Karen, thanks so much for your reply. I am really in a bad way today. I know I have put myself in my own living bad show but I honestly don't know how to combat this horrible lonliness. I see my therapist on Tues. and she is a great help. I just need to wait out the time to see her. I know the weekend is going to be rough although I do have plans with a friend on Sat. I will just have to try to find other things to do. I just feel so down inside and I am having trouble with crying so much. I know it helps to let it out but it just never stops. I am seriously considering calling the depression hotline if I don't improve because I can't take these feelings much longer. Do you know if the hotline is a good source for someone to listen to me? If so I think I may call. Thanks for listening and being so supportive.
Karen, thank you again so much for your replies. It really helps to know someone is thinking about me. I am a people person. I just really like to be around people even if it is one person just so I have someone to talk to. That is my biggest problem - needing to be able to talk and feel connected. I had a strange experience today when I went to volunteer at the Senior Center. A man came up to ask me where a meeting was ( I volunteer at the reception desk). Anyway, I told him and he went. He came back a few minutes later and said he thought I was very nice and attractive and would I like to go out to lunch with him. He told me he was very well meaning and had only good intentions. Well, he also told me he was 89 yrs. old! He is old enough to be my father. He asked if I was married and I told him I was divorced but now I probably should have said I was married. He left and came back a second time and asked again if I would consider going to lunch. I told him I would have to think about it. I think I would be very uncomfortable going out with someone so much older than me. He said his wife had died and he showed me a picture of his daughter who is obviously older than me and his grandchildren and great grandchildren. I imagine he is very lonely like me but I don't think I am comfortable with the situation. I guess I will have to stick to my plan of going to the bookstore this weekend so I can be around people. It beats sitting home alone and crying. By the way I do have the number for the depression hotline so if things get too bad for me I will call. I have never used it before and I don't want them to get the wrong ideal - I would never hurt myself, I just want someone to talk to and give a little advice.
Hugs to you, Aurora
hi everyone, thanks so much for replying. Hugs to u confused and Aurora and everyone else here who suffers from loneliness. This is something I have battled practically since I was a teenager. But when I graduated college is when it really got bad, and I turned to anorexia and binge eating as a way to try and control my life. I always feel alone, even when I am around people. I dont understand why I suffer with this so much, it feels like a knife in my heart most days. I am 27 years old and i have no social life. I dont have many friends and i just broke up with my boyfriend....and even when I was with him I still was haunted by loneliness. Like last night, I sat up in my bed and cried...I just looked around my dark room all by myself and thought about how many nights Ive slept here alone....no one there but me and the darkness. And then I think about the past 5 years of my life and how much i hate it all....the choices ive made, the career I lost, the extreme loneliness, the many illness I have, the chronic pain i suffer with everyday. All of it is too much for me. All Ive ever wanted was a family and to be happy and well. Ive prayed for years and still am here hurting and alone and fighting this awful depression, loneliness, and pain everyday. I am seeing a therapist and it helps some but still doesnt take away all the longings in my heart that never go away, and the constant pain and heartache I feel everyday of my life. People tell me this too shall pass, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I havent seen that light for years and it seems like it will never get here. Sorry for being so down I just cant take this anymore....I thought your 20s were supposed to be the best time of your life but to me they are the worst
Hi this is Kitt and the 50's were good for me. I have times when I am desperately lonely and I do know how it feels so know you are in a good place here with us.
Loneliness can be overcome. But it depends on you. It is important to know that loneliness is a common experience. Loneliness does not have to be a permanent state of affairs. Instead it can best be viewed as a signal that important needs are not currently being met.
Begin by identifying which needs are not being met in your specific situation. You may need to learn to do things for yourself, without friends and/or learn to feel better or more content about yourself in general. If you are lonely, do something about it:
Gabby, avoid merely vegetating (sitting around doing nothing) - deal with your situation actively. Recognize that there are many creative and enjoyable ways to use your alone time.
