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abb213
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 6/27/2008 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
So heres my story. I'm a mother of 3 children, who I love but make their lives hard at times, who are 7,8, and 9. I have a husband who has not and does not understand my depression, and has been a lot of the reason of relapse. I had my first true episode when my daughter (the oldest) was about 4 months and I found out I was pregnant again, then miscarried. I continued on with a long period of depression for the next two years while pregnant with my boys, hubby didn't understand and left and came back several times. While pregnant with last child (not planned, he had a vysectomy) he left and moved in with another girl. We resolved our problems when my youngest was about 6 months old. I was over a lot of my depression by then, I think a lot had to do with loosing 100 pounds and feeling so much better about myself. Now I have relapse stages when something doesn't go as planned. Like this time, I didn't get promoted up to full-time that I need because my husband is being layed off. I'm worried about bills because I only work during the school year, so money is tight during the summer anyway. My daughter has to have braces, not cheap! I'm worried about my brother who's dating a girl who has hurt him so much in the past. I feel like the whole world is coming down on me. I don't have any friends to go out with or call. I have one good friend that I have met online at a coupon forum that "listens" when I need her. I've been so tempted to check into a mental health center to just get a break. Anyway, there's my pathetic story.

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/28/2008 2:28 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell,

There is nothing pathetic about a story where things get on top of you. It happens to us all from time to time. I think you need to be selective about what you are worrying about. Your brother sounds like he should be old enough to worry about himself. Im not saying that you shouldnt care about him, but while things are bad for you at the moment, try and limit the number of things on your mind. Money is a common worry for people. Whether its money for medications, money for living on or redundancy / job loss. Is your husband actively looking for work? If so, he could be in a job in the next few weeks.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/28/2008 4:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Abb

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,we are very glad that you found us.

I agree with Darren,I think you may have to limit your worries for right now...I know it is easier said than done.. But you can only take on so much.

Have you been to the doctor? I think it might be time to ask for help. They may want to put you on meds to help you get through the depression.
Also,have you thought about any type of counseling? It is a huge help in our lives..
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


abb213
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 6/28/2008 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I am on Paxil and have been for two years now. I've tried counseling several times but the counselors are rude. We only have one center in my area and everyone who I have spoken to has gotten the same rudeness. I do try to limit what I worry about but when I'm having a relapse, everything gets to me. It can be from someone at church chewing their gum too loudly or the weather, anything.

Enz
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/28/2008 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear abb213,

I can relate to your feelings when it seems like everything is going wrong. For me, I too become sensitive to everything, like noises such as people gum-smacking on the subway or just someone who is walking too slowly in front of me. The irritability is overwhelming and I feel like I'm just going to totally lose it.

When it gets to the point when it feels like EVERYTHING is getting to you, when you feel irritable at the small things, and can't prioritize the importance of problems, then that indicates something that is physically wrong. Normally, when we're stable I think the ability to prioritize problems is easier. So maybe you do need to either try a different SSRI, or add a new one to your regimen.

If it is either your psychiatrist or general doctor that prescribes you the Paxil, maybe you should ask if they could recommend a counsellor or someone other than that one center.
 
Also thanks to the internet, there is something called e-therapy. I haven't tried it. But I did a quick google search for "psychologist counselling online phone" and here are some sites that offer sessions by professionals either online or by phone:
 
 
When it is as bad as you are now feeling, then sometimes just the very thought of having to even pick up the phone can feel overwhelming.  I've gone weeks where I was so depressed the very thought of going through that process was too much and it was all I could do to get out of bed and crawl to work (figuratively of course!).
 
But I would strongly urge you to find a professional, because you have had some horrendous and traumatic experiences, that perhaps you haven't worked through. Plus it seems the one support system you should automatically rely on, your husband, isn't fulfilling that role effectively.
 
God knows it can take ages to find the right therapist. And each bad experience (especially the ones who judge or critize), can set you way back on a downward sprial and you think why bother. But you must try to keep on until you find someone.  And remember its not just you will benefit from getting help, but your kids will too.
 
Good luck and hugs
Enz

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/29/2008 4:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Enz

Thanks for the web sites, that will be a huge help for alot of people.

Abb,hopefully you can find someone else.It upsets me when counselors do not help the people like they are supposed to.

Also, I would call your doctor. It might be time for a med change.
That is somewhat normal these days. It took my doctor 4-5 tries to get the meds that worked for me.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


abb213
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 6/29/2008 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   

ENZ,

Thank you for the supportive comments. I will check that website out.

 


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/29/2008 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Abb,  I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now.  Sometimes it's hard to see your way out but there may be things you can do.  First of all, I agree with the others that it is best to take care of your own things right now.  Your brother may have problems with his girlfriend but if he is old enough he will need to solve his issues himself.  When I worry about things I shouldn't take on my therapist tells me not to "invite trouble."  You mentioned church.  And that you didn't like the couselors where you can get therapy.  Do you have a minister or priest, clergy person who can give counsel to you?  Years ago when I was getting divorced I didn't know where to turn. I was left with a 9 mo. old and 5 yr. old.  I called my minister and he helped me through a very rough time and his counseling was free.  So that may be an idea for you.  Also, is there a dental place that can do your daughter's braces on a payment plan?  I was very ill 3 yrs ago and am still paying medical bills but I called the hospital and drs offices and asked to be on a payment plan and that has worked out so I still have money for my other expenses. These are just suggestions and I don't know all your circumstances or what part of the country you are in but it might be worth a try to see if you can work something out.  I wish you the best and hope you will keep posting so we know how you are getting along.  Everyone on this forum is so helpful and caring.

