Thanks for your reply, Karen, I think for now the best thing for me to do is not be at home when he comes over for lunch. I think if I distance myself from him a little he may not dump his problems on me so much. I know he truly cares about me in fact on Fathers day he wished me a happy Fathers day as he said I had always been both parents to him and his brother which is true. He does have a Father who lives near us but he has a second family so doesn't pay much attention to our sons. I am just going thru a hard time right now and as hard as I try I know that my worries show on my face and so he can tell when I am not myself. I am not one who can put on a smile and pretend that every thing is OK. Now I have to take his fiance to the botanic gardens here next Monday and have lunch with her. It is hard to do when I know that she has caused him problems and acted like a spoiled brat. She is leaving in 2 weeks to do an internship in China so he won't even be able to talk to her. Only email I think. So he is going to want to cry on my shoulder about how much he misses her. I just wish he would stop and remember all the things I have done for him. I gave him almost 100,000 frequent flyer miles so he could visit her when she was at school this past year. Maybe it is time I let him do a little swimming for himself.
This may sound strange to you but my yongest son lives onlly 20 miles from us and he has a 4 her old princess............my youngest grandchild. I learned along time ago that no way would I ever tick off my daughter-in-law. She is a good daughter-in-law but not the kind to want to hang out with her Mother-in-law. I want to keep peace in the family always so I accept her the way she is and know my son loves her dearly.
They say your daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life but your son is you son until he takes a wife. Whoever thought up that one was a wise person.
I know when I am going through a tough time unless it is a matter of life and death not to call my son to come and sit with me. I use my other coping mechanisms.
I am so sorry your having a bad time.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression *~*
Kitt, I know you are right and I try to stay out of things but my son seems to drag me into the problem because he wants advice or to blow off steam. I am going to try hard to distance myself from their problems. It is hard because my 2 sons are my only family, And my son wants me to get to know his fiance better before they get married. I guess the best I can do is just listen and ony comment if asked. Thanks for your input.
You sound so well grounded and very patient with your son. The problem his fiance had with her paper is hers. As you said, the day before its due is not the time to start... thats the time to proof-read! I know your son is stressed at the moment and I think you are doing absolutely the right thing by being honest with him without being overly critical. Your cutting him some slack and I think thats a good idea. His therapist really needs to work on getting him to let go of other peoples problems though... It will drive him insane otherwise. IMO they shouldnt be getting married if they cant live together without fighting like cat and dog. I know every couple has arguments... its healthy, but not all the time!