Feeling the 4th of July blues already

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 6/27/2008 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been trying so hard not to post my sad feelings but the lonliness is getting the best of me and I just have to try to let it out and hopefully get some advice.  As usual my sons will go away to be with their grandparents. Dad, Stepmom and younger brothers - in other words their other family.  I know what a good time they will have and don't in any way deny them that.  I only have a few plans that weekend.  Thurs. night I am going out to dinner with a friend and Sat. I am going to a movie and dinner with a friend.  I did have plans with another friend on the 4th but I guess she forgot and made other plans because she got invited to a party.  I didn't say anything to her because she is my blind friend and I didn't want to make her feel bad. But I am feeling sooo bad.  I just hate the lonliness and knowing others are having fun and I can't.  All my other friends have plans or will be on vacation.  I guess I am really sitting on the pity pot but I feel so terrible and afraid I just don't know how I will get through it.  I am crying so much and have such an empty feeling in my stomach.
I just need to kmow I am OK and I can post here and get answers back.  I feel so alone in the world.

djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
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   Posted 6/28/2008 2:23 AM (GMT -7)   

Hiya,

If you are really good friends with your friend, then try having a subtle word with her. I'm sure she will understand. You wont be completely on your own that weekend... you are still going out on Thurs & Sat yeh? Think of Fri as a resting gap between outings and watch other peoples fireworks from your garden. (You do have fireworks on July 4th right?!)

Hugs

Darren


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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
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   Posted 6/28/2008 4:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora

Darren is right you still have the fireworks..
You could drag a lawn chair out,and get a nice glass of wine and just enjoy the evening..maybe bring a radio out too.
Shy


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Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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frar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 365
   Posted 6/28/2008 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hang in there and know you aren't alone. I have found a lot of wonderful advice on this forum; some of it from you! God bless!
F.


Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/28/2008 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks all for your replies.  I know I will be getting out a few times so that is OK.  And it is true I can see fireworks from my house.  I just am at a really bad place right now with the lonliness and am trying really hard to think up ways to work it out. I know that my bookstore will be open on the 4th so that would be a good excape during the day.  I keep thinking about all the good times I used to have and that have gone away as I have gotten older.  It seems it is harder to meet new friends.  I have taken some classes but no friendships developed.  Most of the women were married and didn't want to have anything to do with someone divorced.  I have friiendly people at my volunteer job but theya are much older than me.  I could have had plenty of companionship if I had accepted the date offers from the 89 yr old man I met, but I can't see dating my father.  I know I have to work this out myself some how but right now I am just stuck and I can't get out of my dark place.  And when I do come home it is still just me and no one to talk to. I just need to have some new friends.

bookworm21
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 1766
   Posted 6/28/2008 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   

I know what you mean about needing some new friends--I'm in the same boat.

Hmm, you said that the bookstore opens on the 4th (I'm assuming July). Maybe you could spend your day there and bring a book back home to read before the fireworks start? Or if you don't want to spend the entire day at the bookstore, you could rent one of your favorite movies and watch it. (When I'm feeling bad, I always pop in a dvd of my favorite movie or tv shows and that usually makes me feel better).

I hope the week goes well. *hugs*

Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/28/2008 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for your reply Comedy, it makes me feel better when people respond to my posts.  I guess we are in the same boat about finding new friends.  I think I am going to try new classes in the fall and see what there is to occupy me.  I always manage to find things to do at various times but it is usually by myself.  I am going to try to get out today just to get out of this house!  My son is going to drive as my back is hurting very badly today so don't feel up to much - i'm looking for a new house plant and then I think we will rent some movies.  Maybe a few hours out will help me with the lonliness. I feel I try so hard and never seem to succeed in the way I hoped to.

Aurora


enWayen
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 6/28/2008 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I hope you feel a little better. Please, try not to worry too much about the future. It is still a long time till 4 July, and ruining your entire week because of that day would be a waste. I like the idea of movies, or some other form of distraction, maybe a good book.

And please, try to temper your expectations. Expectations can be too high, and you will fail constantly if they are. I experienced this myself, as I always had scenario's of how things would change if I did this or that. How cliche it might sound, some things can only be found once you stop searching. You can't become a finder when you are still searching.

I wish you all the best, and I hope to see you in chat soon!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/28/2008 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Erik, you always have such wise answers.  I will try to follow your advice.  Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.  And as my therapist tells me "don't invite trouble."  I just have to keep these things in mind.  Did go out with my son and I got a new zebra plant with yellow blooms for my porch.  That made me happy.  I also went to the video store and got 2 movies so my mind will be occupied tonight and tomorrow.  I will try to take one day at a time and worry about the 4th of July on the 4th.  Thanks for being such a helpful friend.

Aurora


willow57
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/28/2008 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,
I know where your at, bieng alone can be upsetting.

A couple of thigs you can do to take up your time...

Try volunteering, you can go to your local nursing homes, alot of those folks don't have any family, try calling your local Veteran's office, they are alway's looking for a caring, loving hand, or if you have a local soup kitchen. These places alway's welcome you with open arms, and there is no greater feeling then knowing you gave from your heart.

