In my darkest hours

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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/9/2008 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
" In my darkest hours, in my deepest despair, will you be there, will you still care...........................
 
I am in so much trouble and I cannot get out.  I am fighting my depression and it is overwhelming me and with  it the anxiety is joining the depression.
 
I feel like I have gone all the way back to step one. I have no friends and I am back to waking in the mornings and feeling like crying as I don't know what to do.  I sit here and post or hope someone will need me on the forum. 
I make plans and then back out as I cannot leave home and feel safe.  My anxiety kicks in at the thought of being stuck like this forever.
 
Is this all there is to me..................a retired lady sitting in a chair frozen in place. 
Thanks
Kitt
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40591
   Posted 5/9/2008 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt,

Please don't dispair. This will get better. I know these feelings, I cannot make plans to do anything, well, rather I avoid that. I never know how I am going to feel from one day to the next with this fibromyalgia and depression. I just hope that when I wake up the next day that I will feel halfway normal.

Try to remember that you are one of the more active people on this forum and you have helped many many members. You are like a ray of sunshine when you post. Everybody waits for your relplies because they are so kind and compassionate and most of all helpful.

Please realize that we are all here for you, and always will be. This goes to show that we are all human, members and moderators, and I am sure that this too will pass and you will be back to yourself in no time.

I will say a prayer for you and you are also in my thoughts. Keep your chin up. I spend a lot of time at the computer too and am not getting any younger. But we are as young as we feel. And by what you write, you have a lot of living to do. You are so special to all of us and we hate to see you down. But we all go there at times. So it is understandable.

Stay with us. We are here for you. Better days are to come.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/9/2008 12:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt...
Rally round girlfriend..get away from that computer...take a look outside - howz the weather? howz the house looking? distraction from the awful stuff going on is the best medicine yeah eh?
Remember they are only thoughts..and the more we feed them with negative stuff - the bigger they get..how about writing a list of things you would like to do today..tick them off as you go...and remember it's not a competition and it doesn't matter if you only acheive one on the list today - tomorrow you may just challenge yourself a little further :-)
And 'yes' you get to kick my butt when I am getting low..ok tongue
Hugz
Maree
 
  •  'Raindrops on roses..'
  •  'Peace of mind will come to us when we are happy with 'not knowing'...
  •  'No more stinkin thinkin...'
  •  'It's not how we survive the storm..But how we Dance in the Rain..'
 
 
 
 
 
 


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 5/9/2008 1:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey there my American Hunni,

I hate to think of you feeling so low. You have loads of friends here on HealingWell and I am sure you have friends around you in your state. I think jordaNzone is right... you need to get out of the house and stop being the retired lady frozen in one place. If you feel a lack of social contact maybe you could take up a new hobby. It could be something really easy like stamp collecting or it could be something more challenging like polo. Please keep your chin up... your a fantastic person and you help so many people here but its OK to ask for help yourself as well. We all support each other as a family would. Drop me an email if you feel lonely.

Your British Sweetheart.


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 5/9/2008 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Dearest Kitt, I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Not that there aren't plenty of people here who are feeling low, but I usually can't identify with them because I'm older than most I think and retired and shouldn't I have my act together by now???

It was a beautiful day today and I made myself go for a walk.  This used to boost my spirits, but I actually came back feeling worse. It seems the sunshine and happy people I'd see only made me more aware I'm missing so much. In some ways the cloudy rainy days if they don't go on too long make me feel better.

I try to keep busy. I volunteer. And I do have faith. I try to think positively, but the reality is that things in my life are not positive. I know I'm blessed in so many ways and yet I feel empty.
 
Hope something unexpected and cheerful happens to both of us this weekend!
 
hugs...

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 5/9/2008 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Make sure you poke into the crohns board Kitt :)
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/10/2008 3:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.
The big "D" seems to back off,and then it kicks our butt the next day.

All I can say to you is we are here for you,and will always be there.

You are such a great mod,and I for one would not know what to do if you were not here.

You stay strong as you are,and know that you have alot of people that love you and are thinking about you.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/10/2008 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Friends,

Thank you and I have taken to heart all your wonderful words of caring and wisdom.

I know I continue to battle the depression as I just don't want it.  I have come to the decision that I don't have a choice, I am a person with depression and I will deal with it. I will give myself permission to have bad days and not beat myself up.

I have been looking into volunteering but I am going to  make sure it is something suited to me and give myself permission to try it.  If it works out great, if not, I will not start with the "stinkin thinkin"

And a hobby, I think I will choose travel and my first stop will be the UK as my Sweetie is there and I want to tell him thank you in person for his kindness.

Shy, you are the best and you have made such huge changes in your life yet you always say the right thing.

Korissa,  Thank you for you extension of friendship, I accept.  :-)

Karen, you are always here to help out and lift me up.  I feel like I know you well and feel comfortable sharing with you.  Thank you for helping in the A & P forum.  I had a lovely nap with my dog knowing you were online.

Maree, I am learning that you are a great mod and you speak straight from your heart.  Thank you my co-mod. 

FitzyK23, I stopped into CD as I have a special connection to that forum and thank you for reminding me.  I posted to a few as support is my forte and the treatments and all of the latest nutrition information is not something my hubby has had to deal with in a long time  but I do know how to support members with CD.

My goal for today is to remember that I do have friends, many of them right here and for that I thank you so very much.

