How to get help?

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unseen14
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/23/2008 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello! I'm new to this so I'm not exactly sure how this works but I need some advice. I'm only fourteen years old, young I know. Well, I think I need some help. I don't know for sure if I'm 'depressed', well, I'm almost certain I'm not. But I think there is something that should be done.        and I sort of have a very slight eating disorder (but the eating is hardly anything to worry about).
 
The only problem is that I can't say I'm depressed because it's not a constant thing. At night times though, and when I'm alone, I just get so...hopeless! I'm in the middle of this really stressful friendship situation which sounds harmless but it is causing me so much stupid pain. Maybe someone can relate to this: I feel stupid for wanting help because there are loads of people who have it so much worse. Some who read this are probably clinically depressed and might think I'm just faking! (You have my sympathy. My sister is clinically depressed and I imagine it is extremely tough). I'm really not trying to look for attention though (i've been told that I do that).
 
I just don't want to feel hopless at the time I do and I don't want to cut myself. I sometimes sit in my french class seeing my old best friends chatter and I'll cut myself with a pen cap, in the middle of class. It's just scaring me! I DON'T want to end up in a bad place, lower than how I am now. I've been lower than this and when I look back on it I'm amazed I lived! I don't want to be like that again.
 
The main concern though is that my sister in the past has told my mom I was depressed (which honeslty at the time I might have been). My mom asked me about it but ended saying, "I think you're not depressed. I think you're taking after your ssiter (who cuts by the way) and you're just a hormonal teenager." Yeah, so obviously after that I was scared to tell anyone about anything. I've been in counseling but I always felt that my counselor thought I was faking. Also, I cut myself for the first time BEFORE I found out about my sister.
 
Well, basically that's everything. I want help, and I want to be happy! I just need some way of asking. Or maybe someone knows a way that I could help myself? Thanks for listening.
 
 

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/23/2008 10:02:57 PM (GMT-6)


froggy1011
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 4/23/2008 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
unseen,

I'm 16 and i've been depressed for 3 years already. I pretty much started out like you.. It wasn't a constant thing, but then i got worse as more things in my life got worse. I have a feeling that a mod is going to edit your post, but what you are doing is definetly not the way out of it. Now you have us at healingwell and we're here to listen and help. If you ever feel down, vent here. There are a bunch of people who are going through the same things as you are, or have gone through it before. We're all here to help each other. Don't let too many things get you down! If you have AIM you can talk to me there too.

Froggy
~"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~Helen Keller


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/23/2008 9:08 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Unseen,

Froggy is right, you have come to a good place.  The people here are wonderful.  You will be glad that you came.

Here are a couple of numbers for you to call, you can get more help there:

1-800-dontcut

1-798-366-9066

1-800-442-4673    hopeline

I would suggest that you talk to somebody, be it one of these numbers, or a counselor at school.  You definately need to get some help with this.

In the meantime, keep posting because we are here for you.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/24/2008 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Unseen and Welcome to Healingwell,

It certainly sounds like it could be the beginnings of depression. Its important to remember that depression is not a constant thing... people with depression have good days and bad days (As anyone on here will testify). The good thing is that the earlier you start doing something about it (I.e. looking at the cause, having therapy sessions, starting a course of meds etc...) the easier it is to sort out. Its important that you communicate what is going on with your doctor and your parents. A problem shared is a problem halved. Perhaps your sister can be a source of support for you if she has experienced the same thing?

Please keep talking to us so that we can help you.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 4/25/2008 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Froggy. I am also 16 and I have been depressed for a while...not sure how long because it only got really bad about a year ago... But, I didnt start out doing anything. I was depressed little by little and it wasnt constant either. But, about a year ago it got really bad. I felt like everything was out of control. I was out of control. At the time, I knew I needed help, but like you, I felt like others were worse than I was. I was afraid to tell anyone because no one ever talks about it.

The people around me never talk about things like that and I was scared to speak for myself. I have trust issues and I am not "Close" to anyone. I dont cry in front of people and I dont hug people. I just stay as strong as possible "on the outside"...but on the inside I was craving to speak and get help. I starting taking it out on myself.

