i'd like advice or just someone to listen and respond?

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bringmebackhome
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 6/9/2008 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
This friday, is my first doctors appointment in almost a year! Now that I'm eighteen I have to be re-evaluated, because "children are often misdiagnosed". I've been feeling really depressed lately... kinda empty... I can honestly say I haven't been getting my urges to hurt myself as much or as often which is great. It has also been alot easier for me to put a smile on and pretend everything is okay but my mom and I have been fighting more :/
 
Also I've been having nightmares lately... and there killing me because I've never told ANYONE AT ALL about this before but when I was 12 my best friend's [who is like my little sister stil to this day] grandpa molested me, he touch me and he made me watch him touch himself, I wasn't raped and I never had to touch him but it happened and I still remember that night, I was sleeping and I woke up to him touching me... I never told my friend or anyone else I ran home and hurt myself for the first time ever... The next day my friend saw the marks from where I hurt myself and asked me about it I told her I did it because of my mom, which was a part of it... I don't know I'm still friends with this girl and I see her grandpa everyday... I can't tell anyone what happened because it was so long ago noone would believe me and my mom likes their family she'd hate me if I runied anything... for most of the years I've been able to try and not remember but lately it just so hard I have nightmares about it and I don't know why? why now? he hasn't touched me since that night but sometimes when I go to her house he touches himself, usually not in the same room that I'm in but he does it and my friend knows he does, I tell her to look at him when he's doing it and she just yells at him to stop and thats it... but than a few days later he does it again...
 
I don't know what to do and I don't know if or how I should tell anyone...
 
I just can't wait to see the doctor and hopefully start medication again...

bring me back home
bipolar I


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 6/9/2008 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Bringmeback home,
 
That must have been a really scary and unnerving experience for you, I think to be honest, you've probably at the time tried to put it out of your mind and forget about it, or sometimes what I do is detach myself from things that hurt me and it's like I'm watching them happen to someone else, then later on - sometimes years they come back to haunt me! about 5 years ago I was in a very violet relationship which lasted about 3 years, at the time It didn't hurt me too much, I detched myself, now I have nightmares and all sorts of irrational fears. Maybe this is what is happening with you!
 
Have you tried talking to a counsellor about this? 
 
I don't know what you should do with regards to telling anyone, I probably wouldn't because I always tend to sit on the fence and not rock the boat, but if telling someone would help you then maybe you should do it, try and put yourself first and think about what will help you to move past this?
 
anyway hope you can feel better soon x

bringmebackhome
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 6/9/2008 5:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I've never talked to anyone about it not my social worker, therapist, or anyone I'm afraid to tell people and I don't want to be the reason why her family and mine end up hating each other... I don't I'm hoping that by talking about it on here maybe I can get over it.. and it will just go away... this is the first time in about two years I've actually had flash backs of that night... but I don't know I won't tell anyone that I talk to regularly by where I live... it'll just mess up my life even more... which is exactlly the stress I don't need...
bring me back home
bipolar I


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 6/9/2008 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie,

You really need to tell your therapist about this. He/she could help you through this. You don't have to tell the family if you don't want to, but it is clear that you are suffering from this and talking to your therapist would help you to get beyond it. Especially if you have nightmares about it. It wants to surface. Do this for yourself. Please...

Luv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bringmebackhome
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 6/10/2008 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I won't tell my family or friends... I want to to talk about it, try to make it go away... the nightmares, but I don't even know how I would go about telling someone... I mean what if my doc asks me why I never told anyone or why I felt the need to keep it a secret... I'm meeting this lady for the first time on friday should my first appointment really be about how I was molested by my friends grandfather....
bipolar I


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 6/10/2008 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't think a counsellor would ask why you kept it a secret, she isn't there to judge you and she won't.  I don't think it matters if you talk about this on your first session or when ever, just whenever it comes out! There are things I feel I need to talk about with my counsellor that haven't really come out yet - It's just been more of a natural progression, or sometimes I just have more pressing things which I need to talk about! She's very patient with me, but also gives me a bit of a poke if I need one!
From Li x


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 6/10/2008 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so happy that you are going to see somebody. You have started a healing process just by coming here, so it should only get easier. There are going to be some days when you dig a little deeper but remember, it wont be more than you can handle. Just getting it out helps. So go for it and get healing. And remember we are always here for you.

We are all behind you on this.

Many hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/10/2008 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there is Kitt and I am glad to meet you.  You are meeting this lady for the first time, what better time then to tell her what brought you to her.  Remember she is a therapist and your in a professional relationship.  She expects to hear what is going on in your life now and in the past so that she may give you the best care possible.

I think you can do this.................work through your problems and you will learn how to cope with the awful feelings of abuse.

Bless you and your on my mind so know your not alone.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


bringmebackhome
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 6/11/2008 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm almost positive I'm going to talk about it with my doctor but my social worker is insisiting on sitting in on our first session and I'm not sure I'm ready to tell her about it... I think it would be best to keep from going to my friends hosue as often but she lives right next door... I have to pick her up in the morning for school and most nights I babysit her little sister... [her parents don't like to leave her grandfather home alone] So if she can't watch her sister I do....

But I'm very thankful that you are all so kind and willing to talk with me and give me advice.

((HUGS))
bipolar I

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