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Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 5/31/2008 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
So I've been doing really well lately, I haven't been feeling depressed or moody, I've been seeing my counsellor and everything has been going really well, I've been happier than I've ever been in my life.  Until last night, I was out at a concert with my boyfriend, I started picking at him and *****ing at him, my counsellor thinks I do this to stop him getting to close as I am feeling scared. So then I started being jelous and saying things like "why don't you go and get back with your ex"  so in the end he just walked out and left me on my own in a pub, so I got in a taxi and picked him up and we had a massive arguement which ended with me slapping him in the face, which makes me just as bad as guys in the past who've treated me in this way.  I love him so much and I think he will forgive me, but I just don't know if there;s a way past this?  I just don't know what to do to make things right or to turn things around!  I need help!!!! 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 5/31/2008 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that your counselor is right, that you are undermining your self from being happy. I have done things like that before, and couldn't seem to stop myself. Ask yourself is this the way I really want to be? Try to stop yourself before you act on these feelings. Ask yourself do I want to treat the ones that I love the way I was treated? And try to stop that too. Practice that and see if it helps. Try to stop before you start. I think that this is past emotions coming back to mess things up. See if you can ward them off. You are probably use to the turmoil and have to break that pattern before you lose your boyfriend.

I hope this helps some,
hugs, karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/31/2008 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Hello and I am sorry you are having issues.  I agree with Karen your therapist has the right reasons for your behavior.  IMHO you need to see your therapist often as verbal and physical abuse to your b/f is unexceptable and your behavior is becoming abusive. You may have some underlying anger management issues going on too.
 
Perhaps you need to apologize to your b/f and only keep the conversation about the apology.  Do not let it turn into a debate of why you acted as you did because being slapped for any reason is not something most people are going to accept excuses for.  I am sure you are sorry but you must come to terms with your feelings in order to have a meaningful relaitonship.
 
No way am I judging you,  you have a illness and when our illness gets the best of us we must be proactive in getting help.
 
Coming here and talking is one good way to vent and connect with others that share this disorder.  I am glad you are here.
 
Kitt

 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/31/2008 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confusidi..I have a question for you...

Do you think that you have learned to react like this from something that has happened in the past? I began to realise after going to counselling years ago that a lot of my behaviour/reactions were from such things eg. even childhood experiences..just a thought :-) By the way - it takes a lot of soul searching and hard work to iron out these things..but believe me it can be done!

Kitt and Karen have given you great advice and I wish you well.

Sista J.


 
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  •  'Peace of mind will come to us when we are happy with 'not knowing'...
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djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 5/31/2008 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   

Hiya,

Please dont feel that you are on your own with this kind of problem. It is really common and I think (as other people have already said) that councilling is a good option. It sounds like you may need to clear something up with your councillor which will allow you to become more emotionally close to someone. I have never had a relationship so I am not really an expert here but I know from friends that when you have been hurt a couple of times, it is hard to learn to trust someone again and allow them to get close. Maybe this is what the problem is.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 6/2/2008 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I do think that there are things in my past that cause me to behave in theis way, it is a bit of a cycle to be honest, I am bullied then I become the bully, only now I'm with the most fabulous guy who deserves to be treated with respect and love and yet there's a monster in me which is stopping me from ever being happy! and making me drag those around me down too. I want so much to be a nice, relaxed, chilled out girl who can enjoy life without having a million and one things running round in my head! I just want to enjoy life instead of feeling that its so difficult! I am sick of taking 2 steps forward and then another 5 back! Getting to the point where I feel like there is no point in trying because it ends in disaster anyway!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 6/2/2008 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Has your therapist given you any ideas about how to change your actions? I would think that they would be helping you with this. With medication or talk therapy. I wish you a way to be the person that you want to be. And usually that is the person that we actually are, you just have to find your way there. Have you ever tried meditation? That can put you in a good place in your mind. It brings peace. Also as Erik always says, be in the now. Here is a little poem that I found that helps:
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
Today is a gift,
That is why they call it the present.

I hope that this helps.
Good luck, keep posting,
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 6/4/2008 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
No I haven't tried meditation - I wouldn't know where to start to be honest?!
 
She has given me some methods, like I am suppossed to look at what I'm about to say on a 1-10 scale and evaluate how true it is, or I am suppossed to look at different ways of saying things, but to be honest it's the thinking before I speak part thats the hardest bit!
 
I'm feeling a bit better now, I've been away on business for the last 3 days and I think the distance from my life has really helped me to put things in to perspective!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 6/4/2008 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I have the same problem about not thinking before I speak. That comes with practice and being fully in the now. You can do it, just keep trying. That is why I think that I like the forum. It gives me practice. And if I don't like what I write, I can always change it.LOL...

You will learn to think differently with talk therapy. I have faith in that. You are becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings and that is where to start. Just have faith in yourself.

I am glad that you are feeling better and putting things in perspective. I have found that coming here helps me with that. It kind of helps you bring your life together. So keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Again, I am happy that you are having a good day.
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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