I'm so lonely I think my heart will break

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/17/2008 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
My problem with depression and lonliness has come over me again and I don't know how I can manage another summer like the past ones.  I have no one to talk to right now and am home because I have been sick for a while with bronchitis and asthma so it is too hard to go out when I am so weak and can't breathe.  My oldest son has gone away for the weekend as usual in the Spring and Summer and my other son has his fiance in town with him for the next couple of months so I don't see much of him.  Also, he has been so stressed over his job and all the commitments he has that even when we talk I feel I am on egg shells.  If I say something he doesn't want to hear or talk about he gets very angry with me and I just can't take it.  It hurts me so to have him mad at me.  I have been so good to him.  He bought a condo last fall and is really financially strapped.  I have helped him out financially so many times and I know he appreciates it.  I am also helping him with the purchase of his fiance's engagement ring. I know my sons care about me but I don't think they understand how lonely I am or that I have problems too. I was going to a depression group that meets once a month but the people there are mostly bipolar or are there for support for a family member that is bipolar.  They listen to me when it is my turn to talk but no one really relates to me or offers helpful advice.  Memorial day weekend is coming up and I am going to try to make plans with friends so I won't be so depressed.  Does anyone else have this problem with lonliness I have?  All I do is cry and feel worse.  It is so hard to be alone and not have anyone to talk to, especially when there is a whole world out there with people doing things and having fun.  I am shy so it is hard to meet new people.  I do volunteer work and read a lot and have several needlepoint projects.  It is the weekends when I am alone and don't have anyone to talk to.  I did have a part time job for abount 5 months but I had to quit because it was too physically exhausting and stressful.  I just would like to hear from someone and tell me I am OK and I will get beyond this horrible lonliness.  Please anyone out there send a reply and maybe I will feel better and be able to put things in perspective.
Aurora

enWayen
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/17/2008 11:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Eej Aurora,

I have experienced the same loneliness as you describe. At the age of 10 I become increasingly shy, and the last 3 years I had major problems with talking to people. I tryed to overcome it by talking to people and visiting party's and stuff like that, but I only felt worse when people where around me. In the end, I spent all the time I could alone.

But I am not depressed anymore, and I truly believe you can get out of it too.

I believe your son loves you, but he might be unaware of your loneliness. If he doesn't know your situation, I think you should have a conversation with him. He is old enough to understand, and believe me, it will do you good.

If you want to tell your story to someone, I will listen. If you want to have a friend, I am your friend. And I am sure there are loads of others on HW who will love to be your friend. Just give me a shout and I will give you my mail, or do whatever I can to help you out of that dark hole.

All the best, and try to smile, it really helps :)
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/17/2008 12:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much Erik for your reply.  It does make me feel better and it would be nice to talk with you on the posts.  Any help you can give me or suggestions for overcoming these lonely feelings would be appreciated.  Life used to seem so easy and so much better before.  I don't know what has happened to me to make me so depressed.  I have to see my psychiatrist in a few weeks.  She cut my anti-depressant dose way down and for months I was fine with that in fact I don't even think I noticed the difference.  Now I do so maybe I need to go up again.  It is a shame to say but I just need summer to be over with even though the winter here in the Midwest was so cold and snowy. I think life just gets harder as the years go by.

enWayen
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/17/2008 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora, I don't know your situation, but I can tell you how I got out of it. At first, I was very, very insecure. I always felt people were judging me, etc. The more people I saw, the more insecure I became. I hated school, I hated party's, I just wanted to be on my own. This wasn't everything, because I suffered from severe existensial depression as they call it. I couldn't find a reason to live for. The things I liked, composing music for instance, I just couldn't do. If I made a little piece I didn't like, I deleted it. If I made something I did like, I was too afraid of screwing up that I never continued on it again.

However, I am out of it now. Out of that hole. The most important thing I learned is that the future and past only exist in your mind. You worry about the future and feel bad about the past. You wait for that single thing that will make you better to happen. You ignore the moment, the now. The now is the only moment that will ever be, and that created my purpose.
It just is.
I am.
You are.
Nothing more.
Accept the things the way there are, the way they were, and the way they will be. That way, you will create no more pain for yourself. I know this sounds really abstract and maybe weird, but the key is not to create any more pain. Simple as that.

I have loads of tips and tricks that can help you achieve such a state, but I don't know whether this is the right way for you. It might be way to spiritual. But I want to say this, I was, and still am, an atheist, God has nothing to with this, and it really, really worked for me. I do things now I never would have done before.

Try to keep posting, it helps, a lot, and if you want to try to lighten your depression by means of spiritual philosophy's, I will give you a whole bunch of things you can try :).

Keep on smiling!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/17/2008 5:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again for replying Erik.  I don't know what to do at this point so if you have some suggestions that might help.  I am a spiritual person and I do believe in God.  I think my faith has sometimes saved me in the worst of situations.  But right now I just can't cope with the lonliness.  I am not insecure, i'm just shy and quiet.  Like when I am with several of my close friends they will say you are so quiet why don't you talk more.  Well, I would but they don't seem to realize that they monopolize the conversation and I feel ignored or what I say is not important enough to continue a conversation.  I am trying to make new friends but it's not easy at my age to meet new people.  I am sort of in that in between stage - too old for singles groups and too young for seniors.  I am hoping I will get more responses to my posts as it helps me feel better if people respond and then I will know someone cares about me.

