Ok new me doing it alone

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snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 6/25/2008 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for all your help .
Today i feel great ( just hope it will last ).
This morning i gave the psychologist the flick and have decided to do this on my own .No more meds Drs or therapists .I am going to give it a go .
I have been seeing therapist for a lot of years and still i feel like i could end everything tomorrow if i continued they way i was .Last appointment was earlier this week and i have felt just so bad ,angry and really dissappointed in many things as a result of it .The think is everytime i see them they just bring it all up again and i do not want that anymore i want to move ahead .I know it`s going to be hard but am willing to give it a go what have i got to loose well one one thing and we are not going to go there my family i really think i lost them a long time ago just took a few lovely people to wake me up to that.
Today the sun is shining and it`s the best i have felt in a long time and i want it to continue .
The dark past i want to erase as best i can not remember .So if not having a childhood is the worst thing well be it so .
If the family don`t like the new me well there`s the door
I`M ALIVE.
Restless :-)
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/25/2008 7:21 PM (GMT -7)   
YOU ARE WOMAN HEAR YOU ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Restless,all joking aside. I am in tears right now.
I have not seen such a positive post from you in so long,it makes my heart hurt and melt at the same time.

You can do this..it is YOUR Life, and YOUR happiness that is important.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) to you my friend!!!!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 6/25/2008 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Shy but it`s a big thank you to all of you guys in here for supporting me through all the yuck parts .I don`t have family here that gives a darn but my cyber family are awesome and i know i can do this with your help .
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 6/25/2008 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
We are here and always will be here for you Restless. I am so happy that you are doing better.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/25/2008 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Jane,

I feel you are a wise and wonderful woman.  I have thought that very same thought, as I have been going to therapist and talking and talking about my depression and anxiety and I don't want anymore either.  I want to leave the past and move into the sunshine with you.

I am tired of working so hard on me.  I just want to be in the moment so I congratulate you and you have the guts it will take to be the woman you want to be.

Love you my dear Jane,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 6/25/2008 9:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt it did take me a while to realise it but these past few days of being so mad with everyone and everything has made me realise it .So today is the start of the new me watch out world i`m back .
I know the therapists are there to help but i really think they are like everyone else they make buisness for themselves ,and if we continually go back to see them their job is done .I know i have needed someone i could just talk to to get it out but i do not really need anyone ..
I know i can do it and on Saturday i`m going to try and talk to hubby i know it`s going to be a really hard thing for me to do and i know i will be upset but thats me and it happens .Maybe he will understand and maybe he won`t but things need to change one way .
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 6/26/2008 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Brian i would not try dropping your meds just yet i have been through a lot and it was something i needed to do ,So far it has work i really don`t know how much time i have feeling the way i do atm but i`m making the most of it but have decided not to go back to the drs or psychologists again no matter what happens .I`m moving on with my life as best i can .
I think given time my family will see the chnge but they are pretty slow at even recognising anything so i`m not waiting .
Yesterday was a great day got a bit harder by evening but i did it and i feel good that i did .Today can only be an improvement on that .
I`m still going to come in here even though i do feel good mainly because i do need to talk to someone .
I`m off to feed my joeys and it`s time then to put my son on the bus the daughter is in her second day of work and the day is mine .Yahoooooooooooooooooooo.
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/27/2008 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
You are so awesome Restless!!! I envy your kids for having you as a mom.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are,and remember you give such great advice to the other members,so keep doing that too. I find it helps my depression by helping others.


(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


erynnsmama
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/29/2008 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
PLEASE DON'T DROP YOUR MEDS

I am a 51 year old woman who has been on Anti Depressants for EXTREME anxiety/depression for the past 18 years.
THREE times I decided that I could do it all 'on my own' without the crutch of the meds........I weaned off the proper way,
and every time, within six months to a year, after repeated stressful situations, i crashed. I crashed HORRIBLY.