Eventually I had panic attacks, I knew it was time to speak. I HAD to. I wrote a letter to my school counselor and gave it to her. I have been seeing her once a week since August! She didnt help much because I didnt tell her everything, out of fear of her reaction...But, I started cutting also. Which was veyr bad. Like you, I NEVER wanted to do that. I went through alot alone. I almost ODed once but I stopped myself and thought of all the good things I have. That was almost a mistake that I couldnt have taken back. I have other things that have also happened, but my point is that you are not alone. And, its ok for you to ask for help, whether you arent depressed or you are. If you are cutting, you need help. My worst fear was getting worse, and I did, but not because I feared it, I let it happen. I didnt get help for it. That was a HUGE mistake.

BUT, I am doing much better now. I dont cut. I stopped cold turkey! I havent had a panic attack in a while and I feel better. I am not as depressed anymore either! I have talked to my friends about it. Some know more than others, but at least I spoke about it. I have also talked to my teachers. I feel better talking about it.

I am a survivor now. And you can be too. If you want to get better, speak up for yourself. Get help. Talk to someone. And dont be afraid of it. You are human and things happen. Dont worry about it. You are who you are and thats perfectly fine!

If you ever need to talk, I am here. You can talk on here or email me or anything. I am here for you and I care. Anytime. I hope you get help and feel better. Take care!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


froggy1011
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 4/25/2008 1:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Just like what tennis said, you have to get help. You need to talk to someone. Depression is not for someone to deal with on their own. I'm in the process of doing that right now actually. That brings me to a question for tennisdoc09. I want to talk to my teachers about what i'm going through and i want to talk to my counselor, but how confidential is the counselor, and how did you start the conversation with you r teachers? I'm afraid that if I start to talk to them, i'll fall apart in front of them and i hate showing my emotions to anyone. How did you do it? i WANT to feel better.

Froggy
~"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~Helen Keller


unseen14
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/26/2008 9:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Froggy, about what you said above me, it's exactly how I feel. I want to feel better and sometimes i WANT to bawl my eyes out in front of people, but I just can't. I can't show my emotions and that's why I just don't know how to get help. I think on Monday I'm going to talk to my school counselor, who I have talked to before.

Thanks for the support. I'll keep everyone posted on how Monday goes.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/26/2008 10:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Unseen,

I am so happy that you have decided to talk to your counselor again.  I am sure that it will really help.  I think that it is a very wise idea.

Hi Froggy,

I think that Tennis wrote a note to her counselor.  Also she had talked to a teacher that she trusted and the teacher talked to the counselor.  I know how hard it is sometimes to talk to people, but, Once you have made the first move, the rest comes much easier, trust me, I have been there.  I know that you can do this, you are a very strong young adult.

Hugs to you both,

Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 4/26/2008 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Like Karen said, I wrote a letter to my counselor, I went and gave it to her and left. Then, I went back and we talked. She started the converstain just by asking questions. I was VERY scared then. And it is hard, but you have to realize that it WILL get better if you just do what you have to. Your counselor, or anyone, you talk to should be very confidential. And if you must, tell them you would appreciate it if they didnt tell anyone. Your counselor shouldnt tell anyone, the only way they will is if they feel like your life, or someone elses is in danger. I know that sounds "on the line"... I was afraid to tell my counselor I cut because in our first session she asked if I had ever self-harmed...I really hadnt... I had hit myself a few times (with a baseball bat) but it didnt hurt me... and I hadnt really thought of it being self-harm, so I told her "no"... She said, "Good, because you would need professional help if you did."

She wasnt being mean or anything about it, but I took it as that sort of. I thought she would freak out if I told her. So, I never did. I was afraid to tell her how bad everything REALLY was. She knew I was depressed, but not to what extent.

I will help you both get started. When you feel emotional, sit down and write down what you WISH you could tell someone. Dont erase it or throw it away. Give it to your counselor or a trusted adult. It helps. I promise. So far, everyone I have told has been very caring and understanding about it. I FEARED people freaking out, but they didnt. So, ITS OK. You CAN tell someone.

