Excessive Loneliness

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BronzeWatch
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 6/5/2008 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm fourteen, I'm scared my friends dislike me secretly and I get picked on sometimes at School. My Parents don't KNOW me, and I#m only happy when Learning. I'm proclaimed the School Geek and yesterday some delinquents threw rocks at me.

I'm OBSESSED with being smart, and think that I'm stupid. This is scary.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/5/2008 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Bronzewatch,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.  You are not a geek..........you are just a very smart person and you like your studies. I like studies and love to learn.

I hope you reported the people that threw rocks at you because you could be seriously injured.  Is there a teacher you trust that you might confide in.

If you have friends and you like each other don't doubt that they really like you. Why would they bother being your friend if they did not like you.

Your going through a difficult time right now and I know we have other teens here so I hope you hear from some of them

Keep posting as we are on your side.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


hedges_against_the_night
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 6/5/2008 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I went through that myself. I eventually learned that they didn't dislike me, I had pulled away from them. Is it possible that that is the case with you? If not, then I'd say that if they still want to be with you (they initiate conversations, etc), they don't dislike you. If they do seem to avoid you, call them out on it.
With the rocks, in theory there are 3 ways to deal with it, but only one intelligent way: go above their heads. I've gotta agree with Kitt on this one. I've had them thrown at me. I tried throeing them back and realized I was just giving them more ammo, both with the rocks and the reactions. Running away gives them a reaction as well, so they'll keep doing it. However, if you calmly (but quickly, of course) walk away from them to the nearest person of power (parent, teacher, principal, etc.), they'll usually stop. That doesn't matter. Tell the adult and let them eat their just desserts. Let someone else do the work of punishing them for you.
I, too, have been obsessed with knowledge nad wanting to know more my whole life. IT is no shame being a geek, it's something to be proud of. I should know, I am one. Geek, nerd, brainiac, whatever it all boils down to, it means one thing: they believe you are smarter than them and can't bear the thought. They don't like the idea that because you enjoy learning and it comes easily to you, it's likely you (or someone like you) could control their fate in the job they choose. By all means, you are not stupid, quite the contrary. If you were stupid, you wouldn't acknowledge that you don't know everything, you wouldn't want to know more. Stupid is not ever wanting to evolve or grow. You are not.

RAther than feeling like you've been "saddled" with the title "geek", embrace it. Not only will you feel better and find a whole new batch of people like you, but it'll be a way to show the bullies that they can't get under your skin (even if they do.)

If you are doubt as to the level of my geekiness, consider this: I am an engineer, read sci fi, read 2-4 1000 page books a week, built my computer, and wear the modern equivalent of coke- bottle glasses. I game (both computer games and card based RPG), I watch Nova and history channel. I am more worried about my computer's parts and health than make up or fashion. Geekiness is something to be proud of and I'll shout my geekiness from the rooftop. Wanna join me on that?
"'do you have any hobbies?'
'I used to draw, but that was a while ago. Why?'
'You need hedges.'
'Hedges?'
'Yes, hedges against the night" - paraphrased from Duma Key, Stephen King
Pitchfork Pact (n)- an agreement between me and my closest friends for either to call at any time if something is badly wrong.
Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?- E. A. Poe
It maybe an insane and meandering road back, but it's my road.

-Depression, allergies, minimal depth perception


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 6/6/2008 1:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
 
I felt the same in some ways when I was at school, I was clever, I did then and still do now tend to dumb myself down to fit in with people! I think you probably have a tendancy to over-think things, I do the same and see problems where maybe there are none!?  I often think to myself that my boyfriend doesn't really love me and then I think to myself - why would he waste time if he didn't love me, and I'm sure it's the same with your friends - why would they waste time with someone they don't like!
 
 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/6/2008 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Bronze,

How are you today? You have received some wise advice and I agree Geeks are cool, I love the Geek Squad, they come and fix my computer. :-) Knowledge is fun, I want to learn more all the time.  Stick with us as we will support you and it looks like you have found new friends here that understand you.