I'm on that third crash right now. I was suicidal. I prayed to god, it was awful. So after talking and sobbing to my daughter
on the phone (she's going thru her own things right now) she convinced me to get back on my Paxil. It has only been five days,
and of course i'm not over the awful side-effect time period yet, but I cannot EVER go without my meds.
We all do it. We start feeling pretty good, some of us maybe start feeling not as good as we did when we first started them, but we still invariably think "I don't think I need those meds as my CRUTCH anymore" I want to walk that tightrope WITHOUT A NET!!!!
And we wean off, and a small % of us, are o.k.
But many MANY of us will not be for long. And going thru the hell of adjusting to a new med again, isn't any fun either.

I read a great book at the library recently that said that if you have had a 'relapse' 3 or more times after going off your meds, YOU NEED TO BE ON THEM FOREVER...................................And you need to be monitored FOREVER. The therapist thing, i don't know about. I've never been to one in my life, cos i was always afraid they didn't care about what i had to say, they just care about the money. Funny, i had just made the decision to find one tomorrow, but after reading a lot of your posts about how long you have been to them, and they haven't helped.........I wonder.............I feel I DO NEED an expert in meds though, to monitor me as i'm going back on my paxil. I was great on it, for 12 years.
I started to get weepy there before i decided to wean off, but i'm smack dab in the middle of menopause too..........i'm sure that has something to do with it. But instead of getting off of them, and doing it all alone, i needed to see someone, just to re-evaluate me, and readjust my dose. NOT GET OFF OF THEM.
SO PLEASE THINK TWICE about GETTING OFF YOUR MEDS, IVE BEEN THERE SO MANY TIMES.
At first, we feel good... Even GREAT. Almost manic. CLEAR HEADED, ALIVE, ABLE TO FEEL "were CURED!!!! - WE'RE ELATED"..................................but then, we have one stressful event after another hit us, and all of a sudden WHAM................................WE fold like a card table again. We can't cope with ANYTHING............

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but just re-think about 'shucking' your meds.
((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Terri

snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 6/29/2008 6:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Terri for your reply and yes i know coming of the meds leaves me at risk of having a relapse .I have had a couple of them already over the time .
I seriously considered staying on them and just dealing with life as it was but i just couldn`t continue living feeling the way i was .In the days after i last saw the psychologist i layed in bed at nigh looking at a bottle of pills i was there again at my lowest .I was so mad with the psychologist for making me feel like she did.Then wanting to admit me to a clinic just to cover herself .Well i was not going to be party to that again i spent weeks in one last year but never again.
The following day i decided to stop the meds as they were not making me feel any better nothing took away the feelings i was having on the inside.The meds were adding to my problems with the weight gain that came with them .
I don`t know what the future holds for me and i no doubt there are going to be really hard times ahead in my life but i will have to face them when they come up .
This is the second week off the meds or even a bit more and i feel great i have my spirit back i want to do things where i have not for many years.I think even the family has noticed the change but i`m not doing this for them anymore it`s for me and so what if i only have a couple of years left i want to do it feeling myself .
You are lucky you have the support of your daughter which i know is a wonderful thing to have don`t forget to tell her that how much she means to you for without her even to talk to is a really hard thing.
My only draw back is that in feeling so good the down side is the Flash baks are back again .Some of these ones are new ones and feel as just frightening as they day they happened .But i`m not going to let them get me down again .
I now take a mini mp3 player to bed and it has my relaxation dvd transferred to it and when i wake at night from one such flash back i listen to kerry talking me through the relaxation steps and before long i`m asleep or my thoughts are in a much nicer place .
There are some like you said that will have meds for the rest of their lives but i`m sorry it`s not how i`m going to live .
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/30/2008 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Restless

I am so glad that you are doing well. You have taken control of your life and that is great.\

