Hi Dixie and Welcome to HealingWell,
I am so glad that you have found us here. We are like a big family here and we all care for and support each other so there is no shortage of people out there.
First things first, you need to take care of number 1. If you dont look after yourself then you wont be able to look after anyone else. Are you having any kind of treatment for your depression? Talking therapies are very useful in dealing with depression... also hypnosis has been shown to be useful but clinical evidence is a little lacking. Have you thought about family therapy? This might be a solution where by you can all get the help and support you need in a professional sense.
Please keep talking to us. You will be amazed how much simply releasing problems here can help.
I am Kitt and welcome to HealingWell. I wrote a post last night and it ended up in cyberspace so tonight I will try to get it on the board.
I am so sorry for all your sadness and issues. You are not responsible for your parents behavior and you cannot help them unless they want to seek help. You can help yourself and right now it sounds to me like you need to start believing in you. Your a good person and just because your Mother turned out to have serious issues does not mean your destiny is tied to hers.
I am saddened to here that your in-laws make fun of you. Your relationship with your husband is strained also........sweetie, you do need to see someone to help you and maybe you could start with your physician. Do not be afraid to talk to your physician as he/she is there for you.
I am concerned about your tumor, would you mind sharing more info re that with us? It may be a contributor to your feelings.
Please keep posting and let us help you. We are here 24/7 and although it may be a short wait late at night for someone to pop in we do have members from all over the world so we are in different time zones.
Gentle Hugs to you
If I had a pound for every time I have heard "Its in your head" , "Its not a mental condition" , "Your just a weak person" and "You just need to pull yourself together" then I wouldnt have to work because I'd be a millionaire. The truth is that ALL those phrases are FALSE. Depression is a REAL condtion which is NOT just in your head (I.e. you imagine it). People with depression are NOT weak and they need MORE than just pulling themselves together. Thats why drug companies developed anti-depressants and why psychologists developed therapies. Why would they go to all that effort for something that isnt real? **Takes a deep breath... ** Ive finished ranting now!
There are loads of people here who care about each other. Thats one of the reasons we are here. Moderators are no different to members really other than we volunteer our time to make sure nothing goes unanswered and that everone sticks to the rules. Im 23 so I am about the same age as you... perhaps I can relate on a level there. I first had diagnosed depression when I was 17 (Although I believe I had it long before that) and I have recently started taking AD's again (about 6 months ago I think) after a family problem and I was assaulted. You are never to young in my opinion. But you need to get some help for it.
Thats just my opinion. Please keep talking to us
Crazy you R NOT. If your crazy that makes us all crazy............you have depression and obviously with all of your personal issues you have many rights to be so. You also may have some PTSD from your childhood and having been raised by a father that allowed you to be abused and a Mother that was in an abusive marriage. Now you are living in an abusive marriage.
Your self esteem has never developed IMHO and I think we should work on that. Also have you ever looked up all the agencies in your state that would be able to help your, there are shelters for women that are in abusive situations and there are agencies that will help you get mental health services if you have no monies. You, my young Mom, need to get mad and start to fight back for yourself and your two children.
Here is the link for the NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness:
www.nami.org/ You will be able to find your own state affilates on the site. Please contact them and tell them you need help. There are many sites online that will be able to refer you to help.
When your fears and depression have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them.
You have taken a hug leap of faith in talking to us my new friend so don't stop now. Start believing in yourself. You are a worthy person and you do not have to help everyone else right now. Your number one person to take care of is you.
Just one more thing that bothers me.....................the car insurance may not have been responsible for paying for your tumor medical bills but they are certainly responsible for a mis-diagnosis which is what happened to you.
On behalf of the physician that turned into a cold and non-communicative professinal, I apologize as that is not the way medical professionals should treat any patients.
