Hi everyone this is my first post, I'm a 22 year old male who feels like a nervous wreck at the moment. I'm about
to graduate with my degree soon this coming May and I'm extremely stressed out about
a multitude of things ranging from school projects to finding a new apartment, and lastly a girl.
To give you some back ground information, my mother was diagnosed with MS when I was about
5 years old. I had no clue what was going on until I was about
7 yrs old. All I knew is my mother was sick. I watched her progress with the illness (which she had worse case scenario) through every stage. I spent about
4-5 years of my child hood in a nursing home from i think the age 10-14 visiting her. Sometimes I could only see her once a week due to my fathers schedule who worked about
60 hours a week trying to support me and my sisters. When I was 14, she eventually passed on valentines day at the early hours in the morning. It was snowing out, I remember just staring out the window experiencing something that felt only surreal.
Whats strange is me and the rest of my family only had brief counseling sessions that seemed to never really accomplish much. So as time went on so did our lives I attended two different high schools, I still have friends from both and was usually a pretty decent student based on my circumstances. I never got into hard drugs, and still played sports to a certain degree. During freshmen year a (major crisis affected my family) but I dont want to indulge in that story yet. Its disturbing and will make most of you guys feel a combination of emotions.
By the time I was 18 and about
to graduate I noticed a drastic change in my fathers personality. He was on heavy anti depressants, pain killers and recently had undergone back surgery. He lost his long time job due to being a liability and too physically inept to perform. I was a few weeks away from graduation when he attempted suicide. I somehow made it through that time frame to graduation and have no clue how I didnt break down.
My friends still are puzzled to this day of how stayed on a good path. But as lately I just cant stop having flash backs of all these past memories and all the small let downs I experienced even dating back to being about
5 or 6. This last Valentines day was extremely hard for me, I dont know why either, but being single as usual didnt help. I dont have the money to talk to a shrink. I dont even have money for medical or dental insurance. Im also at the point of feeling completely hopeless at meeting a decent girl. I dont have problems with meeting girls, I know Im pretty decent looking, but the last 3 girls Ive dealt with have completely messed with my pride and emotions. I should probably try pursuing an older girl? i dont know anymore
What bothers me most is I feel like when ever
open up to the average girl about
my past it might scare them off because they cant relate.
- Ive been in the --------
real world since my adolescence
.... Im gonna go make a drink, anyone can say anything or add on I dont care.... <FONT color=red>Reason for edit:
I have taken out 2 words in your post as we dont allow members to use swear words in their posts. Darren
Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 4/26/2008 5:30:09 AM (GMT-6)