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Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 4/29/2008 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Its been a long time since i posted so dont think anybody remebers me it doesent matter anyway ....
 
I tried real hard to get my life together and it was going much better but in the end there is just no point i am and always have been the biggest hurdel in my life.....
 
i have all the advise running through my mind... talk about it, take small steps, dont give up, be patient it takes time and so it goes. I have been  doing it, not just trying i made big changes and have been chipping away at it but its still the same.Differant things differant ppl new jobs new town but the emptiness the reason to keep going is not there...maybe i am just an unthankfull pathetic person weak in caracter who dont deserve reason or meaning just need to accept it and hope i dont live to long confused
 
Hey Dark, I gave your thread a topic.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 4/30/2008 10:39:44 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 4/29/2008 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Dark,

First of all, nobody has forgotten you.  We have all been wondering how you have been doing.  It is very exciting to be able to hear from you.  Thanks for checking in.  I have read a lot of your posts and I know how you have struggled.

Please don't think of yourself as worthless.  We all go what you are going through, not exactly but we all have the same feelings that you have.  And believe me, it isn't fun.  But don't dispair, things will get better.

Life is full of these bumps in the road, the feeling of being worthless and the fatigue of trying and trying over and over again.  But as life goes on, you learn to accept the difficult times and it does get easier.  I was feeling really down today and then when I came to the forum, I felt better.  But honestly I must say, I need to learn to take my own advice.  I need to cheer up too.  So I know it is easier said than done.  But I try to look for something positive in every day.  It is there, but we have to recognise it.  And sometimes we really have to struggle to see it.  But you and I can find that and turn things around.  So let's not give up.  Keep posting and I know that we can help you to see that you are a wonderful kind person and you are a lot stronger than you think.

So let's both try to keep things on a positive note and cheer eachother up today.  I hope that your day gets better and that you feel better.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/30/2008 5:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Dark

I am so glad that you checked in,we have been wondering how you are.

Here is my opinion... when I first got divorced,went thru hell with my ex and my kids... then had to move away... I thought I would never feel better,and that things were always going to be wrong.

I am ok these days,but I still wake up every morning with panic attacks. I have to remind myself that I am ok.

I wonder if it is because we are so used to feeling bad,and so used to things going wrong,that when we finally see the light at the end of the tunnel we are not convinced in our minds that we are ok yet.

I am not sure when that time comes,but..I do know that I have more better days than bad ones. And I have made it a ritual to wake up, bad dreams and all...and tell myself "you are ok,you have been through worse,and you are going to make it".

I know you had a problem finding a doctor in your last town, is there any chance of finding one now?
Even if you are just able to get into some talk therapy? Even better if you could possibly talk to them about meds...

Please keep in touch with us.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/30/2008 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dark,
 
I certainly remember you and I am glad you have checked in with us as I was anxious to know how you were getting on.
 
I can certainly relate to how you feel when you say that you think thingsa re not going to get any better. It is easy to slip into that mindset when things are going wrong or not improving as much as we would like to see. I think the important thing to remember is that even when you have your depression under control, it is normal to have bad spells. People without depression have them as well so it is completely normal... its just that for you it is a reminder of how things used to be.
 
I certainly dont think that you are unthankfull, you have given thanks to us on many occassions and I certainly dont see you are someone who has a weak character. I think right now you are in a bit of a rut and you need to focus on trying to free yourself. All the advice you have listed sounds good to me... but it sounds like you are trying to run before you can walk.
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/30/2008 9:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Dark,
Hi, this is Kitt and I remember you. :)  Please know that you are not alone in feeling like you try and do all the things you know will help you but there are times when it seems useless. That is the time you must reach down way inside you and find that extra bit of strength and remind yourself that you are better.

You have come a long way since your first started talking to us. You will get better but please be kind to yourself. Reaching a balance in your mental health is a learning process. At times, you may tip the balance too much in one direction and have to find your footing again. Remember we are here, so take our hand and let us help you.

You can always come here for your dose of good old family caring and sharing.  The members here care for you and will support you as you know.

Keep talking to us if it helps, we do not judge.  Take care.

Respectfully
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/3/2008 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Eej Dark!

Your depression sounds exactly the same as the one I had. I couldn't find a reason to live for, something that would give my life meaning. It felt like I had the things I wanted, but lacked the things I needed. There is a term for a though, existential depression.

If you find the above a good-fitting description, than you probably have the same depression as I had. I have to tell you I got out, and I believe everyone with existential depression can overcome it, or at least get rid of the meaninglessness in life.

Keep posting, it can help you a lot!
 
I edited out your link and would ask that if Dark or anyone wants it you have them contact you by email .
 
Thank you in advance for your understanding

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 5/3/2008 9:26:34 AM (GMT-6)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/3/2008 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Dark

Are you around?
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/4/2008 12:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Dark...Sad to think that any one of us has to have these kinda feelings..been there done that too - it's a ghastly place to be..

But the good news is that there is always hope - thank goodness :-)

Wondering if you are on meds for depression..if not how about seeing your doc and discussing the option..and if you are how about having them reassessed - maybe time for adjustment or new ones..meds can make a huge difference to getting thru the rough patches life throws at us :-)

Keep posting..love to hear back from you.