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/18/2008 2:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Eej Aurora,

Isn't shy and quiet and don't want to say your thing because you think it isn't important enough the same as being insecure? Being insecure that your input won't be important enough, but remember, you don't know how people will react unless you say it. Your friends want you to say your thing, so don't worry too much about the content. As with everything else, practise will make you better at it, so try to practise conversations with your friends. You will become more confident in talking, and at some point you will be confident enough to talk to strangers. There are loads of people out there who want to be your friend!

And please, no matter how hard it is, try not to attach your feelings to things outside you. Feeling better because of the reply's of others is attaching your feeling to something outside you. It can bring you luck and joy, but it can bring more pain just as well. What if there are no reply's? Will you think that no one cares? Because they might have missed it while they do care.

As for the suggestions, I would like to know how you experience God. Is he the God, some sort of supreme being, the Church made, or is God the eternal love within? The love you experience when you forget about the past and future and open your eyes to a new world without negative thoughts. The love you feel when you sit on a quiet spot listening to the birds, and see everything that surrounds you with wonder. The love that you feel when you realise that everything on this earth is connected with eachother, is connected with you.

But a transformation will take time, and at the moment you want people that care, so...
Everyone who cares about Aurora, say it!

I hope this helps, but don't feel bad when no one reply's, they do care.

All the very best!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/18/2008 3:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Aurora..

When I read your post I see that you are a 'giver' in life - you are a wonderful warm caring person who really doesn't like to upset anyone  :-)  

Well, I think it's time you started being 'warm and caring' to yourself for a change - when was the last time you treated yourself to something really special?

How about starting to phone around old friends that you haven't heard from for ages and plan a get-together..How about starting to plan a holiday - you never know who you might meet :-) How about 'journaling' your thoughts and making yourself small goals to acheive...

I wish you well..

Sista J.

(Great advice and input given by Erik yeah )


 
  •  'Raindrops on roses..'
  •  'Peace of mind will come to us when we are happy with 'not knowing'...
  •  'No more stinkin thinkin...'
  •  'It's not how we survive the storm..But how we Dance in the Rain..'
 
 
 
 
 
 


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/18/2008 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Aurora dear,

You have some wonderful suggestions and advice here....to that I dont have much to add but my love and support to you.

I did want to say that it would seem like a good idea to your psych doc about bumping up your antid dosage again.  Sometimes it does take a few months for those levels to come down and our bodies to really feel the effects of the missed dosages.  That could be part of the problem also. 

Please keep posting and letting us know how your doing.  Bug hugs to you hunni :-)


Elisha
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getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 5/18/2008 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
HI Aurora,

There are a lot of us who care about you. The weekend is slower, not as many people come on board. So dont' dispair. We are here for you.

Erik has a lot of good information as well as all the others. Take time for you. Treat yourself good. Be kind to yourself. You do that for others, you can do that for yourself too.

Remember that you are special. Each of us are. It is a matter of realizing it.

I hope that you have a wonderful day.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/18/2008 11:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Many thanks to all who replied to my post.  All of your ideas are good and I will try to take advantage of your advice.  Erik, the God I believe in is the one who helps me keep my faith and as you have said the good and beauty in nature and my surroundings.  I am not so rooted in my early Sunday school teachings.  My faith is personal and is what works for me. I think you will understand what I mean, that is mine personally.
I also took the suggestion of getting together with an old friend who I have not seen in years.  I happened to see her when I was at my volunteer job.  I stopped her and she didn't recognize me at first but then we got to talking and made plans to get together for dinner.  I am also going to call an old high school friend who I see a few times a year and make plans with her.  So I realize that it is up to me to make things work in my life.  I will see what my Dr. thinks about upping my meds.  I will do my best to stay positive but I know the lonliness can invade at any time so will keep posting which helps me get out my feelings.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 5/18/2008 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I think that is so ironic that you ran into an old friend like that. And I am so happy that you are hooking up with another one. Sometimes that can be so good for us. Reflecting on memories and such.

I hope thta ou have a really goood time visiting.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Getting there
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/18/2008 6:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Aorora

I do feel you on your post. I have not posted for a while because I have been trying to work. Like you I have to avoid physically stressful jobs. I am one very lonely person too and would like to be your friend and help you in anyway I can. I have similar situation with my sons too. I think I have my addy on my profile, if not I will add it. Hang in there.

Dor


                                       cool
Clinical depression,  Panic disorder, GERD,  Sciatica

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/19/2008 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Dor and Delilah,  Your posts made me feel so much better.  It helps so much to know that even people you have never met care about you.  You both sound like really wonderful people and I am so happy to count you both as my friends.  I am doing much better now that the weekend is over.  Those are the hardest and most lonesome times for me.  If we can keep in touch and keep posting it will be a great help to me and I hope I can do the same for you.  I do have hobbies, I like to read a lot and I do needlepoint and gardening.  When you are feeling low it's not so easy to just pick up a book and read.  The bad feelings take over and I can't concentrate and that is when I just sit and cry.  I try to get out more as it helps to be around people even if they are strangers, but with the price of gas I don't go out that much.  I wish you both the best and hope we will stay in touch.  Again, thanks so much for your help!

Aurora


bookworm21
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 1766
   Posted 5/20/2008 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Aurora. I'll be your friend! I can definitely understand where you're coming form--I often feel lonely and have always been really shy. I guess all we can do is try to surround ourselves with people who are truly genuine. Because if they're not, it's hard to enjoy yourself. And I agree about the reading--I used to love to read but it's so hard to focus when you're feeling bad overall. I hope you're having some better days!
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