My teachers, I told them about my anxiety because it affects alot. I cant go on field trips. I cant do speeches. I dont do crowds. Anything like that, so I really had no choice but to explain to them why I cant do certain things. I just went to them individually and alone, I started by saying "The reason I cant do .... is because I have anxiety problems." Then, I explained. And they listened. Then they asked questions about it.

Its very scary having to talk to people, but when I did, I realized how much people care about me. I am alot closer to my teachers and a few friends and my counselor now. I never realize how many and how much people cared about me. But, they all understood and they all do everything they can to help me.

Froggy, I had the SAME problem. I was SO afraid I would just start crying. And I REFUSE to cry in front of people. I hate showing emotion because it makes me feel small. I like to appear strong because I feel strong on the outside no matter whats going on in the inside. I feared breaking down because I tend to talk to myself (in private) and I tell myself what I wish I could tell someone. This helps because I am not talking directly to someone, but I am saying everything I want to. When I do, I always cry. So, I had a huge problem with that.

I havent broke down in front of anyone yet. I have held things together, and you can too. If not, its ok. You are stronger just for wanting to talking about it. Remember that. It doesnt matter if you cry. You should. You have the right to and it doesnt change anything.

I want to tell you that you can do it. Dont think about it. Just do it. Just say whatever you want. If you cant start the conversation, write the letter. That person will then know what is going on and they will talk to YOU about it. Then, it will go from there. And be completely honest with that person and yourself. Be true to your feelings and thoughts. You will feel so much better after you tell someone, trust me, I have been there.

Also, I feel so much better now. And now I want to help others in the same situation, so I will do whatever it takes to help you be able to speak. I know exactly what it is like. I have better relationships now that I have told people. And I feel good about things. I talked to my counselor Friday and I told her we needed to talk this coming week. I am going to tell her everything that has happened the past 10 or 11 months... I was always so afraid to tell her... I kept her in the dark about things and I feel like she needs to know now. I am through it and I can do it. I am going to tell her now. I never did and I regret it. I wish I had been able to be open about things. It doesnt make you any less of a person. You are human and you have feelings and thoughts. Some things you cant control, and you cant go back. What has happened, has happened.

So, do what you can to tell someone. Write a letter. Its a good start. Its hard, but its huge and you will feel so much better. Be sure to be true to yourself and your feelings! You CAN DO THIS!!! You BOTH CAN DO THIS!!!! And I will be here anytime to help you.

Take Care!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 4/26/2008 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi TeNNis, I just wanted to give you props for your insight & support here...

Unseen, it is great that your taking your first steps to reaching out here...please do keep posting and seek the help to get better.  I have a great website you may be interested in taking a look at.... http://www.selfinjury.com/index.html

Take care all


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 4/26/2008 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi unseen you have made some great steps firstly in seeing a councillor and second in coming here both of which were hars ones to take .I kept mine hidden for so many years firstly because my parents were not the sort of parents who would give a darn so it remained hidden deep inside but it was destroying me bit by bit .
The career i chose didn`t work out failure in my took over .Then many years on things just began to surface and i didn`t know it all could of been treated that there was a name for it .
No matter how small and insignificant we think our problem is it`s still real we all started there .
The thing i`m trying to say you should be so proud of yourself that you have recognised that you are getting depressed at such an early age .it took me a long time and a lot of bad drs to get to treatment that i needed .
Just remember it`s a safe place in here and we are all going through some kind of battle and it doesn`t matter how small or how bigh that battle is it`s still effecting our quality of life and we all deserve a happy life.
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


unseen14
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/28/2008 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the help everyone. I couldn't go to the school counselor today because it turns out she wasn;t there, so that bummed me out. But i'm definitely going tomorrow.

