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sheryl=jk
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Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/9/2008 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I been reading some other posts, about some spouses feel like they are roommates, I trully feel like this. My husband will admit he depressed, but wont take anything for it. I know Im depressed and do take stuff for it, I have to or I cant function.  i have other issues as well, that i take medication for, that without is hard to function, sometimes I still feel like I am not functioning the way I want to be, I see a Pdoc this thurs, my old one moved away.
My husband has completely moved downstairs, made his own room tv and all, and we are not allowed in it, he sleeps there as my daughter sleeps in my bed, as there isnt room for him, and getting her out isnt really an option, and even if she were out, I still dont think he'd come sleep up in our bed anymore, he seems quite content to be right where he is. He will not see a counsler. I have a weight problem, need to lose about 50 lbs, even then I still think it would make a difference with him. I would probaly feel better about myslef, and less weight would probably help my knees and back im sure.  I just dont feel like we are a family anymore, and if i could affford i would leave, but i not allowed to take my daughter with me,and i cantleave her alone with son, he hurts her. The chidlren dont help me clean so upstairs isnt as nice and tiday as downstairs where my husband keeps it clean. he doesnt realize i cant phyically do it by my self. Or I would. if I ever get it all cleaned it trashed just as quick, he says then clean it right away. i cant, is what he doesnt understand. If it were just me i could keep it clean, bcuz noone would be messing it up constantly. My husb works two jobs so i understand he cant do it either, so i guess i am just venting, i feel stuck in messyland and husb has cleanland, and i cant attain it. Others are in room will write more later...
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 6/9/2008 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Sheryl,

You really need to MAKE your children pick up after themselves. They are old enough. This isn't fair to you what so ever. I think that it is time that you put your foot down. This way you could spend more time working on yourself and your relationship with your husband.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/9/2008 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
thAT IS easier said then done!! sad
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 6/9/2008 12:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I know Sheryl,

But you count... and you should be able to set some rules. This is rediculous. You are a good and special person. you should have some say as to what goes on in your family. Starting with your son. I feel bad that you have to worry about him hurting your daughter. How old is he? I forgot. But I know that he is old enough to do chores and help around the house. And your daughter can clean up after her self. I know that she does have some limitations, but she can do a little.

Good luck sweetie,

hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/9/2008 1:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I know they are both old enough, and know better, but me telling them to doesnt make them do it. Its effectivly getting htme to do so thts the problm
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/9/2008 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Sheryl,

Hi there and I know how you feel..........I raised 4 kids and I had a few tricks I tried maybe one will work for you.

I did not pick up  for them but threw it all in their rooms and closed the door and while I was at it I quit doing their wash too. Just clean your room and make it your own special space.  If you must, put a lock on your door so the kids cannot enter your room while you not in there.

Then sit down with them and gently explain the new rules.  Their rooms get picked up and stay clean or they may be running around in underwear.  LOL

You have so much going on that it is time to have a little fun.  I know you feel trapped but let yourself loose and laugh.  Look in the mirror and practicing smiling.  And please make sure you have someone to talk to one on one.

Love ya

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 6/9/2008 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
That is a good idea Kitt. If she quits doing their work and doing their laundry, maybe they will start doing it for their own. Shove the stuff in their rooms and shut the door. Then they might start picking up after theirselves. Better yet, if it lays on the floor, it starts getting thrown away. That is another idea.

Hugs to you both,
Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/10/2008 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Sheryl

I had the same problem with my kids.

One weekend I gave them a timeline,told them they had 2 hours to pick their toys and crap up.
They did not listen,so right on time I grabbed a garbage bag,picked everything up and told them it was being thrown away.

They freaked out of course,but I stuck to my guns.
What they didn't know what that I had hidden the bags in the basement,and after a couple weeks I brought them out.
That actually worked,they know my time lines were fact,and would eventually get the things picked up.

I also made charts and gave each of them a small job to do each day when they were at home.
ie: one had to dust the coffee table,or one had to wash the bathroom sink. As they got older the jobs got a little bigger..at the end of the week if they had done their chores they got money.

