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at a loss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/20/2008 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   
sad   hi  everyone, i am new here, i just need someone to talk to. i feel so alone. i don't know were to start. i have been married for 12 yrs and i have a 17 year old from my first marriage. and i have lost both my parents 2 years apart from each other. and i just feel like i am in a room all by my self i don't know what to do or who to talk to,, my husband is really sick and i work 40 hours a week and take care of my husband and my son is getting really mean to me. i just don't know what to do. any more.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/20/2008 12:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear at a loss,

I am sorry your having problems but I am glad you found this wonderful site.  You will find many warm and caring members here  what your going through.

My biggest concern is you son's abusiveness toward you as this is never right.  There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most significant sign is fear of someone you are close to. Other signs include a person  who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. Would you be willing to share a little more about your situation?

Also please seek help, see your PCP to discuss your feelings and see if you may be a candidate for mediction or therapy.

Again welcome to HW and the Depression forum.

Hugs
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/20/2008 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello at a loss,

I am happy that you found us, you are not alone anymore.  You will find some very kind and compassionate people here with a lot of information to share.  You will be glad that you visited us.

I am sorry for what you are going through.  Did you want to elaborate on the illness of your husband?  Either way I can imagine that it is hard for you.  And I am sorry that your son isn't helping the situation.  Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with him and explain the difficulty of your situation.  I hope that he comes around in his ways.

So welcome to Healing Well.  Please keep posting, we are here to help as much as possible. 

Are you going to any type of therapy to help you through this?  It might be a good idea to get somebody to help you at this time.  Talking is a good way to find some solid ground to stand on when everything is so shakey.

Take care, Keep posting,

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


at a loss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/20/2008 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
 well my son calls me names in front of his friends. and at home. my husband is on a walker due to his illness he has a really bad back the dr says he might be in a wheel chair before long. sometimes i just want to give up and walk away from it all. back to my son. he just says things like why don't you do us all a fav and just ___ end up in the gound some where. it's hard enough dealing with the loss of my parents. my mother passed away 18 months ago and my dad passed away dec. o7 .. it's really hard on me. my job they give me a hard time at it too. i can't lose my job have to have a home. i get no help from anyone with help . my son has hit me one time pushed my in to the kitchen sink and has grabed my arms and put bruises on me. and i don't tell anyone. i don't know what to do. when he goes to work he calls me and trys to keep track of me at work. this is my son . i just don't know i ask for help and all i get is we can't do anything about it. i don't have the money to get  any one to help me. my son keeps me so worried and up set i don't sleep much my hair is falling out. working a job and taking care of my husband and dealing with my son is just taking a toll on my. i feel like i am loing my mind. seems like no one cares, it take everything i make to pay my bills and my husband med's and dr bills. i have no time for me. can't get help with nothing .. not complaining .. i know that it's on me to take care of this family. my son blames things on me . you done this look at what u made me do. and things like that ..

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/20/2008 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Can your husband get on disability?  Or is he already?  I am sorry to hear that he is in such a state that he will be in a wheelchair.

As for your son.  Maybe it is time for him to move out.  You can't keep taking all of this abuse.  I think that you should file a complaint on him with the police.  You can't keep taking the abuse and you definately don't deserve it.  This just isn't right and it makes me so angry to hear of such a thing.

You should be able to get some help from the department of social services.  Does he get insurance to pay for his meds and doctor appts? 

I hope that you have him on disability, because that would help you a lot.  If not, that is something to persue.

Keep posting, at least here you can get it off of your chest and feel better.  We are here for you.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


at a loss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/20/2008 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
we have been trying for his ssi for 3 years now and we have a lawer thejust don't get in hurry. social services said i make to much money
and no we can't get insurance for him i have to pay for everything out of pocket.. as far as my son is concerned i have been to the police many times and they tell me the same thing. we can't help you. sorry to keep going on it's just so hard on me. i have beged and peladed with my son. help me. and try to talk to him is like talking to a wall. he don't care. and here you can not put a minor out until he is 18 and my son will not be 18 unitl christmas.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/20/2008 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't be sorry, that is what we are here for, I find many times that if I just come here and post that I feel better. I hope that it is working for you too.

It takes a long time to get disability. If it has been three years, you are getting close. The system is so far behind at this time. If he gets disability, he should get medicaide too. That will take care of your doctor, hospital and medications. So that is just a matter of time.

Are you getting any counseling? You should be, you have a lot on your plate right now. There has to be something that you can do about your son's behavior. He needs some kind of help too. You just don't go around physically abusing people and get away with it. You could talk to somebody about that too. I mean in the terms of counseling. This just isn't right. So check into some counseling for yourself. You deserve to have an outlet with all that is going on. There are many free of charge places for that too. You just need some resources. I will look for numbers for you to call.

I hope that you can get a few minutes to relax and get away from it all. You deserve some peace of mind. Even if it isn't for very long. Just coming here helps me, being able to talk about things and feeling safe with opening up and just letting it all out. And people here are not judgemental at all. They just want to help.