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


bookworm21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 1766
   Posted 6/6/2008 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
It looks like you've gotten some advice, Bronze. Please let a school staff member know that people were throwing rocks at you--you could have gotten hurt! I definitely agree w/ Hedges--embrace your geekiness/dorkiness/nerdiness! I had a hard time w/ that in jr. high and high school, and sometimes tried to dumb myself down. But I think we have to try to be true to ourselves (b/c we're not happy when we're dumbing ourselves down either, so might as well let our true selves shine through!). Yay geeks!
*hugs*

Post Edited (ComedyDork) : 6/7/2008 3:42:20 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 6/7/2008 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I did the same thing in high school. Dumbing myself down to be accepted, big mistake. Though I am not too old to learn, I wasted a lot of time not learning when I was young. So yes, Geeks are cool. Stay the way that you are and don't let anyone cause you to feel lesser about yourself. You are a wonderful, smart person....

hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/7/2008 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel as I suffer from terrible lonliness and I am a lot older than you.  One of these days you will be happy that you are so intelligent. It is interesting when you go to a class reunion in the future and you are the successful  one while the others who thought they were so popular didn't turn out so well.  Don't let anyone get away with hurting you as the others have said.  You have a rignt to attend school and be safe so do tell a couselor at school or a teacher you like.  Your true friends will stick by you and the others are not worth it.  I still have those problems with friends even at my age.  I get excluded from things and it really hurts my feelings.  I have reached the point where I won't put up with that anymore and just ignore those friends who do those things to me.Be proud of yourself - you will most certainly turn out to be a success in life.

sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/8/2008 5:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I was the same way in school, wish Iwas smart now as I was then. And exactly the same thing happened to me, i had rocks thrown at me, a whole gang of girls against me, i did nothing to desrve 5 or 6 girls trying to beat me up. One shoved me up against a brick wall which drew blood on my face, but in desperation, I just started laughing about it, i couldnt out run them, i wasnt gonna let them see me cry. So I laughed, this is after they had destroyed my notebooks. Looking back i think they were jealous maybe?
I dont recall telling an authority figure, which i should have.
But there was a girl who had witnesses it and she was bigger and taller than even the girls tormenting me. She came over and they ran like crazy, she was very tall and stocky, you wouldnt want her on your bad side. she said dont worry, they wont mess you any more, and she walked me home. talk about angels out of no where!!  They never did mess with me again.
I agree with all the others embrace your smartness, and dont stoop yourslef down to their level. you are better than that....
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/8/2008 5:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Bronze

My b/f has a genis IQ,and he was very skinny so therefore got picked on alot at school.

Now,the people that used to give him crap are basically losers in life,and always try to get him to help them.

Quite a turnaround don't you think?

Kids are mean,and if you are being bullied you really need to talk to someone about it and soon.

Start with your parents and ask them for help.

You are doing nothing wrong,and soon will surpass these kids because you are going to go far in life,while they are too worried about the latest fashions,and who they think they need to impress.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 6/8/2008 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand where you're coming from Bronze. I suffered through some major depression when I was your age (I'm not old, I'm 19 *going on twenty*, now... I had recovered from that period of depression, but I've recently slipped into depression again and it's got quite the hold on me at the moment). I agree with what a lot of people here are saying... (especially the part about contacting a school official regarding the kids that threw rocks at you. I know you're worried about further retaliation if you tell, but you can't let this go on. It's physical abuse... physical harrassment. As a student, you have a right to a safe environment. As a citizen of whatever country you're from *I'd assume U.S., but I don't know*, you have a right to be free from harm from other citizens. Seriously, you could sue them and probably win if things have to come to that.)

I had to deal with verbal and physical harassment myself... There was actually a time someone put a kick me sign (believe it or not, I still have trouble believing that people still do that, it's so old) on my back... and a group of kids kicked me all down the hallway. Another time, a girl purposely hit me against the head with her purse... Then, there was this guy who threatened to break my foot. I let it go on for a long time, but it didn't stop until I finally broke down and told a school official, and INSISTED on justice because of my fear of retaliation.

Embrace your intelligence... You need to realize that you are not stupid and are, in fact, very intelligent. Turn it into something to be proud of. Proclaim to everyone that you're quite happy being a nerd or a geek... Make it something stylish... (Watch the movie Superbad, sometime... there's a really funny nerd on there, and if you can make references to the movie sometime, some kids might actually think you're pretty cool. Also... I'm not sure if you're male or female, but if you're female: Get the 'Talk nerdy to me' t-shirt.) Really play it up... Have fun with your nerdiness... make fun of your nerdiness.

This will help, trust me. I still do this, and I'm in college... it makes a world of difference in how people treat you. You'll still run into some jerks, but having fun with your nerdiness will kind of help you in letting whatever the jerks say to you kind of roll off your shoulders.
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 6/8/2008 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
It is amazing how alone you can feel even when surround by people. I often feel like I am on an island by myself even though I know there are people all around me. Good luck and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

 
Randy

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