When I read your posts, i wanted to cry.
I am a 51 year old married woman, who has battled depression and anxiety off and on for more than 30 years.
My only daughter is 28, and moved to L.A. almost 10 years ago.
She is on 100mgs of Zoloft herself, is a ***, and is going thru some sirious issues of her own. I had hoped
(although i'm not suppose to dump on her at all as a mother) that she would be there for me a lot more. My own
mother and I (bless her heart, she's now 92) were always there for each other, she would call and i would drop
EVERYTHING to help her. Not so with my daughter. But in her defense, she has no one to support her, like I did. My hubby was always the major breadwinner. She can't just drop everything to come be with me. If my husband and I were rich, perhaps I could help her (she's putting herself through school AND working)financially, and she would have the luxury of being able to spend some time with me, but she seemed in such a hurry to 'get away' from her family.
I was the exact opposite.I never wanted to get 'away' from my family.
I used to say that my mom raised me with 'guilt' - but i now know that it wasn't guilt at all. It was desperation. She was so depressed, and scared,she would use 'guilt' I guess, but I felt so bad for her, I always was there for her, cos it KILLED me to see her having a panic attack alone, or to be crying on the phone. Course, she had no husband either. She was all alone.
My own daughter seems to almost get mad at me, when I express a desparate need for her company. And then I really freak out.
She is very independant, although we are very close,
my own mom and I spent so much time together, all my life. I loved her company and vice versa. I miss not having that same relationship with my own daughter. Mom and I were two peas in a pod. I know what my problem is. I NEVER GREW OUT OF BEING MY MOMS DAUGHTER.
I try not to think about it. She is a grown woman with her own life.
It's just that the comfort of your mom or you kids are not like ANY other comforts, and when you don't have
access to either, it's very heartbreaking. I've never been a strong person on my own, and being right in the midst
of menopause doesn't help either. I don't want to 'scare' all of my friends away by my needy whining, so I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow and have them refer me to a therapist.
((((((((((hugs to all of you and your daughters and kids)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))