Keep giving us the updates,we can't wait to read them!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/2/2008 4:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy these past few days have been a little harder with hubby and my daughter home all the time but i still feel good .When they tick me off i just go off and do something away from them .
I find i`m getting my things done a lot faster these days the life has come back into me .I really didn`t realise how bad things actually were especially feeling the way i do atm .
The days here are really cold and winter has set in thanks heavens for the fire .
My littlest joey is going really well up to 1.5kg now he has done so well from when he first came in .Not so for the other little one i have to decide soon as to how much longer she has left she has a broken arm and an infection under her skin which is slowly travelling through her system .She is not in any pain if she was then i wouldn`t hesitate with the decision but i have to give her a bit of a chance .( Ihate making the decision to end a life )
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 7/3/2008 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Erynnsmama,

Please go to your therapist. Although not all of us have had luck with counseling, some of us have. In fact quite a few of us have, so don't get the wrong impression about that. We don't always find the rignt one for ourselves just like with the medications. It is sometimes trial and error.

So I would suggest seeing your therapist and see how it goes. Sometimes it takes a few visits to get in the groove of things. But please do give it a try.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents. Hope you are feeling well.

Restless,

I hope that things are going well for you. You have been through so much and seem to be coping better than before. Keep up the good work with the joeys. You truly will be blessed for all of your kindness.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/3/2008 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Restless

So glad to hear you continue to do well and I think your attitude and spirit are awesome.  I would love to see a little joey..........can you ship me one :-) ?

Hugs to you

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/14/2008 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
My apologies for not dropping in any sooner but the time just flyes by so quickly and there just does not seem enough hours in the day .
I`m feeling great ..have my down times but then i soon pick myself up and keep on moving .
I have had a sick family these past few weeks and hopefully they are on the mend now .
I have been trying to pack up my bedroom getting it ready for the painting but it`s been hard as i have all my kids photos and school books in my cupboard and i just seem to take forever to get through it all .Then i have to throw out all my stuff hubby said it has to go so tomorrow i`m packing off all me craft goods and sending them to a dear lady who knits teddies for the salvation army here so i know they will go to a good home.
Yesterday it was my babys 17th birthday and before long he will be off on his own but not for a couple more years.It`s been funny he has been trying to talk his dad into him having a new puppy and finally he gave in and told him he can have one .Not sure if it was a good decision or not but time will tell.
.Well winter has surly set in down here and the nights are really cold along with the mornings but the past few days have been beautiful just hope they will continue a bit longer.
Well i had better get a move along it`s freezing out here with this computer no heating at all and the fire is nice inside so will go and sit by it for a bit .
Take care and hope everyone is going along in the right direction without too many deviations.
Kitt as for you having one of my joeys i`m not sure i could part with one but if ever you are in our country we will have to arrange for you to personally meet one .If ever i could find out how to post a picture in here i would show you all how lovely they really are .
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 7/14/2008 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
High Restless its good to here from you, guess i guilty of not keeping posted either did nt notice you had started a new thread.
I hope you make it without the meds, i cant, but i may have and cold turkey cuz we have no money , no getting woirk in. So i may be it quite a mess soon.
I too wish we could see your joeys. they sound so adorable, i sorry about the little one i hope she makes it.
Thanks for posting, we get worried about you smurf
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan, loratab, zanaflex  marrried 2 children, 1 with mild autism, Bipolar(8),  Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/14/2008 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Morning sheryl not good not being able to afford the meds that was another contributing factor in me stopping mine it was costing me 4150 a month just for the medication and with them not making me feel any better it was a decision i had to make .I was ok when i was looking after the little kiddies as it was a great help but i`m not doing that any more so no little extras .
I am so tired not sleeping very much these days and with hubby getting up at four in the morning i`m waking up then and find i can`t go back to sleep .This week it has ben particularly hard as we have a visitor staying here with us and i can`t do my normal cleaning at this time in the morning as i do not want to wake them this early .
Today my son gets his new puppy not sure if it`s going to be a good thing or not ,just depends who`s left to clean up the mess but my family knows i do not do doggy does no matter what.I never grew up with animals but my furries are ok they at the moment are just like a baby you have to wipe their bottom to make them go and then it`s over until the next feed .
Oh boy is it cold out here there is no heating in the computer room and it`s just bone chilling just sitting here.
.But i`m doing ok still in my own sort of way ,the problems are stil there probably never going to go away but i can handle them a bit better these days and seem to be coping .
Jane
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 7/14/2008 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Jane I am glad you have the courage to do this.
I hope you make through the vistors, and the puppy.
Good luck!!!...
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan, loratab, zanaflex  marrried 2 children, 1 with mild autism, Bipolar(8),  Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 7/14/2008 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jane,