Please don't just sit alone by yourself, you don't have to, and you might just be surprised with how much fun you can have.. There is alway's room for a new friend and when you give of yourself this way, you will feel the love and the gratitude.

Find happiness in new place....
Get out there and have some real fun !!!!!!!!!

Willow
Always look to your past to better your future


Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/28/2008 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much Willow for your reply.  I am a volunteer.  I volunteer several times a week at the local senior center in my town.  I also do additional time when others need a substitute so I am getting out and helping people.  It is rewarding work and the seniors are so appreciative of even the little things I do.  Often they just stop by my desk to talk to me and I love that.  I also do get out with friends for different activities and my oldest son lives at home.  My problem isn't getting out and doing things, my problem is the terrible lonliness I feel at home when my son goes away on weekends. If I go out with friends at night I still have to come home to an empty house with no one to talk to.  I am a very people oriented person and I need to be able to talk and you can't just call someone at 11 PM.  The other problem is when I was a child my mother always scared me about strangers and getting kidnapped and she made me feel very unsafe so I also am scared alone in my house. My mother was also emotionally abusive to me and very physically abusive to both my sisters who have since passed away.  It takes a long time to get over abuse and fears from childhood.  I see a therapist and am working on this but it is still hard. Don't mean to be so wordy except when I post I feel like I am talking to you.  Just wanted to explain my situation and with time I think I will improve.  I had a management job for 25 yrs. Also, I used to not be able to drive many places because of extreme  panic and anxiety but I am so much better now. Thanks for listening and I hope we can continue to post on this forum.

Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 6/28/2008 7:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Aurora, any chance you might still run into the 89 year old man? I am kidding.

But then again he might have a son who's available. Kidding again-- I'm really with you. I'm older than you are and I wouldn't do it either.  I'm at the age where a man my age is no longer appealing. (Except for one who left me brokenhearted)

about volunteering. I volunteer two different places. It helps during the week, but it doesn't help for the weekend. My friends are all married and no one is ever available on the weekend.

I've been trying to find a solution for about 7 years. Am deciding there is none but to get through the day minute by minute.

I'm ready to become a nun! A nun in a monastery might be more fun!

 


Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/28/2008 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Korissa, You may have something there about joining the nuns.  As long as it is not an order that takes a vow of silence!  The friends I have that I go out with are either divorced like me or are widowed.  So when we can we get together.  Forget married friends.  You might get a lunch date and one of mine is good for an afternoon phone chat.  I think the friends I have made on this forum are better than most of my other ones.  At least we all understand each other and can help one another.  Thanks for your post - lets keep in touch.

Aurora


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/29/2008 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Aurora,

Hey there, no plans at our house for the 4th so I will be around all weekend if you want to email me please do.

Hey Tuesday is Chat Day and I will not be home............would you check on it and see how it is going.  I will post a reminder.

Thank you, that would be a great help.  Taking Granddaughter on overnight tomorrrow to a waterpark hotel.  I can do it............. eyes

Thank  you my friend and know I am here for you

Kitt


 

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bellski
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 499
   Posted 6/29/2008 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora, I am sorry you are feeling lonely. It is hard. I wanted to just add to the others that watching a funny T.V. show that makes you laugh is such a blessing. I can be so down and watching a show that makes me chuckle is so amazing to me. I think it really is an art to make people laugh. So, try watching some funny shows and see what happens. I have the opposite problem that you do. When I'm depressed, I just want to be alone, I don't want to do anything or see anybody. It is interesting how different we can be. I'll be thinking of you, hope it goes much better than you expect. Take Care, Bellski
Lori (Bellski)-age 43 from Illinois
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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/29/2008 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your replies Kitt and Lori. Kitt, I will do my best to check on the chat Tues. I do have a 1:30 PM CDT therapy appt. so hope I will be back in time to get in on some of the chat discussion. The same thing happened last week that I had a Dr. appt. but I did get in on the last part of the chat. The chat forum is really a good resource. I feel I am really connecting with people and I think others may feel that way too. I will try to keep future appts. on other days. Why are my Drs. only available on Tuesday afternoons! A waterpark hotel sounds like fun. I hope you have a great time with your grandaughter. And thanks for letting me know you will be around during the 4th. I will most likely email you. I appreciate the offer. Take good care.
Aurora

willow57
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/30/2008 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,

I know how sad it is to be alone. I am married, but my husband is away alot and when he's here, he's not ever really here. He is an alcoholic. We are working on that problem.

Just know, you have lots of new friends on this forum and you will never be alone again. My e-mail address is availble. Please feel free to e-mail when needed. A good day or a not so good day. You take care.

I am including you in my huge prayer list. You have a, SUNSHINE DAY!

Love,
Willow
Always look to your past to better your future


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/30/2008 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you Willow for your very sweet reply.  I know you have problems too and it must be hard with your husband's situation.  Thanks for asking me to email you.  I will take you up on it.  In the meantime take good care of yourself.

Many hugs, Aurora

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