waiting after a good week

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hedges_against_the_night
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 6/6/2008 7:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I just had a good workweek. Not excellent or anything the person without depression would jump for joy over, but it was a nice, normal week. I can't rememberr the last time I could make it through the week without something stressing me out, falling apart, or going to hell on me. My boss was civilized (I finally managed to get a couple things into that thick skull of his that I've been trying to get him to see for months), work was tame, a public hearing went well recieved and quietly, no stress at home ( aside from my fiancee being away on training, but that happens almost every or ever other workweek), had a (nondepresssion related) conversation with my mom that didn't make me want to throw the phone across the room.... It's scary, in a way. I want it to go on, I like feeling "normal" in this sense, but at the same time, I'm having to try to stave the the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's not as severe as it normally would be, usually after this many good days in a row I've worried myself ruddy near to death over what's going to happen when it all comes crashing down. I'm still kind of wondering when it'll all go back downhill again, but now it's more of a curiosity than an all encompassing worry. It's just such a strange sensation, though, to feel, even for a week, like I did back before I had depression. I'm marvelling at it, cherishing it, trying to "grok it in fullness" (Heinlein reference.) As small as it seems, it's a HUGE leap forward for me. I'm almost in shell shock. I can't get this goofy grin off my face when I think about it, not that I'd want to. It's a reason to celebrate, just having a normal week without worrying or fretting over when the other shoe's going to drop. It seems almost that when I cried Monday night (that mad, violent, quick jag where I still can't identify what I wascrying about) something finally etiher made it's way out and went away, or something good snapped into place. Darned if I know what it was, but whatever it is, I hope this normalcy doesn't go away.
"'do you have any hobbies?'
'I used to draw, but that was a while ago. Why?'
'You need hedges.'
'Hedges?'
'Yes, hedges against the night" - paraphrased from Duma Key, Stephen King
Pitchfork Pact (n)- an agreement between me and my closest friends for either to call at any time if something is badly wrong.
Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?- E. A. Poe
It maybe an insane and meandering road back, but it's my road.

-Depression, allergies, minimal depth perception


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 6/6/2008 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Good evening Hedges,

It is wonderful to read that. I remember going through those feelings too. Wondering when somebody was going to pull the rug out from under it all. But as you learn to take life one day at a time, the worry becomes less and you just go with the flow of normalcy. What ever would be normal to you. And if you do have a not so good day, so be it. Because there are better days ahead.

I am very happy for you.
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/6/2008 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Hedges............lets do the happy dance as it is Friday and you had a good week.  whoooo hooooooo and I wish you many more.

yeah   yeah   yeah   yeah   tongue   cool   eyes   yeah    yeah   yeah   yeah   :-)   eyes   smurf   yeah   yeah   yeah   yeah  

I sense you know yourself very well and I like that you are not anticipating the next earthquake but realize that you will have other down times.  Now you can remember that the down times do not last forever...............Enjoy your celebration.  It is only right to celebrate each accomplishment.

Hugs to you my friend and stick with us.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/8/2008 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hedges

It is so sad that we are always worried about things going bad when we are feeling good.

I almost think that we are so used to feeling bad that we don't think we deserve to feel good.
I have woken up so many times thinking that something is wrong,when everything is fine.

It takes me a couple of days to get over the anxiety of that...
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 6/8/2008 6:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning Hedges,

I think in time you will get comfortable with things going well. Sounds silly doesn't it? But I have been through that. And I think like Shy says we get so use to feeling bad, that feeling good just doesn't seem normal.

Just keep your chin up hon, you will be just fine.

luv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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