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Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 6/7/2008 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't say why really. I just feel really annoyed... like everything is just one big nuisance. Maybe it's because I feel hot... or because I've been really constipated... Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I don't know...
 
I'm feeling pretty insecure, too. I feel like I've been a bad person... that I've been letting Crohn's disease take over my life... and for some reason, I keep thinking one of my roommates is really mad at me (I have, at least, stopped asking her if she is mad at me because she has told me that she isn't, but I just feel like she's been kind of aloof around me... maybe even annoyed or stressed when I'm around her and feeling bad)... I have the slightest feeling that I'm being paranoid.
 
I feel like I should be happier and more energetic because I am actually pain-free right now. No pain in my tummy... no pain in my joints. But then... It's because I'm taking a stronger pain medicine (Vicodin) instead of the Ultracet. I only have a few days worth of the Vicodin, though...
 
And to be honest, it just feels wrong. I shouldn't have to put up with pain... I shouldn't have to take any pain medicine at all. I can't even remember what it feels like to be pain-free without the help of a pain pill.
 
I don't worry anymore that I'm going to turn into some kind of druggie or something because I had gone a few months without taking any pain medication because I was doing well and wasn't in any pain. If I didn't have pain, I wouldn't take the pain medicine. And I know, too, that there are too many things that are important to me...
 
But I do worry about what those close to me might think... There's nobody near here that has Crohn's, so... I don't have anyone to back me up. I worry that someone will think that the pain isn't as bad as I make it out to be... or that I'm faking it...
 
Actually, someone already told me she felt something along those lines... My best friend... It made me feel so bad...
 
Even if I could make people understand what I'm going through, I wouldn't want to do it because I don't like causing other people pain. And I don't like other people seeing me in pain... because I know it upsets them, and I don't like making people upset. I want to make people happy...
 
Sometimes, I just want to shut myself away somewhere... where no one will see me. I'm so tired of going to the doctors... and the hospital. I catch myself thinking sometimes that I should try pretending I'm not sick... stop taking my medicine... stay under the covers all day and just let myself rot...
 
And then, I think to myself how horrible it is for me to think those things... And how stupid. And I try to think happy thoughts... I try to think about my future... I try thinking about getting well... 
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 6/7/2008 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Celey,

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have fibromyalgia and I have to take pain meds. But it is either that or suffer. And why should I do that. I don't care if people believe me or not. I know I have it and I am coping with it the best way that I can.

I also use to go around trying to make others happy and please them too. But then I got overwhelmed and neglected myself. So now I worry about pleasing me. And if I can make somebody happy in some little way, well kudos to that. But I don't worry about other's approval anymore. In time you wont either.

You are not stupid for feeling the way that you do. It is all a part of a coping process. I think that it is natural. You will find what is right for you in time.

As far as constipation. Can you eat oranges? They help if you eat one at night. Also bran flakes are good. Cascara Sagrada helps along with stool softeners. And so does magnesium. Which we should take anyway.

Have you addressed the constipation issue with your doctor? They might be able to help you also. But these other things I have done and they work. You don't need all of them though, that is just the different methods that I have tried. And drink 8 8oz bottles of water a day. That is very important.

I hope that this helps some
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 6/8/2008 12:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I have tried very hard... to stop worrying about making people happy... to stop... wanting approval. I've managed to get it to work in some cases... I don't fall to peer pressure, at least. But... other than that... I just can't seem to make any progress. It's almost like... I dunno... I feel responsible...

Anyway, I don't like oranges very much... and too much citrus (even just once a night... I usually have something citrusy maybe once a month if that) bothers me...

I'm going to see my GI doctor Monday... have a lot to talk to him about..
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/8/2008 5:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope you GI doctor is able to help you. I know whst you mean on the citrus, i cant take it at all, with the IC, i have to take pain meds too, wish i didnt but i do, or i wouldnt function, i woould stay in bed all day. And thats no good to no one, espeicaiallyy when i got two kids.
I may not get exactly 8 oz bottles of water down me, but i try to drink fluids that are good, like crystal light, its basically water with a flavor to it. i drink a lot of that, it helps. I use Benefiber to help withthe constipation, as with my Gastroparieses( parlyzation of the stomach), I cant really eat foods high in fiber, so i have to get it from some where, so i have found benifeiber and mIralax to be the best for me, I wish i could eat like i used to salads, broccoli, celery, all healthy fiberful snaks, but the dont agree with my stomach, so I got alot of questions for my Gi too, I want to know what i can take that will allow me to eat these foods I used to enjoy with out getting sick.
Have you ever heard the spoon theory(but you dont look sick) sounds like what are describing. I get the same thing.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/the_spoon_theory/
(copy and pste, I cant figure out how to make it clickabe) But this real good to give to friends who may be skeptical, its about a girl with lupus, but you can substitute chrons in there or what evr batttle your fighting. it has helped me with some people and not with others. People ultimately are gonna believe what they want. And we just got to worry about how we are doing
and try not to let others get us down. 
People see you and you look fine, but your really not, Chrohns is a very difficult disease to keep under control, my friend has it, I have IBS, so i can understand a litttle of what you are going through. I wish you didnt have to feel paranoid around your friends(roomates). I am praying for you and wishing you luck with your mates and friends.....
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/8/2008 5:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Celey

I too go thru the paranoid times,I know that I drive my b/f crazy..and I know he gets tired of having to assure me that we are ok.

I hope that you can feel better soon, you have a difficult disease with Crohns and to add depression on top of it...yikes

As far as your roommate,she could be acting a little weird just because she does not know how to deal with you. Ones that have never dealt with depression seem to not know how to deal with us.
That is ok,but It does hurt our feelings.

Instead of looking for things that you think are upsetting her,watch for things that make her happy...and then hopefully you will understand that she is ok with you. It could be that she has alot going on with herself.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 6/8/2008 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, sheryl, for the link... That was a great story. Maybe I will share it... but I'm not sure. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm accusing them of being insensitive or anything...

And you're right ShynSassy... it probably is that she doesn't know how to deal with me exactly... and that she does have a lot going on.
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/9/2008 4:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Celey

Let us know how you are doing, we will all be here to help you as much as we can.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

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