The weirdest thing happened today; i was at my sisters physical therapy and the woman there is like a second mom to my sister. She asked if "she was being good." which really translates to "have you done something bad...." And I suddenly just got so sad. I kept thinking 'well doesn't she care about me?' It feels like no ones cares about me anymore. My friends said they don't want to be my friend and my one old best friends is lying about me behind my back and everything just hurts. Sometimes i just want to crawl up in a bawl and just stay there forever and let the time pass by. So i was wondering if other people feel like this, like no one cares and that you just want the world to go on without you. I'm sure plenty other people do, I just really want to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. Because i feel all alone and that i have no one to talk to anymore.

I'll let you all know how my chat with the counselors goes tomorrow =]

Thanks!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/28/2008 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   

HI Unseen,

I still can't get how you "have you done something bad" out of "has she been good".  It isn't good to assume that people are saying something that they haven't said.  So stop that, please.  Take everything at face value and don't interpret things in any way other than they are.  I am sure she didn't mean what you think that she did.

Sometimes we all have days like you had, when everything seems to be negative.  But that just comes with life.  You have to look for positive and not the negative.  Try to find something positive in every day.  If you really look, you will find it.

I hope that you can see your counselor tomorrow.  I think it will do you a lot of good to talk things out with an objective person.  It helps us all. 

Why do your friends not want to be friends anymore?  Did they say that to you, did they say why?  You can always make new friends.  They will come and go throughout your life time. 

So keep your chin up and remember that we are always here for you.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 4/28/2008 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes people can be cruel. You seem really cool and if your friends are lying and sneaking around behind your back, then they arent being good friends. You deserve better! about going to your counselor, I know the feeling. Sometimes mines not there which bums me out... but Froggy and I both went today!!! We both talked to our counselors. Mine went really well. I told her about my cutting and we talked about it. She didnt react the way I thought she would. She was very calm and understanding. She was really glad that I had stopped though. She just asked me alot of questions about it.

I was really nervous ahead of time. I have a class of just 3 people, and Im very close to my teacher in there. So, my teacher knew I was going and why so we talked before I went, and she allowed me to clean the room...(I clean when Im very nervous!) It was funny! But, I finally went and it went good. I was afraid to look at my counselor, but I realized it was ok. Nothing bad was going to happen and I was safe to talk about it with her. So, dont be scared. Be honest and say as much as you can. Let your counselor know how you feel. He/she will be able to help you the right way!

Good luck tomorrow! YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Take care...and let us know what happens!!!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


unseen14
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/28/2008 3:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again. In reference to what getting by said:
The physical therapist really was refering to my sister's cutting. She couldn't say it out loud because people were around but she was asking in a concerned voice. Then later I asked my sister to be sure and she said that the physical therapist was asking about the cutting. Just wanted to clarify things.

As for the friend situation, UGH! Basically, I had three best friends for 2 years. One of the girls was just AMAZING! she cut herself too and for the first time in my left I could say EXACTLY how i felt and she would understand, and I was SO happy. She helped my through my eating disorder phase. But in August, she told me I was looking for attention and that hit me like a knife in the chest. I still haven't gotten over it. But anyway, in December she told me I was being a jerk to her and I was. But i didn't realize it because I was really unhappy. (is it possible to be depressed for 3 months and then just suddenly get better? because that's how it was.) So i said HORRIBLE things to her that I didn't even realize i was doing. Well, i just didn't CARE because all i wanted to do was die. So, for 3 months we didn't talk. In fact, we hated eachother. But in March, I apologized because I finally had realized what i did. So, she said she wanted to help me get better because she wanted me to be happy. But now, she hasnt helped me even though i've asked her twice for help.

I feel like she has forgotten about me completely. she never talks to me even though she sees me in school. She ignores my emails and such. She only talks to me if I start a conversation and even then theyre hardly conversations. I care about her SO MUCH and it hurts SO BADLY that i caused her pain, and that I am the reason we aren't friends. I could have prevented everything but I didn't. So, I'm hurting really badly and i blame it on myself. It's hard to live with myself knowing I destroyed everything I had with my best friends.

wow, so that's it. I could talk forever about this. But once I get infront of a counselor, i won't be able to speak. I'm going to try though, i really am. I've been here before and I blew it. But i'm not doing that this time.

