Hi there and I know how you feel..........I raised 4 kids and I had a few tricks I tried maybe one will work for you.
I did not pick up for them but threw it all in their rooms and closed the door and while I was at it I quit doing their wash too. Just clean your room and make it your own special space. If you must, put a lock on your door so the kids cannot enter your room while you not in there.
Then sit down with them and gently explain the new rules. Their rooms get picked up and stay clean or they may be running around in underwear. LOL
You have so much going on that it is time to have a little fun. I know you feel trapped but let yourself loose and laugh. Look in the mirror and practicing smiling. And please make sure you have someone to talk to one on one.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression *~*