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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 6/13/2008 11:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone I just really need to post right now.  I really dont understand what is wrong with me.  I hate the fact that I suffer from extreme loneliness yet Im the one who leaves church early so I dont have to talk to anyone and isolate myself.  I got really upset tonight because I hate it when people think they know what is wrong with my body and try to fix me.  I have had gastroparesis for 5 years now and have suffered greatly from it.  I've also suffered with anorexia and binge eating and a host of other physical problems.  I'm so frustrated because I have serious complications in my throat and most days I cant eat anything at all, I get faint and weak and my head pounds due to lack of eating properly.  The pain in my throat is so awful food is totally unappealing to me.  I try to get something down but its hard.  Im so sick of being sick and not having my organs function properly.  I am going to a doc trying to get this treated but so far I have not found a cure or relief from my problems. No one knows the hell I go through with this everyday of my life.  I feel like I am stuck in a prison cell and cant get out.  And then of course the chronic pain I face everyday has made my depression really awful.  I feel so alone cause Im stuck in my body suffering and I feel as thoiugh no one understands my pain and what I am going through.  I cant even function at work anymore.  I'm so sick of being depressed but who woudnt be depressed with all this ongoing pain everyday?  Im 27 and have to move back home because I cant function at work due to my illness.  I hate this so much, why does anyone have to suffer like this? 
      This lady at church made me upset cause she knows Ive been sick and thinks she knows exactly what is wrong with me and tries to fix me and tell me what to do.  Tonight I got so upset I just got up and left.  I know she has no idea the hell  go through with this and I'm not trying to be crude but it just upset me cause I feel like no one understands at all.  And then my guy friend who I have been talking to for the past month got up and sat with another girl and didnt talk to me at all.  That really bothered me a lot.  Its like why do I waist my time trying to develope a relationship with someone??  I know that probably shouldnt have upset me so much, but why would you just get up in the middle of church service and go sit with another girl after youve been sitting next to me?  He calls me everyday too, and I just recently found out hes been calling her too.  I mean we are not dating like seriously but still that just really bothers me, I feel like a peice of meat like why would someone do that?  Is he just playing me or something?  I was really upset and thats another reason I left church right after service was over.  Am I being ridiculous about that?  I dont know what is wrong with me I wish so bad I could just be healed and be the beautiful woman I used to be years ago.  Im really really depressed and just cant seem to see a light everything looks dark and I hate feeling this way.  Sorry to complain I just really needed to talk about how I am feeling its really upseting me.

I gave your post a title. :)

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 6/15/2008 9:24:43 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/14/2008 1:46 AM (GMT -6)   

HI Gabby,

I understand that you need to vent... I think we all need to do that at sometime or another. I think seeing a doctor is a good idea because its difficult to tell when you are not eating because of your throat and when you are not eating because of your anorexia. Have you tried liquid foods like the milkshakes that doctors prescribe? They might be easier to swallow and they will keep your energy levels up.


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 6/15/2008 8:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I totally agree. There is someone in my life who always says she knows what I am going thru and belittles my situations. It makes me further depressed that I can not handle what the Lord has put on my plate. So I stopped talking to her. I avoid her. I talk to other people at the church who never will ask me about my problems-they wait for me to bring it up. And you know, I usually do not want to talk about my problems. That is what I have God, you guys and my therapist for. The rest of the world does not need any insight into my soul.
The young man at church may be seeking friends and the potential for a relationship. You are just talking. Embrace the chance to develop many friends at the church, including the young woman he is speaking with.
Try to push yourself to see your doctor. There is so much life to live. The right doctor will be able to help you. Keep trying.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/15/2008 8:39 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Gabby,  It's OK to vent and get your feelings out.  I agree that you need to see a Dr. to get at the cause of your pain.  If you don't get the results from the 1st Dr go to a 2nd one and get another opinion.   A good Dr. should be able to get at the cause of your problem and get you treated and healed.  I don't know what to say about the guy at church.  Maybe he is just trying to make several new friends.  Is it possible to ask him what he is thinking?  If not, I think I mentioned in another post that maybe you should distance yourself from him for a while.  I don't mean ignore him, you can still be friendly but try talking to some other members.  As for the woman who says she knows what it wrong with you, don't pay any attention to her.  She can't just tell you what she thinks it is.  Again, be polite but tell her it is between you and your Dr.  You mentioned that you are moving home again.  Is your family helpful and supportive?  I hope so as that can mean a lot when family is there to help you.  Please let us know how you are doing and how any of us can help.  Try to take good care of yourself.


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