Thanks for listening!

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 4/28/2008 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I had a similar situation with my best friend. We have been best friends for like 6 years. She got her first boyfriend this year, so he took up all of her time. Out of nowhere she decides she is going to be homeschooled. She missed a few days sick and then she had made this decision so she didnt come back. I was terribly upset because I wasnt close to anyone else...(I really wasnt close to her but still)... Welll at that time, I told her I cut myself... she FREAKED out! I didnt expect that...

We were distant after that and we didnt speak... so.... then we start talking and I try to confide in her and I tell her about a rape like sutation that happened when I was younger... omg, she FREAKEd again!! I totally didnt expect it. I thought she would be more understanding but she was...goh, anyways, so we didnt talk. I kept driving her away... One time we were IMing each other and I was joking when I told her I was gay... she flipped out. Its totally against her and she doesnt like "it". I was only joking at first, but she starting saying horrible things to me and I got defensive. So, finally I told her that I really thought I was. It was no joke.

She hasnt really spoke to me since. I dont even like her anymore, but I drove her farther away each time... I hate it that we are no longer friends. She is totally different though. Its the boyfriend! He is her first so... she is all about him. She is coming back to school next year, but I dont even want to be around her. We arent friends anymore because she cant accept me for me. She told me she disapproved, but we could still be friends. Uh...no! So...

Thats my friend story! I drove my best friend away and now we dont speak! But, I have found better friends! And all of my other friends accept me and they arent like her! Maybe you deserve better also... who knows. But, I hope things work out!

Good luck with your counselor. Be honest and true to yourself, your feelings, and your thoughts! You will be just fine!!! Let us know how it goes!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


unseen14
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/29/2008 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi again.

Today i finally talked with the counselor and it went pretty well. I could tell she was taking me more seriously then she used to now that i opened up about a few things. I actually left feeling good. i thought i would feel like crap because i assumed i wouldn't tell her anything, but i did! so i feel much better!

BUT, then afterwards i had to ask the one friend who cut herself something about this club that we're in together. so i asked her and bla bla bla. so then i wanted to ask her if she wanted to be my friend. and she said she DID but that she didn't really want to hear my problems. (she said it nicer than that though). and she said i was the reason why she cut herself (she also said it nicer than that too). But still. So i started tearing up in the middle of the hallway and she knew it but she didnt say anything specifically nice or anything that made me feel better. And i didn't want to cry in school so i just said nevermind and turned around because looking at her was making me cry. So then i went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. and then the next class i pulled my knees to my chest and cried. haha, it was really pathetic but i didn't care. i'm better now though. But i'm VERY....bothered...by the fact that she would say I was the reason she cut. that seems a little bit mean, considering she hurt me just as much. but oh well.

Tomorrow night i'm going to a baseball game with the club that we're both in, so we'll both be there. i wonder how that will go. I hope i don't cry. Really, that would be horrible. The only good thing is that the counselor is the president of the club. =] lol.

Ok, take care everyone!

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 4/29/2008 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow... Im glad it went well!! Good job! I havent went today...yet, I dont know if I will be able to... but I tutor after school and she should be there so, I dont know. Im really sorry about your friend. That was a mean thing to say... you cant be the reason she cuts herself, dont even think that. Cutting isnt about someone else, at least not in my case. Its something that comes from within. So, dont let her get you down, you dont deserve that! Did anyone say anything to you when you cried?

Well, Im glad it went well with your counselor! And I hope you have fun at the game... good luck with it, hopefully you wont cry! What kind of club is it?
!
Well, good job and good luck! Take Care!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/29/2008 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Unseen,

Please don't let this person convince you that it is your fault that she harms herself.  Because it is not.  Nobody can put that on anybody other than themselves.  That is a choice that you make on your own.  So please don't feel bad about that.  You can feel sad for her, but not for the reason of her actions. 

I am sorry that she said what she did and that it made you feel so bad.  I hope that you are feeling better now.  Keep posting, and keep trying.  You are a lot stronger than you think that you are.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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