Does not matter!!!!!!!!!!!

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Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 6/26/2008 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
like an avalanch i am falling and detroying nothing good will come........

Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 6/26/2008 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hugs too Dark,

sorry can't be helpful hun. Not knowing much about you, don't know what too say.

My ears are here if you need someone too listen though.

Gem x
Moderator of the Cystic Fibrosis Forums
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild Liver Cirrohsis, Mild Osteopenia, Erythema Nodosum. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
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dejavu
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/26/2008 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dark ,

How can we help you ? here for you ,

big hugs deja
the sun is always there, yet we cannot always see it ...


ediekristen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1366
   Posted 6/26/2008 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Hoping. I'm having similar thoughts lately I think, though I do not know what you're going through I can share my feelings I guess...

Lately I've been stressed thinking about bills, debt, life, etc... And I get to thinking "WHAT is the point of all this? I wake up, I go to work, I get paid, I pay bills, I'm broke, I get into credit card debt, I can only make minimum payments and I'll never get it paid off. What if I can't pay all my bills? What if I can't get the things we need? What if something unforseen happens and I can't afford it. And if things are like this now, how in the world will I ever afford a child or a house or anything that I want to do in the future?" It feels like life is just all downhill once you're an adult and I feel like every day I wake up and every day things just get worse and I'm just digging myself in this hole that I'm afraid I'll never get out of. And I have measly credit card debt compared to the average american but to a 23 year old who isn't making that much, $3,500 is a lot, with electric, rent, car insurance, water, garbage, internet/cable, health insurance, cell phone, and just thinking about what next month makes me feel panicked and hopeless.

I feel like sometimes my life isn't at all going how I hoped it would and every day that goes by is one less day to change things and it's all falling apart and not into place like it should.

I just keep telling myself that there's still time and I think how there are so many people out there who have it so much worse off than me, like 10's of thousands of dollars of debt, or whatever, and that if I just keep trying and hoping things will get better. And I suppose there's no way to know unless I Just hang in there and see.

I don't know, this wasn't helpful, sorry.
Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in hip & lumbar region of the spine from long term prednisone use.

Current Meds:
10mg Lexapro (for depression/social anxiety)
Digestive Advantage: Crohn's and Colitis formula (2 pills per day, started 5/14/08)
125mg Azathioprine
4800mg Asacol (Four 400mg tablets, three times a day)
 
 
 


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 6/26/2008 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Dark, hoping your ok, don't really know what to say to you, not knowing your situation, but thinking of you and here if you need x
 
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/26/2008 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   

My Dear Friend Dark,  It does matter and you know it does as I am your friend and you matter.  You have worked through this before and we can help you do it again.

I do know the pain you are feeling, you know I do as my son died in car accident and I thought nothing in life would ever matter again, but that is not true.  You are strong and right now your down in the dark hole but look up and see that tiny light............it is us all holding candles to guide you back up into the sunlight.

I have a feeling you may feel better if you go to the coast and watch for whales.

If you are feeling really awful, you go to the ER or call 911. 

But please understand me,  It does matter to me what happens to you.  Email me, you know nothing you say will cause me to judge you.

Many gentle hugs to a special friend.

Love

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


1,000Tears
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/26/2008 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Ediekristen,
 
     Omg I could have written that post myself! I feel the exact same way you do about life. "What's the  point of all this??"  I am in debt 7,500 dollars credit cards and I am 27, I have no idea how i will ever pay that off.  I go to work everyday just so I can get up and go to work again the next day.  It's like when we were kids we were free and now that we are adults its like bondage and work work work just so we dont die.  I can't believe how much stress there is now a days...i had a panic attack the other day cause I couldnt believe how anyone my age would have to have so much stress, it just doesnt seem real or worth it even.  Why do we have so many freakin expenses?  I mean honestly, did people really have this much bills and stuff 50 or 100 years ago?  I honestly doubt it.  It's like this society now is nothing but stress and anxiety and panic attacks.  I really wonder what its like to just live and not have to worry constantly about stupid bills.  I hate it too.
 
-Lisa

ediekristen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1366
   Posted 6/26/2008 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Lisa,

Glad to hear I'm not alone! I feel so stupid for letting it get like this when I'm so young, but then I made the choice/mistake of moving out to Iowa and away from my parents and that's where I racked up all the debt because it was my first time living on my own and I just wasn't ready for it I guess. And then people at work make it worse because well I work in a hospital so a lot of them are making a lot of money and they're just like "We have no debt, my wife is an accountant" or "Yeah I spent like $3000 re-doing my house but then we just paid off the credit card and then I went back and got more stuff" or the people who are like "Oh... Thursday was payday?? Wow I didn't even realize!" Arrrghh. I feel like all I do is think about bills and budget and when I should pay this bill and how I will do this and what if it's more than I expect then what?? It'd be nice to not even have to worry how much is in my account and know everything would be taken care of. It's even worse when people give this idea that you have to have a large "nest egg" and a nice big house before starting a family because I fear I will NEVER have that and then what kind of person would I be to bring a child into the world when I worry about paying the electric bill? But I want a child someday more than anything in the world.


Anyways.

Dark... I read your post from yesterday just now and now I see why you feel you are falling.
It seems you're blaming yourself for things your ex is doing and you shouldn't!! You have no control over them and you can't stay with someone who doesn't make you happy just because you're afraid of what they will do. You had no idea they would act so immaturely and I hope you can get some help in getting this person to leave you alone. Please don't let them ruin your life, you knew what needed to be done and you did it and that shows you are a strong, intelligent person.
You are NOT pathetic, and I hope you are able to get this situation to rest. And please don't feel afraid to post here, no matter how negative. NO ONE will think bad of you!!!!
Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in hip & lumbar region of the spine from long term prednisone use.

