we do here for each other, and how everyone here at HW really try to support one another. He thinks this is absolutely wonderful, so we all deserve a BIG applause! I pick my husband up Friday afternoon. I have to meet with their Family Structure counselors before they release him, but that's o.k. I didn't have to schedule this session before his departure, but I thought it would be better so that I would be more prepared for his release. I'm still not sleeping all night so I think I'm going to have to contact my Dr. and see what she wants to do about it.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/21/2008 5:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Alright Bionca,

It sounds like you really got the ball rolling.  that is awesome.  I think that this is a good way to go.  And I am happy that you are handling it well.  It sounds like you are getting much stronger.  Or at least realizing your strengths.  It is so hard when you are fighting the situation all of the time.  You feel like you are getting no where.  Now you can see some accomplishments.  It isn't going to be the easiest task, but it is happening and that is what is important.  Try to go with the flow and you will do fine.  And getting rest is going to help.  I am sure that your doctor will help you with that.  So it looks like you are all going in the right direction.  And that makes me so happy.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.'

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/22/2008 3:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Bionica,

Im so glad that you managed to find your husband the 90 appointments... especially in your area where the -anon appointments are as rare as rocking horse poo! Im also really glad that you got such a positive response in regards to HealingWell. We rely on members 'advertising' us to other people so that we can keep going... so many thanks for that! I hope the doctor sorts out your sleep pattern. You deserve it after all you have done for your husband

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/22/2008 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
HW is very welcome for my spreading of the word. I'd be really lost with out all of you right now. The nightmares still continue. I woke up crying from one last night and it took a while to calm down. I did do something this morning for me. It's not that big a deal but it made me happy. I love Avon and they have a new perfume out called Flower, and when I smelled the sample I fell in love with out, so I called my Avon lady and ordered it. And yes, it made me feel better doing just this little thing. I stayed awake all day yesterday in hope that I would sleep better last night, but that wasn't successful. I'm going to see if my dr. can see me today because I really need something with this whole sleep thing. I'll keep you posted. When I was in counseling they told me that I needed to do something everyday no matter how small to make me happy, so I'm trying my best. I'll let you know of anything new that happens.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/22/2008 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   

Good for you Bionca,

Though it was a small thing that you got for yourself, I bet that it was a big happy that you felt.  Your counselor made a good suggestion.  We should all do that for ourselves.  I did something yesterday when I was shopping, I bought a new purse.  It gave me something to look forward to when I got home.  Cleaning out my old purse and putting everything into the new one.  My friend has always liked the purse that I was using and actually she collects them, so I am going to give it to her.  That will make me feel good once again.  So that is like a two for one with the purchase of a purse.  And it was on sale too!

I think that we should do something nice for ourselves every day, even if it is just sitting in the sun for a while and listening to the birds or just feeling the sun on our face. 

I am happy for you.  You are on the right track and I know you will one day be rewarded for your compassion and all of the hard work that you are doing right now.

Have a wonderful day,

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/22/2008 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you are right on Karen about doing something for ourselves each day. So often we forget about ourselves and our mental needs because we get caught up in the rush of normal living. I think setting 1/2 an hour aside each day would be a great idea. Even if it was just to enjoy what we already have.

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 4/22/2008 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Bionca - doing something for yourself is a MUST. Right now, so much focus is being put on your hubby and you are putting all of your energy into him too...you need to remember that you and your son come first. So much is going to be wrapped up in getting hubby to the meetings daily and his counseling. I am so glad you are seeing a counselor for yourself!
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/23/2008 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
More nightmares last night. I did what the case manager suggested, which was to start a journal. When I wake up from a nightmare, I write the dream down right away. I read it this morning, and the case manager was right, it did make sence. Later on will be very busy for me. I have a visit with my husband and then I have a mandatory al-anon group session there. I look forward to the Al-anon session because I literally cannot find a single one in my area. My days don't seem to be getting any better. The amount of house cleaning I'm accomplishing is amazing, lol. I'll let you all know how my visit and session go. Last night, I took my little dog for a long walk. It was one of those little things to make me happy and it did. It was nice to be warm and be outside. I held my head high and I looked people in the eyes. I even had conversation. I didn't feel so ashamed anymore. I guess I kind of got a renewed strength. All this from a little dog walk! Amazing isn't it!!

Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.

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