I bribed them...yes I did,but it helped me alot.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/10/2008 5:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes bribing does seem to work better,at thiteen my son is complety into himslef, and my husb isnt gone shell out any money right now for work the should be doing, matter of fact Ireally think that my husband feels if they dont do it, then i should, and i disagree, i just dont know if my husb and i will be on the same side of the table again, my room is fairly clean, except my daughter sleeping in it. She wont stop, my son slept in there til a late age too, and sometimes still does, he swore he heard an alien outside his window the other night and ran in bed with me( yes he has issues). He stayed in his crib practacally until his sister was born, his is almost 5 yrs older than her. once he left the crib he sleot with us for 5 or so years.
He had night terrors too, that was lovely(not!!)
kara sleot on her own til about 7, now these last 2 yrs she sleeps in my bed, which i see no end to anytime soon. i dont een mind washing and folding their laudry as long it stays put awaym and my daughter is terrible about changingher clothes 5x a day and leaving it all over the floor.  The dishs, I ask then the be rinsed and stuck in the dishwasherm no one can do that, i dont mind washing them and then putting them away, just put the dam dish in the dsihwasher please. some times my daughter will help me put the dishes away if i ask. no oe ever does anythng to help if ot asked, except my husband who really working his two jobs, keeping our lawn cut and we have a lot of lawn with 5 acres, his moms lawn, and anothr house he owns, so he works his butt off, i cant exoect him to do household chores. But i am resentful that he has moved into his own nice tidy little room he keeps locks, he sleeps there watches tv, whatever. I am sure he talks to mom about it, and she agrees withhim 100 percent.  But to me its like a slap in the face. Its tells me he is my roommate not my husbnad. I see no end in sight to it either, and if I could I would leave and possible take my daughter with me, but he wont allow it. i mentioned in the heat of the moment as he was talking to me like a child, i screamed( which i never do to him) but i couldnt help I had had all I could take, and said i was gonna leave i have a nice tidy apt like him, and taking kara with me, even tho her room is the messiet, i mean you cant walk in it.
i cant help for wanting to leave, i see know end in sight as far as anything. I feel trapped to live in a mess, or go. I know my husband loves me, but it will never be the same, no matter how much weight i lose, our ideas about things now are on the opposite side of the spectrum. So what happens when i start to sub, and im not home all day, is till my responsibilty to have the house clean when Im working too, I cant bribe them I have no money. See i just tryed talking to my daughter about it, she sais stop talking i dont want to talk about, i toldher i was throwing away wht i found on the floor, my son has been keeping his room clean, but other then that he doesnt nothig to help clean anything else. he takes a shower leaves his dirty clothes and towls all over the hall floor, or he throw his doirty clothes out the door, expecting me to clean them, he can put them in a laundry basket.  I just feel trapped with no way out, it is very depressing to me, and we got to church, and i have written the pastor about all this, swearing him not to tell my husband, and said he wouldnt and that he pray for us, he knows now that hub has his own little apt downstairs.
he made a big tadoo about making too, toook down all my things hanging in there, painted the whole rooom, bought a new bed, and dresser and tv. i feel i deserve this too, why is it all my responsiblity. I am just venting, i feel very very trapped, the only time i feel good is when i go to visit my friend , and hope my husb will pay for the gas. Me and kara spend the night and she minds my friend, wehter she likes it or not.
Ok I am exhausted whining about it, I just have to have someone to talk too.
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 6/10/2008 6:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I know I made a post to you today Sheryl, I must have forgotten to press submit. I have been doing that a lot lately. But basically I was affirming what Shy had said about putting there stuff in garbage bag and everything that isn't in the laundry hamper doesnt' get washed. I feel bad that you didn't get my post.

Sorry

LUv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/10/2008 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Thats ok, Shy is right, i do absoulety hate it when my son takes a shower and down the hall is his towel, and his dirty clothes, waiting for me to pick them up and wash them, he throws his dirty clothes outside his door, like immaid service. So you know im ot gonna leave on the floor. Its so very arrgravting...
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 6/10/2008 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Mary, right now their just fighting away, you would think with their age difference they wouldnt fight so much, but they do.
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06  implanted Interstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan Im marrried 2 children, one with mild autism, Bipolar(8), she takes Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

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