Maree


 'Raindrops on roses..'
 
 
 
alias "Sista J."


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/5/2008 3:35 AM (GMT -7)   
hugs thank you

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/5/2008 3:36 AM (GMT -7)   
We all care about you Dark,and want you to be ok.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/5/2008 3:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I want that to just hard somedays like you know.Thank you

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/5/2008 3:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I totally understand,it takes awhile to get your bearings,and all you can do is tackle one problem at a time.

I thought my life was going to be chaos forever,but it is slowly working out,and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know that you will be ok,and will be able to wake up one morning and know that things are good.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/5/2008 3:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I hear what you saying and i know i have to patient its been wacked so long its gona take time and i need to stay positive its just hard i try not to think ahead but sometimes i do before i realize it and it knocks me. anyway thank you have good day

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 5/5/2008 7:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dark,

Try not to think too much ahead, try to stay in the now. Maybe you should try some meditation. It really helps you focus on what is going on at that moment. And remember baby steps. One day at a time.

You can beat this. We are here for you. Keep posting.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/8/2008 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I cant get out of this hole today. why do i let this happen :-(

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/8/2008 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
My Friend, it is not "YOU" that let's this happen.

The big "D" comes at us,and we have to really fight it.

Believe me, it took me many many hard years to get to where I am,and never in a million years did I think I would be med free,and actually ok.

If we were closer I would be by your side as much as I could be.... for now

((((((((((((((((((((((huge hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you!!!!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/8/2008 10:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Dark,

I so agree with Shy, this is not something you cause to happen but you do have to learn skills to deal with it.  I have had depression for 28 years now.  I have been on meds most of that time.

How proud I am of Shy for being med free.  I don't know if I will ever get to that but I do lead a good life and when the depression sneaks up on me I kick it to the curb and fight back.

You know we care so keep posting.
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/9/2008 4:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt
I had no choice but to become med free. I was taking to many,and I lost my job,so no health insurance.
And because of my abusing them,my b/f helped me put my foot down ;)

It is hard,and I still have to fight it,but it is something I had to do.

I am always doing the "breathe in,breathe out"
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/11/2008 3:12 AM (GMT -7)   
thank you (((((((((hugs Shy + Kitt)))))))))))

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/11/2008 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
(((((hugs))))))))))) right back atcha babe!!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 5/11/2008 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys,

I love the way you all pull together. You are all so special to me. It just goes to show how we can help eachother on this forum.

Dark, I hope that you are feeling better now. I am glad that you are posting again, you are so special to all of us and we really want the best for you. So keep posting, we are all here for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/16/2008 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   
There is no point its the same thing over and over its all been said i dont listen i dont learn i just go trought the same loops up and down up and down.... I tought religion might give me reason to fight but even that is not enough. i dont have words its the same thing over and over ,i dont even know why i am posting been there done that i am just going trough the motions lost and tired.

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/16/2008 7:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Dark,

Why do you feel depressed? It it because you are insecure, is it because you want to have some sort of purpose, is it because you can't stand yourself? And do you want to feel happy again, or does this sadness and hopelessness comforts you in a weird way? Because in the end, the only one who can change who you are and how you feel and how you think is you. You say you don't listen and don't learn, why is that? Because you derive some sort of self from your suffering and don't want to change, or maybe you want to change but because you think you will fail you don't even try it?

Don't feel bad because you are depressed, but accept that you are depressed, accept your emotions, accept everything. This will bring peace within you. In fact, religion is supposed to do the same, but over the years and centuries it has changed from a God that resembles connectedness with everything to some sort of supreme entity that will punish you for your sins. Maybe that is why you religion can't seem to help you.

Do you want to get out of that hole, or do you want to stay at the bottom because you are afraid of falling back in?
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


snickers0506
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 5/16/2008 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not really a regular on here but I just wanted to lend some support.  I've been depressed in the past and I do know that feeling of "it'll never change or get better".   Just know in your heart, even though I know you don't feel it now, or even think it, it will get better.  Just hang onto that.  Our lives are constantly moving or changing.  Nothing stays still and nothing stays the same.  Someone gave me that same advice when I was at my darkest and I clung to it, and although it took a couple years, my life is so much better now and I'm so much stronger.  Don't get me wrong, I still have moments too, then I make myself go for a walk in the park, or shopping, work-out, etc, even though I would just rather curl up, cause once I do it I feel better.  Take care and I will have you in my thoughts.  Don't give up!
40 yrs young
dx UC (pancolitis) Dec 03 then re-dx to Crohns colitis April 04 then re-dx again to UC Dec 07-currently taking no meds and in remission


want to be normal
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 5/16/2008 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel hopeless like nothing matters. You take it day by day and sometimes it just does not get better. But you have to find somthing you enjoy and something that makes you happy or gives meaning to your life so you can wake up and think, I cant wait to do this or go see this person or whatever it may be. I guess what im trying to say is you have to find something or someone to live by or make your life seem worth living. because There are days i rather stay in bed and just not worry about anything or do anything. But I have two boys who need me and i need them too. My husband is great and he can always make me smile. Find something you love and do it,enjoy it,talk to it...whatever it may be as often as you can. It will make you not feel hopeless.
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