Gentle Hugs to you and remember you are a good and kind person. God Bless
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 5/25/2008 8:03:00 AM (GMT-6)
I dont have a dr i dont have anyone like that i never grew up going to dr's just the dentist other than that i dont even remember going when i was a small child .... I dont have insurance. Me and patrick cant afford it .. I dont want no one to put me in a home ... And the mental place here there not nice there .. I use to take my aunt and they are very cruel humans that dont listen they only judge.. I have never talked to anyone else about my problem try to talk to my husband but he doesnt like hearing it, he always has the same answer to everything .. He dont no what to do and its all in my head... I dont have really any friends i stay on this computer all the time i cant sleep at night i go to bed around 3 in the morning.... I dont find nothing intresting on tv and i dont no what i want to do when given the chance... My life is very slow and everyday is the same..... Today was a good day today its started off okay then i got a lil aggravated but ive cooled down im trying to think that it can always be worse .. Right now im fine i guess upset that it seems like a moms job is never done i keep cleanng and cleaning and it seems like im only geting the surface of the house work done... But like they say a mothers work si never done!!! I still wih i could change everything though... My dad made me quit school when i got pregnate .. He told me that he wasent going to let people think that he didnt raise me right.. I live in a very small close town.. Everybody knows everyone... He told me that he lived in that town all his life and he wasent going to let people think bad of him.. He had a name to protect!!!! I couldnt believe he could tell his own flesh and blood that....my whole life i grew up as the bigger girl i am 6 ft now .. So iv basicly have always been the biggest girl taller than most guys in my grade growing up... Well my dads family is full of beauty queen ,perfect, the best at everything, people i was never allowed to stay the night at my cousins house .. They would tell me that i didnt belong in there group, christmas was really dule ...everyone got a gift except me .. Oh there was the red sweater that i got every year by my grandma ... But looked forward to it .. I still have all 12 of them lol.....i have always had to pretend that i was a big tough girl at school .. Like i wasent scared of nothing.. Even though i was the biggest cry baby on the way home ... But haveing 7 brothers and sisters the picking comes when i got home to .. So i had no exscapeing it... My mom would always tell me incourageing things that made it better she would come and check me out of school to make me feel special .. I miss them days.... I am very insecure .... I had alot of friends you can say of course they refered me to jakes lil sister... It made me look cool ... I was friends with a lil bit of each kinda crowd .. The popular the dorks the party people the counrty people .. All different .. It was the guys that didnt like me so much ..they would make fun of me and i would try to fight them .. Not many women 6 ft tryed that with them so ina way they were scared ... Well after i left school .. I got to hear what people realy thought about me .. For instance when i see someone from school they walk away or have a fake smile.. I dont have no friends since may 29 of 2003 i havent spoke to a single friend or person that i new in school!!!! No one has ever liked me im really nice person i try to be. People just dont give me a chance well if they do .. Patrick wont let me have friends he says there all bad people.... Or he would sleep with them if they were girls .. I was to scared after he done that with what i thought was a best friend since 3rd grade ... 5 months after our daughter was born.... It done it more thought he stop right now and i dont think he will cheat again but i do get a fear about it!!!!!! Never mind im just rambleing bye
Reason for Edit:
I have changed the case of your post from BLOCK CAPS to Sentence Case as it is easier to read and some people find BLOCK CAPS rude. Darren
Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 5/26/2008 5:56:26 AM (GMT-6)
I am at a loss as what to say to you so I would like to post links to a couple of abuse support sites that may help you. I know you said you spend all day on the computer so please take time to look at these sites.
This is a site that is owned by a friend of mine. I am not on this site as I am not a victim of abuse.
A lily or a Rose
I notice your last post was in caps and perhaps you did not notice but just a gentle reminder, remember, using ALL CAPITAL LETTERS in posts is considered yelling and rude, plus it is difficult to read.
I wish you peace and I hope someday you will find the happiness that you so deserve. God Bless.
Wow, ten1 said it so well and she can talk from experience. What a great post for you. She is so right, you do have options and talent. You are young and strong and it is not to late for you to get out in the world and be the best that you can be. I know you want that but are stuck in where to start.
Try writing down all the things you would like to do, everything, even if it sounds silly put it down. What work would you like to do, where would you like to see yourself in 5 years..............doing what, living where.
Just go with your list and then read it over and add more if you want. It is a starting point. Identify what you want versus what you have.
You want to feel productive, independent, cared for, appreciated and respected I suspect. You deserve a good life.
Start at the begining with babysteps to get you to where you want to be.