Another Memorial Day weekend and another weekend to spend so lonely

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/23/2008 8:27 PM (GMT -6)   
It's Fri. night, just got home from having dinner with a friend which was nice but here I am again all alone in my house.  As usual my sons have gone away for the weekend.  Why don't I ever get to go away and have fun.  They go to their grandparents summer home and of course my ex is up there too with his second family.  I used to go up there every summer when we were married but of course I am banned from there forever.  I spent 20 summers there so you can imagine why it is painful.  But the lonliness of being the only one at home is worse than anything.  I am always afraid at night.  I am afraid someone will break in and hurt me.  I have plans tomorrow night to meet a friend for dinner so that is good but I will still be coming home again to this empty house.  It is so quiet it is deafening if you know what I mean.  I''m just not good at being alone and most of my friends are away with their families so there is not much for me to do.  Also, even if I wanted to get away there is no one to go with and gas is too expensive and so are hotels. I can handle the days as I can go to a bookstore and look around and go to the garden shop to get flowers for planting. I just can't take not having anyone to talk to.  I'm also very down as one of my dogs is in poor health.  He is 16 and 3 months, a mini poodle.  He is deaf and can't see too well and doesn't eat too well unless I make him chicken or hamburger meat.  My vet is kind enough to come to my house to give him his shots and examine him.  He says he is still OK and we should put off having him put down.  That will break my heart.  The vet says I will know when his life no longer has quality.  But I am dreading this.  I have already in my life had to put down one dog and another died at age 7 following surgery.  My other dog is 13 so I know he won't be around forever.  Life just seems to get harder the older you get.  I know I am just rambling but I needed to vent my feelings and somehow I feel like maybe I am talking to someone.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5303
   Posted 5/23/2008 10:34 PM (GMT -6)   
I just came across your post.  I'm so sorry you're alone, Aurora.  I can imagine how lonely nights are if you're alone in the house and everything's quiet with your sons gone.  I hope everything's ok now for you.  But the bright side is that you do have friends to go out with to dinner.  Maybe another time, you could arrange going to dinner and a movie with a couple of friends.  It would make the evening a little longer.  Or, maybe if you have some old friends who live out of town, you could invite them to stay with you for a weekend?  I hope you're ok.  Take care.  I'll be back on tomorrow.  :)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/23/2008 11:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello and I am sorry you feeling lonely and frightened being home alone. My comfort is my wonderful dog.  I am never completely alone when she is with me and no one is going to harm me.........she is a beautiful Doberman with attitude. :-)
I am so glad you have friends to go places with.  I lack that in my life and have for the last 2 years.  When I quit work all my friends drifted away as they were tied to my work.  At my age I don't know where to find new friends.  Everyone has established friendships and I am stuck.
I have a wonderful hubby but it is different then having a best friend to go to dinner or shopping with.
They won't let my dog in the restaurants.  redface My adult children have very busy lives and my granddaughters are in their teens so hanging with Gma is not a big deal anymore.......
Please know that you can always come here and talk to someone so you will feel attached even if it is cyber friends.  It has become my life line and the members are wonderful.

Take care and gentle hugs to you.

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/26/2008 6:52 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi there Aurora...

Ahhh peaceful moments - delightful  :-)   evenings when you don't have to pick up after anyone - you can be entirely selfish and watch whatever you want on tele - cook whatever you like, spend hours on the phone, go out and is what we make it - it can be boring and lonely or it can be peaceful and interesting - any combination we choose..maybe you could take up a new interest - a craft perhaps, somethings where you are meeting with like-minded people..

There are always new doors to be opened in our lives...onwards and upwards Aurora :-)

Sista J.

  •  'Raindrops on roses..'
  •  'Peace of mind will come to us when we are happy with 'not knowing'...
  •  'No more stinkin thinkin...'
  •  'It's not how we survive the storm..But how we Dance in the Rain..'

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 1766
   Posted 5/26/2008 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Aurora. I'm sorry you're not enjoying the weekend. :( But maybe you can look forward to times in the future that you can spend with your friends? I guess our social lives are switched--I have family (meaning just my parents and brother), but no true friends.
Also, can you sleep with noise in the background? Maybe if you keep the TV or radio at a low volume, it can calm your fears at night. I know that when I'm alone, I have to have some sort of noise and that seems to help me.
Female, Age 19, Dx w/ UC August 2007
Seasonal allergies
9 Asacol/day, 1000 mg Canasa (caused side effects), Proctofoam
Digestive Advantage (Crohn's & Colitis), 2 pills/day
Calcium chews

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/26/2008 4:04 PM (GMT -6)   
13. Do not disrespect moderators. Be respectful in both the forums and any private communications with moderators. Moderators are volunteers that donate many, many hours of their own time to help in the forums and chat rooms. Violations of this rule will not be tolerated.

Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 5/27/2008 5:30:24 PM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 5/27/2008 1:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Aurora

I agree with you that as we get older it is hard to fill all the hours. I have problems going out because of IBS/Colitis and of course my COPD and heart trouble(congestive heart failure) My hubby passed last year at 83 and he had been sick for a long time but I would give anything to have him back. It seemed doing for him gave me purpose after retiring. But I would never want him to go through all the pain.
I keep the TV on all night. I get scared even when I was young if I was alone I would put a hammer under my pillow. I don't do that anymore probaly because the tv keeps me calm and I have my son and his girlfriend living with me but at times I would rather be alone. Then I think how quiet it would be and figure I am better off with someone around.
You know what I miss the most? I miss the warmth next to him and him telling me I look good in something I bought.
No one can tell you how to feel. It is what it is.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/27/2008 1:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your reply Teri.  At least you understand what I am going thru.  I sleep with 2 fans on that make noise.  During the week my son is at home so I am fine.  But I agree, life just does get harder when you get older.  I am not that old yet, not quite senior citizen but getting close.  I tried working a part time job for 5 months but It was very physically exhausting and I just don't seem to have the stamina for working.  I still have my hobbies and friends I go out with at least once a week.  All I know is I am trying the best I can to get by and that is all I can do.  I have many happy times in my life for which I am grateful.  I guess I would just like to reach the point where I feel content.  Unfortunatley depression can get in the way so I am still struggling to reach that state of contentment.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 5/27/2008 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Eej Aurora,

