Hi there Wayen,
How about picking one person a day and have a conversation, Just even to say hello how are you today. I do the same thing you do. In fact I can write on here much better than I can talk to people in person or over the phone. I can talk to people that I don't know better than the ones that I do. I try, but like you, I just don't know what the heck to say. So maybe I am not such a good adviser on that. But I think that it might work for your communication skills.
Even just the everything stuff that you do everyday. Your studies, things that interest you. Just do a little, set small goals. Like I said in an earlier post, your rowing, you say it is boring, I know I use to have a ski machine, if I was moving it would be more interesting. But set an amount of time, not a lot and make yourself do it for that long. You will feel so much better afterwards. And you said you have problems with self esteem. Like I say, pick one person that you don't know and say for instance "hello, nice weather we are having isn't it?". Or something to that effect. If you end with a question generally people will reply back. If they don't, please don't let it get you down, chances are they are having a rotten day or something. But try smiling, people are attracted to that. They like to talk to people that look happy. Just the little things make a big difference. I do that, and it helps me. But like I said, I talk easier to strangers that to the people that I know. I guess because it is quick and you most likely wont even see them again. Just saying hello makes people happy. Maybe try starting with one person a day, then two, then three, and so on. It sounds dumb I know, but it does work.
Are you going to see a counselor? They would probably have more advice than I can give. Better anyway, there are probably exercises that you can do that will help you. Do you like to walk? I find that walking everyday helps me to feel better, it is good cardio and gives you time to reflect on things. Positive thinking is another one, practice that. Find five things that are positive about yourself, repeat them often or write them down and put them where you will see them everyday. People can become depressed with negative thinking, well positive thinking can become that way too. Only you don't get depressed, you become happy. But if you say it or read it enough, it becomes a part of you.
I really hope that this helps. Another goal you should set is to see a counselor. I think that it would help you to talk to somebody professional. It does wonders. I see a psycologist and a psychiatrist and they have both really helped me. Maybe that should be your first goal. And from there, they will help you by talking to you and help you set other goals.
In the meantime keep posting.
I am not sure what you mean about a specific subject, but for example. Say somebody tells you " I am a failure at everything". Well that is impossible. That person got up successfully in the morning, they got dressed and didn't fail. So you can turn a negative into a positive. There are different situations, some of the negative thoughts you might want to put out of your head and some of them you might want to turn around.
I have times where everything is going just fine and the worse thought will come into my head. I don't know where it comes from but I think it is an underlying thing of not letting my self completely let go for fear that something bad will happen. As it did in my childhood. If the phone rings I would use to imagine it was bad news for me and be afraid to answer it. So these were things that I had to over come. I learned to put the bad things out of my head. And with the phone, I tell myself that answer it, it could be a good call. And if it is bad, just deal with it. So there are little tricks that we can learn in how to cope with negative thoughts. I would say either way would be good depending on the situation.
I hope that this helps.
It sounds as though your expectations of yourself are too high. And you are disregarding logic. But you are an artist, and we tend to think in that manner. I paint. And I do things that are actually not possible. Like mixing warm and cold colors and not getting mud. My art teacher said I was the exception to the rules. You are working with music. I am sure that you are remarkably talented. But I really do think you are setting those expectations way too high. In your eyes by doing that you will never succeed. Though what others think isn't always necessarily the same. They probably love what you do. You are your own worst critic and so am I. So give yourself a break and go easier on yourself.
You are you. You are an individual. that is who you are. And what you do with your life is of your choosing. Life is full of changes and challenges. We do the best that we can and that has to be enough for ourselves, or else we will never be happy.
Youv'e got it, you just don't know it yet. It takes time, and we all have that, so go with the flow and you will be happy.
I agree with Karen about you having too higher expectations. Is probably something I recognise in other people because I am the same myself. Being a constant perfectionist, nothing ever being good enough etc... What you need to learn is that being reasonable doesnt decrease any abiltiy you have. Its something I learned to do but I need to do it more often! Please dont be so hard on yourself... you only drive yourself further down.
Just seeing the improvements in the way you are thinking is enough for me. I know you probably don't see it but I do. You are doing far better than you were when you first posted. You seem much happier, even if you don't see it yet. That makes my day.
I think in time that you will find what pace is right for you, you sound like a go getter and that is okay. You do have high expectations of yourself, but if that is the way that you are, then so be it. You will learn to accept things for what they are and I think your high expectations may keep you at your best. But you have to learn not to beat yourself up when you don't achieve the impossible. And you will.
Keep on keeping on. You sound like you are doing good.
Keep posting, you write interesting posts as yana said.
Have a wonderful day
Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 4/23/2008 12:43:52 PM (GMT-6)
Why do you think that it was you who screwed up? One thing that I have learned is that you can't control what others think and feel. She sounds like she might be a little insecure with herself. You can't help that. You can say that you are sorry for the way that she felt. And if you really think that you made her feel stupid, see if there were any of your actions that you can change. If you talked for three hours, there still sounds like there is hope. But please don't take on other peoples emotional problems and blame yourself. You are not responsible for the other persons moods, or the way that they feel inside, they are. That is unless you go around trying to hurt people which I don't think that you do.
Like I said before, Love is perennial as the grass. It keeps coming back to you. And it will. Just give it time.
Can you two still be friends? Love grows you know. Try to be more sensitive to her feelings. See where that takes you. Start asking her to go out to lunch or dinner or something fun. She had feelings before, they may come back. Please don't expect the perfection out of her as you do yourself. No body is perfect. We are all far from it. People make mistakes, they mess up sometimes. That is a part of life. Don't beat yourself up over this, it isn't as hopeless as you think it is.