Keep posting,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/20/2008 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear at a loss,

You call the police the next time he touches you and you sign a warrant against him for assault. How old is he?  You are in personal danger and  if he is allowed to continue, the abuse will escalate. You need to take care of you.  Also you can toss him out and get a PPO against him. 

I know this sounds harsh but if your son hurts you, you will lose your ability to help your husband and make a home for you and your husband. Any friends, or family to call on to help you?

May I ask how your husband hurt his back, is this a workman's comp?

I am so sorry this has happened to you.
Hugs
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 4/20/2008 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
At a Loss:  I am so glad that you found Healing Well.  Kitt and Karen are absolutely correct when they say that everyone here is very caring and non-judgmental.  In fact in many of the postings you will see how we often refer to ourselves as family.
 
Unfortunately, I do not have any extra suggestions for you.  But I would like you to know how sorry I am for the circumstances you are in.  I can see how you are being pulled in so many different directions and the amount of stress you are under.  Please keep coming back and posting so that we can all support you through this difficult time.  You sound like such a warm and caring person and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Cass 

at a loss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/20/2008 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
no it's not work related he has a bone des. that has passed down from his father. thank you all for your help. my husband takes morphine, and other pain meds he also has sugar. it's hard but i am not complaing or any thing just don't know what else to do .. my son is not like this all the time just when i ask for his help like with his dad of some of the bills. husband back bone is going away has lumber spoilsis  i know i didnt' spell that right sorry.in time it will parzlize him.. in other words he has no disk ,spine is making him hump over so i have learned the hard way. some times i just feel like everyone would be so much better off. with out me . and as far as family , no i don't have anyone to help me. his mother and father depend on me as well .. my family don't have anything to do with me,. husband is a only kid.. so .. guess i need to make more of me.. haha that was a joke..

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/20/2008 4:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Please don't feel like everybody would be better off without you. It sounds like a whole lot of people depend on you. And you can't do it all.

You shouldn't have to ask your son to help, he should just do it. I am so sorry that he is like he is. That is so unfair to you.

Keep posting here, it will make you feel better. Also there will be some more suggestions for you.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


at a loss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/21/2008 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
i just feel like i am at my ropes end. seems like the more i ask for help the more. i get turned down, thank you all for being so kind to me. seems like no one understand how i feel . i have got high blood presure and on med. for it. and i am so tired i don't eat or sleep i have to drink engery drinks to keep going . i mean i snack around but that's not food. sometimes i wounder if me working and all is worth it. i mean seems like the more i do the more i am behind, don't know if this makes any sence. but thanks for letting me ramble.. i do feel better now that i have you all to kn ow what i am deal with..

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/21/2008 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi At a loss,

Have you actually sat down and figured out if it is worth working? Would you get further ahead if you were to stay at home with your husband? Or was that just figure of speech?

When my first husband was diagnosed with cancer, I quit my job to take care of him. It was well worth it, but I wasn't making all that much money anyway.

Did I ask if you were going to counseling? I know I could just read the posts again, but thought I would ask again if I hadn't.

I am happy that you feel better by coming here, this is a good place with many wonderful people. They are very kind and compassionate.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Ith
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/21/2008 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there. I've read your posts and you're quite an inspiring and strong person. Despite how your son may treat you you're obviously quite the leader and provider of the household.
 
I guess what I try to say is that you do have power, influence and deserve the respect and standing of every other carer in the world. It's an unpayed job to look after another person however you see it, and the attitude of your son doesn't reflect on the majority of people's views on your help of your family.
 
You're doing well, and I can understand how tired you must be.
 
Be sure to start eating properly, and drink water more than sugary drinks and you'll begin to feel fresher after sleeping. I know sugar is the go-to for a quick fix, but water will help more in the long run for keeping you awake. Three square meals a day will make you sleep better as well, as your body wont be restless from lack of food.
 
It's a lot to think about when you're stuck in a mindset, but small changes can start.
 
Looking forward to hearing from you again.

at a loss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/21/2008 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you all. for everything no i can't afford to go to see a concler, if i stop work i would loose everything ,what i meant to say about being worth it. i ment that people don't need help and the people who need it can't i sorry sould have made my self clear,it just feels so good to have other people to talk to who know what it's like i step on my words.. don't know why this world is that way. thank you for all the post i don't have time to eat much or rest. don't drink lot of sugary drinks ,, i don't care that much for water but i do drink it i like sour things more..
you all don't know what it means to me to have found this sight, and i can't give you all a hug but i will try to help you all out as best as i can.. thank you from the bottom of my heart..

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/21/2008 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh At a loss,

You are so very welcome.  That is what we are here for.  To try to help eachother.  So keep coming back and let us know how things are going for you.  We really do care about you.

I hope that your situation works itself out soon.  Can you try to get free help.  It is there you have to ask for it.  You need to go to your local mental health and ask for free counseling.  Or ask your doctor about some help.  There are resources out there.  Look through the phone book, or on  the internet.  You will find help through this situation.

Best wishes for you.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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