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beci-jane
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/6/2008 9:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I'm new here and I feel really Depressed today, But I have been feeling like this for a long time and I dont know why.And when I feel like this it gets me really frustrated, I feel alone and I find it hard to make friends I'm a very shy person and find it hard to talk to people. I hate having these strange thoughts in my head. I feel really horrible about myself....
I lost the only friend I had,well I thought she was my friend, it looks like she has used me for the past 10 years and it hurts,it really hurts and I always get really paranoid my husband is goingto leave me, i just want to feel normal.
feeling alone and hurting....

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/6/2008 9:39 PM (GMT -7)   

beci-jane

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  You will find the members here to be extremely caring and supportive.  I have had depression for 28 years and I know where your coming from and what you are going through.

Losing the friendship of one you trusted for 10 years is sad and you have a right to feel depressed about that.  Is there anyway you can mend this friendship? 

We all want to be liked and respected. Most of us have an inborn trait to be kind and we do our best to be a good friend yet there are times when things do go wrong and friendships are lost.  This is very painful but remember you are  still a good person and I am glad you found this forum.

If you have not done so already you may want to make an appointment to see your PCP and have a physical and talk to your PCP about your feelings of depression.  There are many treatments for depression and you may do well with some therapy to help you build up your self esteem and help you to learn how to deal with your depression.

Keep posting and again welcome to HealingWell.
Hugs

Kitt

 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 5/7/2008 3:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Beci-Jane and Welcome to HealingWell,

Im so glad that you have found us. We are like a family here and we all care for and support each other so you are never far away from a friendly word.

Losing a friend like that is always hard... especially when it has been happening for so long. Not only are you hurt because you feel you've been used but also you can have the confidence knocked out of you because people can feel stupid for not seeing what was going on before. As for your husband... have you sat down and talked to him about this? If he knows nithing about this, then he might not realise what is going on and that might affect his reaction.

Please keep talking to us

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/7/2008 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Beci-Jane

I too wanted to welcome you to the forum,we are very glad that you found us.

Darren and Kitt have given you excellent advice,going to the doctor is your best answer right now. At least you will know what is going on.

Also,have you and your husband ever been to marriage counseling? Even if he does not want to go,then you would surely benefit from it.

Keep talking,we will be here for you.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 5/7/2008 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Beci-Jane,
 
Thanks for your message in response to my relationships post - it is good to know that there are people out there who know how I am feeling.  I'm quite shy too, although I have had to overcome it for work, and so it's not too bad anymore!
I know how you feel about wanting to feel normal, I feel like that all the time, like there is a nasty monster inside me polluting my thoughts! x

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/7/2008 6:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Eej Beci-Jane,

I hope you are doing better today. HW is a wonderful place to be, and I believe this community can help everyone with there problems. Writing down your thoughts is a really effective way to get things straight, so please keep talking (and try to smile :), it helps!).

All the best!

beci-jane
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/7/2008 4:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all your messages,it does help to know that there are people out there willing to listen and to talk to.
I have been to a doctor before and he described anti depressants but I dont think they did much.
My husband trys to be understanding but I know that this is taking its toll on him too, as well as my children.
I'm scared, I'm scared that one day he will decide to leave me, he reasures me he wont but I'm still worried and I start to panic and it makes the situation worse.
I hate myself and because I find it hard to make friends because i'm shy and I always worry about what people think of me.
Does anyone think that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....its just that the tunnel seems to go on forever and I feel like i'm going to be stuck in there forever....

yana
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 220
   Posted 5/7/2008 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
why you think your husband will leave you?

does he say that to you in any way.

jane ,talk here and feel free to vent,i am listening .

ppl here are wonderful and warm,so dont worry.

hugs,
yana
Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night.
~Marian Wright Edelman~


I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
~Blaise Pascal~


beci-jane
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/7/2008 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
hi yana,
no my husband dosnt say he would ever leave me, its just me and thats just how I feel, I think I'm just to dependant on him . How can I bring myself to be less dependant and more independant?
Before I met my husband I was in an abusive and violent realationship for 5 years and I guess I find It hard to trust.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 5/7/2008 6:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Beci-Jane,

And welcome to Healing Well,

If you want to be more independant you have to think for yourself. You can't worry what other people think about you. You are just as important as the next person so what you think is what counts. We actually grow independant. We learn to take care of ourselves. You might want to get a job to become financially independant. You think for yourself to be mentally independant. You decide that you don't need other peoples opinions to become emotionally independant.

It sounds like that you don't want to need other people, but we all do. It is only human. I know that you are sad about your friend, you will make new ones. You might not want to be as volnerable as you maybe were, but don't let one bad experience cause you not to be friends with others. And don't blame yourself for what your friend may have done to you. That is a part of life, we all go through that at one time or another. And if we are lucky, we don't become cynical.

It sounds like you should talk to your doctor and get on another antidepressant. It sometimes takes a little while to find the one that is right for you. It is like trial and error. It took me a few years to fine what works for me. Some people are luckier though and find something faster.

I think that you have some things that you want and need to work on and we are here to help you. Don't think that your husband is going to leave you, especially when he says that he is not. Fears like that only make you more anxious and makes your depression worse.

So keep posting and we will be here for you.
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


beci-jane
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/7/2008 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen,
I will try reallly hard to like myself and become my own person.I just need to realize that I need to take baby steps and that things arnt going to become better over night.
i sort of realize now that my so called friend probably wasnt my friend in the first place but it still hurts because i put my whole heart into this friendship, I thought of her like a sister.
Do you think that being in an abusive and violent realationship prior to me meeting my husband has me insecure? Is it that I think my husband will hurt me too?I really hate feeling like this, I hate feeling vunrable,I want to take back control of my life I just dont know how to......
I do want friends in my life but I find it hard to talk to people I always end up sounding dumb or stupid,
I dont know how to communicate very well, Do you have any tips..........

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 5/7/2008 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I find that I communicate better with people that I don't know. Like on here, there is no fear. I don't have a whole lot in common with a lot of people. I am into art, rocks, and animals. Mostly nature. So I guess that I don't need people all that much. But I know that they are there. I have my fears like you. I don't trust people. I don't think that there is any such thing as a perfect relationship. There are always going to be mistakes made and things go wrong. Sometimes you over look things, or forgive the person. Other times you walk away. I guess that is according to you as to the severity of what the other person did. Just remember that nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. People even tell lies. And it is up to you whether or not you can live with that.

I could imagine that your past relationship did have something to do with how you feel now. The not trusting issue. If he were to leave you, what would be the worst case scenerio? Could you make it on your own? Is that your fear? Or is it an emotional thing? Would it hurt you on an emotional scale? Would you feel unloved? These are feelings and fears that we all have. What if? I think that everybody has experienced this at one time or another. And I think that you should take it one day at a time, show him that you love him, or tell him, whichever is easier for you. Write it on a piece of paper and give it to him. That is what I do. I can't communicate that well myself, but that is how I am. So I live with it the best way that I know how. Sometimes we can't change who we are and we have to live with that. But it is okay. We are all equal in that way. We have a right to feel the way we do.

I can tell you would like some guidance, I really think that you should check into counseling. We all have to go at one time or another. I still go once every month. I probably always will. So think about it.

I hope that this helped some,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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