Aurora


erynnsmama
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/29/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Abb

I am a 51 year old woman who has been on paxl for 12 years, anti depressants for 18.

I can't speak for everyone else but each time i have weaned off of them, and i encounter multiple stressful situations,

i have a complete breakdown.  I have one daughter living in L.A. who is so busy, and on Zoloft herself, she can't be of

much help.  My husband is here when i need him, but otherwise clueless.

I just started back on my paxil (generic) about 5 days ago, after being off of them for 5 months.  I absolutely

cannot function without them.  I was suicidal 18 years ago, and within 2 weeks of being on a tri-cyclic called PAMELOR,

I was almost 50% myself again. 

I am not  PILL POPPER.  I can only speak for myself. 

I just know that the horrible depression im going thru right now is almost unbearable.  I too, abb was thinking about checking into somwhere, where i could have people all around me, just taking care of me.  I'm dreading tomorrow, when hubby has to go back to work and i'm all alone. 

  Where i live it's 114 outside right now, so that doesn't help at ALL.  I'm a fresh air, outdoor person, and this heat and having to keep the house locked up and dark is killing me as well as my depression.

My back is killing me from sitting around all day, but i just can't get out it's too darn hot.  I'd pass out, the way i'm feeling.

How are you feeling abb?

abb213 said...
I am on Paxil and have been for two years now. I've tried counseling several times but the counselors are rude. We only have one center in my area and everyone who I have spoken to has gotten the same rudeness. I do try to limit what I worry about but when I'm having a relapse, everything gets to me. It can be from someone at church chewing their gum too loudly or the weather, anything.

erynnsmama
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/29/2008 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I am going to try to find a therapist tomorrow. I have NEVER had one before, and right now i have no health insurance,
so its going to be slim pickens trying to find one that will actually want to LISTEN to me.

My doctor has been no help either. His assistant calls me, and phones in an RX over the phone to the local drug store, and voila.
I'm on my own.....and i was almost suicidal last week I have to have help with my meds, (on xanax too) and my depression.

I have had panic attacks and depression most of my life. My mom has had it, and my older sister is on complete disability for life, due
to depression and panic disorder.

Have any of you had your friends just dissappear when you are going thru a spell like this? (Not your dear ones)
even family members get wierd.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/30/2008 4:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Eryn

Oh yes, one thing that we have to deal with is that people who do not have depression simply do not know how to deal with us.

I think they disappear because they are not sure what to say,and are afraid of saying the wrong things.
Also,keep in mind that if a friend does not stand by your side when you need them the most,then they really were not a true friend in the first place.

At this point in your life,you need to take care of yourself and just let them do their own things.

Someday when those "friends" need someone,you can be the better person and be there for them.

I am so glad that you are getting help,that is the first step in beating the depression.

Keep us updated on what is going on.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


abb213
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 6/30/2008 4:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, erynnsmamma-that's why I say I do not have any friends. They all disappeared when I had my first major breakdown so I don't consider that friends.
Everyone seems to be giving me advice about what I should or should not be worried about. That's easy to say when you are not depressed or going through a rough time. My brother is old enough to look out for himself but I still worry about him, I wouldn't be a good sister if I didn't. As far as my pastor counseling, that would be a joke. He's not one to go for that.
Erynnsmamma-thank you for asking about how I'm feeling. I'm doing better today than when I made my first post. Still "out of it" but I am feeling better. How are you doing? I hope you're feeling a little better.

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 6/30/2008 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Abb,

Your absolutely right when you state that it is easy to give tips how to get out of depression. I have a load of tips, tricks, stuff to say to myself when I am feeling down, but once I'm down, I'm down, and it won't help. It does however help if I catch the upcoming sadness soon enough.

Maybe it will help if you rediscover the beauty of being alive. Listen to the birds, feeling the wind, sun, or rain on my skin, things like that help me to become in peace again. Problems only exist in your head, when you attach emotional value to situations. This philosophy helps me to stop worrying about problems, because in the end they don't really exist. The world is just a reflection of the way you look at it. In a depressed state, everything will be against you. If you, however, can smile at the world and its situations, the world will smile back. Believe me.

And please believe me when I say that problems are mind-created and thus can be changed into situations without negativity. You, of course, don't have to accept what I am saying, but it could get rid of a lot, if not all, negativity.

I wish you all the best!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


Shelter
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 7/1/2008 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello and I am writing to you
to let you know I truly UNDERSTAND, as a mother of 5
and facing some of th same issues, Stressors as you are...
I am glad that you wrote on this forum...
and here we can relate, truly be compassionate...
I also have friends.. who just don't want to hear it any more... ( they arn't real friends...
a real friend loves at all times...

Sometime In this busy self centered world we live in... we can COUNT on this INTERNET as a Blessing
because
it connects people.....

If I was there I'd say lets have a coffee and chat...
maybe... along life's highway...
we find folks who we need to encourage, uplift, and strengthen...

We are here for you
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their Strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall run & not grow weary, they shall walk & not faint..."  Ish   40 v. 31 
~
Sjrogrens Syndrome, Asthema, Chronic Fatigue, Chronic Pain, Head aches, Migraines, Gastro Intestinal Problems , Esophegial Spasms;   Fibro Myalgia , Kidney Stones,  & CP (SI joint,   low mechanical back pain..L4 & L5 Vertebrae Misaligned,  Spinal Stenosis and Degenerative Disc Disease, Bulging Disc, anterolisthesis L4 L5L4 -- S1 pain  caused by osteoarthristis ,bone spurs, causing pinching or pressure on spinal chord)

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