Current Meds:
10mg Lexapro (for depression/social anxiety)
Digestive Advantage: Crohn's and Colitis formula (2 pills per day, started 5/14/08)
125mg Azathioprine
4800mg Asacol (Four 400mg tablets, three times a day)
 
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 6/26/2008 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Dark,

You know that we are here for you. I am glad that you posted. Please don't feel that things don't matter, they do. And you matter to us. I can see that you are reaching out, so talk to us. I think that we can help you.

Lisa and Kristen,

Cut up those credit cards. You have to focus on what is most important now. Things are getting bad. The economy is bad. I can tell you from experience, that you can settle with these credit card companies. They will go as low as 25 cents on a dollar, but they want it all at once. I am getting sued right now from one. We have a court date coming up. I am not paying a cent, I can't. I am not stressing over it. They are crooked anyway. They have been calling me offering all kinds of offers, they don't want to go to court. But in order to do that, you have to quit using the card. That just is getting you in deeper. Tighten up that budget, things are just going to keep getting more and more expensive. Atleast until the next election. But we are so deep now, it may take years to get things back and manageable.

Good luck
Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/27/2008 3:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Dark

What is going on?..please talk to us,use our emails if needed.

I am at work until 5pm my time,but will check my email as soon as I get home.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/27/2008 4:21 AM (GMT -7)   

HI Dark,

YOu have so much support here. Please talk to one of us or I have found a helpine number for you: 0800 567 567 - South African Suicide helpine. I dont know if it is any good to you... I cant remember exactly where you live.

Remember, we are all here

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/27/2008 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Dark,

Talk to me you know I am a good listener.  Talk to one of us or all of us but talk hun.  I wish I could sit beside you and watch for whales. How wonderful that sounds.

Please respond.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/28/2008 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Dark

Thank you for emailing me to let us know you are ok.

Please continue to talk to us,as you can see we really care about you.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/28/2008 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Dark,

So glad to hear you are ok and know how much we care.
Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/28/2008 11:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Dark,
 
Please tell us what you are going through, we are here to listen.
 
Meg
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


dejavu
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/29/2008 1:00 AM (GMT -7)   
(((( Dark ))))

Thinking of you . would be great to hear from you .

dejavu
the sun is always there, yet we cannot always see it ...


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 6/30/2008 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your support(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
 
I have made a mess of my life and complaining about it is not gona make it right. I have a flaw in my caracter and no matter what i do it will always be there. The main problem i face is that i have no intrest in life or ambition to become or do much of anything i go trought the motions or i dont, i dont expect  understanding  and yes i know its just pathetic, lazy and what ever else it could be called i know what i am and not making excuses for it ,I am embarised and ashamed of who i am and yes i know if i dont like it i need to do something about it, I am the only one who can, I have never been a genius but neither am i an idoit but at this point it does not really matter i have to live with myself in this life and find reason but i keep failing....    

ericsmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 1042
   Posted 6/30/2008 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning
 
I dont usually post here, but as I suffer from depression, just thought I would add my 2 cents worth.
Like so many of you, I was in a downward spiral too when I was in my 20's.  I know that feeling of living hand to mouth very well.
Today is hard, everything is so expensive, I mean really expensive.  My money woes, and life in general felt like, "what the hell is this? life?"  I wasnt living, I was existing, and I see that very thing in many of you.  Can you not go to your bank and talk with a credit advisor?  They can help you more than you realize.  Combining your debts to one payment, taking in consideration of what you earn, and what it costs you to live.  One payment.  I dont know if you have that where you are, I hope you would consider that.  Bankrupcy is an ugly term, but can be a life saver for many.  Talking with a financial professional will help. Life is hard enough with our little depression demons looking over our shoulders, much less manage your life when you are overwhelmed with debt.
 
Dark, you are focusing on the bad, so much so, that you beat yourself up.  We all have our flaws, it's just human nature.  I bet there are people you know, that would be stunned at how badly you perceive yourself.  You probably have made a difference in someone elses life and dont even know it.  Like Karen said, cut up those credit cards!!!"  Go to your bank, talk to someone, and maybe they will be able to get you back on track again.
 
Depression is a lonely dark pit, but Kitt said it so well...that little light of hope.
 
((((Kitt))) I am so sorry for your loss, I lost a son too :((
 
Gentle hugs,
Diane  
  
Fibromyagia, R/A, Diabetes, Atrial Fib, depression

 methotrexate, folic acid, metformin, diamicron, bisoprolol, fenofibrate, pantoloc, wellbutrin, propafenone, ibprofen, warfarin, methotrexate


Some people dream of angels, I held one in my arms


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/30/2008 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Hiya Dark,

I always know that when you write on HW, you write from your heart. Motivation seems to be a really big problem for you at the moment and perhaps this would be a good place to start doing something. Do you have life-coaches where you live? Another thing you might want to do is join support groups so that you can be with people who understand where you are and have come through it.

I know you can do this but the first step is always the hardest

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


dejavu
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/30/2008 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dark ,

Darren is giving you good advice there . Glad to see that you are posting , hang in there .

hugs dajavu
the sun is always there, yet we cannot always see it ...


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/1/2008 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Dark

I do not think that you are lazy or pathetic.

You have depression,and once you seek help for that you will be amazed on how much better you feel.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

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