I have great faith in you and remember just start with babysteps
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression *~*
I'm 25 and plagued by loneliness, I am really lucky as I have tons of friends, family & a fab bf, but it still isn't enough!!!!!!!! ridiculous I know, I am only on my own maybe 1 or 2 nights a week and I go nuts, nervous wreck, I then end up taking it out on someone close to me and generally upsetting other people and myself and if I have to spend a whole weekend day on my own I end up going out shopping or doing something totally random, just to stop it hurting!! Wish I could be happy in my own company, but I just can't, not sure why!!!! drives me insane!! I enjoy reading, writing, cooking, all sorts of things I can do on my own, but when I'm on my own I just can't motivate to do them!!! also I am the same as you Gabby in that I can be with other people and still feel lonely and detached from the situation!! I really do end up exhausting myself just to aviod being on my own!
I have a different problem than most people. Ever since when I was a child (5yr old), I’ve never had anyone to play with. I have older siblings but most of the time I was left alone to play by myself. After my high school year, I find myself again without any friend. The old loneliness feeling would creeps right back again. I knew then that I would have to prepare for a lonely life ahead so I’ve trained my self not to depend on anyone for my emotional needs.
I have worked for the same company for 25 years and the last 10 years was like in hell. No one at work would have a social contact with me. They will talk to me only if they need to or want something. Everyday for over 10 years, I would eat alone in my office since no one would invite me to sit with them. If I invite myself over, they would make excuses and leave the table immediately. Since the company was downsizing anyway, I’ve decided to volunteer and take their severance package, because I wasn’t really happy and I was fortunate enough to be financially secure for early retirement in my late 40’s. That was over 3 years ago.
Sometimes I feel that because I am from an Asian decent, people are not comfortable to socialize with me. Both of my parents are gone now for over 30 years. My siblings have not spoken to me or corresponded with me for over 5 years. We have never been a close- knit family. The only reason I have not broken down emotionally is because I’ve been preparing for this lonely life of mine, my entire life.
Today, I am sitting alone at home with no one to talk to for at least the last 3 years. I have no friends, no family, no love, no social life, and no one cares. My only fear today is, dying alone in my house and never gets discovered for years. No one really knows or care that I exist.
Hi David and Welcome to HealingWell!
I know its not the same as having tangible friends but you can be assured that you will come to have many friends here on HealingWell and I am proud to be the first!
I am assuming you are from the US so please correct me if I am wrong. Do you live in an area where there are very few asian people? Perhaps, if you are financially secure then you might consider moving to an area with a higher proportion of asians as this may help because there are probably loads of asian people just like you. Also, have you considered joining hobby groups? Maybe a sport or a collectors club etc? You can often make friends there.
Please remeber we are always here
Thanks for your welcoming support. The last time I had a girlfriend was 7 years ago. I have been living in a life of total seclusion and social isolation. Even when I do make an effort and trying to initiate a friendly conversation with someone, they would reject me because they think I am a weird person who is always alone and doesn’t associate with anyone, although it is not my choosing. It is so ironic that people wouldn’t associate with me because I am a loner and that is just too weird for them, yet at the same time I am a loner because no one wants to associate with me. At this stage in my life, moving to a new location would not be an option.
I know this prolong total lack of human contact is affecting my psyche. I am beginning to develop problems in communication with day-to-day activities. I am also becoming very forgetful and sometimes unable to do a simple task. I do go to the gym regularly for the past 10 years but I have never spoken with anyone at the gym, although I have tried. Perhaps, I give off a bad vibes. I do have many hobbies like oil painting, biking, etc., but still longing for a conversation with someone, anyone. I think I have gone beyond being lonely. It is like being in a perpetual solitary confinement with no end in sight. I desperately need human contact.
Hi David, I truly sympathize with your lonliness as I suffer too. You sound like a very inteligent person. We are all here to help you and available to post anytime. Also, you might want to join in the depression chat on Tues. See the post or look at the calendar to find out when we are chatting in your time zone. I don't know if you have any religious affiliation but maybe going to church or wherever you worship would be a good place to meet people. I think most church groups have activities and would welcome you. The other thing I do is volunteer at my local Senior center. They are wonderful people and so appreciative of what I do for them. It is really rewarding. And even though you are younger than the seniors you would ge surprised at the friends you can make. If you are in a big city there could be many possibilities for you to find activities. You say you bike - is there a biking group you can join and ride with? I am just trying to offer some suggestions. I don't think it is good for you to isolate yourself so much. Please try to see if you can find an activity with people and let us know how you are doing. You can post anytime and I will be glad to answer you. Take care.