My boyfriend is severely depressed and I need advice on how to handle it....

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Changed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 5/19/2008 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi...
I'm fairly new to the forum, but have posted some Chronic Pain threads...
 
My boyfriend and I were in a very serious car accident over a year and a half ago.
I seem to have taken physical pain from the experience, while he is struggling emotionally.
Because I am trying to stay focused on my own path to health (physical, emotional and otherwise) I've been uncertain how to 'manage' our relationship.
Not to mention it's long distance... (yes, it gets even more complicated than that...)
 
Anyway, long story short... He's very aware that he needs to get help, but seems unable to take that first step.  Because it holds OUR future back, I become frustrated, and very anxious.  Sometimes I feel it's best to pull myself out of the relationship, in order for him to completely focus on JUST himself.. and his own needs... but at other times, I really feel like I can help him.
It's tough.  Very tough.
 
I'm looking for advice/opinions/thoughts.. on how to best support him.
Is it better to sit back, let go, be supportive, understanding, and patient... and HOPE that one day he'll get professional help? (which may also mean not being in his life... as it is sometimes very painful/difficult to be in love with someone but not be *WITH* them)
Or is there something I can say/do/be that will push him in the right direction?
Please keep in mind that it has been many many months of him acknowledging the problem, but not doing even one thing to get better.....
 
I know this is just the basics, but I'm hoping for some discussion on the subject...
Thanks SO MUCH (in advance)!

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 5/20/2008 1:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
 
I have mild depression and a couple of other emotional issues, I met my boyfriend a year ago. and it's only through being with him that I have been to counselling and gotten help for myself, sometimes when you are feeling depressed it is very very difficult to help yourself, you are despondant and sometimes you become so used to your depression that it's hard to push yourself out of that, it becomes scary to feel anything else (thats how it's been for me anyway) I think you need to push him a little bit, not much obviously, just a gentle nudge. Sometimes when your depressed its very hard to want to help yourself, but a little bit easier to do it for someone you love!
 
Hope this helps in some way x

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/20/2008 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Changed
The best thing is talking to him,letting him know that you understand and that you will be here for him.
Has he been to the doctor yet? Men are way more stubborn than women it seems and it takes alot to get them to the doctor.

I have found some info that might help when you are dealing with him:

www.rd.com/content/how-to-cope-with-a-depressed-spouse/

www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artid=526

Good Luck and keep us posted.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


Changed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 5/20/2008 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you both so much for your replies.
I think he is making some phone calls today, which is promising....
But he is currently unemployed, and has very limited funds.  Which is holding him back even more....
ShynSassy - thank-you so much for the links.  Unfortunately, the first one didn't work but the other 2 were great!
 

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/20/2008 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Well Geesh louise,that sucks!! sorry about that.

Also, if you have a state owned hospital there,they offer financial programs where if you qualify you can get your services for almost free. Including meds.


I would just call them and see if they have the assistance available...
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

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