Hugs

Kitt

 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 5/10/2008 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
We just left you some hugs there and wanted to make sure you saw them.
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 5/10/2008 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,
I just read your post.  Please dont be sad, you are such an inspiration to me in the times that I feel like you do right now.  You know that I can say I understand what you are going through because you know that statement is absolutely true!!
 
You too are strong and I need you and your compassion, always.  I wish I could be there for you, I think that you are an angel and that even angels have bad days.
 
I will pray for you my friend, I know it is hard, really, really hard but this too will pass.
 
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Teresa 


jujub
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10392
   Posted 5/10/2008 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((Kitt))))))

I remember that feeling, love. I hope some day it will only be a memory for you, too.
Judy
 
Moderate to severe left-sided UC (21 cm) diagnosed 2001.
Asacol, Rowasa, Pentasa, Prednisone, Entocort, Azathioprine
Avascular necrosis in both shoulders is my "forever" gift from steroid therapy.
Colazal,  Remicade, Nature's Way Primadophilus Reuteri. In remission since April, 2006.
 
Co-Moderator UC Forum
Please remember to consult your health care provider when making health-related decisions.


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 5/10/2008 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Sending you smiles hope you feel better soon.... scool smurf tongue yeah :-) :-) :-) yeah tongue smurf scool :-) smurf yeah :-) tongue smurf scool :-) yeah :-) tongue smurf scool yeah :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/10/2008 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt, I wish you all the very, very best in the future to come. Accepting your depression is a huge step to take, and I hope it will make you feel much better.

Take care!
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/11/2008 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt
You are the sweetest gal I know,and you have helped me so much with all of your wisdom.

You hang in there,and stay strong.

I want to see pics of you and Darren when you make it to the Uk!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40591
   Posted 5/11/2008 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

I hope that you are having a good day today. Always remember that we all love you and are here for you. You mean the world to us.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


yana
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 220
   Posted 5/11/2008 9:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear ma kitt,
I gave you a new name today.I hope you don't mind.I wasn't around here for much days ,now when i am back i read this thread,and i am concerned and worried about you .

I feel so sad why i wasn't around to talk or post here ,but i was out of town ,so din't log in .Tears roll down my cheeks and its painful to think when in dark time ,i wasn't around to hug my ma(mother figure).

YOU ARE THE SWEETEST PERSON OF HW FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU are loved by all of us ,so plz don't feel alone.

keep us posted and you are in my prayers.May God show you wisdom and peace.

You are so strong and supportive & i am so proud of you.

love you ma,
yana
Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night.
~Marian Wright Edelman~


I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
~Blaise Pascal~

Post Edited (yana) : 5/11/2008 10:47:10 AM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/11/2008 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   

I am stunned, overwhelmed and very appreciative of everyone's beautiful posts.

I am doing better and today is Mother's Day so I am celebrating in my heart the good job I have done with my children.  They are the best.  I will always wonder what might have been if my one son had not died in the car crash but I am sure he would have been here today to see his Mom.

Navy.............Loved it, our artist extrodinaire.  You have great talent, quit your day job and just be the Smilie Lady.

I will surely take a picture of Darren and I, how did you know it was Darren, Shy?  LOL. I will be the lady next to him that looks  like she is truly robbing cradles.  How fun. We will have a spot of tea I hope.

faithfully4you, Thank you for the greetings...........that was so nice. 

I know there are many more messages that I have not specifically addressed but please know that you are truly lifting people up with your support and you are all a godsend.

Yana, a great daughter you are. yeah

Bushels of Hugs
Kitt

 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 5/11/2008 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,
 
Have I not been telling you that you have so many people who love you?  I hope you realize now that I didn't make that up.  You are loved very much and well respected on HealingWell.  You try to help others always.  Whenever someone needs coverage for their forum, you always offer to cover for them.
 
You are always sincere in your posts.  You don't quickly reply just to get the job done.  I can tell your answers come from the heart and your head, both working together.  Members can tell the difference.
 
You are one special lady and I love you!
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, fibromyalgia, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/12/2008 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Lol Kitt
I am envious! That would be an awesome trip.

so glad that you are feeling better, one day at a time...
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 5/12/2008 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,
I hope you are feeling better today. Depression is such a awful thing. We all count on you so much, it is no wonder you feel down, with us down so much lately.
Hopefully we will all be feeling great in a few months.
Lynne.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/12/2008 10:09 PM (GMT -7)   

OK everyone, time to put a smile on our faces.  Look in the mirror and smile at yourself, and then think how silly you look grinning at yourself and you will soon be laughing.

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.  ~Phyllis Diller

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.  ~Author Unknown


Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.  ~Jim Beggs

Smiling is infectious,
You can catch it like the flu.
Someone smiled at me today,
And I started smiling too.
~Author Unknown

 J J J J J



 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/13/2008 1:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Keep on smiling :) :)
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/13/2008 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Everyone..................... Again thank you.  Love you all.

"When you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you
When you're laughing
The sun comes shining thru"

Hugs,
Kitt

Post Edited (stkitt) : 5/13/2008 9:50:01 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40591
   Posted 5/14/2008 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt,

I am out and about today. Sure feels good to feel better. You are such an inspiration to all of us. You really help a lot of people. I am so happy that you are feeling better.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


yana
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 220
   Posted 5/14/2008 1:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Good to know you are smiling and spreading sunshine everywhere kitt.

KEEP SMILING !!!!!!!

yana yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) tongue tongue
Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night.
~Marian Wright Edelman~


I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
~Blaise Pascal~

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