I don't want to blow this up too much, because we are who we are and nothing else, but there is a reason why Jordan is a moderator, probably because she has helped a lot of people in the past. And her message does contain something, the statement that life is what we make of it. Nothing more. Life is just that, and the world around us is nothing more than how we percieve it. Depression will make the world an evil and sad place, while positivity will make you fall in love with everything you see.

And this may sound harsh, but the truth is that it is all in our head. I've experienced that first hand. Meds can make you feel better, but I believe every single human being will eventually be able to cure hisself. To tell you my story, I have been depressed for years. One night I couldn't sleep because of the pain, sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness. It was more intense than ever. I suddenly became numb, and at first I thought it was bad, because the pain was gone. I felt a sleep and the morning after I felt depressed again, but with the realization that the pain has to be stopped, it consumed me. As soon as I wanted to be better, it got better. I just got enough of the pain.

I am not suggesting that you haven't suffered enough, not at all, but if you truly want to be happy, you will find ways to become happy. Happiness is everywere, you just need to look. Step outside of the house to enjoy a breeze of wind, enjoy being alive. Listen to the birds, so many people aren't listening anymore. Don't think of the past, don't think of the future, because it was and will be, but never is. Reduce time to seconds and hours on the clock, only use the future for planning, and die for the past, because you can not change it.

Life is what you make of it. Life isn't made by your parents, your friends, your enemies, it is made by you alone. Try to observe the situation and act by it. For instance, if you feel bad because you are alone, accept that you are alone, and try to change it for the better. People won't go looking for you, you need to go looking for them. As I, and probably you too, have experienced, depression will make it lots harder to change situations. Yet change is what we need to do. Change in every sence of the word. Not change the outside, but perform the most radical change imaginable, the change of the "Self", as it is called in the East. It is, in my opinion, the only way to true salvation. Because every other way relies and outside sources, such as status, being loved, family, drugs. Things that can, and most of the time will, fade away. Only to leave you with pain.

To end my story I would like to get back to something you said in a post before, that you just shouldn't say be happy to a depressed person, because it isn't that simple. Well, if happiness means no more pain, I would like to say to you, create no more pain. It is simple in words, but it isn't simple to achieve, because most of us need pain to create a self-identity, to let others know who they are, and how they suffered. But wanting pain is actually insane, so don't create it anymore. It is hard, very hard, but the only way to feel no more pain is to create no more pain. That is exactly why some people use drugs, because during the high they don't create and experience pain. And if pain does show up, observe and accept it. Believe me, it won't be pain after you fully accepted it.

I wish you all the best in the future, and please try to listen to the birds, it is the best advice I can give you.

Take care!
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/27/2008 6:33 PM (GMT -6)   

I have edited your posts, as you can see it is against the rules to post what you did.

I think if you reread the post that got you so upset you will see that you overreacted.
Nevertheless remember our rules of this site.

Feel free to email me if you would like to discuss it further.

Please remember,the mods on this site all volunteer our time so that we can help as much as we can.
Also, another thing to remember is that we all either suffer from depression now,or have suffered, so we do understand.

Thanks for your consideration.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 5/27/2008 8:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh to be content!! I don't think there is ever a time when you are content. I am 69 and used to think "Oh if I just didn't have to worry about bills I would be content"..guess what it doesn't happen. I just want more. I decided every 6 months I will take a trip. I save my money just for that reason. I don't care if I have to go alone or not. I don't have a problem talking a little bit with strangers. But I love to read so that gives me my solitude also. I am going to my eldest son's mini ranch in the mountains on the border of Oregan in July. I haven't decided where to go in December.
The thing is if you could just figure that on the weekend is going to be your hard time.
That you could maybe make that time to improving your "self". Try something new. or
just figure ok it is hard but I only have to make it till Monday when my son will be home.
good luck.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/27/2008 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Teri, thanks so much for your reply.  It made me feel much better.  I think you are probaby right that contentment may be hard to achieve but I am still going to strive for it.  I do always make plans on weekends when my sons are away so that part is OK.  It's just nights alone that are hard for me.  Talking on the phone at 11pm is not an option as most people don't want to talk that late.  The fact is I am really doing well for myself when I think back on all that I have been thru.  I was raised by a very abusive mother and my father was a surgeon and on call all the time so he wasn't aware of what was happening.  Both my sisters were also seriously abused and both have passed away.  I was divorced at 35, raised my sons myself, got them thru college and then had to take care of my mother for 10 years as she was ill. I had a job in top management for 20 years and am now retired.  I took my mother in when she was sick as I felt it was the right thing to do and despite my upbringing I am glad I was able to help her. I am also a 3 yr. cancer survivor.  So I have come a long way.  I just need support at times from people and that is why I post.  I am not feeling sorry for myself - just need a kind word or two at times and hope I can continue to find that here.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40395
   Posted 5/27/2008 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   

It sounds like you have had a lot of struggles throughout your life. I am glad that you posted that. Life gets so hard at times. Being afraid and alone at night is hard. These things do make us stronger and give us character, though that might not be so comforting to hear at the time. But you are a strong woman and I admire that. I hope that now the weekend is over, that you are feeling less anxious.

Thinking of you,
hugs, Karen
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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