Shutting Yourself Off From The World

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StartAnew
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/8/2008 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I've done this and don't know how to overcome it.

My life is a total mess. I'm almost 42 and don't have any close relationships to speak of.

I'm divorced, my daughter and I are not close (she's 17), my mom is clinically depressed and can make me feel I want to scream, my dad doesn't hardly acknowledge me, I didn't finish my degree, I'm waiting to hear if my bankruptcy is final, I work with doctors and nurses that have money to do what they want while I scrape by daily.....the list is endless. My daughter didn't even graduate with her class due to not getting a perfect score on a graduation test. Has all her credits and yet has to pass this test in order to get a diploma.

I've told myself if I don't tell people how I feel then it goes away. I have this place in my mind I can go where no one can hurt me, nor do I have to deal with the day to day stresses I feel. I get around people and I panic for I feel I have nothing to say - I have nothing to offer a conversation anyone would want to hear. I feel they can see I'm not in control of my life.

Some days I wake up and feel great - I go for days on a high that all is well. I even feel I'm ready for a relationship because I miss a man in my life. Then it hits me how out of control I feel and what little I can offer a man right now.

My question is - how in the world do you come out of a shell that YOU have created? How do you open up to people without them thinking you are a total psycho? I'm not dumb by any means....people compliment me on my brains and work ethic all the time...tell me how fun I am. When inside I feel like I'm gonna have a massive panic attack in public one day.

I want friends...and fun in my life. I've backed myself in a corner where I just go to work, come home, clean, eat, get on the computer.........and hide.

How do you do it??

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 6/8/2008 10:08 AM (GMT -7)   
HI StartAnew,

Coming here will help you. You can vent, cry, talk about anything. I think it is a good release.

Realize people very seldom see the flaws that we perceive within ourselves. They see us as much more confident than we are inside. They find us interesting even if we don't. So don't be so hard on yourself.

I think that in time after being on this forum, you will find that it is a good release and that you are a lot stronger than you think. I think it will really help you.

Please believe when people compliment on your intelligence and your sense of humor. They aren't just saying it to have something to say, they really mean that. So humbly accept that you are a much better person than you give yourself credit for. I can tell just by the way that you write.

I hope this helps some.
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


StartAnew
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/8/2008 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your reply.

I guess the one thing I live with is so much regret and guilt. My daughter is almost 18 and I feel I have to be home all the time for her. I don't even know what fun is anymore. I seem to find so much to pick on lately. I've come to a point where I almost feel tired of being the responsible one - her dad hasn't picked her up in 3 years and I've had no break of any kind. I went from one job right into the one I'm at now with no break between - went back to college - and haven't dated at all. Not even a movie with a man. Nothing.

Why do I feel I have to be home all the time?? She and I do not see eye to eye on anything much anymore. I know she tried to pass this test, but I also see a teenager that was allowed to do quite a bit due to no parents around. I was gone 60% of the time due to school and work and her dad just was not here at all. She doesn't seem to have any motivation for getting a job or helping around the house at all. On top of that, I have my mother wanting to buy her anything her heart desires...I almost feel like telling my mom she can take her for a few weeks. See how she is when it comes to doing things. She might see how worn out I really am. I love my daughter to death, but there comes a time when you have to say the excuse of her dad abandoning her is not reason for her to be so disrespectful towards me. Lots of kids come from broken homes and they turn out ok. I can't keep hearing how it's all his fault.

I'm just tired - I'm also going thru the change. I don't know how to handle much anymore. I feel hopeless and worthless even though I know I'm not. I would never try to hurt myself but there are times I think of just packing and leaving this town. Not even look behind me. Just go. I need a break and if I don't get one soon, I'm going to go crazy.

Thanks for listening.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 6/8/2008 5:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Maybe you should make her get a summer job, or let her stay at grandma's for a few weeks. You do need a break from her for a little while. Maybe a well deserved vacation for yourself. Can that possibly be done?

Being she is old enough, will she be leaving the nest soon? Or do you think that she is going to stay for a while yet?

It is sad that she treats you with disrespect. You don't deserve that. I don't understand the kids these days. How they cannot see how their parents are struggling. But with Grandma spoiling her, that is to be almost expected. I hope that you can work things out.

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


tigereye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/20/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
hi thats kids for you we e nearly all had it i bet .you d o your best give them everything,but they truly behave and feel the world revolves around them,yes i too love my 18yr old son dearly.hes spoilt by his granny in fact hes unofficially moved in with her hes says i put too many restrictions on him,ie im not waiting with a meal cooked when he rolls in from a nightclub 3am he cant play his music at full welly all hours of the day and night (ive 3 other kids 2 are 5 and 6 yrs)he thinks its unreasonable to say hello to them now and again!he thinks hes hard done by hes never done without much weve never been poor,we made sure he never went without love and emotional support and so it goes on.i think hes making me pay for splitting up with his dad when he was 14 .i only patientlywait til the day he c0mes out from under these rose coloured glasses and realises what a twerp hes being and finally grows up.i keep saying this to people make time for you.you cant live your kids lives at this age theve got learning and growing to do themselves ,turn off the guilt a little a day and give yourself some attention.theyll never act or behave the way you think or want them too until they grow up have that realisation and maturity to change you cant force it . you cant put your life on hold your gonna end up ill and miserable then before you knowit lifes past you by. take care tigereye x

dejavu
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/20/2008 1:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi ,
My goodness I really relate to your post , I have no answers for you , just know that I deeply understand ,
have you thought about counselling? Your daughter is nearly grown up now , have you thought about joining an activity club in the evenings , where you would meet people ooutside of your work circle.
Don't forget how heroic you have been in bringing up your daughter alone , now you need to nurture yourself as well .

sending you my best wishes dejavu
the sun is always there, yet we cannot always see it ...

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