It is nice to see you posting. Sounds like you are doing good too. What kind of puppy did your son get. I have two dogs. German Shepard and PittBull/Australian Cattledog mix. They are older dogs, I love them so much, wouldn't know where I would be without them.

It is so nice to hear that you are doing well. I wish you the best with your visitor, just do what you would normally do. I know, I can't clean when there is somebody in the house, so I am not really one to give advice there.

Keep on posting and letting us know how you are doing.

Best wishes for a wonderful day

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/14/2008 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   

Jane.

So glad to hear you are doing well. Kudos to you and yes if I ever get to your area I would love to see a joey.............how special that would be.

So glad your living in the moment and bless you my friend.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 7/15/2008 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morningg Jane, well its morning here LOL!
just wanted say Hi hope you have a good day ..
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan, loratab, zanaflex  marrried 2 children, 1 with mild autism, Bipolar(8),  Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/17/2008 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Today i feel awful been close to tears all day not sure why.
Yesterday i had to have one of my little joeys put to sleep Little nika was steadily going down hill when she couldn`t stand up i had to make the decision .
The yesterday morning i recieved another one .Little TIGGER HE WEIGHS ONLY 523GMS AND IS SO LITTLE WILL BE A WHILE BEFORE I KNOW HE IS GOING TO MAKE IT BUT FOR NOW HE IS DOING OK.(sorry for caps there wasn`t shouting at anyone ).
My sons little puppy is a kelpie x border collie he is the most spoilt puppy ever but it`s good to see the change in my son ( for the better ) .
My visitors have all gone now and i`m waiting until the 25 th when my daughter goes away to tafe again .I really do look forward to the break away .
Well i think i will head to bed as i`m just so tired and think it`s the best place for me right now.
Jane
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/17/2008 4:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Jane

It is so good to see your spirits rising. You should be so proud of yourself!

I am so sorry about the joey,that has to be hard. You are such a good person to take these in and try to make them better. I hope that this one makes it.

I bet your son is so happy,this might be just what he needed,something to be responsible for.

Keep us posted and keep your spirits up!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/20/2008 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone .Well this past week has not been the best of weeks .As i said i had to put one of my joeys to sleep well then four days later i lost a new little one it really pulls me down so much when this happens .Then yesterday i recieved another little one this one is just so skinny she has not got even the strength to stand up so won`t know for a few days if she will even make it but i`m hoping .

Then this morning my daughter went off on her little rage at me again i just want to run and hide .She really knows how to kick someone when they are down ,but i`m not going to let her get to me not this time i just ignore her as best i can and do what i have to do .Next week she is away and i`m not picking her up until i go and see the oncologist ( believe me if i had a choice i would never pick her up ) .
I`m just so tired of all that goes on here it`s just like going around in a circle all the time never getting anywhere .
I just look at myself and see what i have become and i don`t like it one bit .
Jane
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 7/20/2008 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi jane,

I am so sorry about the joeys. This has to be hard, knowing that they might not get better, but I bet it is wonderful when they do. But letting them go would be hard to I imagine.

I am glad that your daughter is going away for a while. That will give you some more peaceful time. It is too bad that you have to live this way. I hope that you can be strong and just let what she says go in one ear and out the other.

You are such a strong lady, I wish that I had your strength. I really admire the way that you are able to handle everything. You are like a beacan of light shining through the black skies. I am so proud of what you have accomplished these past few months.

Keep up the wonderful work

Best wishes, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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