Severly Depressed

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:01 PM (GMT -6)   
 Hi to everyone; nono     I am new to this site.I am a member of the Ostomy Site though.I guess I am logging on to see if I can get some feed back for the rest of you that are depressed.
   I found myself getting depressed in the biginning of 1979.I lost my monther to cancer in November of 1978,I was only 30 years old.I managed to get through the rest of the year including the Holidays.But on New Years Eve,it hit me that she was no longer in my life an I ended up getting really drunk.My husband was there for me,but we made it a habit go out every evening after work and meet at this one bar,and have a few drinks,and then go out with some friends every Saturday night and that is when I would really tie one on.

I had a real close friend who lived down the street from where I lived at that time.She could see me falling apart,and told me that I needed to go see my doctor.I stopped drinking for about week before I went to see him,to see if that would make a difference,but it did not.I guess this was some where around the Spring of 1989,when I did go to my doctor and he put me or depression medicine.

I have been on several different kinds of medicines.I was on one that really was helping me.It was called (Effexor).I was on 300mg a day.Then I lost my insurance card due to lack of money.I have been going to differnent therapist and physicatrist.The physicatrist I am seeing now has me on Celexa,40mg a day.It really is not helping me that much.Here lately I have a lot going on with my health and family problems,and all I want to is cry.My poor husband is very understanding but he can only take so much,then he gets tired of seeing me cry and walks way from me.I can not help how I feel.
   I don't really have any friend where I live now,and I was walking twice a day but had to stop beccause I sprained my left ankle really bad,damaging the ligament and tendons under the ankle bone and may have to have surgery on it.I do get out and go down to the mall sometimes,just to get out and think,even though I am not supposed to be walking on it that much.I don't know what else to do.

If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.Not many people who have not been depressed,do know what it is like.I am glad there is a site like this to turn to for help.I have not had a drink since 1989,and have been on depression medicine ever since.My husband tells me that I just traded one for the other,but yet,he is a recovering alcoholic.He has been sober for 19 years now.I am proud of him,but I am tired of him throwing up in my face that I just traded booze for drugs.I think I made the right choice,but he does not.
                                                                                           Thank you
Hey this is Kitt and I made your font larger and broke your ost down so it was easier to read. :-)   I did not change any content.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 6/22/2008 9:42:07 PM (GMT-6)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/22/2008 10:44 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello Sans,

I am so glad you feel comfortable posting to us.  I read your post and promise to post to you in the morning.  I have been online for 8 hours and my brain has turned to mush.  Hang on and someone will be here shortly.

Just wanted to make sure someone welcomed glad to have you with us.



Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40405
   Posted 6/22/2008 10:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the depression forum. I think that some of us need the medication. And it is nothing to be ashamed of. I take effexor (375mg a day). Plus abilify and xanax. It isn't like trading one vice for another. It is a chemical imbalance that needs to be fixed, and the medication is what can do it. I wish that your husband wouldn't talk to you that way. There is nothing wrong with taking medications. And just because he doesn't need them doesnt' mean that others don't. So don't feel weak or like there is something wrong with what you are doing. Because you are doing the right thing. Do you see a counselor? That helps a lot. Having an objective listener really helps.

Also coming here helps too. So you have taken a humongous step. And you are going in the right direction.

Keep posting,
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 6/23/2008 4:20 PM (GMT -6)   
confused  Hi getting by,I want to thank you for responding to my Depression Problem.How long have you been depressed?If you don't mind me asking.
    I don't think that my husband really know what depression really is.I have brought several phamlets home and left them laying around in hopes that he would pick them up and look at them,but I never knew if he did of not.I still have them and every now and then I will pull that out and read them,just to a sure myself,that depression is my problem.I just don't know why I cry all of the time.All I have to do is think about the past,or some good times that I have had and the tears just start flowing.
    Every one on my father's side of the family is dead.I do have a couple of cousins left,but they don't have time for to stay in contact with me.I have lost everyone on my mother's side of the family.I lost my dad I was only 16yrs.old and he was 43 yrs.old,and my mom,I was age 30,and she was only 50yrs.old.They both died of cancer.I have a younger brother and sister who live in Tenn.,but I might as well be an only child.They don't bother with me,and I have no close friends around where I live.I also lost my mother's nephew,who I was really close to,After I lost my parent,I kind of adopted them as my second set of parent.We bacame really close and I starting going out to Oklahoma to see them every year.I also lost him to a major heart attact at age 60,two and a half years ago,and was not able to go his funeral,and that is also a loss that I carry about with me.He was my cousin,but like a,brother,father,and a good friend to me.I feel like I lost my truly my last and very best friend.I have not been out there since he died.He is the cause of a lot of my tears,but I can not help it.I have made friends over the Internet with the Ostomy Group,but those are the only friends that I have found to talk with,and my husband still don't understand why I am so depressed.I don't go anywhere that much.There are time when I asked myself what is the reason to get out of bed today.There are nights when I go to bed,I feel like I want to over dose,but I have 11 grand children and a great grand son to live for.I don't see any of them very much,but they are still in my life.I just have so many IF,Whys,WHATS and think about.My body is phyicially a mess and so is my mind.
     I can only afford to go to my phycologist once a month and my physiciatrist every other month.But if I am lucky enough to get my secondary insurance,I will be able to go see them both more often.
     I feel like I have gone through most of my life smiling and laughing on the outside,but always crying on the inside.I don't know what I was last happy on the inside and the outside.Maybe some day I will find out.
     Well,thanks for reading this and listening to me.I hope to hear from the depression fourm soon.I am glad that I found this site.I don't really feel all so a long any more.
                                                                            Thank You

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/23/2008 7:57 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Sans, I am sorry you are having such a hard time.  I hope all of us on this forum can help you and let you know that we care.  You mentioned you had been on effexor and it helped. Can you tell your psychiatrist that this med really helped you and switch you back to it? It doesn't help to be on a med that is not working for you.  Please keep posting and let us know how you are managing.  Depression can be very hard to cope with but there are many ways to help yourself and getting therapy is a good thing. If you have any hobbies they can help to distract you and not think about your situation so much.  Do you enjoy reading?  I find that reading a good book takes my mind off of things even if just for a while.  Let us know how you are doing.  Keep posting and I will always answer if I can.


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40405
   Posted 6/24/2008 2:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sans,

I am sorry that you feel so all alone. I hope that coming here can help you with that. Everybody here is so caring and compassionate. I don't know if you have time, but have you thought about doing any volunteering work? That is something that can really help you to feel better about yourself and worthwhile. It is so gratifying. Even if it is only an hour a week. You are a very special person. I am sorry that you feel like some of your relatives don't care. I know the feeling, I have people in my family (the few left) that could care less about me, but that is okay. It doesn't bother me that much anymore. But it use to really hurt. But I think that eventually you just forget about them.

I hope that this helps some, it is late here and my mind is going.LOL

Take care, keep posting

hugs, Karen
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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